A/N: So this chapter gets all dark and sad, not that the story isn't all dark and sad to begin with but you know.

Sanji spent the next half hour in the kitchen. He has no idea if any of them will be eating what he is making right away. Sanji is kind of losing his appetite.

Robin had closed Zoro's bedroom door, but Sanji can still hear faint sobbing sounds coming from the room followed by the sound of Robin's soothing voice. Zoro had been holding this back for at least three days and letting it build up. Now that he's let it out it doesn't sound like it's stopping.

Sanji's heart breaks listening to this. He wishes there was something he could do for Zoro, but Robin is clearly infinitely more helpful in this situation than Sanji is.

The most he can do right now is make Zoro something easy to eat. He hasn't eaten all day and Sanji will not let him go an entire day without having at least something to eat. He's not starving himself on top of the rest of this. So he busies himself with a simple soup for his moss and tries to not listen to what's happening in the other room.

Thankfully Zoro's kitchen has all he needs for a simple vegetable broth. Zoro is most likely not going to be in a state to eat anything substantial, he hasn't for the past few days, so this will be perfect. He gathers the ingredients and gets started.

He chops up his vegetables and places them into a pot with some oil and cooks them down before adding water and salt. While the stock boils, he finishes up the rest of the food he had been preparing and packs it away into the fridge, making sure there is a portion set aside to give to Robin. She is not leaving without some form of a thank you from him. When he deems the soup prepared, he discards the vegetables from the broth and keeps the pot covered to keep it warm.

Just as he is finishing cleaning up the kitchen, he hears the door to Zoro's bedroom open and Robin appears right after. She looks exhausted. Sanji isn't even sure what to say to her. He pauses in his movements as she makes her way to him.

"How is he?" Sanji supposes that is probably the most appropriate thing to ask.

She gives Sanji a small tired smile. "He's asleep." There's a pause between the two of them before Robin continues. "If you can manage it, I would really recommend not leaving him by himself."

Sanji's heart sinks. Does that mean…? He nods his head; he can definitely do that.

"I'm not saying he's going to act on anything, but it's better to be safe. He's in a very high stress state of mind right now, and very emotional. I would feel much better if he had someone around him."

"I'll…I'll definitely do that. I won't leave him." He stares at the counter; he's at a loss for what to do. Suddenly he remembers that he had made Robin a box to take home with her and moves to the fridge. "Here, this is for you; a thank you. I really appreciate you coming by today, I can't even express how thankful I am. And I know Zoro is too."

"Please do not hesitate to ask for my help. I am more than happy to speak with either of you at any time." She gratefully takes the food that is handed to her. "I do have to be going now though, I have someone coming in about an hour. I'm sorry to just rush out like this."

"Oh, it's no problem. Thank you, again."

She smiles at him again, that same tired smile. Maybe this is why she drinks so much coffee. "Take care of him, Sanji."

"I will, I promise."

Robin is out the door just as quickly as she had come through it.

Sanji hesitates in the kitchen for a moment. Should he take Zoro his soup now? She did say he was asleep. He really does need to eat though.

He pulls out a bowl and pours some soup into it, grabs a spoon, and heads over to Zoro.

He's still laying much as he was before, but now on the other side of the bed. It looks as though Robin had pulled the blanket up around him; there is no way Zoro would have pulled it around himself so nicely. Sanji places the bowl of soup on the bedside table and sits on the bed next to his moss. He can hear him breathing through his mouth and snoring slightly, his nose too blocked off from crying. Sanji cards his fingers through Zoro's soft green hair. Usually when someone sleeps, they look at peace, but Zoro isn't one of those people. It happens sometimes, but only when his mind is truly calm. Sanji has only seen it a couple of times, most notably after harming himself. Even when he's passed out drunk, he always looks like something is weighing on his mind.

Zoro must feel the movement in his hair because his eye opens slowly and he turns his head a bit to look at Sanji better. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't even need to. His expression says it all. His eye is reddened, his face tearstained. His brow is knit into that perpetual scowl of his, but right now it has a tinge of sadness to it.

Sanji continues his ministration to the moss's hair. "Hey." Zoro still remains silent. "You hungry?" Zoro gives the world's smallest shake of his head. "I thought not. But you haven't eaten all day. Can you try? I brought you some soup." Zoro makes no move to eat. "Please?"

He nods his head a little more forcefully than he had shaken it and shifts onto his back so that he can sit up a little. Sanji grabs the soup and offers it to him. He takes the bowl and slowly brings the spoon to his mouth. He looks like he's forcing it down, only eating because Sanji had asked him to. But at least he's eating. Sanji keeps his hand on Zoro's thigh in a supportive gesture.

Zoro finishes what he can of the soup; it wasn't all of it, but almost. Sanji takes back the bowl and stands to bring it back to the kitchen, but Zoro's hand reaches out and grabs his. There is no way Sanji can leave now.

He places the bowl back on the bedside table and crawls into bed next to Zoro. For a while they just lay next to each other holding hands. Eventually Zoro turns to his side and wraps himself around Sanji, burying his face into his neck.

Sanji can feel his warm breath against his skin. He thinks back to what Robin had mentioned, about not leaving him alone. Sanji savors the feeling; he thinks about how he wouldn't know what he would do if he were ever deprived of the feeling of Zoro's breath against his skin, the weight of Zoro draped around him. He wraps his arms around Zoro and just holds onto him. He's not sure how long they stayed like that, but eventually Zoro breaks the silence.

"It was my fault." Zoro spoke so quietly that Sanji almost didn't hear him.

His fault? What was his fault? Sanji is about to ask what he means, but Zoro continues his thought.

"They died because of me."

What was he talking about? Who died- oh. Oh, now Sanji understands. The look of worry on Robin's face before they started after mentioning he was hit in the head, the odd line that Zoro had blurted out that Sanji thought was out of context but that Robin had completely understood, the reason behind his recent spiral out of control.

His family.

"You remember, don't you?"

Zoro nods into Sanji's neck. "It feels like it just happened."

He pulls Zoro closer and the green haired man is practically lying on top of him at this point. He doesn't even know what to say. Zoro remembers what happened.

"It feels like it just happened, but it was almost twenty years ago."

Sanji figures Zoro needs to just let this out. He obviously had spoken about it with Robin, but this feels different. This isn't an emotional damn breaking with all the memories coming forth after being suppressed for so long, and Zoro trying to push them away for the past few days. This is Zoro just remembering, processing. Though he seems to be blaming himself. Sanji is still in the dark about what had happened so he can't contradict the man. But almost twenty years ago… that means Zoro must have been around seven or eight years old. How could that have possibly been his fault? Sanji remains silent with supportive arms around the green haired man, waiting for him to continue if he chooses to.

There was another stretch of silence before Zoro speaks again.

"He killed them." Sanji can feel Zoro's grip tighten on him slightly. "He killed them because of me."

Sanji can sense a wave of self-hatred coming off the moss. He's felt that before when speaking about his thrill for killing or when Sanji had first encountered drunk Zoro and he very clearly hated everything about himself.

How could he possibly have caused the death of his family at eight? Sanji still does not understand the reason for this self-hatred and blaming. He wants to ask, but he doesn't want to break Zoro out of whatever it is he's doing. He seems to need this. Sanji isn't even sure Zoro is really speaking to him; he's just kind of talking. He doesn't think Zoro consciously decided to tell Sanji, he just started speaking. He knows there is something about himself that makes Zoro feel comforted and safe, so maybe after just being near him for a while Zoro decided to just let it all out in a more controlled manner than he had with Robin.

Sanji wants to know who it was that Zoro is talking about, who killed them? And why wasn't Zoro included? Sanji is very glad that he wasn't, but his entire family was killed excluding him? He's definitely very curious. Not enough to ask if Zoro doesn't want to tell though.

"He hated me."

Between every utterance from Zoro is a length of silence, like he's psyching himself up between bits of his story so that he can continue.

"He used to hurt me."

Something about this is starting feel even more tragic than it already had. Sanji leans his head to rest on top of Zoro's green fuzzy head while he bites his lip.

"He got really violent one night."

Zoro takes a deep shuddery breath, presumably remembering that fateful night.

"They tried to stop him, but that made him even angrier."

Sanji is starting to see where this is going. He's not sure he wants Zoro to finish; he doesn't want to make him say it again, or relive it. But he keeps going despite Sanji's inner worry for the man.

Sanji can feel wetness on his skin where Zoro's face is pressed.

"He-" Zoro holds back a sob between words. "He killed them for helping me."

If what Sanji is getting from this disjointed story is right, Zoro's father had killed his mother and sister, all for defending the eight-year-old Zoro who he had repeatedly abused. Holy fuck. And Zoro thinks this was his fault. It totally was not, but Sanji can definitely see where he can misconstrue what happened and blame himself for it. He doesn't even know where he would begin to try to comfort Zoro. The only thing he can do is to just hold him close and let him know that he's loved.

"He got my mom first. She was the first one to say anything."

Zoro sniffs between sentences.

"Then my sister. She got a little bolder after watching my mom get hurt."

He's quiet for a long time again, but eventually he continues.

"Before she died, my sister told me to run. I was so scared. I didn't want to leave them, but she made me promise I'd run. And I did. I ran away. I was so afraid someone would make me go back to him. So I hid from everyone until they forgot about me, and I forgot about everything."

Sanji is at a loss for words. For the first time in his life, Sanji can't even come up with anything to respond with. Nothing he says will make this right; nothing will make this better. He just kisses to top of Zoro's head and stays with him.

Surprisingly, Zoro has more to say. Sanji assumed that was the end of it. He wishes that were the end of it.

"And now I'm just like him." What? How is he like him at all? There's nothing between the two of them that is similar. Unless… unless Zoro means the killing. He equates himself to his father because he has a fascination with killing. His father is probably why he has that in the first place. But they aren't similar at all, his father killed out of hatred, it doesn't sound like he was even capable of compassion or love. Zoro on the other hand, as much as he tries to hide it, is one of the most compassionate people Sanji knows.

"Don't you ever say you are anything like him, Zoro." Sanji's heart is broken. There is no way he will let Zoro think that way.

Sanji really wants to know what happened to Zoro's father. Where is he? Is he still alive, is he in jail, was he even caught? He hopes the bastard is dead. He murdered Zoro's mother and sister right in front of him. Holy shit, Zoro watched that happen. No wonder he's so fucked up, even if he couldn't remember it, there was still some part of him that held onto it. Sanji doesn't want to continue with this conversation anymore, Zoro really needs to rest. He's glad he had gotten the moss to eat a little something after dealing with all of this. He brings one of his hands up to stroke Zoro's hair and presses his lips a few times to his head in comfort.

Sanji has no idea how long they've been lying there but he eventually feels Zoro's breathing change to a rhythm that he knows means the man is sleeping. Sanji follow suit not long after.

-:-

When Zoro wakes up he feels like he has a hangover. It's hard to breathe from the amount of sinus blockage he is experiencing which in turn is giving him a major headache. He's groggy and his eye feels heavy.

He's smooshed as close to the cook as he can possibly be. That's probably also why it's hard to breathe; his face is mashed into Sanji's neck and some of his blonde hair is getting into his mouth.

He untangles himself slightly from the cook, pulling the hair out of his mouth. It may smell nice, but it does not taste nice.

He rolls off the cook and stretches his limbs before standing up to use the bathroom. This is one of the few times he has voluntarily gotten out of bed in the past few days. He feels a little bit lighter having recounted what happened, but at the same time it made it all that more real and left it weighing on him in a different way now.

He glances in his newly replaced mirror. Man, he looks like shit. He decides he can deal with his appearance after he pisses, that is a little more urgent. That soup Sanji gave him last night is ready to come out. He concentrates on where he's aiming to keep his mind from drifting back to the events of yesterday, but that doesn't last long as a distraction.

He checks himself in the mirror once again and splashes some water on his face. That makes him feel slightly better. He doesn't feel the dried saltiness from crying stuck to his face anymore. There is nothing he can do about that bruise though. He runs a hand through his hair and decides he should probably take a shower. He can't remember when the last time that was, and usually that means he needs one. The steam from the hot water might help flush his sinuses out, too.

A shower might not have been the best idea right now. The warm water hitting his body feels really nice, and he feels like he can breathe a little bit easier, but he is having a hard time not thinking about them. And why he can even remember them.

Why is it that showers prove to be the most thought provoking activity?

He washes himself quickly and lets the spray hit his back and drip off his nose.

Why does he all of a sudden remember everything?

It happened not long after he woke up on Ace's couch. He felt something breaking through the barriers he had meticulously created all those years ago. It was slow at first, and then all of a sudden it was all there. It must have been a result of hitting his head. That affects memories, doesn't it? He's pretty sure he's seen movies and things that have that as a plot point. Maybe not though, maybe the memories were just ready to resurface. His sister came back to him almost instantly at seeing Tashigi; even if he didn't know who she was, the memory was still there. Maybe once he saw that picture of them and was told who they were, the memories of his family came back. He kind of wishes they stayed buried. At least the last memory he has of them, or any of his father.

He doesn't even deserve to be called that. Everything he had done to Zoro, what he did to his mother and sister. The perpetual beating he received just for existing. How it always got worse if Zoro could smell alcohol on him, the look on his mother's face when he dealt that last blow to him and she intervened for the last time. His sister's pleading eyes when she begged to make him promise to get out and escape his father's fist as the life drained out of her.

When he thinks back to his father he feels an immediate wave of hatred and killing intent. He is forced to crouch down in the shower to get a hold of himself. He concentrates on the pattern the water makes as it hits his back and the feel of the rim of the tub as he holds onto it to ground himself. He takes a few deep breaths and tries to fall back into a serene state of mind.

He really needs to refrain from thinking about him too much, or at all.

Zoro manages to push the feeling away, it didn't manifest too much thankfully. That is not a feeling he wants to wake up with.

At least now he knows where it all stems from.

He stays crouched under the water in attempt to keep the feeling at bay, and because the rhythmic repetition drawn into his back by the droplets feels really nice from down here.

He can feel himself drifting off under the warm spray, letting the heat engulf him and clear his mind. Sleep begins to take over him.

Suddenly he feels a chill from where the shower curtain is supposed to be and a panicked version of the cook's voice.

"Zoro, is everything ok?"

He is pulled back to full consciousness abruptly. He may not have told the cook all the nitty gritty details, but he knows enough now to be worried. And Zoro is pretty sure Robin may have told him something after witnessing the complete breakdown he had. How could she not. He is appreciative that the cook decided to leave the room while that happened. "I'm fine, just fell asleep for a second."

He pulls himself back to a standing position and decides he should probably get out; the water is starting to run cold. If the cook wanted to shower this morning, he might be out of luck unless he wants go use freezing water.

"You sure?" Sanji hands him a towel and runs concerned eyes over him. The cook was probably calling to him through the door and when he didn't respond he feared the worst. Zoro can tell the cook is trying to keep the concern out of his expression and voice as best as he can, but it's still showing a little. As much as Zoro does not want to be fussed over, he does appreciate the sentiment.

He nods in response to Sanji's question and towels himself off.

Sanji watches him for a moment before speaking again. "How are you feeling today?"

Zoro pauses his movements to think over a reply. He doesn't feel great. But he doesn't feel as in despair as he had the past few days. He just feels a different kind of sadness now. It's not the overwhelming emotional build up that he was experiencing, that's already passed. He's definitely at a level of functionality now, but nowhere near where he would like to be. "I don't know. Not worse, but I wouldn't exactly say better. Just different."

The cook seems to accept that as an answer. As long as the answer isn't worse, the cook always seems to be satisfied enough. He grabs the towel Zoro had thrown around his shoulders and pulls Zoro in for a quick kiss. "Ok. I'm glad you're back to talking again. You want breakfast?"

Sanji is using food as a guise to try to brush over his concern for him. Not making light of the situation, but trying not to over react if Zoro really is fine for right now. He pulls the cook closer by the hips and places a kiss on his lips that lasts longer than the previous one. He keeps the distance between them close enough so that their breath is mingling and their lips are just barely touching. He smiles slightly against Sanji's lips. The only time a smile feels genuine is when it's directed towards Sanji. "Breakfast sounds great."

The cook hauls Zoro in for a slightly damp hug. Zoro throws his arms around his cook and returns the embrace. "Zoro, I'm so glad you're back." He can hear a slight shake to his voice and a sniff after he speaks. He hadn't really thought about how all of this would be affecting the cook. It must be really hard watching this all play out without being able to directly do anything about it. The cook sniffs again. "You really scared me."

He tightens his hold on the cook. "I'm sorry." Zoro places a kiss to the cook's neck and nuzzles into his hair. "Are you ok?"

Their entire relationship has revolved mostly around asking Zoro if he was ok, but Zoro hadn't really thought about ever asking the cook. This is the first time the cook has ever really shown any distress from the situation. He always tries to be the one Zoro can lean on, he's so selfless that he would rather Zoro be getting better than worrying about the toll all of this is taking on himself. Zoro resolves to be better about making sure the cook is mentally sound as much as he is making sure Zoro is.

Sanji lets out a breath; he can feel it down the exposed skin of his back chilling him slightly from the moisture that is still clinging to him from the shower. "Yeah, I'm good. As long as you're ok, I'm ok."

"Cook, that's the stupidest thing I've ever hear you say. You know I'm nowhere near ok."

"You know what I mean."

He lets out a huff of laughter when he feels the cook grab his bare ass. "Breakfast first, Sanji."

"I'll have to make something quick then."

God dammit he doesn't know what he would do without his stupid cook. He pulls back just enough to be able to plant a kiss on the cook's mouth. He lets out a real smile. "I love you." He doesn't tell the cook that enough.

"I know you do you stupid moss monster. I love you too. Let's go eat."