Though I insisted against it, Kaname-san and Homura-chan assisted in dinner preparations. Even Sakura-san made herself useful by staying out of the way. While Nagisa and Kaname-san helped me in the kitchen, Homura-chan set the table. She brought out an embroidered white cloth from a closet to replace my regular coloured linen. It was not the first time she had done so, but I could never understand her reasons for it. And she always offered to bring the white linen to the laundry after use. When I asked why, she said, "It is a matter of discipline. If one is going to use soiled linen, one might as well start with coloured tablecloth. But white linen must always be spotless."

I then felt somewhat ashamed at myself, for I was such a careless person who would use coloured tablecloth to hide stains but still pretend to be fastidious. Somewhat spiteful, I asked her, "Why put out white linen in the first place then, if it's that much hassle?"

She only said, "It is a matter of discipline."

"So you prefer white linen?"
"Not to say that I like or dislike it. I just find it pleasing for white cloths to be clean."
"Couldn't you leave it unused? It can't get dirty if you don't use it."
"But it does. White cloths eventually yellow. Dust gathers. Beauty is fleeting. It is all a matter of discipline. I like to maintain purity. I don't know how I can better explain it. Maybe I just like things to be tidy."

Indeed, Homura-chan was a very tidy person and least to say, extremely disciplined.

I remarked about the matter to Kaname-san and told her I found this trait of Homura-chan's admirable. She giggled and began excitedly.

"Mm, sou, sou! Her study is always in perfect order, but she never pays attention to her clothes. And she never stocks up on groceries. It's almost like she's a monk. Sometimes I wonder how she's been living so far."

Homura-chan, who had overheard us, said, "Again, it is a matter of discipline. And I am living each day to the fullest. Isn't that what's more important?" And then, she laughed.

What she meant by "a matter of discipline", I did not know. Neither, it seemed, did Kaname-san. Perhaps she meant to say that she was intensely conscious of purity and beauty, or perhaps she meant that her discipline amounted to a strict policing and consequent distrust of her own person.

Then, Homura-chan laid out the bowls, plates, and utensils in a regular arrangement. Kaname-san also assisted her halfway through, but her earnest efforts seemed slipshod in comparison.

That evening, I sat with Nagisa, opposite Sakura-san, and we found ourselves facing the shining nightscape. Homura-chan and Kaname-san sat between us, by either side of the coffee table.

"Mami-san, it's almost your last summer vacation in middle school," Kaname-san said, "and then you'll be in high school. Omedetou." She smiled but I could not muster up any cheer for her, mainly because entrance exams were still looming in the distance. At some point, I could not rest for a day without vaguely wondering if I had really worked hard enough to deserve it. Though I knew I was burning myself out, I could not help myself. With every indulgence I took, guilt chased me like a phantom.

Furthermore, Kaname-san's tone of voice was not as bright as I would have expected. She did smile, but it was such a smile that was neither wistful for my departure nor hopeful for the future. It seemed to convey, "All I can do is smile for you."

Having trouble reciprocating the gesture, I lowered my head as if to begin reminiscing.

"It's only been a few months since we met, but it feels like so much has happened," I said.
"What will you be doing in the holidays though, Mami-san?"
"I suppose, studying above all."
"Eh? This isn't uni prep, y'know?" Sakura-san said, "You've got good grades already. Just enjoy the holidays while y' still can."
"I expected nothing less from someone like you. You'll understand where I'm coming from next year."
"What do you intend to do next year though?" Kaname-san asked again.
"I'll see. Most probably go to our affiliated high school."

Though I was uncertain, I did my best to sound like I was convinced about my choice. It was, in part, to assuage my growing unease of not knowing where I wanted to go.

We then discussed everyone's plans for the summer holidays and I suggested a trip to the sea on Marine Day, befitting of the occasion. Everyone agreed. I asked Kaname-san if she could relay the news to Miki-san and inform us of her decision. Before accepting, she cast a brief glance to Sakura-san. She was still busy eating away and seemed to have missed the conversation.

After we cleared the table, Kaname-san served dessert.

"I tried to make some ice-cream. Homura-chan helped out a lot though, otherwise it definitely wouldn't have turned out well," she said.

As I was eating, I thought to myself: so, this is what Kaname-san's cooking will be like once she improves more. I had more helpings of ice-cream than was prudent.

"Mami-senpai, you've been writing letters lately?" Kaname-san asked. I had taken out five bean bags for each of us. She was leaning against one while loosely hugging a leg.

"But only to Nagisa's grandmother," I replied.
"How do you do it though? Letter writing, I mean."

Homura-chan also seemed quite curious about the subject, setting her teacup down and craning her head towards me slightly.

"It depends on the style of writing you're using and what you're trying to convey, I suppose."
"What if it's something like a confession?"
"Oh!" Sakura-san yelped, "Oh, ho, ho – Madoka has fallen for someone? What sort of person? How? When? Why?"

Kaname-san, however, waved down Sakura-san's teasing without fluster and proceeded to explain herself.

"Eh? Mou, Kyouko-chan, I mean, it's just been getting popular in school lately, and everyone's writing them, so, that's all."
"But you haven't denied that you like someone right? Right, right? Doki doki wayo? C'mon, tell us~"
"Leave it be, Sakura Kyouko," Homura-chan said, "Tomoe-san, you were saying?"
"Ah, yes. Confessions, personal letters… though I've never written any like that, maybe you should just be honest and sincere? I think that ought to be enough."

Though it seemed like my advice was of little help to her, Kaname-san thanked me graciously. Homura-chan too seemed to dwell on the topic long after it was over.

"And how will the both of you be spending your summer holidays?"
"I think I'll be staying at home mostly," said Kaname-san, "I can't think of anything I'd rather do right now. But it will get a bit lonely."

As she said this, I happened to see Homura-chan's pained smile.

"When that happens, why don't you just come over to my place? Visitors are always welcome," I said, "You too, Akemi-san. Drop by whenever you'd like."
"I will probably be unavailable throughout the summer holidays, unfortunately."
"Over?"
"I'll probably be going away somewhere. If I do, I'll remember to send you a memento or souvenir."
"Where do you think you might go?"

With a strange grin on her face, she said, "I really don't know."

Kaname-san looked up at her and opened her mouth, as if to tell her something, but she turned back front and said to me, "Take care of yourself, Mami-san. I hope the summer won't be too bad." It struck me as a great irony that amidst torrential rains, we were fretting over hot weather.

Eventually, Homura-chan and Kaname-san left my apartment slightly over half past 10. They both seemed to have something to do together, but I did not ask them what it was exactly.

As we were about to rise, Homura-chan asked, "Speaking of which, how is Nagisa's grandmother faring?"

I told her that she should still be well, given that her letters never touched on her health or any discouraging news.

"Still, be careful. If her symptoms become too visible, it might well be too late. It is best if she has regular check-ups and goes for dialysis."
"But there aren't any hospitals in the vicinity, and she finds dialysis too expensive."
"In that case, take good care of her. She might not have much time left. You cannot serve your parents beyond the grave."

Not knowing what to say, I had been smiling uneasily.

"Either way," I said, "her disease is incurable. Worrying will not accomplish anything."
"Is it too late?" Kaname-san asked.

I did not know what to tell her. In my place, Homura-chan answered.

"There is no such thing as 'too late'."
"You think she can get better?"
"She can. But we can only prolong our lives for so long. And even if we could…"

At that, Kaname-san lowered her eyes, as if dejected. I too began to feel sad over Nagisa's grandmother's fate.

To cheer her up, I told her, "The only thing I can do for her now is to make her as happy as I can."

"Mami-san," she said, "you're a strong person." And she smiled at me warmly.
"Oh, no. Not at all," I replied with a tinge of bitterness. Kaname-san seemed to take it as modest speech.

Then Homura-chan suddenly turned to Kaname-san.

"Madoka, do you think you will die before me?"
"Eh? Why?"
"Why? It just came to mind. Will you die before me, or will I die before you? I have a family history after all. So maybe I will go first."
"Maybe. How can we tell? But you do have a health condition."
"In that case, wouldn't you say I'm most probably going to die first?"
"That's not true. You're different."
"How so?"
"You're strong. I'm sure you'll outlive me because of that."
"Really?"
"Of course."
"Still, I am only human. All too human."

Homura-chan deliberately looked at me when she said that.

"But if I die first," she continued, "what will you do?"
"Mou, Homura-chan, meanie. I mean, I don't know. What will I do...?"

Kaname-san hesitated. For a moment, she seemed afraid. But when she looked up again, she had become cheerful again.

"What will I do? Why, what do you expect me to do?" she said lightheartedly. I shall simply tell myself that 'death comes to old and young alike,' as the saying goes. And, 「even the blossoming flowers will eventually scatter...」"