Wrong
The girl I like
My heart is pounding like a prisoner in the solitary confinement of my rib cage as he types out the end of his statement.
Is you
I read the text.
I exhale.
My heart speeds up in my chest, growing more and more ravenous for information.
Shakily, I write out a reply, trying to conceal the rising panic creeping up my spine.
...really? XD
My thumb flies to the blue arrow before I have a chance to reconsider my words. Am I being rude? Is the emoticon too lighthearted? Am I leading him on?
The three grey dots mutate into another message.
Yeah, you Miku
I think
Maybe I'm at an equilibrium? I don't know
I inhale and my heart starts to slow.
He's...at an equilibrium. He doesn't know whether he likes me or not.
I should feel relieved at the thought that he might not like me; without feelings, there is no heartbreak, no awkwardness, no change in the relationship.
Isn't that what I want?
...Then why does his indecisiveness pang in my chest? Am I not good enough for him? Is he playing a joke on me?
Another notification pops up on my screen from someone else, and I feel my chest tighten with a feeling I know so, so well, yet still cannot place. I tap it open.
Did you find out who Kaito likes yet?
My thumbs hover over the keys. Once upon a time, texting her was so easy, so free, so natural.
When did I start dreading her words?
A different notification pops up and my movements fall to a stop. Do I tell her? Why shouldn't I tell her? She's my best friend, she knows what I should do, right?
I type slowly.
It's me.
Her reply is almost instantaneous.
Yesss I knew he liked you! What are you going to tell him?
I know exactly what I should tell him: I'm sorry, but I don't think I like you like that. No, I don't need to think it over, I'm sure.
I don't know...
I bite my lip as I look over the message. I hesitate before adding on something else.
Maybe I should give him a try?
My words have been sent into the void, with no way to take them back.
Luka knows me better than I know myself. Her advice wouldn't lead me astray, right?
Yessss girl :D let me know how it goes ;)
I blink at her reply. She thinks I should do it? Go out with Kaito?
The uncomfortable, heavy feeling in my throat worsens. A wave of apathy washes over me.
Without a second thought, I enter the other chat and type out four words.
I like you too.
I quickly re-enter mine and Luka's chat and tell her what I did.
I told him I liked him too.
Luka doesn't reply as fast this time, which gives me an unwanted chance to think over my words. Why am I telling her this? Does she need to know everything I do? How do I want her to react to this?
The longer she takes to reply, the more I feel the regret bubbling in my stomach. It's not him I should text with those four words, it's-
She replies.
Good! This'll be a fun experience for you
How about if I don't want to experience it with him? How about if I want to experience it with someone else?
...you sure?
This is the last chance. She needs to stop me now. I am making a mistake. Stop me...please, stop me.
Her words are crushing.
Definitely :D maybe we can go on a double date once I get that fit guy from the coffee shop's number ;)
...Ah. So she has her own crush.
With nothing left to lose, I leave her chat and open his. My thumbs work on autopilot.
Hey, let's go for coffee tomorrow.
I suck in a breath.
It's a date.
A/N: messy story is messy but heyyy if there's anyone out there please let me know if negitoro is still a thing? thanks :D
thanks for reading!
