Chapter 29. Say Something
The next morning, Fritz is waiting outside the door wearing a concerned expression when Delora and I try to leave for breakfast. "Princess," he asks, "may I talk to you…in private?"
I look at Delora, who simply says, "Just stand far enough away that you won't shock him."
Literally, or figuratively…because that is the difference between about three feet versus so far away he cannot hear me.
I nod, and return to Delora's bedroom and sit back down on my bed. Fritz follows me in, closes the door, and turns to face me but he is silent for long moments.
"What is it, Fritz?" I ask.
"Princess, I…" he tries to start. "I just wanted to inquire…." He takes a deep breath. "You seem to have gotten very close to Waltz in a very short time. I know that you need him to instruct you, and I just wanted to make sure that he was not…taking advantage of the situation in any way."
And somehow I am sure that Fritz saw that kiss I gave Waltz last night in the hallway outside Delora's room, but not that it occurred at my invitation. I give Fritz a small smile. "No, he's a perfect gentleman. If anything, I'm a bit…forward." I do not mention the fact that Waltz has given me a son. I know that Fritz would not take that particular news very well right now…. Come to think of it…I should let my husband know about that sometime today. I do not doubt that it will come as quite a shock…that it complicates things…but he would want to know. He would take it worse if I tried to hide it from him for any length of time. He always wants me to be transparent with him, for me to let him know what I am truly feeling.
Fritz sighs. "I see," he finally replies, sounding both relieved and saddened. He was not sure which answer he was hoping for, himself. He did not see any recourse available if Waltz were taking advantage, unless perhaps if Parfait could be persuaded to intervene, but the only other option would be that I was seriously interested in Waltz.
And I know that Fritz always admired me, and wanted to be someone I could rely on and trust. If I interact with him often enough, he starts to hope that it would be possible that I could return his feelings. He may have started to have that hope when I asked him if he wanted to go into hiding with me while I learn to use magic…perhaps that was why it was comparatively easy to convince him to come…but I was smiling at Waltz within a few hours of leaving the palace. Those hopes had been quickly smothered, but I doubt his admiration for me is gone.
It is not like this is something that he could not have foreseen, though. He knew that eventually there would be men paying me court, and his own duty would keep him from being among them unless I made advances first. However, he appears to find the speed of my relationship with Waltz shocking; he probably expected that a man would have to court me for a few months to start earning even my smiles. Once, he would have been correct in that belief.
Now I have confirmed that I am interested in Waltz; that he is not pushing me faster that I want to go. It might help a little if he knew some of the reason Waltz is precious to me so he doesn't hope that my interest in Waltz is merely a fancy of mine that may disappear as suddenly as it came, even though Fritz knows that I am not one to be taken by such things. He needs to have a realistic view of the situation in order to better cope with it. "I know that this will seem…odd…but in some ways, Waltz knows me better than I know myself. You know that he used to be my mother's apprentice?"
"I have heard that mentioned," he answers, nodding.
"When we were younger, he would sneak into my room to play with me, to make me smile. The rest of the time, he lived under Mother's thumb, as she attempted to corrupt him…but I was the only bright spot in his life at the time and he was the only source of joy I had in mine. She isolated me from everyone besides herself, and Waltz was the only one that ever got through anyway. Eventually, Mother erased my memories of him, but not his memories of me…and I think she did it that way to cause him pain, to punish him. That was when he betrayed her to Parfait, knowing Mother would probably corrupt me if she was not destroyed, and Mother cursed him."
"And she left the items he would need to break his curse with you," Fritz says grimly, "and since you could not remember him…what he needed would be where it was most painful for him to get them." And I nod, but Fritz continues. "But you said something about remembering…fragments?"
"Sometimes pieces of erased memories show up in my dreams," I tell him. "Things that I do remember occurring show up in dreams as well…but for the things that I don't remember that appear in my dreams…they are always fragments of joy."
"Things she took from you," Fritz says, sounding disgusted, and then he sighs. "And you probably see Waltz as someone she took from you, that you can reclaim?"
"I…cannot deny that," I tell him. I reclaimed Waltz and took him as my husband, in spite of the things she had done to separate us.
"There is something else, Princess," he continues after a few moments, sounding determined. "You, the witches, and Parfait…are all being secretive about something. You don't have to tell me what it is, but if there is any way I can help you, you need only ask."
And even with his hopes dashed, he still wants to do anything he can for me, whatever it costs him. This is the Fritz that slew Myth before the duel between Myth and Waltz could be completed, allowing me to have the man I loved. After all, he could have allowed Myth to kill Waltz, or at least wait until there was a clear victor, before emerging. "There's a…problem…with the Tenebrarum. I don't know how you could help at this time." Then I remember that Parfait may need messages carried to the other Bearers elsewhere. She will have to send them soon, for them to be able to return with answers before the next cycle starts. I don't really like the idea of sending Fritz on such an errand, but he may go mad if he can't do anything useful. "That may change, and I might have a task suited to you later. I need to plan with Parfait about something."
Fritz nods, seeming a little consoled. "As long as you know that you will always have my sword, Princess. And…I just wanted to ensure that you were not being pushed into anything."
"Of course." I tell him. "You know; you act more like a brother to me than Rod does."
Fritz starts at this. "I…do?"
"If you really wanted to be my brother, it wouldn't be impossible," I tell him. This is the most I can offer him. I know that it is not what he wants, but it is what he can have if he decides to accept it. "Emelaigne admires you…though she would be mortified if she finds out that I told you. The gods know she is incapable of telling you, herself."
Fritz's mouth drops open. "But…but…Princess Emelaigne…" he finally stammers.
"You don't need to worry that Father would object," I continue. "How can he? He married a baker, himself. If you wish it, I will speak to my father on your behalf." I look at my knight, who is now opening and closing his mouth soundlessly. "And I won't be offended if you don't want her. For all I know, you could have intentions elsewhere and I've put a damper on them by dragging you with me." That I've thrown cold water on them would be a more apt metaphor, but there is one of me, and two…well, five…of you and I have made my choice. "Or Emelaigne may simply not be your type; not everyone likes that much bubbly. It certainly took me some time to start getting used to it."
"Err…I am really not sure how to answer that," Fritz finally says.
I nod. "It's not something that necessarily needs an answer. Just let me know if you would like any help with my sister if you ever decide that you are interested. Is there anything else you would like to discuss before breakfast?"
"No Princess," Fritz tells me, as if in a daze.
I stand up from my bed, and have to clear my throat before Fritz remembers to open the door for me. "Then, let's go eat."
I exit and go to stand by Delora who is still waiting in the hall. Fritz exits behind me, but walks past us as if still in a daze. "That's quite an effect you have on people," Delora tells me. "If I may ask, what was that about?"
"He wanted to make sure that Waltz's behavior was…honorable, and ask about what the gigantic problem was and offer to help if he could," I tell the older woman. "I told him that Waltz is a gentleman, I did not currently have a task he could accomplish, that he was acting like a brother to me and if he wanted to make that formal Emelaigne fancies him."
Delora shakes her head at me. "You know, as far as he is concerned unless I miss my guess, she's the wrong princess."
"Emelaigne really is smitten, but I don't think he ever considered her," I answer her. "However, in this situation, that is all I can offer him."
"I was not suggesting otherwise," Delora tells me before we head downstairs for breakfast.
…..
I keep wondering when Rod is going to visit, but I know that he does not need to come here to see that I am cursed, because I have escaped that this time. However, he usually comes the same day Rumple does, and that should be sometime tomorrow.
I really need to tell Waltz about the baby so he knows why it's important that we get married immediately. What if I am able to get the cycling to stop this time? My son's life will be harder if people think him illegitimate. It would be even more difficult if I am unable to get it stopped until the next cycle, but I suppose I could explain that I had married earlier without my father's knowledge and was using magic to hide the baby. It would be a lesser scandal, and it would be easier than explaining time fluctuations. It might be the one time when my mother's behavior would actually help me. Compared to her murdering the previous king, forcing my father to marry her, and then ruling the nation in darkness my marrying in secret and hiding a pregnancy would seem like such a small thing. It would be like finding a ferret loose in your house when you had been expecting a mountain lion.
Waltz tells me during breakfast that he wants to go out during the morning, to perform and play with the children. Apparently, he wants to tell his young friends that a beautiful young lady broke his curse, but is a little downcast that he cannot show me to them under the circumstances.
So, I smile and nod when he tells me about his plans, and Delora says she'll see to my morning lessons. I'll just have to tell him about the baby later, and I know I'll see him during the afternoon. After all, I cannot exactly blurt this out at the breakfast table. The anticipation of telling Waltz distracts me, making it harder for me to concentrate on my training this morning. Unlike my mother, Delora does not scold me for this. She can guess what is going on in my mind, and recognizes it's probably enough to distract anyone.
It is afternoon before Delora hands me back to Waltz, and I can drag him to the private dining room and shut the door. At first he seems pleasantly surprised, as if expecting more kisses, but he quickly senses that something is bothering me. This is confirmed when I ask him to put up a sound barrier, and his expression becomes serious as he does so. "What is it, Lucette?"
I normally have no trouble being frank, but how does one tell a man that you are carrying his baby? To complicate matters further, that the cycles that keep occurring may destroy the child? This is unlike anything I have done before. My worry tries to trickle as static out of my arm, but I bleed the magical energy into the air before it can. "According to Parfait, I…became pregnant on our wedding night. She says that it's a boy. I found out late last night."
Waltz's eyes widen, and he leans back against the wall for support. I grab a chair, place it next to him, and he somehow manages to lower himself into it. I take another, and sit down myself.
Apparently, I cannot go half a day without shocking someone; first Fritz, and now my husband.
"Waltz?" I ask after a few minutes. "Please say something."
He starts, and takes my hands into his. "I'm sorry Lucette. I'm just…surprised."
"I don't blame you for that," I reply. "It does explain things, though. This cycle, I couldn't be physically reset this time without destroying the babe, so I retained my magic and thus remained the Bearer. Keeping me static while everything else reset is probably what made the Tenebrarum unstable."
"And in another six months?" he asks. "And the cycle after that, after the baby has arrived?"
"That's my biggest concern, too," I admit. "This cycle or the next…it has to stop." I notice more energy building, and funnel it into a harmless shield before I can literally shock my husband.
Waltz notices me funneling the magic away, and pulls me into his lap to hold me. "We'll find a way," he whispers as I rest my head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart for a few minutes; it calms me, and the unbidden magic fades. "Just so you know," he continues, "I do want this baby…our own family. We'll have to figure out how to end this, so we can keep him…but we can do this together, and our son will be more than worth it."
"Thank you," I whisper to him, and he hugs me. "I…needed to hear that from you." Still, I sigh. Under normal circumstances, this should be a much happier moment. I should have been smiling as I told my husband…who clearly remembered being in love with me…that we were expecting our first child. Waltz should have been so excited he was bouncing off the walls instead of needing to console me in my worry. This should have been a joyous announcement to my family and friends, instead of something to be hidden until Waltz and I are formally married again. Instead…instead….
I close my eyes against tears, and lean my face into my husband's shirt. And he is both warm, and steady as he holds me. This is the man that decided to love me, merely because I am in love him. He will fight anything to protect me. He will request no reward for doing either of these things…and he deserves the very best of everything that I can give him.
Finally, I am able to relax in his arms, the tears not appearing for now at least.
"You know," my husband admits, "I had always thought that while I wanted children one day, my fear was going to be that they would arrive before I considered myself ready to be a father. The consequences of time fluctuations never occurred to me."
"I hadn't thought about that either. As to the other, I'm not sure that anyone ever really feels truly prepared to be a parent," I reply, not having thought much of parenting myself. I guess that most people want to be as good as or a better parent than they had. But then, I don't think that I'll have to try very hard to be a better mother than the one I had myself. I have to simply avoid alienating my child from the affections of his father, friends, and the love of his life and not try to corrupt him to be a better mother.
I know that I need to aim higher than that. I need to make sure that my children never doubt that they are loved; that they never believe that my affections are conditional.
"You may be right about that," Waltz admits. "The point is that instead of focusing on raising a child, my initial focus is on making sure that he and his mother survive and that these cycles stop. I'll do whatever I can to take care of the both of you."
"You always take care of me, and I can't see how you would do any less for your son," I say, remembering the day he was injured by Varg. When I had gone to see him after I found out about Mother again that evening, he had been given so much painkiller medication, his words were slurred. The next morning, he still brought my breakfast tray to me…he had been concerned for me. And I cannot help but sigh yet again. "And you have no idea how happy I am that you remember as much as you do. I'm not sure how I would have explained the baby to you, otherwise."
"That…would have been even more awkward," my husband admits, "but there is a relatively simple spell to determine paternity. However, since we are both witches that made a promise to each other, that is not an issue."
And I realize that if I had married a human, and become pregnant on that night, I would still be able to use magic and would remain the Bearer…but my husband would have no memory at all of our marriage. Of the other four, I think only Fritz would have reacted in any way as well as Waltz is right now. It would have taken him some time to wrap his head around it, but in the end he would have been as steadfast as Waltz. Though I think perhaps Fritz would be much more uncertain about being a father. After all, Fritz does not exactly have a good father himself. In fact, I think Alcaster is the worst father I've met anywhere.
Very few men are willing to have their sons cursed, or would kill their only child themselves.
"I wish that I remembered more," Waltz tells me.
"You are not alone in that," I tell him, my mind turning to what is rather than what ifs. "Not just that I wish you had remembered our courtship, but I wish that I remembered more of the time we spent together when we were children. More comes back every now and then, but there are still holes in my memory."
"Then why don't we tell each other all about it?" he asks me.
I blink. "Just…talk about it, you mean?"
He smiles at me. "More or less. When we have quiet moments, in private with no pressing demands, I can tell you about what I remember and you have forgotten about our time together, and you can do the same for me."
A slow smile spreads across my face. "I…think that I would like that, Waltz. Do we have anything pressing right now?"
"I think we have time for a story before you get back to your lessons," Waltz tells me. "Tell me…which of us started flirting first last time?"
"I did, but you did not realize that that was what I was doing, at the time," I tell him.
"Neither fact really surprises me," he admits, a slow smile pulling at the edge of his lips.
I smile as I start the tale, wishing that time could stand still for at least a little while, wishing that this pleasant moment would last for longer than I know it will. "Well, I had been watching you practice magic with Delora one evening…."
…..
I do not even bother to get out of bed when I hear Garlan yelling for Parfait that night. "What's that?" Delora asks, from her bed across the room.
"Rumpel probably arrived," I moan, half asleep this time. "Parfait and Annice will fix him up, and he will be…comparatively fine in the morning."
"Good then," she yawns, before rolling over in bed to return to sleep.
I wake again later that night, a scream caught in my throat. I walk over to the washstand, splash water onto my face, and look into the mirror—even in the soft moonlight I can still see that I am pale. In my dream, I was crying as my mother removed my memories of Waltz piece by piece. He was restrained in the corner of the room, horrified but unable to look away from me, as my tears diminished and I slowly became unable to remember what I had been crying about.
My breath catches, as I realize that that was exactly what had happened…and my mother had taken that memory from me as well. I return shakily to bed, wondering how many other memories will resurface in my dreams. I guess not all of my erased memories are pleasant after all.
The next morning Delora and I go to see the new arrival, which from Parfait's description, is indeed Rumpel. It feels odd not to be carrying a breakfast tray as I enter my old room when he tells us to come in after Delora knocks. I see a breakfast tray on his table, and it occurs to me to wonder who does the fetching and carrying now that I am working on my lessons instead of laboring.
Just as always, when we enter Rumpel is by the window looking at his notebook. It just seems a little odd to see him sitting in my old room, in my chair.
"Good morning," Delora says. "Good to see you're awake and breathing."
Hmmm…I think I can play with this a little bit without Rumpel noticing anything that unusual…and even if he does…he did just have a head injury so no one will care if he says anything odd…. "He's going to ask if he's dead," I whisper in Delora's ear.
When he looks up at us, his eyes widen. "Am I…dead?" Rumple asks.
"What?" Delora asks, addressing me as much as she is him.
I whisper again to Delora, "Here comes the angel part."
"I'm in heaven. Or maybe…you two are angels that have fallen out of it?" Rumpel asks.
"You are a little scary, sometimes…the 'angel part' indeed," the older witch tells me, not really bothering to whisper, but clearly addressing me. "Do you have everything memorized?"
I shrug. "This happens often enough."
Rumple notices the exchange, but the smile does not leave his face. "Then obviously I am not the first man to compare you to an angel, if you have the line committed to memory!" he says, plainly assuming that I hear this pick-up line all of the time. I find this assumption a little ironic in the light that very few men have the nerve to attempt to 'pick up' the ice princess. "I am by no means surprised by that, as beautiful as you are! But I digress…what can a humble gentleman like myself do for you lovely ladies?" When we do not answer, he continues. "Ah, you could join me on this bed! It's very comfortable and there's plenty of room for the both of you."
I shrug and turn to Delora before she says that she will follow my lead. "I really don't want this man, especially since I already have one. But if you want him, by all means take him," I tell her, attempting to keep a smile off my face as I do so.
"I'll pass, thanks Princess," she replies.
Rumpel looks a little crestfallen. "I take it that this lovely young lady already has an admirer? Of course I'm disappointed, but not surprised by that. But a princess…. Ah, of course! Such a beautiful lady could only be a princess! Just take one look at her noble grace! I suppose that some equally noble prince has won your heart."
"Nope," I tell him. "A witch." Though…Waltz really is a prince, now. I wonder how long it will be before someone addresses him as 'Your Highness' and he realizes that they mean him….
His eyebrows rise. "Apparently, this princess likes danger."
"Actually, I'm fairly certain that she's the more dangerous of the pair," Delora says dryly, and I really cannot disagree with that.
"As dangerous as she is beautiful then," Rumpel muses. "What an adventure being your paramour would be!"
You have no idea how right you are about that. The survival rate isn't that good….
Then, Parfait walks into the room. "Oh, he's awake!" she says.
"Another lovely lady has entered my chambers?" Rumple says, and I turn around to face Delora so Rumple cannot see me as I mouth his words as he says them. "I don't think my heart can handle the perfection of three of you at once!"
"I think I know how Casanova here got those head injuries," Delora and I both say out loud to Parfait at once. Delora glares at me, but I only grin at her and continue. "Some lady decided she'd had enough of his rubbish and wanted to punish him…" we both say.
"Stop that!" Delora tells me.
"This is part of my revenge for that broom thing," I tell her, still grinning. "You had your fun, and now I get mine."
"Delora, Lucette, patience," Parfait says, but I can tell she is amused at my antics. "He may not even be in the right state of mind right now. He did take injuries to the head, after all."
Then, Rumple stares directly at me. "You're familiar…Lucette was it? But…. No, it's impossible! Aren't you the crown princess? What are you doing here?"
"Taking magic lessons from this witch right here," I say, and point to Delora. "She's one of my tutors."
"I…see," Rumple says, sounding just a little subdued as he realizes he was flirting with a pair of witches, and one of them the daughter of the king. But then, he will happily flirt with anything in a skirt. Which reminds me….
"What is your name, good sir?" Parfait asks, and Rumpel suddenly becomes downcast. I am sure that Parfait still remembers that Rumpel does not know his name, and she is merely getting to the heart of his issue.
"I would answer any question you ask of me, madam, but…I don't remember," he says, looking at his notebook.
"Amnesia?" Delora considers out loud, though she also already knows about the curse.
"I know everything about Angielle," Rumpel says, "and yet…I don't know the first thing about myself. Except that I have the Rumpelstiltskin Curse."
"I knew it," Delora says, "he's got the Fairytale Curse."
"Fairytale Curse?" Rumpel asks.
"Do you remember how to break it?" Parfait asks.
"From what I remember," Rumpel says, "I need to somehow collect three memories and get them to appear in this journal as entries." He proffers his notebook. "My first memory is waking up and holding this. I thought there would be information in here, but its empty."
"Another victim of the curse," Parfait sighs. "You must be tired. We'll give you some time to yourself. We'll be outside if you need anything else."
"Oh, by the way," I decide to tell him before leaving, knowing it might head some conflict off, "don't flirt with everyone wearing a skirt here. There's a cursed man that has to dress as a woman, and appears as a beautiful redhead, named Karma. He's been known to beat men that flirt with him…and you don't need another head injury…so you might ask for names before attempting that."
"I…will try to remember that, Princess…Karma…redhead," Rumple says, looking concerned, and I close the door behind myself after we leave.
"So, that is Rumpel?" Parfait muses as we walk. "I take it he tries to flirt with Karma with…negative results?"
"It's hilarious to watch," I tell her, "but they might be arguing for months. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much about Rumpel's curse. He tends to break that without any assistance from anyone else. Just make sure he goes into town sometimes where someone might recognize him and show him written entries about him." And now that Rumpel is here, I can try disbanding a few curses to see what happens…or perhaps it might be better to hide what I really am from the corrupted witches for just a while longer.
If I take no actions I cannot explain to Myth, perhaps he will give me the information I will need willingly. If he needs to be interrogated instead of tricked, I have no idea if a truth serum or spell will work on a witch of his caliber. I know that Waltz can get out of at least some spells, and Myth is nearly as talented.
I sigh, knowing that I need to wait just a while longer before I can attempt to break more curses.
…
