Disclaimer: Do not own.
I stare at Cat's brother over Jade's head, but I don't find any answers. He looks just as broken about this as Jade is, and when I open my mouth to speak, he just shakes his head and passes us into his room, slamming his door shut. I want to go to Cat, to find out what she was thinking, knowing that Jade would come upstairs at any moment. She wasn't even quiet about it!
Jade suddenly breaks away from me, heading for Cat's room. I grab her wrist to stop her, and when she turns and glares at me, I know it's not the smartest thing to do. "Let go of me, Tori." I shake my head and pull her toward her room, but it's as though she's rooted to the spot. I can see past the anger in her eyes that she's hurting badly right now, but if I let her go to Cat… "Vega, I swear to God, if you don't let go of me…"
"Jade, please just think about what you're going to do. If you go in there, you're just going to end up hurting both of us. Just come to your room and talk to me."
My heart breaks with the look she gives me, but it cracks completely with what comes out of her mouth. "I fucking hate you, Vega. You ruined my life." And I'm so caught off-guard that I forget that I'm holding her wrist, and she breaks free from my grip, glaring at me. And honestly, I don't if she actually means it or if she's saying it just because she's upset and angry. "If it weren't for you, none of this shit would have happened."
"Jade…you don't mean that."
"Yes, I do. If you didn't follow me that night, I wouldn't have had to worry about whether or not you had made it home. I wouldn't have even fucking cared if I had been killed. It would have gotten me away from you." I feel my chest tightening, but she's done talking. "Get the fuck away from me, Vega."
I don't know what to do other than nod, my vision blurry from the tears I'm trying so hard to fight back. "Jade…" She looks away and I know I need to leave or I'm going to do something we're both going to regret. I sigh. "I love you." With that, I turn and leave her, heading downstairs. I exchange goodbyes with Mr. and Mrs. Valentine and rush outside to my car, slamming my head against the steering wheel, allowing myself to cry.
I don't know how long I sat there, but when I finally drove home, I had cried myself out of tears. Trina is sitting on the couch when I open the front door, and she jumps to her feet when she sees my face. "What's wrong? What did Jade do this time?"
I close the door behind me and shake my head, walking toward the stairs. "I don't want to talk about it," I tell her, climbing the steps slowly. "If Mom and Dad ask, I'm asleep." I don't wait for her response, but I know she isn't going to push for an answer this time. Once I'm in my room, I close my door and cross the room, falling onto my bed. All I can think about is Jade and her words, stabbing through me like shrapnel from a bomb, and it hurts.
She's just upset, I know, but that doesn't make it any better to deal with. She may as well have broken up with me and for absolutely no reason this time. But she's also right. I did ruin her life. And there's no way to go back in time to change anything. Even if there was…it wouldn't make things right. Jade was in this mess long before I came into her life, but if I hadn't followed her to the mental hospital, she never would have had to worry about whether or not I was okay. She wouldn't have been distracted.
I hear a knock on my bedroom door before Trina opens the door slightly and pokes her head in. I open my mouth to tell her to go away, but she shakes her head. "I know you wanted to be left alone, but Beck's downstairs and he wants to talk to you."
I sigh and roll out of bed, following her downstairs. Beck's sitting on the couch, staring at his hands in his lap, and I wonder just what the hell this is. Beck and I haven't spoken too much lately, but if he's here and he's upset, something must be wrong. I walk around the couch to stand in front of him, but he never looks up. "Tori…" I nearly jump out of my skin at the unexpected sound and he takes a deep breath. "You're going to hate me."
BREAK
"You're lying!" I shout. How could Cat lie to my face like that? "He couldn't have done it! I was with him before it happened…"
She shakes her head. "He went to your house after you went back home, Jade. And before you go off and judge him, you need to know why he did it." I raise my brow expectantly, waiting for her to continue explaining for Beck, but she sighs. "I can't tell you something that he has to. And please…don't go to him before he's ready to tell you."
I sit against the wall in my bedroom and stare at my knees. Beck should have told me to begin with, instead of pretending. That's what hurts more than anything, even more than the fact that he killed my father. What I don't understand, though, is why he told Cat instead of me. They aren't together, so why would he feel like she was the one he needed to confide in.
I need to talk to him.
Taking my cell phone from my pocket, I scroll through my contacts for Beck and wait as it rings. He answers on the last ring before his voicemail, and his voice is hoarse, as though he's been crying. "Come to Tori's. I need to talk to you." He doesn't wait for my response and I groan when the call ends. Why is he at Tori's anyway?
I frown. I told her that she ruined my life and to get away from me…I've never seen her so hurt and I hated myself as soon as I said it. But I needed her to let me talk to Cat and I didn't want her to get caught in the crossfire. Cat and I haven't exactly been the best of friends lately, and I didn't know how bad it was going to be between us.
Without thinking too much along the way, I find myself in the Vega driveway twenty minutes later, keys in hand as I knock on the front door. When it opens, Tori's eyes are sad, knowing before she opened the door that it was me and I open my mouth to speak, allowing every word to burst from my mouth like word vomit. "Tori, I'm sorry. What I said…I didn't mean it, I just…I needed you to get away from me before things got bad."
Tori shakes her head. "You don't have to explain, Jade. Besides, this isn't the best time to talk about this. You need to talk to Beck." She steps aside and lets me pass her into the living room. Beck is sitting on the couch, head in his hands, and I know what he's going to say. I want to tell him that I just want to know why he did it, but the second his eyes meet mine, a lump forms in my throat and I can't speak.
Tori sits on the opposite chair, staring at the floor, and I know that she's here if I need her, not to be in the way of this conversation. "Jade…I…" Beck pauses, taking a deep breath. "Look, I have no excuse for what I did because I don't have a valid reason for why I killed your father. I just went to talk to him and he said some things about you and mentioned the gang and…"
"He mentioned the gang? What did he say about them?" He has my attention now. What did my father know about the gang?
He looks at me, his eyes suddenly dark. "You didn't meet Carlos by accident. What happened to us, that wasn't random." He shakes his head and turns his head away from me. "Damn it, Jade, he set it all up. This whole fucking situation…It's all because of him!" I've never seen Beck with so much anger. But he has every reason to be. If what he's saying is true, then he had indirectly tried to kill Beck and ruin my life.
That actually doesn't surprise me.
I glance at Tori, who's been quiet. Because of my father, she's in this mess, and somehow I feel like it's my fault. Her eyes meet mine and she frowns. I want to speak, to apologize, but there's a lump in my throat and I don't know how to fix any of this. Instead, I turn to Beck and my mind is made up. "I should hate you, Beck, but I can't. Because of him…you and I…and Tori…We're all in this mess because of him. He was nothing to me, and this just confirms that. Even if he were alive right now, I couldn't forgive him."
Beck bows his head. "Jade, just because he did this…I still didn't have any right. He didn't act like your father, but he still was." He stands and looks at me before walking toward the door. "I'm going to go and turn myself in."
The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "No, Beck, don't turn yourself in." Two pairs of eyes watch me with confusion and I turn to face Beck. "Look, I've been in jail. You definitely don't deserve to be there, no matter what you've done. Besides…everyone thinks Andre did it. Why tell them the truth when you don't have to?" And I can't believe I'm saying any of this, or why I'm even protecting him. "Please…"
He sighs, hand on the doorknob. "Goodbye, Jade." With one glance at Tori, he forces a smile. "Take care of her." With that, he's gone, disappeared from our lives, and I almost collapse where I stand.
Tori's arms wrap around my waist and she holds me close to her, burying her face in my neck. We both stand in silence, just trying to wrap our heads around everything, and I'm frozen inside and out, shocked that everything turned out this way. But everything comes to an end, the good and the bad, and I'm glad that this is over.
But is it really worth the price?
The front door opens and Trina comes in, but where I'm expecting her to speak and ask what I've done wrong this time—Let's face it, she always thinks it's my fault that Tori's upset—she's completely silent, heading upstairs to her room. I don't know why, but I was hoping she would say something, anything, that could make me focus on being annoyed by her, rather than being upset about Beck. I guess it's a little too much to ask.
I run a hand through Tori's hair and kiss the top of her head. "Come on…I think we need some sleep." She takes me by the hand and leads me upstairs to her room, closing the door behind us. And lying in her arms, just being together and ignoring the world around us, I'm not worried where we'll end up because it will always be just us.
