The stagehands were putting the finishing touches on the repairs, a remarkable job in such a short time, when Triaxx poked his head out from behind the curtain. "Is it safe to come out yet?"
Jason just nodded, motioning his co-host to get over to him. "Yes, the big bad Mace is gone."
Triaxx sighed with relief as he stepped up to the podium. "So Mace was responsible for everything then? That must mean that Global Justice will keep him locked up for some time, won't it."
"He will be... when GJ captures him."
Triaxx froze instantly, his eyes widening. "You mean they didn't capture him?"
"No, he got away."
"And that doesn't bother you?"
Jason just shrugged. "Not really. He hasn't got me yet."
"No, he hasn't, but he has hit a number of others." Triaxx turned and headed off the stage quickly. "Give me a call when he's locked up."
Jason snagged Triaxx's arm, dragging him back. "Oh quit it. GJ has this place locked up tight. He's not getting back in. Now, do you think you can introduce our next two presenters?"
Triaxx glanced around warily but steeled himself. "Fine. Presenting the award for Most Voted Writer, please welcome Mike Industries and Ino Yamanaka!"
Mike Industries makes his way onto the stage, arm and arm with Ino Yamanaka, both of whom are dressed casually. As they make their way to the podium, a lone figure in the crowd stands up. He places his hands around his mouth, in order to amplify what he is yelling so everyone can hear it.
"Are you two insane? This is a formal event! Where are your formal clothes?" Kwebs yelled at the two presenters, who in return smiled.
"Well Kwebs," Mike started, "Ino and I were talking backstage, and enjoying ourselves when out of no where, Anabri dumped a bucket of grape juice on top of us, ruining our formal clothes for the night. Let's just say I finally got my payback after beating her countless times." Everyone looked at Anabri, who was laughing quietly, celebrating her victory with KT by giving her a high five.
"But why did I have to be included?" Ino asked.
"That's not important Ino. We are here to present an award after all, we should at least do that."
"Hai."
"Ino, please, no Japanese for a little while. Not everyone can understand you."
"Nani?"
"Ino! I said stop!
"Baka!"
Mike sighed, "I'm really sorry everyone. Can we please start the actual presentation now Ino?"
"Fine, Mikey-kun."
Mike chuckled for a few seconds and pulled out a few note cards from his pant's pocket, that appeared to be died purple from the grape juice incident. "As you all know, this award is something special. Presenting this to whoever wins it tonight is something special for me. After presenting the award last year, I had to do this again. To know tonight's winner is that respected enough to receive all these votes is something else."
Ino nodded, "And on top of that, last year your big brother won the award, cpneb! I remember you being very jealous of him."
Mike laughed, "True Ino, however, I have a feeling tonight that he's not going to win this one. For you see, there is one author out there who managed to escape the Classic Cowboy curse this year..."
Ino cut him off, "Ran Hakubi?"
"No Ino! That poor guy needed one more vote in a few categories to make it in! I'm talking about Slyrr, the one author you could vote for Best Original Character Name. Slyrr, that was pure genius how you planned on sweeping a category to at least win one Fannie tonight."
"I didn't plan this!" Slyrr shouted.
"Whatever you say..." Mike replied sarcastically, "So Ino-chan, would be so kind to tell us who the top authors are in the Most Voted Author category?"
"I thought you said no Japanese!" She frowned angrily, glaring at Mike.
Mike returned the glare, "Ino, do your part!"
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cpneb
"...and, now, it's chili for Momma," Ned laughed as he stirred.
"Neddy?" Bonnie came into the room, and Ned dropped the ladle into the chili.
"Bonnie, it's snowing outside!" he almost-shouted, because Bonnie wasn't dressed for winter weather in Colorado.
Bonnie was in her favorite swimsuit: the white one-piece that Rebecca Jane had gotten for her, version 4.0 (Bonnie had worn out the other three, but all, including this one were the same size, "and that vexes me so," Kim had told her the last time that they had decided to put their husbands into drool-spin), complete with the hand-prints in the proper strategic places on the back of the suit.
"So?" Bonnie smirked. "I won't get to wear it this summer, so I decided to wear it while I could," she reasoned, and Ned could find only one reason against her logic.
"But, Bonnie, it's cold outside," Ned countered, and Bonnie smiled and pulled her wrap down from her shoulders to keep her and 'the girls' warm.
"Ned, I have an idea for new business: after the response to the chili, I thought we could create a '…coming soon...' menu for women with child," Bonnie said excitedly, and Ned-
"What's on the menu, dear?" Ned's fears were coming to the forefront of his brain: he had already witnessed Bonnie topping her big bowl of the chili with jalapeños, feta cheese, a blackened tilapia fillet, and butterscotch whipped topping, and he's heard one horror story from Kathrine about her mother's meals...
"I'm thinking 'Open Season,' Ned," Bonnie smiled, and Ned's stomach did the Flippies onto his kidney and liver. "We could use the chili as the base, but the customer can have any base protein and toppings that they want from any ingredients on our menu," she grinned excitedly. "Just think, Ned: we'll be pioneers in the business: after hundreds of years, a pregnant woman can go out to eat and get whatever she wants!"
"Do you think it will sell, Bonnie?" Ned asked.
--
(Tri-Cities Mountain-Times, Friday, March 15, 2030)
TriCity Food Reviewer's corner
BonNed's: no need to 'Beware the Ides of March'
Five forks up
(note: the scale ranges from five forks down to five forks up, up being the sign of really good food)
by April Jennifer Gail
Ladies, it's your dream come true: your dream, that is, if you're pregnant and you have a craving for a buffalo Popsicle dipped in mayo and candy sprinkles. Gents, if you want excellent, real food (think meat, you carnivores!) and at reasonable prices, to boot, and you're looking to score points with the missus, you cannot go wrong with BonNed's, of Middleton: it's an exciting and new restaurant in downtown Middleton, and it's found the perfect combination of customers, marketing, and food that will keep it going for years to come.
It's a place to see and be seen, as well: when we walked in on Saturday night, we were met and greeted at the front by Ms. Bonnie Rorem herself, of the-now-infamous Rockwaller trial. It was obvious where the '...coming soon...' menu idea came from, as Ms. Rorem is just barely showing (and stylishly, I might add, in 1-inch khaki heels, matching the signature khakis that all the staff wore). My party of four, myself included, was seated promptly, and the table next to us was occupied by Dr. Lupe McBride, the President of the Middleton Institute of Science and Technology, her husband, Dr. Eduardo Josef Medrano, and the MIST newest-named Area Chairman, Dr. Wade Load, accompanied by his lovely-and-most-definitely amazing wife Tara Bluem Load and their daughter Kathrine. Ms. Bluem was most definitely here for the '...coming soon...' menu, appearing to be at least three-four months into her pregnancy.
The waitress was energetic and very knowledgeable in the menu options, recommending a pair of excellent and relatively inexpensive wines after listening to our discussions about our dining options.
We took her recommendation for the appetizers: the ubiquitous 'Exploding Onion' and the 'Oysters Rorem', a signature dish of BonNed's. Like everything else here, we were not disappointed: the Onion was easily the largest we'd ever seen, easily serving the four of us all the way through our main courses. Unlike most other locations, it was served on a sizzling plate, and that kept it warm the entire time. Others, take note.
The knowledgeable individual at our table had to explain what the ingredients of 'Oysters Rorem' were. After the gentlemen winced, they laughed and devoured their share when they arrived. The pregnant member of our group laughed and mumbled something about 'payback.'
We each had something different, but every dish that was served came out at the perfect temperature, including the salads, vegetables, and main courses. I ordered the 'Wedgie:' a quarter-wedge of iceberg lettuce that was artfully drizzled with a house dressing, cherry tomatoes and sliced green and red bell peppers, and liberally doused with black pepper. Fair warning: slow the waitress down if you're not a cracked black pepper fanatic.
My male friend drooled over my 10-oz buffalo chicken-fried-steak with, as the menu promised, a liberal dose of Uncle Ned's signature jalapeño-infused cream gravy and gravy served on the side, as well ("for dippin' and soppin,'" the waitress informed me). All it needs is a spoon, in my opinion, even though the buffalo chicken fry is an interesting take on the traditional. The buffalo chicken fry was delicious, but the cream gravy should be outlawed as a 'weapon of mass creation:' my waistline grew as I looked at it. Then, I tasted it, and I told my male friend I was leaving him for the gravy.
Our pregnant member drooled when the waitress explained what the '...coming soon...' menu entails: basically, you can order any protein from the menu and any combination of items that exist on the menu. Since we are a family news outlet, I can't tell you everything she ordered, but she started with a six-ounce grilled red snapper, added streamed red cabbage and boiled new potatoes, topped it with grilled Gouda cheese, and it got strange from there.
Our last party member ordered the Ned bone-in rib eye, and he barely left the bone on the plate. 'Nuf said.
Only one thing to be said about the vegetables: get them, no matter what they are serving that day. The chefs do things to vegetables that make one think that they are all vegetarians, but then the sirloin cut comes out and destroys that illusion. Their take on baby veggies, especially their ABC's order of grilled baby asparagus, beets, and cauliflower, was a favorite. Ned explained that the recipe was an opening gift from Chef Ron (need we say more?), and he treasured the gift of the recipe.
The homemade bread was wonderful, and the desserts were to die for, even after we'd stuffed ourselves.
I returned with some friends from out-of-town (Dallas, to be precise, and all male food critics, to be totally open and honest) for a Thursday lunch, having raved to them about the food.
First, Ms. Rorem was at the desk, and all three of the guys were basket cases (until they were introduced, after dinner, to Ned Rorem, the other half, Ms. Rorem's husband, and the executive chef, brandishing a major-league cleaver). Ms. Rorem received several compliments from these 'Southern Gentlemen' as she led us to our table.
These Dallas food critics went for the jugular: Ned's take on Southern Fried Chicken with cream gravy, Bar-B-Que Beef Brisket, and the Buffalo Chicken Fried Steak for main courses, the Exploding Onion, and dessert...but, we'll talk about that later.
I suspected their reaction would be good when they met Ms. Rorem, but that was only the appetizer to their reaction to the food and drink. Only one of the three liked the Sweet Tea: one stated that it wasn't sweet enough, and the other complained that he could hear his dentist laughing maniacally in the back of his head whenever he took a sip about an upcoming trip to Aruba that my friend was paying for by his tea consumption.
Luckily for us, they all had the lunch portions, because Ned himself informed the restaurant that dessert was part of today's specials with the entrees, and today's dessert was Peach Fried Pie. These poor men had never had Sato's miracle food, nor had they witnessed women swooning over a dessert. They thought all the ladies (and, some of the men) were crazy.
Their minds were changed after the first bite, and their reviews in their home paper were amazing, to say the least: they were all begging for Ned and Bonnie to move to Dallas.
The only complaint about BonNed's is that its gotten too popular, too fast: their first restaurant, still open and thriving in Go City, does not have the traffic that this one has. Ms. Rorem, in an interview after this critic completed the review, told me that they had implemented simultaneous plans to mitigate the waits at the restaurant: one was to open up reservations and pre-ordering over the Net (to allow customers to arrive and be served almost immediately), and the other was to purchase the land and buildings around them for expansion.
If they do as well after expansion, I expect to see BonNed's as popular as restaurants by a certain Gentleman from Old New Orleans.
BonNed's: where the food is wonderful, the service is impeccable, and the chefs cry when they get an order from the '...coming soon...' menu (and Ms. Rorem laughs, she admitted, each and every time she sees the chefs crying).
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JAKT
Kim and Ron stood on a cliff, overlooking a canyon so deep that they could barely hear the white-water river rushing along the bottom of the gorge. Rainbow mists clung to the canyon walls, and a choir of animals, hidden among peaks and ridges that extended to every horizon, bayed at the setting sun. As a gentle breeze riffled through the mane of Kim's auburn hair, one could sense and marvel at the bond between her and her BFBF. In many ways you could even envy what they shared together.
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Slyrr
Monique lost track of how many houses she weaved around, dashed through and threaded between. She and Wade had become separated in their dash through the Basalton streets. She hoped he was all right, and figured he had enough experience on missions with Kim that he was better off than she was.
'Some sidekick.' she thought. 'Run? Was that the best I could come up with?' But she reasoned that at least she had drawn some of the statues away from the fight, meaning Kim didn't have to face the whole army of them by herself. 'What could I do to beat up a statue anyway?'
After a harrowing few minutes of cat-and-mouse with her pursuers, she looked behind her and could see no one. 'Lost 'em!' she thought. 'You go, girl!' Then she looked in front of her and saw that she was back where she had started, just outside the town and looking at Kim fighting the other statues. She seemed to be doing all right, though it also seemed she was only just staying ahead of being dog-piled. She caught a fleeting glimpse of Rufus dangling half out of her hip pouch.
Then she slowly looked to the side, and realized that Monkey Fist was standing only a few feet away from her. Monique felt a cold chill as Monkey Fist's attention was drawn away from the battle and he turned his gray eyes on her. 'Well...' he said with a voice both curious and amused. 'This is something new. I wasn't aware the cheer squad had a second string.'
'Uh...' said Monique, looking wildly around. 'I'm more like their fashion consultant.'
'Truly?' said Monkey Fist, seeming amused. 'What a shame. I find I have little use for fashion these days - I'm into function rather than form.'
Monique winced. 'May as well make a good showing.' she thought. Then with her best kung-fu yell, she lashed out with her fist. Pain exploded in her fingers at the impact. It was like punching a brick wall. Monkey Fist didn't even flinch, still looking at her with an amused smirk.
'Ow!' said Monique, staggering backwards and clutching her agonized hand. 'Ow, ow, ow!'
Monkey Fist mimed a yawn. 'Obviously you don't do this very often.' he said. 'Too bad for you.'
Monique turned and dashed away from him, hoping to draw him away from Kim and lose him in Basalton as she had with the other statues. She chose a different path though, coming to the end of one house in the lane.
But she stopped suddenly, looking down a sheer cliff. She stood in amazement, looking at the house, the backyard seeming to end at the cliffside. 'What kind of idiot builds a house on the edge of a cliff?' she thought. She turned to head back another way, but there was a flash of yellow light, and Monkey Fist was suddenly standing right in front of her.
'Possible seems to be slipping.' said Monkey Fist calmly, the glow fading. 'I would have expected her to bring along someone a little more competent and a little less cowardly. Then again, she did put up with the buffoon for all that time. I suppose you're merely buffoon 2.0.'
Monique stumbled as her heel slipped against the edge of the cliff, sending a shower of pebbles falling into the abyss. She put her hands up, smiling weakly while her heart pounded in fear. 'Come on,' she said. 'Can't we all just... get along?'
'My dear girl,' said Monkey Fist, shaking his head. 'I once ordered my monkey ninjas to throw a baby into a pool of molten lava along with the buffoon and a sack of flour. What do you think I'll do to you?'
Before Monique could answer, Monkey Fist had her collar in his grip and was hoisting her up, extending his arm over the edge. Monique looked down and immediately knew why people who were traversing great heights were advised not to look. Her vision swam and the ground far below seemed to be sinking down even further as she panicked. She looked into Monkey Fist's pitiless face.
'I would say, choose your friends more wisely next time, but... well.' he said. Then he pushed out and cast her over the edge.
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Ino smiled as she pulled out the card that has the winners name on it. She flipped it open, and smiled while showing it to Mike. The pair then stated in unison, "The person who received the most votes this year is... Slyrr!"
Slyrr stood up as if in a daze, bowing his head towards the cheering and applauding crowd. Team Probable, comprising Grimm, Rhonda, Jade and Rueful, were all standing up. They whistled, catcalled and whooped as he made his way to the stage and stood behind the podium. He shook hands with Mike Industries. And as a long-time fan of the Naruto series, he blushed and gave Ino a quick kiss on the cheek.
He accepted the award and looked at it as if in shock while he faced the crowd and adjusted the microphone in front of him. 'Most Voted Writer.' he said, shaking his head and continuing to stare at the gleaming statuette in his hand. 'That means of all the authors participating in the Golden Fannies tonight, I was the one who received the most overall votes. Among a vast array of talented authors, that's saying something special. And you're all to be congradualted, every one of you. There are many who may feel that they have 'failed' if they didn't win any awards. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's the labor and efforts of every writer who keep the Kim Possible fan base strong, and when even one author stops writing, it weakens all of us.
He paused a moment and went on. 'I'm told there is some doubt as to whether there will be a Fannies next year. I hope that's not true. The series may have been over for a while, but I've never seen a fanfiction community that was this active for so long after a series ended. There are several updates - every day on the Kim Possible fanfiction boards. And it's still nearly as hard to keep a story on the first page now as it was when the series was ongoing. That's a testament - not just to me, but to all of us. That we enjoyed a show so much, we're keeping it alive in our own small way.'
'I still hold hope that DVD movies will be forthcoming, and when that happens there will be a resurgence on the boards and in the forums. And so I hope the Fannies will continue as well, the tribute of fans and authors who never gave up. I myself have a bee that won't stop buzzing until I've written the tales I've imagned, and I urge all writers everywhere to keep going. Write as you've always written - not for awards or attention, but because you have a story that you want to share about a world and about characters that you've come to care about...'
There was a sudden burst of smoke which surrounded the podium. The audience gasped in surprise. When the smoke cleared, Slyrr was coughing, waving his hands to fan the smoke away. He stopped and looked around in bewilderment, for the Fannie statuette was gone.
Ino, who was no slouch at ninja training, cleared her throat and motioned to some of the ushers in the audience, who closed around cpneb's table. 'Nice try, Probable.' said Ino with narrowed eyes. 'But you couldn't steal the Best Villain Fannie last year, and you're not stealing this one.'
Grimm Probable shrugged. 'I'm just giving the fans what they want.' he said. 'Besides, how could he have won the award without us?'
'Give it up.' said Ino, and her voice took on more of an edge.
'Fine.' said Grimm, and he reached under the table, taking out the gleaming statuette. He handed it to one of the ushers, who took it back on stage and returned it to Slyrr. Slyrr was shaking his head and looking at Grimm in exasperation, but without surprise.
Grimm didn't seem too put out. 'No big.' he said. 'Besides, it wasn't the Fannie I was really trying to steal - it was something else.'
'And what might that be?' said Mike Industries, glaring.
Grimm didn't speak, instead he pointed up at the high ceiling. Then he pulled a heavy, box-like object from under the table and laid it down with a clunk that rattled the champagne glasses.
Mike and Ino looked up and saw that the spotlight which was aligned and set to illuminate the podium on center stage had been removed from the rafters above. Grimm and the rest of Team Probable smirked as he patted the object in front of him. 'I've been stealing these things for two years now.' he said. 'But it never gets old.'
Rhonda smacked him lightly on the back of his head while Rueful let out a chittering giggle.
As Mike and Ino walked back stage, both could be heard fighting in Japanese, Ino clearly winning.
Jason gazed at the two arguing, shaking his head. "I wonder when Mike is gonna learn, you can't win against a woman."
Triaxx rolled his eyes in response. "Probably the same time you learn to wear armor at these events."
Jason ignored the comment, though he did eye Triaxx's armor once more. "Let's just introduce our next performer. Please welcome Joe Esposito with You're the Best.
Try to be best, 'Cause you're only a man
And a man's gotta learn to take it!
Try to believe, Though the going gets rough
That you gotta hang tough to make it!
History repeats itself, Try and you'll succeed!
Never doubt that you're the one, And you can have your dreams!
You're the best - around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!
You're the best - around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!
You're the best - around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own!
Fight 'til the end, Cause your life will depend
On the strength that you have inside you!
Ah you gotta be proud, starin' out in the cloud
When the odds in the game defy you!
Try your best to win them all, and one day time will tell!
when you're the one that's standing there, you'll reach the final bell!
You're the best - around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!
You're the best - around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!
You're the best - around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own!
