Sickbay.

I hate bloody Sickbay.

OK. Phlox is a genius, and I'm glad we have him on board, and yes, if somebody twisted my arm up my back I might even admit that I actually quite like him, but his perpetual optimism is giving me a bloody headache. And I'm coming to the conclusion that he's a closet sadist. At least when it comes to me.

Physiotherapy?

This isn't physiotherapy. It's torture. I've had a mine support go through my leg, for God's sake. Complete with detonation circuits.

And not content with filling the hole with his noxious Regulan Blood Worms (they looked like common-or-garden bloody leeches to me, except that they were twice the size), he went and lost one of them in there. I mean, it could be anywhere by now. There are places where a chap just doesn't want to think a Regulan Blood Worm might have decided to take up residence. And 'it'll make its own way out eventually' doesn't cut it by way of comfort. It could add a whole new meaning to the question, 'Is that a Regulan Blood Worm or are you pleased to see me?'

In between bouts of torture I'm lying here worrying about how we're going to get the ship repaired. Before I had my exciting encounter with the second unexpected visitor to the ship's hull I had enough time to get a damn good idea of how bad the damage from the first was. And I know the area we're in isn't exactly swarming with friendly people we can ask for help with the repairs. Trip's tried to play it down in his visits since, but he's got absolutely no talent for telling fibs. If he tells me one more time to keep my shirt on, I swear to God I'll set Phlox's Pyrithian bat on him.

I suppose the anxiety about when, how and where that damned worm is going to put in an appearance should be put into its proper perspective in comparison, but Hoshi's due in for her daily check-up shortly. (I caught a glimpse of her being thrown halfway across the Bridge when the mine exploded; God, I was relieved when Phlox said she only had a bad concussion!) And I know what my luck's like. I'll bet a pound to a pinch of salt that she'll be sitting talking to me and I'll feel something start to wriggle in my underwear.

Oh yes. Very appropriate conduct for an officer. No, Ensign, actually it's a Regulan Blood Worm. Yes, I realise it's not a very original excuse.

Oh well. I daresay Phlox will be a character witness for me at the court martial. And Commander Tucker will snigger his arse off, the Captain will do a very bad job of keeping his face straight, and Sub-Commander T'Pol will compound my abject humiliation by asking why I didn't just cover up the offending area. Certainly, Sub-Commander. An attractive young woman walks up to me and the first thing I do is grab a pillow and cover my groin with it. Yes, I can see how well that would have gone down.

Sickbay.

I hate bloody Sickbay.

I do.

Really.