Chapter 29
The win in Carolina felt good. I needed something to feel good. It would have been better if Flower was in net, given him a little boost but it was a win none the less. The two helpers were good too, I guess. Made me feel like I can contribute again. I will be the first to admit I am still distracted by my fight with Bree. I feel like shit about it but I was pretty glad that no one was around in the hall behind the dressing room to see that. If someone had managed to get a picture or a sound bite… shit. All hell would break loose and Pat would be back in here, chewing off my other ass cheek. Apparently, he doesn't think that Bree is right for me and I have no interest in trying to convince him. I know. I am sure of it and that's all that matters. I don't need his fucking approval. He needs to remember who pays who.
"See what happens when you don't fuck your girl? We win games…" Cookie laughs, stripping out of his gear, now that the post-game media has cleared out. I choose not to respond to that. He, and probably others, thought we lost the game against the Flyers because I choose to get some over the best interests of the team and I haven't heard the end of it since. They could not have been further from the truth. The first time they brought it up, I listened. I made the necessary adjustments. But anyone who thinks I have some outstanding sex life right now needs a serious wakeup call. I guess they could just ask Bree…
I know I have to learn to take Matt's ribbing because heaven forbid he gets traded to another team. This is him as my team mate, so I couldn't imagine him on an opposing team.
Whatever. I'll figure it out. We've got three more games on this road trip and I would like to get home with a couple more W's under us.
-.-
I can't even hear the crowd, the blood is pounding in my ears that loudly. And it's not cause I have skated that hard, or am out of breath or anything. Right now it's just pure frustration. I think I left my teammates back in Pittsburgh and instead brought a collection of sad sacks with me to Dallas. If I could personally slap each and every one of them in the face on this bench right now, I would. I just don't get it. We won a fucking Stanley Cup and that seems to be good enough for these guys. Well it's not enough for me. I want more and I want it now. I've had enough of these fuckers dragging their feet. It's time to ramp it up here.
I gaze up at the score board and see the numbers starring down at me. 4-1 Dallas. We are losing to Dallas. Losing to a team in the south, should be enough to inspire anyone... at least the frickin' Canadians on the team! I think losing to southern team is actually considered a sin in Montreal. It's not too late to pull our heads from out of our asses and get something going here!
I jump over the boards and skate towards center ice, initially lining up at centre ice for a face off but a quick look around inspires me, as I stand and pat Kuni on the pads to take my spot, instead lining up in front of this little Niskanen turd. I think he's the smallest guy on the team… that's probably good. What I'm about to do won't be pretty and I just hope I don't embarrass myself…
-.-
"Have you lost your mind?" I hear as I pick up my phone. I was wondering what phone call would come in first after my little stunt. The whole time sitting in the penalty box I made a mental list. Mom, Dad, Taylor, Pat… Bree…
"What? No hello?" I smirk, knowing full well that that will just piss her off more. I guess I know her well enough to anticipate her facial expressions.
"No! No hello! Are you fucking CRAZY? Have you actually lost your fucking mind?" Bree freaks out on me. She can yell all she wants, I'm just pretty relieved to hear her voice. I guess it means she still cares.
"I won…" I shrug, probably just infuriating her more. I look down at my hand and wiggle my fingers. I thought my hand would hurt more… I wonder how his hand is? He hit my helmet but that's probably the only good swing he got in. I kinda feel bad.
"Well that's good, I guess…" Bree concedes. "But please don't make a habit of that!"
"Of winning?" I ask, egging her on.
"Fighting! You know what I meant!" She snaps.
"Sorry… how are you?" I ask, changing the subject. We haven't talked in days and this is not the reason I wanted her to call me. Actually, I wanted to call her and apologize but I haven't had a chance.
"I'm fine. I should really let you go, so you can get some sleep. I just wanted to – "
"Call and give me crap?" I cut her off lightly.
"No… see if you were alright…" She corrects me, her voice much softer then when she originally called, a very good sign.
"I am," I assure her. "I just want you to know…"
"No Sid. Don't. Just. Don't."
"I want to apologize," I try and explain.
"We'll talk when you get home," She insists, not letting me get a word in.
"Okay," I agree but I'm not happy about it. "I love you."
"Do you?" She asks and then there is silence. I don't know how to respond. I know silence is wrong but I can't believe she would even question that. She knows! She knows I love her! She has to know!
"Goodnight Sidney," I hear her whisper before hanging up on her end. I just sit in shock, still holding the phone to my face, unable to move. I'm losing her and it's no one's fault but my own.
-.-
Another fucking loss. I am so fucking tired of LOSING!
I look around the room and realize that this is the last place in the world that I want to be right now. Everyone is miserable, myself included and if Cooke so much as looks at me right now, so help me God, I will take that shit brick out.
"Good effort tonight Sid," Dan offers walking into the room to give us a pep talk. "The rest of you… not so much." I don't look up. I don't need to. I can see Cooke rolling his eyes out of the corner of mine. I clench my fists and count slowly to ten…
"We need to tighten up our systems out there and how about playing with a little passion?" Dan continues, slapping his notepad into his hand. "I know you guys can do better and we only have one more chance on this trip to show that. Figure out what the fuck you need to do and do it. Plane leaves at eleven. Be on it."
I watch Dan wander out of the room, his fists crumpled into balls and can't help but nod in agreement.
"Oh sure, agree with him. You, of course, did nothing wrong tonight," Cook is the first to speak up. Shocker. I must have an easy target sign on my forehead. He knows that he can get to me right now, so he is just going with it. If I don't respond, it'll die off.
"Shut up. You don't get to say shit!" Dupuis stands up, defending me. That won't help.
"Wow, normally you wait for privacy to suck him off!" Cooke retorts, rolling his eyes again.
"What the fuck is wrong with you man? This isn't Sid's fault!" Tanger jumps in to the fight. Great. Now Cooke has an audience, not helping the case any.
"Are you sure? Do you know what he did last night? I heard he called in a booty call in St. Louis. Maybe Bree wanted a California vacation?" Cooke laughs.
"I didn't…" I chime in. Where the fuck did he hear that?
"Yeah, come on man! That's a pretty big stretch. I mean really? I was next door to Sid in St. Louis. And Duper is his room mate, I'm pretty sure we would know if Sid had a booty call!" Rupper defends me. I wish he hadn't. Pascal and I exchange looks and everyone looks at us.
"No… you didn't…" Brooks looks up at me, the aggravation evident on his face.
"No! I mean, not here… in St. Louis, yes, but not here, I swear," I explain, while everyone stares at me. They expect better of me. I expect better of me. I guess it's time to come clean. "I just, had to know. After you all said that I wouldn't handle my 'relationship', I had to find out. So I tested it. Turns out that maybe, I can't… so, I haven't since…"
"What?" I hear from several people around the room. Well there goes the image of my fantastic sex life. That should give them some ammo to harass me with for the next decade or so…
"Bree didn't come to California last night mainly because she'll barely even talk to me now…" I pause, trying to stay in control of my emotions. The thought of losing Bree is too much for me to handle on my own, never mind in front of everyone. "I have given up everything for this team. The least you could do is show up for the games!"
I am done explaining myself to these guys. I drop my shorts to the ground and take off for the showers, leaving them to do with that information what they want. I just want to forget it.
-.-
"Oh man, I saw a picture of your girl. Serious dime piece! I would wreck that chick!" Biz greets me, in only the way Biz could.
"I will take that as a compliment," I laugh, giving into the Bro hug. Bree is gorgeous, there is no denying that. I doubt even Cooke would argue that one.
"Oh man, I just added her to the looooong list of reason I wish I were you!" He continues.
"Right below my enormous… pay check, right?" I wink. I cannot keep up with this dude's wit, I don't know why I am even trying.
"Pay check? Is that what the ladies call it now? That's confusing. I think I am content with my pay check," he grabs his junk. "But I want your pay check."
"You keep your pay check and I'll keep mine, how about that?" I suggest.
"Only if you buy the first round next time I'm in town!"
"I guess that can be arranged," I extend my hand to make the deal. I don't know if Pittsburgh could handle Biz and his larger then life personality anymore.
"I hear you've got a new guy I have to take a swing at?"
"Um yeah, Eggs. Look out, he's a big guy!" I warn him about our new fighter. I don't think he's lost a match yet and has been itching to get a hold of Paul, if for no other reason then to get a mention on Twitter.
"Oh, I'm ready for whatever you're gonna throw my way! I hope you're all ready for a slap down tonight," He teases.
"No, sorry man. We need a win real bad and I am going to have to take it from you."
"Yeah well, you can try but Penguins don't fly, which make them real easy prey for the desert dogs!"
I can't help but laugh. The dude is hilarious. "Have a good game tonight!"
"You too man, stay safe and you know, if you need me to step in and show your girl what a real man can do, you just let me know!"
"Yeah, fuck you," I laugh and watch him saunter out of the room.
-.-
I feel him slide into bed behind me and although I am wide awake I pretend to be asleep. I don't know what time it is but It's a long flight from Phoenix and they left right after the game so I would guess it's somewhere around 4:00 – 4:30 in the morning. We haven't really talked since we fought after the Philly game, just a text here and there and nothing too involved. He'll have all day off tomorrow, so I know we'll talk then but right now, I just want to go back to sleep. I feel his cold feet graze mine, as he rolls onto his side and wiggles in close to me. His arm slides around my waist and I get shivers. I miss his touch. He presses his whole body against mine and I can feel the heat of his body transfer to mine and I accidentally let out a little sigh. Damn. I wanted to pretend to be asleep and now he will know I'm not. He doesn't say anything, just presses his lips to the back of my neck and my body responds. My head rolls back, exposing more of my neck. He pulls his hand up and slides the strap of my nightgown down over my shoulder, moving his lips up over the top of my arm, letting his hand move to the front to cup my breast.
This is so unfair. He's acting like nothing happened, like nothing is wrong.
"Stop Sid."
"Shhh…" He whispers in my ear and sends another waive of shivers down my body. God, I want him.
"No, Sid. Stop," I shake him off my shoulder and pull my strap back up into its place.
"I missed you…" he continues.
"Just go to sleep and we'll talk tomorrow…" I insist sharply. He needs to know that things aren't alright and as much as my hormones are taking over my body right now, giving in isn't the answer.
"Baby, I know your pissed at me but – " He pleads, still running his hands over my bare skin.
"Goodnight," I cut him off, then pull the blanket up over my shoulder. That may have been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
