AN: So a fun little chapter! Yay!
Reviews: I really don't feel up to answering them all -_-'. I'll be honest, I'm being lazy, but most of them are the 'great chapter, great story, I loved this, blah blah blah' generic stuff, so not much to say but THANKS! xD (thanks to: writergurl616, LionLover190, Rockubyebaby, Ryen Selenity Caliburn, Autobot Firekat, SkyHighFan, Fk306 animelover, shadowdog18)
Sidenote: shadowdog18 mentioned Soundwave's voice in TF:RotF movie. I can't remember where, but I saw something funny because of how they did Soundwave in the movie so...
Soundwave: He's floatin' in ur orbit, rapin' ur satellites!
Chapter 29
Tickle me Barricade
"So we can all just talk and hear each other?" Epps voice came through to Soundwave, Optimus Prime, Ratchet, Barricade, Bumblebee, and Jazz.
"Affirmative. Comm link: Can connect even with me in Canada, several in NEST base in Nevada, and some on way to Canada." Soundwave replied.
Jazz snorted, playfully tailgating Bumblebee. "So, Soundwave, where are Sam and Miles? Ah ain't heard them ye'."
Though Barricade and Bumblebee had tried to leave right away Ratchet had made them wait long enough to make sure that Barricade's reattached arm would work fine enough for the trip, and that he could temporarily fix Bumblebee's vocals. He had threatened the Scout in to silence for the first few hours, so all Bumblebee could do in retaliation to Jazz's tailgating was play an angry song.
They had currently been driving since late December 24th, and now it was early December 25th. Ratchet made good use of his sirens, though there were few out on this day anyway
"Out shopping for warmer clothes. And something to do with 'Holiday Spirit'. Query: What is Holiday Spirit?"
"That," Barricade drawled, "Means you are going to be doomed very soon. I would suggest holing up somewhere and hiding."
"Soundwave: Not convinced." Soundwave replied, his disbelief drifting through to everyone else.
"You should be, Soundwave." Epps laughed, before groaning. "Damn it, Prowl! You sunk my battle ship!" They could hear Prowl give a little chuckle, and if Ratchet had optics in his alt mode he would of rolled them.
"Will's facing down the femme's, and you two are playing battle ship?" Ratchet asked, incredulous. Sure, this could be expected from Epps. But Prowl, too? "Shouldn't you be helping?"
"You yourself left just to avoid being the one to tell them that we're going to get their offspring without getting them first." Prowl responded, not guilty in the least.
"Femme's?" Soundwave asked before Ratchet could manage an angry retort.
Optimus drove closer to Ratchet for a moment, softly scraping his side with a rear view mirror. This took quite a bit of good manuevering on his part, his alt form was rather large, and he didn't want to run anyone off the road in the process. He got an indignant flash of the lights in return, and internally grinned. "Samual and Miles' mother's. Elizabeth Lancaster, Miles', and Judy Witwicky, Sam's. They are both formidable in their own right. As scary as any creator with a sparkling endangered."
"Ackno-" A pause as a new sound entered the room with Soundwave, and Orion could be heard tweeting happily. "Greetings Miles. Where are the others?"
"Hey Wavey, tree or Santa?"
"Designation: So-Oh, forget it. Query: Explain question further before decision is to be made."
There was a sudden silence among the travelling group of Cybertronians as they started to listen in more intently. They couldn't hear anything from Epps or Prowl either, and Optimus imagined they were listening in just as intently. Or Epps was, anyway.
"Just answer the question. It's either one or the other. Tree or Santa?"
A pause, and they could just tell Soundwave was deciding whether to answer or not.
Finally, "Tree." was heard, though it was said with extreme wariness.
"Alright." Shuffling noises. "GUYS HE WANTS TREE. MOBILIZE."
Then came the sound of running feet and peds, as well as the beat of wings. Then Sam's voice, "Ratbat, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, go!"
The sounds of flying, struggling, metal scraping concrete, metal scraping metal, and Orion laughing madly. The sparkling was obviously enjoying the show, and the four Autobots and one Neutral wished they were there already to see it as well.
"Cassetticons: Explain!" Soundwave could be heard, voice long gone from the normal monotone to confused and wary.
"We're just getting you into the season, Wavey!" Sam laughed. "That's it, back him in the corner! He won't fight if it might squish any of us."
And for five minutes they listened to the sounds of the one sided battle before Soundwave apparently gave in, resigning himself to his fate. There was triumphant cheering, and even more sounds, before it all became quiet. Then there was laughter.
"Told you." Barricade said, his smirk evident in his voice.
"Barry?" Miles asked, at the same time Sam went, "Cade?"
"You never told them that we were doing this?" Optimus laughed. "We're on an open comm link, Samual, Miles. Between myself, Ratchet, Barricade, Jazz, and Bumblebee, who are currently driving to your position, and the control room back on base. Currently only Prowl and Epps are in the control room."
"Well then... You heard Soundwave's spectacular defeat." Sam snickered.
"Soundwave: Betrayed by creations. Fight: Unfair." It almost sounded like he was pouting.
Barricade growled a bit, "Honestly, where were you all those years I was with the 'cons? You go from stick in aft to this?"
"Ravage says he likes non-stick up aft Wavey, Barry." Miles replied, and they could hear him moving around.
"As do we all." Optimus chuckled. "It is good that he feel relaxed enough to show more of his... inward personality. As Barricade has begun to do."
Miles smirked up at Soundwave, taking in the 'cons new look. He had plastic ornaments, popcorn strings, mistletoe on his forehead, christmas lights, and silver and gold garlands covering his arms, legs, and torso. There was a few lengths of garland wrapped around his neck, too.
"Query: Statis upon entering Autobot NEST base?" Soundwave asked, not even looking down at Miles, Sam, Orion, or his cassetticons anymore.
"I labeled myself as a Decepticon Neutral for the duration of my stay there. Still technically Decepticon, but not a threat to the Autobots." Barricade replied, and then paused. "Though I'm fully Neutral now."
"Woah, what?" Sam asked, confused. "What happened?" He knew Orion had been kidnapped, but was unsure of everything else.
"After you get your arm ripped off by a former comrade it just isn't the same." Barricade said dryly.
Ratchet could be heard snorting, "And then you proceeded to use your own fragging arm to beat the mech and use as a shield. I swear to Primus Prime, you are giving him back his weapons. If he has any reason to do that again I am offlining his glitched aft."
Miles started to laugh, plopping down on the ground by Orion. The sparkling was playing with a few toys that they had been able to buy for him, currently batting a bouncy ball back and forth between his servos. "Do I want to know the rest?"
"Just don't ask. Just. Don't. Ask." Bumblebee played a soundclip from the radio, adding a happy click here and there to show his amusement.
"Okay, I don't think I want to know the rest." Sam laughed as well, shaking his head.
"Sam, Miles, I got my leg broke and now we have this really cool electronic wheelchair made by Jack!" Epps came on, sounding excited. "This baby can go so fast, you have to try it out when you get back."
"Epps, that is not a playtoy." Prowl scolded. "It is meant to help while you are unable to move about as efficiently."
"But Prowlll," Epps whined, dragging out the 'l' sound for extra effect.
"No."
"Ah'm sorry, sounds like Prowler's gone and whipped yah purdy good since Ah left." Jazz laughed over the link. "Prowler, he's mah Charge, if yah want one to fuss o'er so bad go sign up for a new one."
Sam caught what had been said, and glanced over at Miles. Miles was too busy cooing over Orion to bother paying attention to the fact that Prowl was apparently no long his Guardian. He snorted softly, and couldn't help but think if it wasn't Barricade he was somehow going to find a way to kick the mech's aft.
"Query: Approximate time until reaching destination?" Soundwave asked. Somehow he was just not wanting to deal with the teens and his Cassetticons again.
"Oh, I'd say a couple more hours. Then the boys can be examined by Ratchet, and then be handed over to their Guardians." Optimus replied, though he seemed to stress guardians a little.
That was when Miles seemed to catch on, and Sam watched his friend freeze in the motion of rolling Orion's ball back to him. Ravage sat beside Soundwave, though the cat mech looked amused. Soundwave looked as monotone as ever, Laserbeak and Buzzsaw just didn't care, Ratbat looked curious, and Orion was oblivious. Then Miles got a big cheesy grin on his face.
"Awww, someone's getting a hug when they get here!" Miles practically cooed over the link. This caused Sam and Epps to start laughing, and Bumblebee himself accidentally knocked in to Barricade while his entire frame was shaking with laughter.
Barricade growled, "You can take your Primus forsaken hug and shove it up your aft!"
"Oh, speaking of shoving things up afts... Excuse me while I go on a private link with Soundwave and the others for a minute." Ratchet flashed his headlights, before doing just that, cutting Bumblebee, Optimus, Jazz, and Barricade out of the link.
"How does shoving thing up afts remind him of something?" Epps pondered, then paused. "Actually I really, really, don't want to know."
"Okay." Was all Ratchet said before he fixed it so they were all on. Sam could be heard laughing harder than normal.
"Oh," Sam wheezed, "I can't tell if this will be great or horrible."
The sound of Soundwave venting lightly, "Assumption: Both."
"Someone just better take a video." Ratchet grinned, or would have if he was in bipedal form. Even an old mech like him had a few tricks up their sleeves.
"Ravage: Offers assistance to capture image." Soundwave offered for his creation.
Slowly, Optimus fell back from his spot beside Ratchet so he was trailing next to Jazz, with Bumblebee and Barricade behind them. The Prime couldn't help but be a little worried when it came to Ratchet doing something.
"Ratchet," He said softly, "As your Prime, I order you to tell me what you told them."
Ratchet sighed, "Of course, sir." A pause. "What you told them."
There was silence for a moment, before Sam, Miles, Bumblebee, Jazz, Epps, and Prowl broke in to laughter. Optimus was befuddled, however, and was just starting to get that he had been duped.
"Ratchet!" Optimus called, a slight warning to his tone.
Ratchet snorted, before turning on his sirens and racing away. Now that he had his secret card to look forward to he wanted to get their as quickly as possible. And it helped that he was getting away from a slightly embarrassed, slightly angry leader.
An hour or two later
Prowl paused in the game of checkers he had started with Epps as he listened to the sounds coming from Soundwave's third of the link. Chains could be heard rattling, as well as the sound of metal wings flapping, and then the occasional joyous laugh.
"Whatever it is that's going on over there, I don't think it sounds safe, Soundwave." He said, slightly hesitant. He knew that the mech was more than capable of handling whatever situation came up, but he also knew that the way humans could behave and put themselves into danger was just slightly startling and unexpected.
"They are almost adults even by their own species' standards. I believe they can look after their own wellbeing."
Epps snorted, "Hasn't been around humans long, has he?"
"I'm afraid not." Prowl vented softly.
Optimus sighed, knowing he only had two legs before his hangman would be dead. "What about an O?"
"Negative." Soundwave's voice drifted out.
Optimus cursed softly, riding beside Ratchet again. The Med-bot was just oozing an amused aura, and Bumblebee and Jazz were taking no precautions in teasing their leader. 'Losing a simple game of hangman to a Decepticon, boss? Wooow.'
"I?"
"Af-Samual, wall is fast approaching." Soundwave called out quickly, trying to save the teen.
"Wha-" And then a hard thunk.
Silence reined for about three seconds, before Ratbat spoke after another thunk was hard. "I think he offlined himself!" The young mech whispered in horror.
"Observation: Need for Cybertronian Guardian is seen." Soundwave replied, sounding calm even as Miles started to laugh his ass off.
"What the frag happened? I have enough work without them causing themselves injury!" Ratchet growled. Optimus was suddenly happy he couldn't get wrenches in alt mode.
Miles was trying to answer, but he was laughing too hard. Soundwave answered instead, almost hesitant in doing so. "You do not really wish to know, Medic. Samual is fine."
They could hear Sam groan just as Miles stopped laughing, and Bumblebee visibly relaxed on his wheels.
"Hey Sammie, how do y-Ow! What the Pit was that for?" Miles, the concerned best friend was asking, only to be hit in response. Or so it sounded.
Sam huffed, "For laughing!"
"What?" Miles cried. "Oh, come on! You don't even know I was! I wasn't laughing, was I Wavey!"
"Correction: You were. Query: Is there something wrong with your memory?"
Miles groaned, "No, Wavey, you're supposed to lie for me!"
The six Cybertronians and one human listened in as they went back and forth.
"Two hundred bucks says he ends up somewhat like Prowl, with all his illogical nonsense. Maybe even develops the earth quake glitch." Epps said, grin evident in his voice. Prowl merely made a sniffing noise.
Optimus laughed, "Inquisitive."
There was a pause in the fighting on Soundwave's side. "Slag..."
"Prime: 1, Soundwave: 0. Boss, ya bein' beat by the Prime! Step it up!" Ratbat, the youngest creation, scolded Soundwave.
More hours later (Nevada to Canada is a slagging ROAD TRIP)
Barricade was waiting patiently, or, as patiently as the mech could wait. He was currently glaring at everyone and everything, because he could and for some reason they deserved it, while waiting for Ratchet to get done examining Miles. The very first one to get there had been the Medic, and he had nearly tackled Miles in his rush to check over the teen. Barricade would have found this funny if the med-bot didn't take so long to go over the results by adding rechecks to the rechecks of the rechecks of the tests. To make it worse, he could feel the teen and the medic glance at him every now and then, which put him on edge. Anything involving Miles with a mischievous glint in his eye put Barricade on edge, but add up the Autobot Chief Medical Officer and that just made it worse.
Only Orion and the Cassetticons weren't using holoforms at the moment. Everyone else was just to make the movement that much easier, and so the teens wouldn't have to go outside to freeze just to be checked over.
Jazz, having been the second to reach Soundwave's position, had actually tackled Sam, then proceeded to toss the teen over his shoulder. Bumblebee had tried to take his Charge, but Jazz had started a game of keep away, and Bumblebee had yet to catch the Sabetour. Jazz would sit or stand somewhere with the teen, and Bumblebee would try to sneak up, but then Jazz would run again.
Optimus was talking to Soundwave, and the Cassetticons were playing with Orion. Well, Ratbat, Laserbeak, and Buzzsaw were. Ravage was acting like the annoyed older brother who had to deal with his little siblings.
Miles walked over to his newly appointed Guardian, shivering. Ratchet glared at Barricade, "Warm up your holoform for him." The medbot had asked Miles to delayer himself quite a bit so that his scans wouldn't be disturbed.
Barricade debated between glaring and outright saying no, or glaring and doing it. He decided to go for the last option, expending more energy so his holoform would actually feel warm.
"Thanks, Barry-bear!" Miles grinned, moving closer to the holoform and practically jumping on to it, shoving his hands up under the shirt. Barricade simply rolled his eyes, but froze as the teen started to move his fingers and he felt a feeling he had never felt before.
Not even a minute later Barricade was on the floor, laughing uncontrollably as Miles tickled him, and was desperately attempting to push the teen off, but it wasn't working. Miles was straddling his hips, using his own legs to keep Barricade's from jerking around to knock him off. The only two who didn't freeze and stare was Ratchet and Orion. The Medic simply smirked, and Orion was practically gleeful over the sight, finding it hilarious, and showing this by clapping his servos together and clicking happily. While Soundwave and the Cassetticons had been told with Miles, they didn't understand what Ratchet had meant, and didn't bother finding out as it wasn't directed to them. Sam, even though he knew it could and would happen, was still shocked by the sight. He was the first to get over it though, and started to laugh himself.
"Now, Barricade, I didn't think you'd mind me adding this little feature while you were under in my medbay. You do seem to be enjoying it a lot." Ratchet drawled, smirking, as he walked over to the teen and the holoform on the ground. "It's amazing what your sensors on the holoform can be coded to react to, and you are currently being, as the humans called it, tickled. I did think ahead and triggered a protocal to kick on so you wouldn't send poor Miles flying off whenever he attempted to do this. Right now you're about the strength as he is."
Barricade couldn't manage a response. The whole thing was surprisingly realistic, and it was as close to being tickled as a Cybertronian was ever going to get with a holoform. The reactions were to laugh, and then to attempt to suck in a breath, even though he had no reason to breathe. And even though he was about equally matched to the teen in strength, he couldn't manage to get the teen off long enough to compose himself. Miles was just having too much fun.
"Ratch, could you do this for Bee?" Sam asked, trying to sound innocent.
Jazz snickered as Bumblebee looked at Sam with wide eyes.
"Ratchet, as much as I do enjoy this, I'll have to ask you to not do this without the permission of the given mech again." Optimus scolded lightly.
"Sure thing, sir." Ratchet responded, and it was obvious to everyone that he wouldn't listen. Optimus sighed.
Miles stood up from Barricade, striking a triumphant pose as the holoform twitched and panted, curling into himself a bit. "I win, I defeated Barricade!" This seemed to just make Barricade angry, as the holoform abruptly stood up.
"Like the Pit you did!" Barricade snarled, tackling the teen to the ground and turning the tables on him.
Everyone pretty much ignored the two, though Sam found it hilarious that Cybertronians, or at least ex-cons, didn't know the second definition of the word 'uncle'. Or if he did, Barricade was sure acting like he didn't.
