Disclaimer: - Don't own Bleach or Harry Potter. That would be Kubo Tite and J.K Rowling

Main Premise:- Bleach goes to Hogwarts – Collection of Shorts

Short 29: - Female Excuses

Rukia stood in the middle of a vast, snow covered meadow. The snow flakes slowly drifted upwards off the ground, towards the lone, silvery full moon in the sky. It was always night time in this bizarre, soul-scape, yet the luminescent white snow lit the area in an iridescent wonderland. She had visited this place many times before and each time, she could not contain her happiness.

One by one, from burrows hidden in the folds of soft snow, snow bunnies hopped out excitedly to greet their friend and owner of this world. Kneeling down she allowed the rabbits to approach her and jump onto her lap, her shoulders, her head. In fact they perched any place possible on her tiny frame. She squealed delightedly as she began to pet and play with all the animals.

"Welcome home," a smooth female voice echoed through the atmosphere.

Rukia turned her face upwards to stare at the short, icy white haired woman walking towards her. Her large cloak completely drowning out any semblance of feminine shape, making her look like some sort of white, walking bell. Her only other distinguishing features were her deep ruby eyes and a pair of long, slender bunny ears protruding from her head.

"You… You… How could you, Shirayuki!" Rukia spluttered at her soul representative.

"How could I what?" Sode no Shirayuki replied testily.

"How could you be so cheap!" Rukia soundly punched her in the head.

"CHEAP!" Shirayuki hollered back as she kicked Rukia in the shins. "I was only doing what you felt like doing. It's not my fault, it's yours!"

"MY FAULT! How does that work! You're the one that got pregnant!"

"It only happened because you wanted it to happen!"

The two stood glaring at each other, barely an inch apart at the forehead. The atmosphere thickening by the second as dark rainclouds gathered overhead. Sensing the impending outburst, the bunnies all scattered for the safety of their burrows.

"I… did… not… want… it… to… happen." Rukia enunciated every word defiantly.

"Oh, yes you did!" Shirayuki retorted. "I'm your soul. Of course I know what you're truly thinking under that prim and proper facade you put on."

"FACADE!" Rukia veins bulged as she screamed. "You dare say I put on a facade when you hide your… your… cheapness under that pretend cloak of yours."

Grabbing the front of Shirayuki's cloak, Rukia threw the warm fabric over Shirayuki's shoulder to reveal her shiny, satin white, one piece body suit and her thigh high fishnet stockings and garter. Shirayuki blushed, a little embarrassed, before snappily rebutting Rukia, "Well, I do represent you, you know! All nice and proper on the outside but naughty and adventurous on the inside."

"I am not naughty and definitely not adventurous on any side!"

"Oh?" Shirayuki smirked, unconvinced. "Who was it that said, 'I guess there's other ways to perform magic'? Oh and I do love the tone you chose to use as well."

"That… That… That was an accident!"

"As was this." Shirayuki patted her stomach gently.

"How could that possibly be an accident?" Rukia stammered.

"Well we were both bored, what with you and Ichigo off to some fancy party without us. So we thought we'd have do little dancing to pass time. One thing led to another and, well, let's just say laying down is the only way to stand up in Ichigo's world."

"So you did it in his world?" Rukia asked, shocked. "How could you! How could you go to his place only after the first time you guys have ever met?! How could you be so easy!"

"I was not EASY!" Shirayuki protested loudly. "If you hadn't started feeling all romantic and lovey-dovey, nothing would've happened in here!"

"Oh, so it's my fault now is it?" Rukia asked sarcastically.

"Look!" Shirayuki thumped Rukia soundly on the head. "We were just dancing like you were. But then you started feeling giddy around Ichigo. What you feel, I feel. So when you bare your soul to Ichigo, in here, you literally bare your soul. Then one thing led to another…"

Rukia's eyes narrowed dangerously. "So you magically became naked all of a sudden."

"That's right. Then Zangetsu thought to cover me up with his cloak. I guess we must've got too close, so then…"

"He jumped you?"

"Jumped?"

"He made the first move?" Rukia's expression changed to one of hope.

Shirayuki thought about this for a moment before finally answering the impatient Rukia. "Yes."

"So it's all his fault?"

Shirayuki smirked. An evil idea entered her thoughts. "Damn straight it was all his fault!"

"I thought so!" Rukia jumped up excitedly. Clenching her fist before her she continued, "That Ichigo! I'm going to make him pay! I knew it was all his fault all along!"

"That's right! It's all him and that damn pervert, Zangetsu's fault." Shirayuki happily agreed.

"You just can't trust men to keep their hands to themselves!"

"Especially around a gorgeous woman."

"Bastard! Just because you're naked doesn't mean anything."

"That's right! Damn that Zangetsu! Make him and Ichigo pay!"

"How?"

"It's their fault so make them look after us." Shirayuki pondered how for a moment, "for example, I have a craving-"

"-for prunes!" Rukia interjected.

Smiling, Shirayuki continued the line of thought. "And some chocolate chip cookies."

"And some ice cream with strawberries."

"That's right! That'll teach them! Making us feel sick every morning. The sore nipples, the damned cravings, the bloody mood swings!"

"I'm going to work him like a slave!" Rukia's eyes gleamed mischievously. "What else can we do to them?"

"Hit 'em where it hurts." Shirayuki met Rukia's eyes with a twinkle of her own. "In the wallet!"

"That's right!" Rukia joyfully replied. "I'll make him buy us all those bunny plushies that tight ass, skinflint Ichigo always refused."

"Make sure my wedding ring is expensive, very, very expensive!"

"You bet. After all we both deserve it!"

End

A/N: Sorry this chapter took a while to come out. I've been busy lately and work just started again and it's been draining. Bear with me as I have not given up and am slowly getting back into the rhythm of life after holidays.