Chapter Twenty-Nine: A Time to Dance
Marble and gold. Polished and elegant.
Heels on the floor. Music in the air.
It represented everything; it represented nothing.
It was the beginning to some; it was the end to others.
It was a falling star. It was a simple smile.
It was unspoken, unwritten, undefined.
It was destiny.
July 4th - Evening
There were only a few times in her life when Rinoa Heartilly remembered feeling like a princess. Not just in name, but that moment when someone believed in her. She remembered a tea party with her mother where she was the guest of honor. She remembered being in a school play; after the final curtain, she received flowers and praise from everyone – including her father. Then there was now, in that moment she walked arm and arm with Squall Leonhart: Commander of Balamb Garden, SeeD, and Sorceress' Knight. Her Knight.
If her life were a fairy tale this is where 'The End' would appear on the page. Her life was never as simple as black and white and nobody knew what would happen when the words stopped being written in the book. Rinoa Heartilly learned long ago she wasn't the author of her own story.
Still as she approached the ballroom everything seemed to be perfect. She would occasionally glance toward Squall, believing if she stared too long, he would disappear into her imagination. There was a sensation she had never known running through her body. It felt deeper and more frightening than anything she had ever experienced.
But why?
Tonight was a big night. However, it wasn't a life changing event. She had never felt this anxious over something of a social nature. Sure, she was being valiantly escorted by her knight. But a few days ago she was willing to forsake this entire dance out of pure stubbornness. Now it felt as if her entire future, her life, hinged on this one evening.
These feelings started sweeping over her like a deadly plague. Soon they were all she could think about. It was all she could do to continue down the hallway.
Again why?
It was as if a ghostly hand reached out and grabbed hold of her mid step. Whatever the cause of the phantom sensation, she immediately stopped in her tracks. Squall momentary had to regain his footing as his arm had been linked within hers. The abrupt halt had thrown him off balance. He noticed a vacant expression covering her face. It was a look he couldn't decipher. He had witnessed so many of her emotions, but this was something that he had not experienced.
"Rinoa?"
Her name softly carried from his lips as he studied her carefully. He couldn't help but feel uneasy about the situation.
"Rinoa, are you all right?"
The sorceress smiled as the sensation passed just as quickly as it came. She realized how odd her behavior must have looked from Squall's perspective. Suddenly, she felt quite foolish standing in the middle of a hall. Again, she could offer no logical reason for her fears, beside that of nerves – or that of just being 'Rinoa.'
"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled while twisting the chain of her necklace around her fingers. Even dressed formally, she still wouldn't change wearing the rings she treasured dearly. "It was just… You know… I really don't know."
Looking in his eyes the young woman hoped she didn't sound as lame as she felt. "I'm not sure, maybe it's nerves? Because part of me wants this night to go perfect? I mean, it is basically more or less the anniversary of when we met. Maybe I'll be disappointed. I… I really don't know why."
Honestly, she couldn't give a definitive answer. But that had been the first thought that entered her mind. Logically, she believed it made some sort of sense – even if on some crazy, obscure level only she could come up with. So subconsciously she hoped that was the problem. The fact was, she really couldn't be sure of anything right now.
"Rinoa, I can't promise you that you won't be disappointed. I won't do that to you."
Squall ran his hand through his hair. He wasn't sure what she wanted from him. There wasn't much more that he could offer right now. At the last dance there was no way in hell he would have ever thought of bringing someone, let alone feeling the way he did. His day had already been filled with drama and uncertainty. Now here he was standing outside the ballroom just as unsure as he was this morning leaning against a Garden vehicle.
"No," she shook her head. "I don't want you to promise me anything. I just…" She smiled realizing how foolish all her nonsense must have seemed to her knight. A light giggle caught in her throat as she moved slightly in front of him. "Squall, I'm sorry. I would say it's been a long day, but compared to yours that just sound rather silly."
Because of the higher heels she didn't have to stand on her tiptoes to kiss him, which she planted quickly on his cheek. She had known if she had tried anything more daring, he would have pulled away.
"Let's get going," she said relocking their arms and leading them toward the ballroom. "Someone here owes me a dance."
He cleared his throat and responded in a deadpan manner. "When you find that person, let me know…. I can't dance, you know." Squall then flashed a quick grin as they finally walked through the entrance.
The dancing couples moved fluently across the marbled floor. It brought back memories to her, both good and bad. She recalled standing among the crowd last year, wanting nothing more than to join the celebration. It was a moment of chance she took, dragging a hapless young SeeD to fulfill her desires. It was a night she wouldn't forget - though the meaning wouldn't truly sink in until months later. Sure, she found a handsome partner to dance with, but if they had never seen each other after that night, the dance would be just a distant memory filled with a thousand others. There was no way back then to know the significance of that one event. It was an impossibility.
Last year she craved attention, part of her was trying to find something she lost long ago. This year, when she walked in with Squall, she knew most eyes were on them. It was uncomfortable to be under so much scrutiny. There were those among the crowd that believed she was still just an annoyance and a distraction to the commander.
As far as Squall's position was concerned there were those students who still believed he was too young and unproven to lead Garden. He was just a person who was there at the right time and place, everything handed to him on a silver platter. It could have been any of the others who lead them against Ultimecia. Of course almost all respected him as a soldier, but on a personal level it was simply another story. He was given liberties not afforded to others in the building. Some looked unfavorably at Rinoa's mere presence at Garden as long established rules seemed to be bended and shaped around her. The young woman's living and working there was looked on as mockery to those students - and even a few instructors.
Very few knew the underlying reason Cid allowed her to stay. If they had known the truth, it may have been all the worse. The fact she was a sorceress was still kept between a chosen few. It was times like this Rinoa was thankful it wasn't common knowledge. If many didn't like her now, their reaction to that news could be costly.
Of course their perception of her was usually not based on personal experience; many had never even taken the time to speak to her. Those who did would discover the real person, not just the stereotype exemplified through rumors. Though, throughout it all, everyone always remained civil to her face. It was part of human nature after all to resent some change. To them, she and Squall represented the epitome of that. The memories of battle and its scars were still too new.
The commander felt uncomfortable. It might have been a combination of the formality, the rigid uniform, or the eyes he felt judging him. This is why he long detested social gatherings; it was even worse when he felt the reluctant center of attention. This night should have nothing to do with him, but the students who passed today's SeeD exams. Still, this 'hero' status that was thrust upon him seemed not to be dying any time in the near future. He just hoped to god it would sometime; he could not take a lifetime of this.
Along with students and instructors he noticed many prominent figures in attendance. He knew this night would boil down to nothing more than a political venue. He tried to quickly avert his gaze back toward Rinoa after his initial scan of the room, maybe they would afford him one more moment of piece.
"Commander Leonhart!"
Maybe not.
He immediately turned toward the direction of Xu's voice as she stepped forward from a nearby crowd. Removing his arm from Rinoa side, Squall returned the customary salute she offered.
"Several here have been asking your whereabouts. I know the representative from the Dollet Dukedom is anxious to discuss the upcoming summit. A Shumi Elder wants to discuss the proposed mining trade. And G - Garden's new commander wanted to go over a few ideas. There are others, but it's slipping my mind at the moment."
He could feel a headache fast approaching. What did he know about all this? All he was trained to do was literally shoot, point, and then slash the hell out of enemy. He actually longed for the days that he would just go to class, do assignments, and put up with Seifer's erratic behavior. Right now, even sitting up in his office and doing paperwork seemed rather appealing.
"Cid around?" He managed rubbing his temples with his thumb and forefinger.
"No, something came up rather abruptly. I believe he and a few other SeeDs stepped into a nearby room. They should be out any minute."
"Is General Caraway here?" Rinoa asked moving to Squall's side. The young woman knew she probably shouldn't have interrupted Garden business like that, but she sensed the commander needed a slight break.
"No he's not, he sent an advisor."
"Figures," she replied under her breath. The sorceress couldn't decide if she was relieved or disappointed. One thing was for certain – she wasn't surprised.
That news came as a small relief in Squall's mind. Not that he didn't respect General Caraway, it was quite the opposite. He had always held the man in the highest esteem. It was just above all, the Galbadian leader was his girlfriend's father. That was the side of Caraway he didn't want to confront. He could hardly explain their relationship to himself; he didn't need to explain it to a domineering parental figure. Unfortunately that reminded him (not that he considered Laguna Lore a 'parental figure)' about another person he'd rather not face for a few decades.
"Xu, is there anyone here from Esthar?"
Rinoa quickly glanced at Squall. She knew the ongoing tension he must have been fighting just to make it through this night. It never seemed to end for him. If complicated girlfriend situations, earlier field exam disasters, and political juggling weren't enough, he had to add on his relationship with Laguna Loire. Again, the fact that his estranged father was the president of one of the world's powerhouses was not common knowledge.
Xu looked questioningly at him for a moment as it caught her off guard, but quickly replied, "Yes, Presidential aid Kiros Seagul."
He wanted to yell 'thank god' into the rafters, but that would be extremely inappropriate. Still, it was his first and foremost reaction to the news. At least one thing was in his favor tonight.
"I see. Thank you." He hoped his answer came off rather low key.
"I'll let the others know you've arrived. I'm sure they will be very pleased."
Xu respectively bowed to which Squall followed suit. This was the nightmare scenario he had feared. This evening was not about a date with his girlfriend, rather about SeeDs future and sustaining incoming revenue. He knew that Garden needed the funds, but still, he didn't want to be the one lobbying for them.
"I'm really sorry." He apologized turning so they faced one another. "I wish it didn't have to be like this."
"I know," she squinted at him which made her nose scrunch in return. Her tone and actions still seemed rather upbeat given the circumstances. "But you know what? I'm going to get that dance now."
"What?" He questioned placing a hand on the small of her back. He quickly withdrew it when it contacted directly with exposed flesh. Somehow he hadn't expected that, it wasn't the fabric barrier he was used to having between them. He had avoided wearing his gloves this evening, for whatever reason, he couldn't figure. He tried to shake off the sensation of touching bare skin. It seemed so foreign… yet so welcome.
"Rinoa, I'm supposed to-"
"Shhh," she interrupted putting a finger to her lips. "I know exactly what you're supposed to be doing right now – dancing with me." Reaching down she grabbed her floor length skirt, bunching the fabric making it easier to move. With the other hand, she reached for his forearm gently taking hold of his uniform jacket.
"If I'm going to lose you to SeeD tonight, I'd better be darn sure that we get our dance in. So if this is my only chance, I'm not stupid enough to let it pass. Right now, I'm the one that has your attention. So let's go."
It felt awkward to walk on to the dance floor. It wasn't done with the ease he had hoped. Still, she didn't need to drag him, merely encourage this time. The song had started only moments before; so many couples were either entering or exiting the floor. They settled on spot, not near the center, but closer to the seclusion of the balcony doors.
If it was possible, he was more nervous and insecure this time around. Last year he had nothing to prove, this year he didn't want to disappoint her with his ineptness. He calmed his mind, again relying on the training that he had come to know as second nature. He wanted this to go smoothly, he needed it to.
Her actions probably weren't intentional on her part, but she drew closer to him. The perfume indulged his senses, the proximity of her body, everything about the way she smelled, the way she looked, and heaven help him, the way she felt.
It was natural and tempting; it was something he found an unknown thrill in. He had to once again let his mind focus on the art of dancing, not on his companion. Gently he placed his right hand on her side. His fingertips started midway up her torso, but then gently followed the curvature of her body and finally rested on her hipbone. Last year, he had not dared venture that low. This year he felt the overwhelming desire to pull their bodies close together but fought against that instinct. He squared his left arm with his shoulder and held her hand away from their bodies, fingers intertwining tightly with one another. He could feel her other hand on his shoulder; he noticed how she seemed to be gripping tighter than last year. Her hand wasn't relaxed, almost clutching to the fabric of his uniform. Maybe she was afraid he would walk away from her, as he had done before.
Their feet started to move after his count. He tried not to think about steps, he tried to let the movement come naturally. It wasn't flawless, it wasn't perfect. The commander didn't stumble as before, but there were hesitations that threw the couple off tempo. It might not have been obvious to casual onlookers as he led her around the floor - either speeding up or slowing down depending on the music.
They continued for what seemed countless minutes. They danced in time as reality seemed suspended for just them. Neither could remember the actual act of dancing, it was more like a memory playing in their minds.
Then the music ended.
His face relaxed and the content beginning of a smile graced his lips. Their bodies were close together, both could feel the heat radiating off the other's. It was passionate and innocent and at the same time, there was the meaning behind each movement that left their minds feeling faint. There were no fireworks tonight, at least the kind that explode into the heavens, but there were a thousand sparks electrifying their nerves.
Their eyes locked and Rinoa couldn't believe the emotions residing within. It was all too much. She felt his body close to hers and waited for him to close the distance. Maybe she should have known better, but her logic seemed suspended.
In a Trabian dorm room they had finished that first dance with a kiss. Tonight he wanted to repeat that moment, but he couldn't. He was after all a military leader. Even his proximity to her right now seemed improper by his standards.
His soft expression changed with the intensity of thunder. Quickly he released her from his grasp and took a step away.
"I can't. I'm sorry," his voice sounded distant. "I need to work."
As if on cue, an unfamiliar voice carried above the crowd, "There you are Commander. I've been searching for you the whole evening. I need a word right now."
Shying away, he made his way to the older man and never looked back. Rinoa heard Squall formally address the guest, as if he had been born to this life. "Mayor Perrette, it's an honor to have you in attendance. I'd be glad to discuss anything on your mind. What seems to be the problem?"
The older man held his glass of burgundy close. Squall motioned for a nearby waitress and reached for a glass of whisky himself. Rinoa stood confused and alone on the dance floor. She wasn't upset with Squall; he was playing the part that Garden needed. She just wondered if sometimes he was playing a part for her. He could change roles with such ease. No goodbye, no glance back. Whatever they had just shared seemed to be a figment of her imagination. Maybe he hadn't felt the same electricity.
She felt sparks throughout her body again, though this time it was a wave of unwanted emotion. Voices and pictures flooded her senses; she wished these images had remained buried. It was a reality that wasn't actually real. It hadn't been fifteen months ago she stood in this ballroom with Squall. In a twisted way, it had been only a few short months – at least in the visions Edea and Cid had forced her to relive. It was in here that Ultimecia twisted words, and started to slowly break away her will. It was visions of last year's dance; it was the thoughts in Squall's head.
It was the picture of him dancing with another – and acting the part of the solemn teenager. The person he tried to be tonight. It was Ultimecia's words that echoed deeply in her soul.
"The first words out of his mouth to you were a lie. Does that not speak of his character?"
She shook her head. Why was she thinking about all this now? She had been upset with him, but they had worked this out months ago. Right? He had left for Trabia soon after the discover at Cid and Edea's – That evening that all the memories came flooding back to her in the form of a maelstrom of repressed emotions. Soon after, she ended up joining him on the Trabian continent. She told him she loved him. She did love him. More than he probably realized.
This was the present and Squall was her future. Whatever visions Ultimecia had showed her were twisted and warped, only done out of the desperation of a madness of a depraved woman.
Allowing herself to dwell on this situation was useless.
Across the throng of dancers she spotted her friends situated around a banquet table. It appeared as if Irvine were apologizing to Selphie, the cowboy positioned on bended knee squarely in front of his now irritated girlfriend. Either that or he was proposing… and Rinoa seriously doubted that, especially by Selphie's rather agitated look. Across the table sat Quistis and Kiros as Zell stood before them. It appeared that he was acting out, rather emphatically, a dramatic reenactment of the final Ultimecia Battle, or his newest dance fad, Rinoa couldn't decide. But at least going over and sitting with her friend would make the evening far from dull – Squall could not say the same.
On the way to her friends, a golden artificial tree caught her attention. There had been several placed around the ballroom. They were adorned with small flickering white iridescent lights. Their leaves appeared to be made from a fine silk, anchored by golden and woven stems. From a distance it looked like a holiday celebration, an endless cascade of gold and light. When the young sorceress neared she noticed the decorations on the trees where actually the origami cranes her and the others had made. Her fingers gently glided up to one, taking the time to look at each individual crease in the paper. It was beautiful. They hung from the trees like a thousand ornaments of hope.
"They're beautiful, aren't they?" An unfamiliar masculine voice asked from behind.
The young sorceress jumped at the sound. Her body reflexively jerked and she accidently knocked an ornament from its spot.
"Yes, yes they are," she responded filled with embarrassment. Rinoa carefully began bending down to pick up the fallen crane. It actually took her aback that someone would approach in that fashion. Most males at Garden avoided her, knowing her relationship with the commander.
"I'll get that for you." The man offered without hesitation.
She stepped aside slightly humiliated by her momentarily clumsiness. "Thank you… I was just startled for a second. Sorry for any trouble."
"No, it's entirely my fault. You have nothing to apologize for. It certainly wasn't my intention to scare someone so beautiful."
The young man placed the ornament back on the tree; she still hadn't had a chance to properly look at the stranger. Once upon a time Rinoa Heartilly would be grateful for anyone of the male persuasion to show her attention. Tonight, however, she just felt extremely uncomfortable and fought against the irresistible urge to run.
His voice was confident and engaging, "Now that we've shared that awkward moment, I'd like to introduce myself, I'm Anthony. Long story short, I was forced to come here for a meeting and don't want to be here alone." He paused before finally asking, "I was wondering, if I could have the honor of this dance?"
Rinoa smiled courteously. She would have to decline of course. There was just a familiar humiliation in his request. Then she wondered if she'd been that transparent in motive. Maybe Squall did have reason to tell her he couldn't dance. She hadn't been able to even look directly at him, keeping her eyes downcast. Still she couldn't stand here forever feeling this uncomfortable; she was going to have to tell him the truth eventually. Now would be as good as time as any – at least she wouldn't tell him she couldn't dance.
It was then she noticed his uniform and her world literally ceased to exist. A white SeeD.
"Y-You're a – Wh-White... SeeD?" His uniform seemed to stand out amongst the crowd, Rinoa couldn't believe she hadn't notice it before. Had she been wearing blinders being around Squall?
"Yes, I am. We don't get ashore much, so I want to make the most of the night."
"You're… still around? I thought – I thought you?"
He gave a casual grin, taking a hold the weapon securely fastened to his side. "Oh, you mean because of Garden's direction changing? I think that's a common misconception. We still train daily. Our core mission never changed."
"So you… you train to fight?" She couldn't finish the sentence. It didn't even occur that White SeeDs still were in existence. Maybe she should have considered the possibility, but right now the truth was overwhelming to her.
"You train to fight me?" Was her only coherent inner thought.
"Yes, we are trained specifically to kill sorceresses, if that's what you're asking." He winked extending a gloved hand her direction. "Don't worry, stick with me and I'm make sure you're protected from those vile excuses of life."
"I… I have a boyfriend – I can't… and I…" She managed stumbling over her own excuse.
She didn't have to give him an explanation, he didn't deserve one. 'Vile excuses of life.' That is what she was, that is what she had become in one fated decision. Her heels pounded into the marble as she hurried from the ballroom. She couldn't run yet, it would draw too much attention. She already had enough of that with the errant glares from the students earlier. Her friends were busy with their own dealings. Selphie and Irvine seemed no better off than before; Kiros and Quistis were still apparently busy watching Zell. None of them had the time to notice a vile sorceress escaping among them. Maybe she should make her plan to take over Garden right now, nobody would expect it – not even her.
Hatred and lies. Power and corruption. That is what they all thought. She shouldn't exist in their eyes. She should be a frozen corpse floating aimlessly through space. That was the 'life' she was supposed to led. She shouldn't be here at Garden, not at the place that was founded only to slaughter her kind.
Lost in a dazed fog, Rinoa managed to find her way to a classroom hallway. It was not her intension to go this direction, honestly she had no direction. It was just a means to an escape. She just had to be alone. Alone. She had tried several classroom doors, of course all of them were locked. It was by either fate or chance that she found one that hadn't latched all the way. Whoever closed it was probably in too big a hurry for tonight and never looked back. Never looking back – maybe that is what she should have done a year ago.
Rinoa's fingers wrapped around the handle and quickly she made her way inside. This time she made sure the door was securely latched. There were no lights on inside; there was no real illumination beside a few green glowing dots from the computer towers. She made her way to the back of the room, hiding behind the rows of seats. There she let her body collapse and slide down the wall. It was like she was ten years old again, being locked in her room. Maybe Caraway did know best, maybe she should have been locked away and never allowed to see the light of day.
Then she cried.
It was that moment in her life when she discovered that the fairy tale princess from earlier was actually the evil witch in disguise. When the glass slipper broke and the only thing left were shards sharp enough to slice her flesh in two.
Taking the last sip of his drink, the commander paced the empty glass on a table. He needed to find a waitress and get another one. He didn't drink often, but right now he wanted to forget everything, or everyone, surrounding him. His arms crossed over his chest and he pretended to be listening. Although the only thing he could think about was the small piece of cheese stuck in the Mayor's mustache.
Should he tell the Mayor? Should he pretend like he didn't see it? I mean, it was right there... who couldn't feel that hanging from their face? What kind of cheese was it anyhow? Did he want cheese? It actually sounded rather good, but if he had some, would he only think about the piece stuck on this guy's face and feel disgusted by the fact?
"Don't you agree?" The middle-aged diplomat finally ended whatever tangent he was on and now was looking directly at Squall. The commander needed to say something profound – that didn't involve cheese.
"Where I'd like to agree, I cannot say fully without doing some research Whatever is most cost efficient and beneficial to you in the long run."
"You're very smart young man." Mayor Perrette slapped his hand on Squall's back. "We could use logical thinking like yours down in City Hall."
The commander wanted to roll his eyes. He had no idea what he'd just said or to what he responded. The one thing he learned during this process was never commit directly. Plus, always bring up the idea of saving money. Politicians loved that.
"Squall my boy!" Cid's voice was a welcome change after what seemed endless minutes of one-sided conversation. "I need to introduce you to someone."
The commander turned around to see Cid standing next to several White SeeDs. One in particular the headmaster had his arm around leading him toward the commander. Squall stood motionless trying to fight the anger growing within.
"Commander Leonhart, I'm so glad I found you. This is Commander Weatherly of the White SeeD Ship. We just had an impromptu meeting and-"
"You brought White SeeDs, here?" Squall interrupted. It wasn't like him to cut off a superior, but useless details were irrelevant right now. He needed the facts.
"Yes, Commander," Cid countered, visibly displeased by the actions of his subordinate. "They were invited. They are still very much a part of the Garden system."
The lead White SeeD saluted Squall who watched the gesture without any thought of returning the greeting.
"So White SeeDs still train?" Squall spoke crossing his arms in a domineering manner. The Garden Commander loathed everything this SeeD represented. He certainly wouldn't look upon him as an equal. He'd be damned to do that.
"Of course we still train." The White SeeD sensed Squall's antagonistic demeanor. Weatherly didn't know why this man wished him such ill will, but he wasn't one to back down. White SeeDs trained for a reason and no overrated 'world savior' was going to tell him otherwise.
"The future of humanity may not be your concern anymore, Commander Leonhart, but it certainly is our top priority. Somewhere out there is another sorceress. For all we know she's building an army as we speak. We don't know who or where, but we will be trained to neutralize the situation."
"Neutralize, ha!" Squall yelled drawing attention from several partygoers. "You mean slaughter, don't you? You wouldn't give a damn who it is, your only mission is to kill without predigest."
"Commander Leonhart," Cid snapped angrily in warning. "I highly suggest you stand down. I think you've had a little too much to drink." Cid knew that wasn't the case, but he had to cover for Squall's erratic and defensive behavior.
"Why, because the truth hurts?" Squall nearly growled at the headmaster. He could feel the adrenalin taking hold of his body. It didn't matter if the words were truly his own, but right now he owned the feelings behind each one. "These White SeeDs certainly don't give a damn who they kill. Why should I care if the entire world knows the truth?" He spat the last words so loud that the music stopped playing in the ballroom and all eyes were now focused on him.
"No, it's fine headmaster, I can handle this." Commander Weatherly stepped tauntingly closer to Squall. Neither would back down from their figurative pedestals. "If you want to think of White SeeDs as murderers, then we will gladly accept that title - especially if it means peace for the entire world. I understand the person who took care of you in youth was a sorceress, so your view may be slightly jaded. Edea Kramer was the exception. We all respected her; she started what you see here today. She was good – but I think you know better than anyone how that turned out. No matter what, a sorceress cannot be trusted. They will turn. It's their nature to destroy."
Squall had never felt such primal rage; he needed to leave before he did something that would truly be regretted. "I'm out of here."
"Commander, you are not dismissed!" The headmaster reached for the irate teenager trying to stop him.
"Don't you dare touch me," Squall warned pushing Cid's hand forcefully off him. The teenager turned and walked away never glancing back in their direction.
It was as if a reality dawned on the headmaster for the first time: Squall was after all, a commander, a knight…
…And only eighteen.
