Chapter Twenty Nine
Brendan remembered every dream he had that night. It always seemed to be the worst ones that remained with him by morning. There was nothing distinctive; just the smell of tobacco and the stench of sweat clinging to the body. Something metallic. Brendan almost felt that the scent was genuine even though it was highly illogical to smell in a dream. Nightmare.
The last thing he remembered before he woke was a strange rumbling sound, of thunder perhaps. When he opened his eyes he realised it wasn't thunder at all.
"Steven," he murmured. "What are ye doing?"
"What?" Steven asked loudly, switching the hoover off. "I'm hoovering, what does it look like I'm doing?"
"Now? At this time of the morning?"
Steven grinned then. "It's ten o'clock, Bren."
"Ten? Seriously?" Brendan glanced over at the clock and sure enough, Steven was right. "Why didn't ye wake me?"
"I am now." Steven pointed out. He shrugged. "I thought you could do with the kip."
"Thanks." Brendan said groggily, sitting up and running his fingers through his hair. "What time is Amy coming?"
"Half eleven. I'm trying to get the house as tidy as possible."
"I'll help." Brendan offered, standing up.
"Go shower first." Steven said, wrinkling his nose.
"What are ye trying to say?"
"You stink!" Steven laughed heartily. He seemed nervous. Brendan touched his cheek gently, making Steven sober.
"It'll be fine."
"I know it will." Steven nodded, smiling as reassuringly as he could. "Go on, go get washed up."
Brendan sighed, heading off to the bathroom. Samuel was sitting in the living room reading the paper. He nodded at Brendan as he went past, his expression giving nothing away. Brendan couldn't think about him on today of all days.
Within half an hour he was washed and dressed. He'd worn a buttoned shirt without the jacket. He wanted to look good but not too imposing. Besides, Steven needed help with the dishes and Samuel was being less than helpful.
"She'll be here soon." Steven muttered to him as he put another plate on the drying rack.
"Just relax, everything will be fine."
Steven nodded, pursing his lips together. He jumped when the door went.
"She's early!" He scuttled to the door, smoothing his hair down. Brendan followed him at a distance warily. They both breathed a sigh of relief when Mitzeee appeared with Phoenix by her side.
"What?" She asked, paranoid. "You're looking at me funny."
"We thought you was Amy."
Mitzeee nodded and then frowned. "I'm not that skinny."
"Just get in." Steven sighed, closing the door after them. Phoenix ran to Brendan, holding up his arms for him.
"Are you okay?" He asked, his bottom lip wobbling.
"He's been so worried." Mitzeee explained, sticking the kettle on.
"What did ye tell him?"
"Just that there'd been a misunderstanding and you were a little upset."
"Well, I'm fine now." Brendan told him, giving him a smile. Phoenix returned it shyly.
Mitzeee helped Steven to dry the dishes while Brendan watched Phoenix. He sat beside him on the sofa, drawing a picture with some crayons Steven had left out for Lucas.
"Who's that then?" Brendan asked, leaning forwards to get a better look.
"That's Leah and that's Lucas." Phoenix explained. "And me."
"The wee man." Brendan smiled. "Hard to believe the last time I saw Lucas he was yer age."
"Really?" Phoenix turned around, eyes wide and awed.
"Yep. I wonder if he'll remember me."
"Yeah." Phoenix said confidently. "Why not?"
Brendan shrugged. "People move on, that's life."
"That's sad." Phoenix said.
"Not something ye need to worry about."
"No." Phoenix agreed, continuing to colour. "Mummy said that the right people stay and the wrong ones leave."
"Did she now?"
"Not counting Daddy of course." Phoenix said sadly.
"Ye really are a smart kid." Brendan said, ruffling his hair.
Phoenix grinned at him before turning back to his picture.
Amy arrived ten minutes early. Brendan had expected her to; she liked to keep them on their toes. Steven threw his kitchen towel underneath the sink, smoothing his clothes and hair down once more. Mitzeee sat beside Brendan on the sofa with Phoenix and gave his leg a reassuring squeeze.
Samuel, who hadn't said a word all morning, jumped up out of his seat promptly to greet Amy by the door. Brendan rolled his eyes at this, drawing a smile out of Mitzeee.
"Sorry we're early!" Amy's voice rang through the tiny flat. Brendan closed his eyes, bracing himself. He stood up once they were through the door. The first person he saw was Lucas, blond hair longer than he remembered and certainly taller but other than that he looked almost the same. Samuel bent down to his level, scooping him into his arms.
"Granddad!" Lucas said happily, flinging his arms around his neck. Mitzeee took Brendan's hand.
Amy walked in next, eyes immediately falling on Brendan. Her smile from greeting Steven faded. She daren't say anything in front of the kids, Brendan knew that. Instead she greeted Mitzeee and Phoenix pleasantly enough and then turned back to Samuel.
"He's really missed you." She told him with a smile.
"Aw, we've really missed him too. Haven't we, son?"
Steven came through the door then, Leah wrapped around his waist. Like Lucas, there was something fundamentally recognisable about her. She had grown in height and her hair was very long, almost as long as Amy's had been from the pictures Brendan had seen of her and Steven as teenagers. She was wearing more grown up clothes now and seemed to carry herself differently. The minute she smiled however Brendan knew it was the same Leah who had proclaimed him "Daddy Brendan."
Her blue eyes fell on Brendan too, just like her mother's had. Instead of her smile disappearing however, it grew in size.
"Brendan!" She squealed, disengaging herself from Steven and running towards him. "You're back!"
Brendan was almost bowled over by the strength of her embrace. She came up to his chest now.
"Here to stay." Brendan murmured. Amy looked at him carefully, expression guarded.
"I really missed you." Leah gushed, pulling away. "I said you'd be back; no one believed me."
"Leah." Amy said pointedly. "You haven't said hello to Granddad yet."
"Oh, right." Leah blushed, turning to wave and smile at Samuel.
"I'll make us a brew, shall I?" Steven said, attempting to ease the tension in the room. Brendan followed him to the kitchen while everyone else was reacquainted. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
"I guess not." Brendan agreed, taking out several mugs from the cupboard.
Steven glanced over at the group in the living room. "It's nice though, init? All of us together like this."
"Yeah." Brendan grunted.
"Don't be like that."
"I'm sure it was lovely all those years when I wasn't here." Brendan said under his breath so only Steven could hear.
"You're being stupid." Steven replied, sighing. "It wasn't… I wasn't…" he trailed off, frowning to himself. "It was shit without you."
Brendan raised his eyebrows at him. "That's very deep."
"Shut up." Steven gave him a playful shove, laughing. When Brendan was about to return the gesture, he felt two pairs of eyes on him. He lowered his hand.
Steven brought the tea over on a tray, Samuel helping him to hand over mugs while Brendan stood idly behind them. It was taking an incredible amount of self restraint to remain in the room with them. Mitzeee caught his eye and gestured that he sit beside her and Phoenix again. Brendan slid past Samuel to do so, attempting not to touch him in any way. Amy followed his movements with her usual level of scrutiny but didn't comment. The moment he sat down Brendan relaxed a little.
"Alright?" Mitzeee mouthed at him. Brendan nodded quickly, leaning forwards to glance at Phoenix's finished picture.
"That's great." He murmured to him. Phoenix looked up and smiled happily, climbing up into Brendan's lap.
"Watch out, he'll fall asleep on you." Mitzeee whispered to him.
"How would I escape then?" Brendan whispered back to her. Mitzeee stifled a laugh.
Samuel and Steven pulled the chairs round into a circle, allowing everyone to face each other. Brendan, understandably, wasn't thrilled with the idea.
"Hi." Leah suddenly appeared beside him, grinning from ear to ear.
"Hello." Brendan shuffled up to allow her more space. "How's school? Life? Everything?"
"It's great." She beamed. "School's a bit boring though sometimes. I don't like Maths much."
"Ah, how come?"
"I'm really bad at it." She confessed.
"I could help ye." Brendan said eagerly. "I've always been good with Maths. My timetables-" He cut himself off, appalled that he'd almost forgotten. "I mean, I can… yeah, help."
He could feel Mitzeee's concerned gaze on him. He leaned back, allowing himself to take a long breath. This wasn't like him to be this twitchy and awkward.
"What was prison like?" Leah asked, tilting her head to the side.
"Leah!" Steven had become within earshot.
"It's alright, Steven." Brendan said quietly. Everyone was staring at him now. Phoenix had already dozed off in his lap. "It was… uneventful." Brendan said carefully.
"Really?" Leah shuffled closer, far too interested. "One of my friends' dad was in prison. Did you see him?"
"Leah." Brendan shook his head. "It doesn't really work that way. Who's this friend? Is it safe?" Brendan glanced up at Amy, the first time he'd addressed her.
"He didn't really go to prison. Her friend likes to embellish a bit." Amy told him, rolling her eyes.
"I really do have a Daddy who went to prison though." Leah continued. "Well, two actually!" She grinned.
"Who wants a top up?" Steven asked suddenly, jumping from his seat. "Leah, come help me in the kitchen."
"But-"
"Leah."
Leah did as she was told, smile disappearing from her face.
"Kids, eh?" Brendan said, laughing nervously. "I need a drink." He added to Mitzeee.
"I'm on it." She said, jumping up.
Brendan was left alone with Samuel and Amy, with a still dozing Phoenix on his lap. He couldn't escape even if he wanted to. He looked to the ceiling, wanting to ask God why he was still being punished. Amy cleared her throat pointedly.
"Phoenix is quite taken with you then." She said, matter-of-fact.
"So is his mother." Samuel added.
Amy glanced over at Mitzeee who was getting two glasses out of the cupboard and Brendan's whiskey. She raised her eyebrows.
"Drinking already?"
Brendan shrugged dismissively. "Why not?"
"There are children present."
"And yer point is?"
Amy pursed her lips.
"Come on, Amy. Don't hold back; ye never did before."
"Will it even matter? Neither of you listen to a word I say."
"Oh ye reckon?"
"Well, Ste's with you, isn't he?"
"Yes."
"There you are then."
"It's touching really how much ye care." Brendan said sarcastically.
"Don't put this on me." Amy hissed quietly. "You know my feelings on all of this."
"Yeah, but do ye know Steven's?" Brendan countered. "After all, it's his choice, isn't it?" He gestured with his hands angrily.
"I'm not sure he can see straight when it comes to you." Amy countered.
"So why are we sitting here then, hm? Why haven't ye told him to get rid of me?"
"You think he'd listen to me? Even the threat of his kids getting taken away-"
"Don't." Brendan said fiercely. "Ye have no idea what he went through when ye did that. Ye destroyed him."
Amy balked then, shaken. "I'm not having this conversation with you."
"Good, because I'm sick of having it."
Samuel had remained oddly silent during their exchange. Brendan daren't look at him in case he decided to tell Amy about the day before.
"Listen," Brendan said, voice softer now. "Can we just pretend to get on for the sake of the kids? Just for now?"
Amy considered this, looking uncertain for the first time. "I suppose so." She said eventually. "For the kids." She added tightly.
"Alright." Brendan agreed, calmer now.
Mitzeee came over with two glasses of whiskey, looking tense.
"Not interrupting, am I?" She asked warily, resuming her previous sitting position.
"No." Amy told her, glancing at Samuel. "I'll be back in a minute." Samuel followed her after a moment's pause. Brendan watched them go with something like relief.
"What was all that about?" Mitzeee asked, sipping her whiskey.
"What do ye think?" Brendan sighed wearily, closing his eyes. He barely noticed Phoenix in his lap now; he was sound asleep.
"She won't kick off, will she? Ste's really trying to make this work."
"I know he is." Brendan said, moving his head to the side to catch Steven in his line of vision. "He looks… happy."
"He is happy. With you. The sooner Amy and Sam realise that, the better."
"Ye wanna be the one to break the news?" Brendan teased.
"Err, no. You're alright, thanks."
"Brendan?" Leah was beside Brendan once more, this time no longer smiling. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you before."
"Of course ye didn't, darling." Brendan said gently.
"I was just really excited to see you. I didn't think I ever would again." Her eyes filled with tears. Brendan felt a lump forming in his throat.
"Come here." He murmured, holding out an arm. Leah slotted into his embrace easily enough, sniffling against his shoulder.
"You won't leave again?"
"Not if I can help it." Brendan said solemnly.
"Dad was so sad." She said, pulling away now and wiping her face. "Mum wouldn't let us talk about you. She said it would be too upsetting. But sometimes me and Lucas would stay up late and talk about the stories you used to tell us. Remember them?"
"Course I do." Brendan said gruffly. "If you're good, I'll do one for ye later. How's that?"
Leah smiled again then. "I'd like that."
As the day wore on, the atmosphere became less hostile. Amy demonstrated a sense of false politeness which Brendan thought didn't suit her at all. Samuel mostly stayed out of his way; playing with Lucas or talking with Amy and sometimes Steven out of Brendan's earshot. He spent most of the time sparing glances in their direction, straining to hear if his name was being mentioned until Mitzeee scolded him for being paranoid.
Leah and Lucas seemed quite taken with Phoenix. Leah pretended to play house and bossed him around a bit while Lucas gave him various toys to play with; Brendan suspected some of his old ones he'd outgrown. It was a pleasant afternoon, overall. Brendan couldn't have been more relieved.
"Enjoying yourself?" Steven asked softly after Mitzeee and Phoenix had gone home. He wrapped his arms around Brendan's waist, resting his forehead against his back.
"Not as bad as I thought." Brendan said, turning his head to catch Steven's lips.
"Yeah. Ames looks like she's about to bust a gut though. Wonder what's up with her."
"Repressed feelings no doubt." Brendan said truthfully. "We agreed to get on for the sake of the kids."
"So it's all for show?" Steven sounded disappointed. Brendan turned around, holding Steven by the waist.
"Did ye really expect anything more than that?"
"No, I guess not. I did hope though." He shrugged. "Better than nothing I guess."
"Is it time for bed yet? I think we've all had more than we can take today."
"You go in, I'll get Amy and the kids settled in their room."
"Ye sure?"
"Yeah, it's fine."
Brendan paused halfway to the door. "I promised the kids a story."
Steven smiled then. "Do that now before we take them to bed. If they fall asleep out here that's probably a bonus."
"Keep the adults occupied." Brendan winked, ushering Leah and Lucas over to the sofa. Amy watched them with interest, especially when Brendan started putting on funny voices and making them laugh. Towards the end of the story their eyelids began to droop. It wasn't even Leah's bedtime but the day's excitement seemed to have taken its toll on her.
"I'll take Lucas, you take Leah." Steven told him, and it was almost like old times except for Amy following them into the room.
"Sam's offered me his bed." Amy told Steven. "He's taking the sofa." She added hastily.
"Err, don't put images into my head." Steven wrinkled his nose distastefully.
"Stop that." Amy laughed, nudging him playfully. "Thanks for… you know, getting the kids to sleep." She said to Brendan. She seemed genuine in her thanks.
"Don't mention it." Brendan replied gruffly.
"I'll let you two get to bed then." Amy said awkwardly as they all congregated in the hallway.
"Will you be alright on that old thing, Dad?" Steven asked, leaving them temporarily.
Brendan glanced up at Amy warily. "Okay?"
"Yeah." Amy said, crossing her arms. "Today was fine. Thanks for not making a fuss."
"Likewise."
There was an awkward pause. "You're good with the kids." Amy said begrudgingly. "I told Ste I didn't want them left alone with you without Sam around but actually it wasn't necessary."
Brendan's jaw twitched at her words but he didn't comment. "I appreciate it, I do."
"Good." Amy rolled on the balls of her feet. "I guess we'll see how things go, won't we?"
"I guess we will." Brendan agreed.
"I'm not saying I'm okay with all this." Amy told him pointedly. "But I'm not as put out as I thought I'd be."
"Sometimes I can surprise ye."
"You always surprise me." Amy said a little wistfully. "I don't know if that's good or bad."
"Both, I guess."
Amy smiled a little. "Night, Brendan."
"Night, Amy."
Amy disappeared into Samuel's room and Brendan went into theirs to wait for Steven.
"She didn't kill you then?" Steven asked, bouncing onto the bed.
"Don't sound too disappointed, Steven."
"Aw, you know I love you really."
"Oh yeah? Wouldn't kill ye to say it a little more sometimes, especially in front of them."
"Alright! Getting the point." Steven rested his head against Brendan's stomach.
"Did ye know about Amy's conditions? About leaving me alone with the kids?"
"Ah, she told you?"
"Why didn't ye tell me?"
Steven turned around onto his front to stare up at him. "I didn't wanna upset you."
"Because I feel great now."
"You know what I mean."
"I guess it worked out alright anyway."
"Exactly. She saw how good you were with the kids, that's the main thing."
"Hopefully tomorrow will run just as smoothly."
"Oh yeah, tomorrow." Steven said as though he'd forgotten. "Well if nothing else, at least I love you."
"And like I said-"
"Say it in front of them now and again, got it." Steven leaned up to kiss him lingeringly on the lips. "When this is all over you're gonna have the night of your life."
"Just the night? Seems a shame." Brendan cupped his face.
"Maybe several nights then. A week even."
"That's more like it." Brendan crooned, kissing him again.
"Not tonight though!" Steven said, pulling away and flopping beside him on the bed. "Just cuddling tonight." Brendan groaned. "Oi, watch it!"
"I guess." Brendan pulled the duvet over them. "Ye could at least sleep naked for me."
"Too cold for that." Steven said, shivering for effect.
"Why are ye always cold? Come here." Brendan pulled him into his arms, head tucked under his chin.
"I'm always cold so you hold me this tight." Steven said playfully. "Night, Bren."
Brendan sighed, telling himself over and over again in his head just one more day.
