A/N: Okay. Three chapters in one day. I think this has to make up somewhat for not updating in four months. I wrote them all today too. If there's anyone still reading this story, thank you.

Chapter 29 - A Party Song (The Walk of Shame) - (Al)

I fumed for about a month. Straight.

I thought Amanda was going to chuck me for sure, just for the glares I gave everyone. Although, if she had chucked me, it would've made everything a whole hell of a lot easier.

I sat down at breakfast the day before the Christmas holidays in a generally foul mood.

"Al," Lucy said, putting her hand on my shoulder. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I snarled and drank my coffee.

"Good answer," she said icily, turning back to whatever she was doing.

It was all going fine. Everything was just fucking perfect. But no. He had to go and ruin everything.

"Al," Fred said, his nails digging into my shoulder. "Let's talk."

"About what?" I asked grumpily.

"It's not a public conversation," he said, dragging me out of the Great Hall.

I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Okay, first of all, I have done nothing to you," he said. "Stop glaring at me."

"Sorry," I said. "It's not directed at you. It's just my general mood."

"Yeah, jealousy doesn't end well," he said. "Trust me."

"Oh yeah? What did you ever do because you were jealous? And how do you even think I'm jealous? Of what?" I demanded.

"Al," he said. "Are you at all aware of why James and I didn't talk to each other for two years?"

I scuffed my toe on the floor.

"James always got everything, right?" he asked. "Girls, popularity…"

"You don't have to tell me that," I said. "I'm his brother."

"I was so jealous of everything he had," Fred said. "And as a twisted result, I ended up sleeping with Ly."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked.

"Jealousy fucks you up," he said. "Either get over it, or do something about it."

"I'm not jealous of anyone," I said without conviction.

Fred gave me a look so disturbingly reminiscent of our grandmother that I shuddered.

"It doesn't do any good to lie to your family," he said.

"My fucking family is the fucking problem!" I exclaimed, before I slapped my hand over my mouth. "I didn't say that."

Fred raised his eyebrow at me. "Sure you didn't."

"Fuck you," I replied.

"No," he said. "That's incest. That's weird."

I glared at him. "Because your love life is so much better."

Fred's turn to glare.

"The fuck head asked her out just to piss me off," Fred said. I raised my eyebrow. "And she said yes, just to piss Em off."

Will dating Lizzie was confusing to everyone, except, apparently, for Fred, who was merely angry about it.

"You know that whole thing you were saying about jealousy?" I asked. "Follow your own damn advice."

Fred rolled his eyes at me and went back into breakfast.

And he's got it backwards. Will and Lizzie were dating to piss him and Em off, that much was true. However, Will was doing to make Em jealous enough to want him back, and Lizzie was doing it to make Fred fight for her instead of her sister.

I growled at the universe and went back to get my own food.

I glanced down the table and saw Hugo and Dylan eating breakfast together.

I hate him.

Before I could do something stupid, like throw things, Amanda appeared out of nowhere and stuck her tongue down my throat.

"Hey," I said, sounding bitter. We've never really had a real conversation. We've been together for over a year now and we've never really had a conversation. Just because at that stupid party in fifth year, Dylan grabbed the stupid microphone and came out of the closet and I grabbed Amanda. And then I grabbed a whole hell of a lot more alcohol than I had been drinking up until that point.

By this point, I'm usually somewhat sozzled.

But that's because when I'm sober, I'm like this.

"So, party organiser," Dom said, sitting down across from us and turning to look at Rose.

"Yes?" Rose asked.

"Party tonight in celebration of the Christmas holidays?" Dom asked.

"Of course," Rose said. "My detention's finished today."

I don't know why she took the fall for us when we got caught in November. But I've never been more grateful to have her as a cousin or friend.

"Hear that, Al?" Amanda said enthusiastically. "A party!"

"Great," I replied. "A party."

OOooOOooOOooOO

By nine o'clock I was almost entirely wasted.

And I was pretty sure I'd been spiked by Frank as well. The long and short of it was that everything that had previously seemed like a very bad idea was starting to look like a very good one. I wasn't sure if it was because of drugs or just alcohol.

The first part of the evening, I spent dancing with Amanda in the middle of the Tower.

"We should go back to my dorm," she whispered in my ear.

"Erm…" I said, stalling. It's not like we haven't been having sex for the past year, but right now it doesn't seem like a particularly appealing course of action.

I can see that Amanda is relatively attractive. She's got California blonde hair, and nice brown eyes. But…the fact she has nothing between her ears is a little off-putting at times.

Because my brain is disturbed or something, a vision of a possible future went through my head.

Me, Amanda, two cookie cutter perfect children, sitting at a dining table in a nice house in London, only a few blocks from where I'd be working at St Mungo's. Entertaining dinner guests, maybe a fellow doctor and his wife. I'd actually be an alcoholic. For real. Everything would be picture perfect and therein a total lie.

I don't want it.

"Al?" Amanda asked, pressing herself against me.

"Erm…" I repeated, watching the door to the Tower. As I watched, an obviously drunk and unusually alone Dylan walked out the door, presumably on his way back to the dorms. "You know, Amanda, I'm so piss drunk right now that I think I'm just going to go pass out."

"Okay," she said, kissing me. "Do you want me to walk you back to your dorm?"

"No, it's fine," I said, disentangling myself from her and making my way to the door.

The corridor was empty.

I staggered back to the Gryffindor common room with resentment building in place of the jealousy Fred had called me on earlier.

Apparently, I stagger faster than Dylan does, because I climbed through the portrait hole only seconds after he did.

"Hey!" I said sharply.

He turned around, looking confused, and swayed on his feet.

Before I could stop myself, I'd punched him in the face.

He fell over holding his now broken nose. "What the fuck?" he demanded. "Mother fucker!" He tried to clamber back to his feet. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

"You know, if you'd just stayed straight we wouldn't be here right now!" I yelled. I was fairly confident that the entire house was in the Tower.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he demanded. "Stayed straight? I was never straight! I never claimed to be straight! Where are we exactly that's so bad?"

"If you'd just stayed in the fucking closet then-" I yelled, wishing that Frank hadn't put whatever he had in my drink. I would not have been saying any of this if he hadn't.

"Then what?" Dylan asked, finally managing to get up off the floor. His nose was bleeding somewhat profusely and also happened to be crooked.

"Then we wouldn't be in this mess!" I yelled.

"What mess?" Dylan yelled right back. "We weren't in a mess until you came in here and hit me!"

"If you'd just stayed an illusion we'd have been fine!" I exclaimed.

What am I saying? Why, brain, why?

"What the fuck is wrong with your brain?" Dylan demanded. "What illusion? Are you trying to say I suddenly materialised out of nowhere?"

I am a Grade AAA moron.

"If you'd just stayed unavailable-" I hollered, trying to hit him again. He ducked.

"Unavailable?" he asked. We paused in our yelling and regarded each other. Then I saw something click in his eyes. "Unavailable," he repeated, nodding like he was about to blow a fuse. "You're the fuck head who got a fucking girlfriend!" he yelled, taking a swing at me.

I didn't manage to duck in time. That will definitely be a black eye tomorrow.

"You're the fuck head who's fucking my cousin!" I yelled back.

We seethed at each other for about ten seconds, both of us breathing harder than normal.

Without warning or premeditated thought, I grabbed him and kissed him. He grabbed me by the hair and kissed me back with no apparent intention of stopping any time soon.

His lips tasted like blood, which I realised was my own damn fault.

We staggered backwards towards the stairs to the dormitory rooms and managed to make it into the room without breaking our kiss. I wasn't really that big on kissing with Amanda. Probably because she's a girl.

I really like kissing Dylan.

I kicked the dormitory door closed and grabbed the bottom of his shirt, pulling it violently over his head. Why couldn't he have had the sense to wear a button down shirt? We wouldn't have had to break apart to remove it if he had.

We sprang back together like magnets once his shirt was gone.

Brain, whatever was wrong with you earlier that I was complaining about, I take it back.

His hands left my neck and unbuttoned my shirt, since I actually had the good sense to wear a button down.

We fell backwards onto his bed since it was closest.

"I'm sorry about your nose," I said against his lips while my hands occupied themselves with touching as much of his chest as they could.

"I don't care," he said, his own hands undoing my jeans.

I need to make a mental note to thank Frank for whatever the hell it was he put in my drink.

OOooOOooOOooOO

I woke up the first time when a flash went off in my face. I fell back asleep almost instantly.

I woke up again to muttering.

"More concerned about Dylan's nose or Al's eye?"

"Neither injury is particularly worrying, but I'm quite curious how they acquired them."

"Are you really sure you want to know?"

"Ooh, good point."

"You ever broken somebody's nose during sex?"

"No…I can imagine where he'd get the black eye though."

I blinked and stifled a yawn before I finally was able to focus on the three people talking about us. Scorpius, Will, and Sam were standing in the centre of the dormitory with their arms crossed, looking amused.

"What do you lot want?" I asked, realising I could only hear out of my left ear, since the right was stuck to Dylan's chest, as was the entire right side of my face.

"We've got a bet placed on how you two came by those injuries," Scorpius said, looking highly amused by our situation.

"You'll never guess," Dylan mumbled, alerting me to the fact he was awake.

"Oh, we've got several ideas," Will said, looking as amused as Scorpius.

"Yeah, but you'll never guess because they weren't acquired in this bed," I said, closing my eyes again.

I could practically hear the confusion on their faces.

"We got in a fist fight if you really want to know," Dylan said.

"Oh," the three of them said in unison.

"We also thought we should probably remind both of you that by your sheer nakedness while in the same bed you're cheating on people," Scorpius said.

"Really," Dylan asked, sounding entirely disinterested. "I'd completely forgot."

I laughed. I probably shouldn't.

"And we also thought we should tell you the entire school knows you've slept together," Will said.

"What?" I asked, opening my eyes and sitting up.

"That's nice," Dylan said, rolling onto his side. "I'm going back to sleep."

"Easy for you to say," I said. "You're already out."

He sighed in mild irritation and sat up as well. "Why does the entire school know?"

"Because your boyfriend came looking for you this morning," Scorpius said, looking slightly vindictive.

"Hugo's not my boyfriend," Dylan said tiredly.

"Be that as it may, he acquired some photographic evidence," Will said, looking apologetic and hitting Scorpius in the shoulder. Scor looked away grumpily. "That he shared with…Amanda…"

My eyes widened.

"Photographic evidence?" I asked nervously.

"Photo-very-graphic," Sam supplied unhelpfully. Will and Scor hit him upside the head together.

"Oh Merlin's balls," I said.

"Yours, actually," Scor replied.

"Go away," I said. "Before I hex you."

"Yeah, sure," Scor said, ducking out the dormitory door.

"It's just the walk of shame," Dylan said comfortingly.

"Yeah, congratulations. You not only cheated on your girlfriend, you cheated on her with your male best friend," I said. I threw off the blankets and started looking for my clothes.

Will and Sam had their eyes covered the moment I stood up.

"Al," Dylan said, sounding confused as I pulled on my pants. I ignored him and put on my jeans and found a clean shirt from my trunk. I started for the door. "Al."

I slammed the door shut behind me.

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Chapter title - "A Party Song (The Walk of Shame)" by All Time Low: Let's drink to feelings of temptation, you and I were an overnight sensation.