Chapter 29

A/N: That recycling center really exists, btw. I used to work there as a secretary for a couple of years. It is located at the end of a cul-de-sac and from the windows of the second floor you can oversee the whole terrain and the road, perfect for spotting enemies before they spot you.

######### ###################

It had been hours. Jarah knew it had been hours, because it was getting dark again.

It had been hours since the gunshot reverberated in her ear, followed by the sound of a body slumping forward to the ground.

It had been hours since she wrapped the body up, working quickly and methodically on auto-pilot, because she knew the noise of the gunshot would attract nearby walkers.

It had been hours since she dragged the dead weight back to the car. It had taken all her strength but she had been determined not to leave one of their own out of there to be ravaged by those undead motherfuckers, dead or not.

It had been hours and still she felt nothing. The guilt she had feared to overtake her hadn't come. Instead she was still completely empty.

She drowned out the sound of Beth's and Jamie's crying. She had to get them moving, no distractions. She needed to keep them safe and this was not a safe place to stand around and cry.

########## ############

It had taken her all day to find enough cars to fill up her gas tank. Her initial plan to hopefully be able to find the group by the end of the day was smashed to pieces, because she hadn't been able to rely on Beth for help. The girl had eventually stopped crying, but after that she had only sat there unmoving, staring out the window, not saying anything. Jarah had been forced to stop to feed Jamie and change his diaper several times by herself which cost them time.

The only good news was that she had found some maps at a gas station, that were a bit more detailed than the old one she had in her glove compartment and some yellow pages. Now she could get the addresses for the local recycling companies and check which one fit the description of the location Daryl and Rick had given her the best. The most important clue she had was that it was located in a cul-de-sac in an industrial area.

After they had found a good spot to stay parked for the night, she had fed Jamie his dinner which consisted of a jar of baby food and a bottle of formula she always kept in the car, and quickly got out the maps and the yellow pages before it got too dark. She was paranoid about using the flashlight after dark. She felt too exposed out here in the dark, she didn't want to draw any more unwanted attention to themselves. Jamie's crying was doing that more than enough, but she didn't have it in her to console him, there was too much things that needed to be done, before she could sit him in her lap and calm him down. She really could have used Beth's help. She had considered yelling at the girl to snap out of it, that there would be time to mourn later, but she knew that it would only make it worse.

Instead she left the girl alone and tried to remain calm. She wouldn't be any good at calming Jamie once she was done, if she was annoyed. He was always able to pick up on her mood and if she was in a bad one, so was he.

She looked for the street names the yellow pages mentioned on the map and sighed in relief when the third one was a match. It was the only one that was in the area Daryl had mentioned. That had to be it. She quickly mapped out the route she would take, she wanted to be prepared and ready to go as soon as the sun came up and she didn't want to stop every five minutes to look up which way to go. She had about ten minutes before it got too dark, but she was sure she had it all figured out. She put the map back on the passenger seat and climbed on her own so she could reach Jamie and get him out of his seat and into her lap. That's where he would have to sleep while Jarah kept watch, humming their favorite song quietly to calm them both down.

############## ######################

It was way past midnight, but Daryl was still standing in front of the window keeping watch. Carol joined him after a while, she wasn't able to sleep either. The events of the past night were still fresh on her mind and preventing her from falling asleep.

"Nothing yet?" she asked as she handed him a mug of lukewarm instant coffee.

"No,... nothing but darkness... I shouldn't be surprised. She won't arrive here at night. She's not stupid, she won't drive in the dark, but still..."

"You're worried,... it's only natural, but she'll be here!"

"You really think so?" Daryl's worry and impatience were getting the better of him.

"Yes I do. It might take time, because she doesn't know exactly where we are, but she will show up. That girl is too crazy about you not to try anything and everything to be here with you." Carol smiled warmly at him, secretly getting a kick out of his blushing.

"Stop!" he felt his cheeks redden. He was able to talk and open up more to Jarah, but with everybody else it was still hard. Even with Carol.

"Why? It's the truth! You really have no idea how much that girl loves you, do you? You should see her when she talks about you or when someone mentions your name. Have you never noticed the way she starts beaming when you enter the room?"

"What does she look like? When she talks about me?" Daryl asked, wondering what Carol meant. He had to admit that he had never noticed her being very happy to see him, but that was probably because he was always busy with being happy to see her.

"Every time she talks about you, she gets this look in her eyes. All dreamy and happy, like she is floating away on a cloud. And she always has this smile on her face and bites her lip, her cheeks get all red. I gotta say it is pretty darn cute. She always makes me smile and feel happy myself when I see her like that." Carol remembered the last time Jarah had looked like that and let out a laugh, "she would talk about the grossest things, like 'Daryl stomped on that walkers head, there was brains and blood squirting all over the place, even got some on my shoes...' and she would say it with that dreamy, goofy smile on her face, just because she mentioned you. It was very cute."

"She is pretty damn cute!" Daryl admitted with a little smile, but he was still blushing so hard that even his ears had turned red. He just wasn't used to talking about all this mushy romance stuff.

"She really is. And very beautiful. Inside and out. You're a lucky guy and she is a lucky girl!" Carol smiled, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.

"Think so? I know that she, you know, wants to be with me, but sometimes I still wonder why. I wasn't even nice to her when we met before all this shit started."

"Still she was attracted to you. She told me that she secretly stared at you when you weren't looking. That's how it starts. Don't question, Daryl. Enjoy! She wouldn't be with you if she didn't really want to be. She's a loner, like you used to be. She usually prefers to be alone, but she chose you as her partner. She left her husband, because she felt that she would go crazy if she had to share responsibility for Jamie with him. Now, she wants you by her side, she wants to raise that little boy with you. She looks to you for help. That means something. Don't ever doubt. Time is too short, especially now."

Daryl just nodded. Carol was probably right, but the fear of losing her, no matter if it was because of walkers or because he would fuck it up, was ever-present. Especially right now, when she wasn't with him, but stuck out there by herself.

########### ###############################

Daryl didn't sleep all night and when everybody gathered in the meeting room for breakfast, he stayed by the window. The muscles in his body were cramping by now, but he didn't care. Carol brought him coffee and oatmeal and told him that she would take over watch for him so he could stretch his legs a little and use the bathroom.

He was reluctant to leave his post, but Carol wouldn't have it. "What good would it do if your legs buckled and you'd fall on your face when Jarah finally shows up here? Now go, walk around a bit!"

He had to admit it had felt good to stretch out his tired limbs. After using the bathroom he went downstairs and unlocked the door to go outside for a smoke. That had been the only good thing about that supply run that his girl did with Shane and T-Dog. They had found a lot of smokes in those houses.

He walked around the perimeter a bit, enjoying the fresh air and his smoke and thought that he would have to go out for a hunt soon. He really didn't want to leave until his girl had come back, but if it took longer than today, he would have to. They needed their meat.

He finished his smoke and went back inside and grabbed the mug of hot coffee that was still sitting on the windowsill untouched.

"Feel good?" Carol asked with a smile as she watched him take a sip, both his hands holding the warm mug.

"Yeah, it's fucking cold out there." he muttered. His mind went back to Jarah and Jamie. Especially Jamie this time. He hoped the little one was warm enough and wouldn't have to suffer from the cold temperatures during the night and early morning.

"They'll be alright,..." Carol smiled, like she could read his thoughts. She stayed with him a little while longer, before she went to join the others to see what they could do to make this place homier.

############ #################

Around noon Daryl was dead on his feet. His sleeping bag was calling to him, promising sleep and hopefully sweet sweet dreams. He leaned his head against the wall and rubbed his eyes. When he opened them again, something caught his gaze, a flash of black. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes again, he was sure he was starting seeing things because of his lack of sleep.

But when he opened his eyes again, he was rewarded with the sight he had been hoping for for the last 24 hours. Jarah's black SUV was rolling down the street towards them.

"JARAH'S COMING!" Daryl yelled towards the meeting room. He was almost giddy with excitement. His girl had made it and she had really found him. He dashed down the stairs, almost slamming against the door because he couldn't get it unlocked fast enough. He heard the others coming down the stairs behind him.

"She really made it. See? One heck of a girl you got there!" Rick was smiling and slapping his hand on Daryl's shoulder on their way to the gate.

Rick unlocked it and slid it open for her. Jarah drove on the lot and parked next to the other vehicles. She had barely stopped the car when Beth already opened the door and flew out of the car into Hershel's arms.

Maggie and Hershel couldn't believe it. They both hugged Beth so hard she could barely breathe, all three of them crying and sinking to their knees. They had already given up hope of ever seeing one another again. To Hershel this was a gift from God in these godforsaken times.

Daryl was running up to the car and opened the door to the backseat first to check on Jamie, expecting Jarah to meet him there. He could barely make out his face. Jarah had put him in a little snowsuit and a woolen beanie to keep him warm. Daryl was relieved that Jamie hadn't had to suffer from the cold over night.

He waited for Jarah to show up next to him any second, she had already gotten out of the car, but when he looked out the other window he saw that she was standing in front of the crying heap on the floor that was the Greene family. Daryl furrowed his brow and kept shooting glances towards her while he got Jamie out of his car seat.

"Da, da, da, da!" Daryl was stunned when Jamie said it and reached for him. He had never said that before. He smiled proudly and pressed his lips against Jamie's forehead while he hugged the little guy to his chest.

"Hey little man, I missed you too! Did you take good care of your momma? I see she took good care of you! Is that broccoli on your cheek? Or peas, maybe?"

Jamie moved his head to look at Daryl with a big happy smile on his little face. Daryl's heart almost burst when Jamie touched his little hand to Daryl's cheek and leaned forward to press his forehead against Daryl's mouth again. Daryl gave him another little kiss and the toddler snuggled his head into the hunter's crook of his neck, happy to be back in his arms.

He walked over to the group and instantly sensed that something was off. Jarah was talking, but she didn't sound like herself.

"Patricia is in the back,... I couldn't leave her there." she told them, but looked at the ground.

'Aw shit', Daryl thought. She had been driving around with a dead woman in the trunk for a day. That would explain why she wasn't jumping in joy that she found them. He gently touched her arm and when she turned to face him, he for once didn't care who was watching them. He kissed her gently, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer, reveling in the feeling of having her with him again.

"You okay?" he whispered against her lips, but before she could say or do anything, Beth spoke up.

"Jarah had to kill her Daddy! She got scratched when Jarah tried to save us, but she didn't notice until we were already driving for some time."

"You had to shoot Patricia? Did she turn? In the car?" Rick was standing in front of Jarah now, trying to catch her gaze. She finally looked up at him and shook her head.

"No,... she didn't turn... she was still alive..." Jarah admitted and the collective horrified gasp from the group made her want to shoot herself next.

"Patricia begged her to! Jarah didn't want to do it, but Patricia said it was her dying wish!" Beth was still sobbing in her father's arms, but she knew she needed to defend Jarah's actions.

"She didn't want to turn. And she said she couldn't do it herself, because she wanted to go to heaven!" Jarah explained quietly. Hershel looked up at her and nodded. People who take their own lives don't get to go to heaven. Patricia's faith in God had always been strong. He understood why she would have asked Jarah to end it for her, but he didn't understand how Jarah had been able to do it.

"Thank you for saving them. Both of them." Hershel tried to send her a grateful look, but he failed miserably. He was still too shocked that Jarah had actually gone through with it.

"I brought her back,... I couldn't leave her body out there for the walkers... she should be buried here."

"We'll take care of it! Do you know if Andrea made it? Did you see her?" Rick asked, she was the only one who's fate was still unknown.

"She didn't make it. Saw her getting eaten by three of those fuckers." Carol gasped, tears spilling out of her eyes. She turned to Dale who also couldn't keep the tears from falling.

Jarah couldn't take it anymore. She didn't want to be with these people right now. They were right to think of her as some kind of monster, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt.

"Can we go inside, please? I need you!" she whispered after she had turned back towards Daryl. He nodded and quickly handed Jamie over to her.

"Go ahead, first door on the right. I'll get our stuff, okay?"

"Thank you." She placed a kiss against his arm before he turned to go to the car, where Rick and Glenn were already unloading the body.

Nobody made a move to accompany her inside, so she went alone. She knew to go upstairs, Daryl had told her a couple of days ago that they would only use the second floor to live in. She went upstairs and found the room she was looking for. Daryl had already moved the desk so they had more space for their sleeping bags on the floor, although it didn't look like he had slept in here last night.

She sat down on the desk and let Jamie slide to the floor. After spending a whole day in the car he was eager to move and explore. Daryl made a couple of trips to get all their stuff inside and when he was finally done, he closed and locked the door behind him.

He went over to where Jarah was sitting on the desk and pushed her knees apart, so he could be as close to her as possible. He pulled her flush against him, hugging her tight, burying his nose in her hair.

"Are you okay?" he asked again, he still hadn't gotten an answer to his previous question.

"I don't think I am. I don't feel anything, Daryl. I'm just numb. I killed someone,... I don't know how to come back from that."

"She wanted you to, Jar. You saved her from being one of them." Daryl was a little shaken, too. None of them had ever had to do what Jarah did. He had only killed walkers and destroyed the brains of people who were already dead and about to turn, but he had never killed a living, breathing person.

"I just keep thinking, that maybe there would have been another way... but time was running out. The fever just kept getting worse,... Jamie was in the car, I couldn't risk her turning."

"You did what you had to do. You did her a favor. Don't think of yourself as a killer. What you did took guts,... hell I don't know if any of them down there would have been strong enough to do it. I don't even know if I would have been able to do it." Daryl admitted.

"Great!" Jarah scoffed, "that means I am the only one cold-blooded enough to do it. Maybe Lori and my mother were right all along. I am a horrible person."

"Hey, you stop that, right now. You hear me? That's not what I meant and you know it. You did the right thing. You even brought her back here with you, so she could be buried properly. You saved her! You're not a horrible person. You're one of the strongest sons of bitches I know."

Jarah shook her head and smiled for a moment. "Do people even use that expression for women?"

"Who cares? I'm just glad you got here in one piece!"

"My plan was to get here last night, but it didn't work out. After Patricia, Beth just kind of went into shock. Had to take care of Jamie myself and I ran out of gas. Had a hard time finding cars that still had some. I kept looking until it got dark, got my tank almost full. As soon as the sun came up I started driving." Jarah told him, sliding her hands under his leather jacket and rubbing them over his back, trying to warm herself up and also enjoying the feel of him under her fingertips.

"How did you know where to go? You got here fast if you only started driving this morning." Daryl shivered a little, her fingers were freezing and he could feel the cold seeping through his shirt. He would go and get her some warm soup and coffee in a couple of minutes, but first he wanted to enjoy this a little longer.

"Stopped at a gas station. Got some maps and the yellow pages. Got the addresses for the recycling companies in the area and looked them up on the map. This one was the only one in this area so I figured it had to be it. I got lucky!"

"Smart move. Guess you do always find me, huh?"

"Just like you found me the last time!" She pulled him down for a kiss, before she looked at him again. "Are we good?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Daryl was confused.

"The others aren't happy with me. I'm worried that you would start thinking about me differently, too, now."

"Never! You did nothing wrong, Jar! The others will realize that soon enough. Everybody's been through a lot. Don't worry about it!" he leaned down to kiss her again, but was interrupted when he felt Jamie yank on his pant leg.

"Da, da, daaaaaa!" Jamie was talking to him again and reaching his arms up towards Daryl.

"Well he either learned your name oooor he is starting to call you Dad. Hard to tell. Either way he is excited to see you." Jarah smiled at Daryl. She could tell he was almost bursting with pride.

"We haven't seen each other for a whole day. Must have been weird for him." Daryl said while he lifted Jamie back into his arms.

"Weird for all of us. And I wasn't the best company. Too much shit going on, I wasn't able to calm him down. Attracted quite a number of walkers the first two hours after dark. Then he fell asleep from exhaustion, thank God."

"Well tonight he'll sleep in his bed again. In his own room, did you see?" Daryl nodded over to the glass door.

"Yeah, that's great. I saw a baby store on the way. Maybe we can check it out in a couple of days, grab some stuff for him." Jarah suggested.

"Sounds good. The stores and factories down here are pretty untouched. Maybe we can get a real bed for him and some cool toys and some more clothes and stuff. Fix his room up real good. Yeah? You like that, JD? We got some paint in the garage. Want us to paint your room blue?" Daryl grinned, using his baby voice again while Jamie giggled happily and made his 'ya-ya-ya' sound. That was probably a yes.

Jarah would have melted, if she hadn't been so exhausted. She loved seeing the two of them together like that, but right now all she wanted was to lay down.

"Come on, I gotta change him into something more comfortable and get some food in him." Jarah slid off the desk and went to get some clean clothes for her son.

"Okay, I'll go get some food for you while you take care of him. I'll be right back." he handed Jamie over and kissed her cheek, before he left.

"Thanks, baby! Oh honey, no don't cry, he'll be right back!" Jamie had started crying when Daryl left. Jarah had a hard time getting him undressed, he was fussy and struggling. After a couple of minutes she gave up and waited for Daryl to come back.

"Here, you're his favorite person today. You have to do it, he won't let me." Jarah sighed and took the bowl of soup Daryl had brought in. It was still piping hot, so she put it down on the windowsill and went to prepare their bed, by spreading out their sleeping bags on the floor. When she was done she got her soup and sat down with her back against the wall, watching Daryl handle Jamie, who had stopped crying the minute Daryl had taken over the task of getting him undressed and changed into clean sweatpants and a Winnie the Pooh shirt.

"Don't be mad at your momma, she had a rough day. Everything will be back to normal tomorrow. Wanna take a nap after your lunch? Yeah you do, your eyes are already all red. C'mon you know the drill, right leg up... the other right leg... "

Jarah forgot to eat, she was always amazed at how great Daryl was with him. Even though she had the shittiest day of her life she couldn't help but watch them with a huge smile on her face. Jamie was getting cheeky, but in a cute way. Probably courtesy of Daryl's influence. He would put his leg up, but as soon as Daryl came close to slipping the pants over his foot, he would quickly let his foot drop flat on the desk, giggling like crazy.

It would sometimes take a couple of minutes now to just put some pants on him and while Jarah would get impatient pretty quickly, Daryl was the epitome of calm and just played along until Jamie allowed him to put the pants on him.

"Guess we won't have to ask ourselves who the fun parent is!" Jarah muttered to herself, shaking her head with a smile.

############### #########################

An hour later Daryl put Jamie down in his bed for his nap. He closed the glass door between the two rooms and dropped down on the sleeping bag next to Jarah.

"That's perfect, ain't it?" he smiled at her.

She nodded and grabbed his shirt in her fists to pull him down to her. She pressed her lips against his and wasted no time to slide her tongue into his mouth to seek out his. Her fingers already working the buttons of his shirt open, sliding over every inch of naked skin she was unveiling in the process.

"Hey, hey, hey... slow down. We can't, not in here!" Daryl pulled back and stopped her hands.

"Daryl, we don't have a choice, this isn't the farm. Where else do you wanna go? Jamie has his own room now and I'll just bite my tongue or something. Please, I really need you." she pleaded with him.

Daryl knew she was right and their room wasn't very close to the other offices. If they kept it down nobody would be able to hear them. And who was he kidding, he wanted her badly as well. He was already growing hard. He let go of her hands and went to work on opening her pants.

They had torn each others clothes off in no time at all. Within a minute Daryl had them both naked and was nipping at her breasts. Jarah bit her bottom lip when he sucked a sensitive peak into is mouth, gently worrying it with his teeth.

His hand slid down her tummy and in between her legs. He pressed his fingers against her clit and just let her move her pelvis against it, letting her show him the rhythm she needed.

Jarah buried her fingers in his hair and pulled his face up, her lips crashing down on his in a passionate kiss.

"Daryl, now! Please! I need you inside of me!"

"You're not ready yet!"

"I don't care!" she groaned frustrated.

"I do! I'm not gonna hurt you!"

"Please, I need the pain! I need to feel it! It's not gonna be that bad!"

"No!" Daryl remained firm, but Jarah kept begging.

"Just this once, Daryl. I never ask you for anything. Please, just this once. I need you to make me feel! Please! I need this to start healing, I'm not crazy. Please!"

He looked deeply into her eyes, hesitating for another moment. He wasn't happy about it, but he felt that she was sincere. She really thought she needed this and that it might help her to kick-start the process of working through the events of the past 24 hours. He nodded almost imperceptibly and bent back down to kiss her.

As his tongue was gliding along hers again, he quickly inserted two of his fingers inside of her, before she was able to protest. She wasn't as wet as she usually was during their play time, but he was relieved to feel that she was going to be okay. A little uncomfortable maybe, but he wouldn't inflict any real pain.

"Please, Daryl" she begged once more, when she felt his fingers moving back and forth inside of her. He complied and removed his fingers. Jarah pulled her legs up to rest them on his broad shoulders. She wanted him to go as deep as possible, she needed to feel all of him. Daryl positioned himself at her entrance, letting the head slip in slightly before he bent forward to support himself on his hands next to her head and with one hard jerk of his hips, he slid home all the way.

Jarah had to slap her hand over her mouth to keep quiet. It hurt a little, but it was a good pain. She urged Daryl to start moving and with every thrust she could feel something inside of her changing, almost like she had been cold and was now slowly starting to warm back up. Daryl was helping her to flip the switch that needed to be switched back on. She was right, she had felt it deep inside of her that this was what she needed. The little stings and the pressure of being stretched by his erection started to make her feel again. It felt like he was putting a crack in the wall she had built around herself the other morning with every hard thrust of his pelvis. She could literally feel little pieces of the wall crumbling and falling away and they were replaced by overwhelmingly intense feelings of guilt and sadness, but also undying love for the man on top of her.

He faltered and slowed down, when he noticed tears spilling out of her eyes.

"Jar..." he was panting, already close to his release.

"Don't stop, please don't stop, I'm okay, it's good!" she quickly reassured him, the words tumbling out of her mouth in a rush.

She pulled his face down to hers again, kissing him deeply to muffle their moans. Daryl picked up speed again, slamming his pelvis as fast and hard into hers as he could, no longer worried that he was hurting her, the resistance her tight walls had put up at first was long gone by now and he felt more comfortable again.

It didn't take much longer for him to reach his release. He spilled himself inside of her with four uncontrolled hard jerks, releasing a groan into her mouth with every spurt. Jarah's legs slid off his shoulders and fell to his sides, her hands pressing against his back, wanting him to rest on top of her. Daryl lowered himself, but kept most of his weight on his forearms and gently kissed the tip of her nose and her forehead, gently wiping at her tears with his thumb.

It was all it took to tear the rest of Jarah's wall down. She started sobbing in earnest, hiding her face in the crook of Daryl's neck, desperately clutching him to her.

"Shhhh,... shhhhh shhhhh shhhh... it's okay. It's all gonna be okay!" Daryl pressed his lips against her head and held her while she cried. He was still inside of her, but neither of them cared, they both needed to be as close as possible to the other.

Daryl only moved to pull one of the sleeping bags over them to keep them warm. He had no intention of moving off of her. He kept kissing her and soothing her with his voice, while she let it all out. Not just the thing with Patricia, but also the whole thing with Lori and Shane, it all came bubbling up to the surface and Daryl did the best he could to be there for her and catch her before she hit the bottom.

##################################

A/N: Thank you for reading! 84 followers and 49 favorites. Never thought this many people would like this when I started writing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

A very warm hug and lots of thanks to my reviewers

NanamiYatsumaki, KaneCenaZombie12, TheShield'sGirl, katie93319 and Angel JJK. Your nice words are very much appreciated and make me very very happy. Many might think it is a cliche, but feedback really makes an author put more effort into his/her work. Hope y'all still love it.