Me: Reporting for duty!
Poseidon: What duty?
Me: The duty of being an author sir!
Percy: Did you sign up for military school?
Me: NO… Like I would be into machine guns and hand grenades…yeah right
Percy (crossing of hand grenades in the 'gifts for the author' list): DAMMIT…
Me: A GIFT? FOR ME? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!
Percy (muttering): You're right, I shouldn't have. Now I have to tell my suppliers to take back the batch of hand grenades I ordered...
Me: You're kidding right? Anyways who would you order them from? Your buddy Alex Rider?
Percy (disgusted): We do not talk about fictional characters from other books, especially nosy teenagers who should've died about a million times but due to sheer luck-
Annabeth: Stop hating on Alex Rider! In Alex Rider fanfiction they might just start hating on PERCY JACKSON and his gang of half blood kids who have dyslexia and ADHD!
Percy: You're not my mother!
Annabeth: No, I'm not but I am your super smart girlfriend and unless you don't want to be kissed by another girl for 50 years, I suggest you stop this right now!
Percy: Okay, okay…
Me: How do you go through with that threat I wonder?
Percy: Empty threats? Annabeth…that's just unbelievable!
Annabeth (looking really evil): If it's a war you want… it's a war you shall have…
Luke (strolling in casually): If you don't want me to tell everyone about your little crush I suggest you remain peaceful…
*Annabeth pales*
Me: PHEW… saved by Luke…
Percy: What crush? Please tell me… PLEASE…
Luke: Don't worry man… just a cartoon character.
Nico di Angelo squealed. This was the moment he had being waiting for...
Percy looked over on his left and looked Nico in the eye, "Your turn mate," he said and smiled. Although Nico was no longer twelve, he still seemed somehow unloved and vulnerable.
Nico jumped up and down. He started laughing in a very maniacal way and Apollo put a hand on his magically appearing first aid kit just in case.
After awhile he calmed down, "Sorry… Just excited…"
Athena wrinkled her nose, "Titans! It's just a present!"
"I know!" cried Nico, "My very first present… EVER!"
"Aww…" everyone sighed sympathetically and then turned their gazes onto Hades.
"What?" shrugged Hades, "Not my fault!"
"Here, have my New Age (Funky) Parenting Handbook," said Hermes, "It helped me, and I think it'll help you." Hades raised an eyebrow. I've been having kids way before you were even born, he thought, now I am the NEW parent?
Instead he just smirked.
"Demigods aren't easy to raise after all," Hermes continued helpfully, "After they've grown up a bit, when they're teenagers, then this book really helps. When they start to blame you for EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HAPPENS…"
Hermes handed the book to Hades. Hades took the book cautiously and mused, "You know Hermes, you're full of handbooks…"
"Hmm," agreed Hermes, "as a matter of fact I do…"
"SHUSH," Athena…ugh shushed and said in a friendly voice, "It's your turn Nico."
Nico tore through his gold wrapping paper and in his excitement he received a little paper cut. Blood started to ooze.
Apollo rushed to his side (could have been romantic if it were a girl) and started to wipe the blood off. Meanwhile Hades started to recite in falsetto, "Ohh, paper cut, HURR (heavy breathing), crash bang…"
Zeus turns around, frowning at Hades, "What was that?"
Hades ignores him and continues, " HURR, HURR (more heavy breathing). What happened with Jasper, that was nothing…"
"Oh… "Thalia nods, "New Moon right?"
Hades smiled, "Yeah, how did you know?"
"I know you like vampires…"
Zeus and Poseidon both did double-takes, "Vampires in love as well?"
Hades looked like a cornered animal, "Bianca forced me okay?"
Bianca glared at them all, "Hey!"
But before she could continue, Athena stepped in, indicating that Nico should continuing opening his present.
Everyone calmed down.
Gently this time, Nico tore open the paper and gazed inside. Everyone held their breath, waiting to see what he had received.
Nico's eyes turned to the size of saucers and he started to smile (in fact he smiled for awhile). He held up the Metallica T-shirt and hugged it. He loved black…and Metallica (he kept playing it so loud in the Underworld that George Washington proposed a formal complaint) and he looked around the room for his secret Santa.
After awhile Clarisse put her hand up and sighed, "Yes, OKAY. It was me." Silence followed that comment. Clarisse turned red and continued gruffly, "There's still one more present in the package…"
Just then, a lot of people said different things at the same time,
Annabeth said, "Clarisse, I didn't know you could be so cool!"
Hermes whispered, "Touche,"
Hades smacked his lips sheepishly, "A Metallica T-shirt? Was that all he ever wanted? PSHH!"
Ares just grunted.
Then Nico's eyes fell on the paper thin guitar lying on the floor in front of him. This was the real deal and he'd missed it…
"Guitar Hero?" he asked incredulous
"Yup," nodded Clarisse grimly, "It's got all the rock and heavy metal songs you like,"
Nico's eyes shone and he ran over to Clarisse and pulled her into a hug, "You're the man," he cried.
Ares' eyes widened in shock, nobody ever hugs Clarisse… except maybe that boy… Chris Rodriguez.
Clarisse just hugged right back. Nico's cool enough and after all it is Christmas.
Athena, sitting next to Nico was about to open her own but then Aphrodite piped in, "Hey Nico, what about your play?"
"Play?" asked Hades, "I could do with some drama!"
Soon everyone except Nico and Bianca and Zeus were egging them on to perform. Nico turned a shade of green. He had totally forgotten about the play but as everyone seemed so hooked he had no choice but to try and make something up. After all it was his idea in the first place and he and Bianca are responsible Hades' kids who take responsibilities for their actions… RIGHT?
He sighed and stood up, "Bianca? Do you still have everything?"
Bianca being a super organised ghost took out a large recyclable shopping bag and said, "All here."
Zeus who loved professional, organised and sophisticated entertainment frowned. These were not his kids. They seem utterly and hopelessly lost. It's going to suck.
He stared at the ceiling and waited for it to be over.
Hades seemed excited, "Poseidon, do the honours will you?"
Poseidon seemed confused, "Er what honours?"
Hades sighed, "THE STAGE of course!"
Poseidon waved his hand. BAM. A Stage.
Hades sighed again, "Props?" he questioned,
Poseidon beckoned Nico over and whispered in his ear, "What props?"
Nico whispered back and Poseidon waved his hand. BAM. POOF. Props.
Hades leaned back, satisfied, then jumped up all of a sudden, "What about the popcorn?"
Poseidon gave him the evils and blasted him in the face with sea water straight out of the Arctic Ocean. Hades made a face and turned to Kronos to make his plans into reality but before he could get anywhere, two kids stood on the stage in the spotlight. Hades aborted the plan and watched the show instead.
"Hello!" cried Bianca, "I'm the narrator and I'm here to tell you the lovely story of sleeping beauty," she was wearing a long ruby coloured dress.
There were a few sighs from the audience.
Ares rolled his eyes in sync with Zeus.
"Once up a time-"started Bianca but before she got anywhere, Nico interrupted coming on in Chuck Talyors and skinny jeans, " Once upon a time… They always start with that don't they?"
Bianca frowned, "Who are you?" she asked,
"I," said Nico, "am Adam, the modern narrator, the better narrator,"
"You," sneered Bianca, "are ruining MY story…"
"Well," shrugged Nico, "continue then," and he mock-bowed,
Bianca turned back to the stage. Oh no, she thought, I really don't like impromptu… But she continued anyway:
"Once upon a time in a far, far away land lived a beautiful queen and a kind and welcoming king who were loved by all in their kingdom…" (This was actually from their original script)
Nico (or should I say Adam) continued being pessimistic and downright annoying, "Come on, in those ages everyone wanted to over throw the king…" he criticised. (This was also on the original script. So much for not being prepared huh?)
"Can one talk?" asked Bianca annoyed
"Yes, do go on," replied Nico (opps, I mean Adam).
Luke suddenly popped onstage and walked across really slowly with the sign :
ACT 1, The palace
He was so slow that Zeus yelled impatiently, "Yes we can all read it!
Me: I nearly forgot the play... I wonder how many readers can still remember...
Percy: Hmm probably all of them?
Me: REALLY? THEY WOULD? So it's not that random after all?
Percy: Nope.
Me: Sad...
Percy: Yeah well...
Me: I thought you guys were my friends... My homies...
Clarisse: Who's your 'Homies'?
Me: You guys...
*Awkward silence*
Me: Okay... so everyone hates me now... GREAT...
Annabeth: Aww don't dispair, I'm you're friend...
Me: Why are we talking like we're in some high school soap opera that goes on for 10 years?
Everyone else: Touche...
Zeus: Let's talk in French!
Aphrodite: Now we're talkin'. I love French!
*Zeus and Aphrodite converse in French*
*We look on in dispair*
Me: Hey what does 'Merci' mean again?
Apollo *looking up on Google translate; Thank you...
Me: Oh...
*Silence*
Percy: What about Bonjour?
*Everyone faints*
