Chapter Twenty-Nine

The tunnel was another bend away, and then it would be ten minutes till London. With one more sigh, I straightened my back and stood, changing quickly out of my robes and into the sweater from Cassi's mum and a pair of jeans. Cassi strolled back into the cart and changed as well; Pandora and Yumi were in different carts, Pandora with Xeno and Yumi with a few members of the quidditch team.

"What's wrong with you?"

Cassi's question surprised me. I met her eyes, trying to keep my own inner heartache out of my expression. "What do you mean?" But even I could hear how listless I sounded.

"You've been moping since Friday. It's break, you're usually excited by now. What's wrong?"

I shook my head, turning my eyes to the window. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Will you tell me later?"

"Not likely."

"It's Sirius, isn't it?"

I looked up in shock. "What makes you say that?"

"You haven't spoken to him or mentioned him this whole trip. You keep starting to say something, and then stopping and getting sad. What happened at that Christmas party?"

I looked back out the window. "He was really romantic, and then we walked under mistletoe that he put there, and… And he didn't want to kiss me."

"What?"

I met her eyes and shrugged. "It's fine, Cassi, really. I needed something to prompt me to get over him anyway. That worked for it."

"Hazel-"

"No. It's done, it's over with."

"You cared for him so much, though."

I shook my head. "And I shouldn't have. You told me that from the start."

She sighed. "You're right, but that was before I saw how upset you are without him."

"I'll be okay; there are other blokes."

Cassi looked at me with a surprised smile. "Who are you thinking of?"

"No one for certain yet," I lied, and Cassi caught on to it. The truth was I was still thinking of Sirius, but I so adamantly didn't want to talk about it that I was willing to fabricate a crush for her to dwell on.

"Ooh, I bet it's Bartram, or- or Remus! It's Remus, isn't it?"

"Maybe," I said, and she grinned.

"I knew it! You two are perfect for each other- you're both smart and rule-following, and- oh! That's why you were so defensive about Gryffindors! I've been blind the whole time…"

She carried on about how Remus was perfect for me and I for him, not knowing even half the truth of the matter. I only hoped she would keep this between us; the last thing I needed was for Remus to awkwardly confront me about it. I excused myself from the cart and traveled down to the Gryffindor compartment. The Marauders were split into two groups; in one cart, Sirius and Peter sat with a couple of other Gryffindors, and farther down, Lily and James sat with Remus. I entered that cart and sat next to Remus.

"Hazel!" Lily greeted me. "We're almost to London, what are you doing down here?"

"I wanted to get my hugs in now, before I left."

"Good," James said, " I needed to talk to you anyway."

"About what?"

He leaned forward some, and then glanced toward the door. I followed his gaze to see Sirius approach the door, look at me, and then shake his head and stride off. "That," James answered.

I sat back. "What?"

"Since the Christmas party, you and Sirius both have been… Weird. He won't talk about it; he just says it's fine."

I felt confused and startled by this, and barely managed to babble, "I don't- why is he upset? He's the one who walked us to the mistletoe, and then said he didn't want to kiss me. I should be upset about this, not him."

"You haven't spoken to him since, though."

Lily elbowed James, her green eyes flashing at him. "James, can't you see? She's upset about it. Clearly, Hazel's unhappy about Sirius rejecting her, and that's why she refuses to speak to him."

"It isn't like the bloke hates her, though-"

"But unrequited love is incredibly painful," Lily said quietly, but not quietly enough. I stood abruptly and left without a word; I would explain when I returned, or not, I didn't care right now. I just didn't want to listen to Lily and James gossip about how pathetic I am. And besides, what right had she to speak of the "pain of unrequited love", when she was the subject of it herself? Severus had been in love with her for years, it seemed, and she had never given him the time of day, instead preferring the snobbish James Potter.

I had just reached the Ravenclaw compartment again when Remus caught me and pulled me into a hug, saying, "Sirius is a daft tit sometimes. Don't let it get you down."

"He fancies any girl who isn't me, Remus. It's hard not to be affected by that."

"You aren't just any girl, Hazel," Remus reminded me, and I sighed, withdrawing from his hug. I felt a small smile grow.

"Thanks, Remus. You're a good friend."

The same smile mirrored on his face, he nodded. "As are you. Now, go home and drink some cider and forget about the utterly brainless Gryffindor boy who doesn't know what's good for him."

I chuckled softly and nodded. "Sure thing, Remus. Have a good break."

He hugged me once more and then pulled away, returning to the Gryffindors as I did to Cassi.

It was going to be a long break.

"Mum!"

Leaving Cassi's mother's car behind, I raced forward and embraced my mother, holding her close to me. My mother held me in return; I could tell by the way she squeezed my shoulder that she knew something was wrong, but that would be dealt with later.

"Oh, I missed you!" She greeted me, and then pulled back. "Let's get your stuff inside; I've got quail soup on the stove and that good honey-wheat bread you like."

I nodded and brought my luggage inside, leaving it just inside the living room and joining Mum in the dining room to eat. She asked a million questions, and I told her of all my adventures so far this term, including the people they involved. She knew I wasn't a troublemaker but also that I liked to have my adventures. She finally asked the question I knew she had been wanting to ask:

"So, you have yet to tell me about this Sirius fellow who keeps showing up in your letters. Who is he?"

At that, I finally wilted, confessing everything, even admitting some things I hadn't yet told myself. It was more than I would tell Cassi, or even Sirius; there were some things you could only truly share with your mum, and mine was one of those women who you could talk to like that. It was good to have her around.

When it was all said, night had long since fallen, and I was exhausted. I helped Mum clean, even after her insistence that she let me rest after such a long term, and then wandered toward my room with my trunk. It was good to be home; a wistful sigh carried me through the doorway as I looked at the soft, low-set bed with its patterned quilts and soft blankets, and at the dark cherrywood furnishings and Chinese lanterns hanging from the ceiling and various posters and pictures hanging from the walls. The pinewood floors held no dust, meaning Mum had been coming back in here to keep the room clean, as she did when she missed me. My desk sat centered in the far wall, next to my bed and in front of the window, and on it was a small dark blue package.

I rested my trunk against the wall next to my bookshelf and strode over to the desk, calling out, "Mum, what's this?"

"A package arrived for you just before you got here, sweetheart. Forgot to mention that."

"Yes, you did," I murmured as I saw who the sender was.

Sirius.

Against my own inner wishes, I set down the package and changed into a soft gray nightgown that fell to my thighs, and let my hair down from the high ponytail I had worn it in all day. It was good to be able to relax finally. I laid down in my bed, turning out my lanterns, and tried to sleep.

But after hours of tossing and turning, I finally stood and traveled to my desk. Right as I touched the package, I heard a soft whisper in my head:

Hazel. Please, get your magic parchment.

My eyes closed as a breath of pain washed through me, and I exhaled slowly. Why is he awake at this hour? And how did he know I am, too? My eyes drifted down to where I had forgotten to remove the ring he had given me; as mad as I was, I was still wearing it, out of some kind of bittersweet heartache, or otherwise insane masochism, I couldn't tell which. Knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, I turned on a few of the lanterns and found my parchment and looked to see he had already written on it:

I'm sorry. I said something the other night that didn't come out how I meant it to. Please talk to me.

Grabbing a muggle pen, I wrote back:

Give me some time, Sirius. I'll speak with you after the break, or possibly at James' house if I can make it there.

Hazel…

I really do mean that it was simply a misunderstanding. In the moment, I panicked. I couldn't think of the right words. I can't think of them now-

Go to bed. I am.

-and I understand why you're angry, I only wish you would speak with me.

At that, I faltered some, and then quickly scrawled,

I'm not angry. I'll talk to you after the break. I want to be friends again.

"Mischief managed."

A/N: LET THE ANGST BEGIN.

We're on Mardi Gras break for the week, so expect more constant updates. Thanks for reading!