Wrong


The girl I like

My heart is pounding like a prisoner in the solitary confinement of my rib cage as he types out the end of his statement.

Is you

I read the text.

I exhale.

My heart speeds up in my chest, growing more and more ravenous for information.

Shakily, I write out a reply, trying to conceal the rising panic creeping up my spine.

...really? XD

My thumb flies to the blue arrow before I have a chance to reconsider my words. Am I being rude? Is the emoticon too lighthearted? Am I leading him on?

The three grey dots mutate into another message.

Yeah, you Miku

I think

Maybe I'm at an equilibrium? I don't know

I inhale and my heart starts to slow.

He's...at an equilibrium. He doesn't know whether he likes me or not.

I should feel relieved at the thought that he might not like me; without feelings, there is no heartbreak, no awkwardness, no change in the relationship.

Isn't that what I want?

...Then why does his indecisiveness pang in my chest? Am I not good enough for him? Is he playing a joke on me?

Another notification pops up on my screen from someone else, and I feel my chest tighten with a feeling I know so, so well, yet still cannot place. I tap it open.

Did you find out who Kaito likes yet?

My thumbs hover over the keys. Once upon a time, texting her was so easy, so free, so natural.

When did I start dreading her words?

A different notification pops up and my movements fall to a stop. Do I tell her? Why shouldn't I tell her? She's my best friend, she knows what I should do, right?

I type slowly.

It's me.

Her reply is almost instantaneous.

Yesss I knew he liked you! What are you going to tell him?

I know exactly what I should tell him: I'm sorry, but I don't think I like you like that. No, I don't need to think it over, I'm sure.

I don't know...

I bite my lip as I look over the message. I hesitate before adding on something else.

Maybe I should give him a try?

My words have been sent into the void, with no way to take them back.

Luka knows me better than I know myself. Her advice wouldn't lead me astray, right?

Yessss girl :D let me know how it goes ;)

I blink at her reply. She thinks I should do it? Go out with Kaito?

The uncomfortable, heavy feeling in my throat worsens. A wave of apathy washes over me.

Without a second thought, I enter the other chat and type out four words.

I like you too.

I quickly re-enter mine and Luka's chat and tell her what I did.

I told him I liked him too.

Luka doesn't reply as fast this time, which gives me an unwanted chance to think over my words. Why am I telling her this? Does she need to know everything I do? How do I want her to react to this?

The longer she takes to reply, the more I feel the regret bubbling in my stomach. It's not him I should text with those four words, it's-

She replies.

Good! This'll be a fun experience for you

How about if I don't want to experience it with him? How about if I want to experience it with someone else?

...you sure?

This is the last chance. She needs to stop me now. I am making a mistake. Stop me...please, stop me.

Her words are crushing.

Definitely :D maybe we can go on a double date once I get that fit guy from the coffee shop's number ;)

...Ah. So she has her own crush.

With nothing left to lose, I leave her chat and open his. My thumbs work on autopilot.

Hey, let's go for coffee tomorrow.

I suck in a breath.

It's a date.


A/N: messy story is messy but heyyy if there's anyone out there please let me know if negitoro is still a thing? thanks :D

thanks for reading!