Stepping into the Unknown
Chapter 29: Hypersensitivity
Author's Note: This takes place after Daily Morning Routine. Since this is part of my first Criminal Minds story, I don't think I am going to go into cases in detail. This will mainly be focus on what Dr. Reid's life outside of work might be like.
I do not own Criminal Minds or Dr. Spencer Reid. I do own Michelle, though.
Ashley Seaver joining the team puts an extra, unexpected strain on their relationship. The night after her first case with the team, they all went out and as usual, Michelle joined them. To say that the evening didn't go well would be an understatement; it was the first time he truly got to see her level of insecurity in herself since the 'Tara incident'. She used to be quite self-confident but now that she had to face the fact that a new woman had just stepped into his life, even if it wasn't by his choice, and she did not handle it well.
"Oh yeah, no reasons to worry at all..." She said sarcastically as they got home. "She's just young, athletic, works in your field, even prettier than J.J. and on top of it all she's blonde to make her perfectly your type. Yeah, why do I even worry?"
She threw her coat over one of the kitchen chairs, before stumping her way to the bedroom. He followed her, sighing; Michelle's nightmares had diminished considerably but recently came back with a vengeance and the lack of sleep wasn't doing anything for her mood.
"Why are you being like this tonight?"
"I don't know, maybe because you've been talking about her for the past half hour." She snapped back, not even looking at him as she fought with her shoelaces.
An opened letter on the bed attracted his attention and after he read it; his heart sunk. He looked at the date at the top and suddenly, he understood a lot of what was going on. He walked toward the bed and sat next to her; she wouldn't look at him so he passed the letter in front of her face.
"Why didn't you tell me about this?" His voice calmer than it was.
"You were away last week when I got it. It's not important."
"Not important? Mimi, that's probably what triggered your nightmares." He pulled her closer to him, rested her head on his shoulder and she broke down crying.
"How can they do that, Spencer? How can they release her like that?"
"I don't know, but I won't let her get anywhere near you, I promise."
Tara's release from the psychiatric facility where she was detained, Michelle's nightmares and the stress of his job trigger some of the worst migraines he's had since they began. That's when he starts having very strange and vivid daydreams which, he hopes, are simply due to the lack of sleep.
When he has two in under a week, Michelle begs him to make an appointment with a doctor and after a while, he gives in and does so. He goes to see a generalist who sends him to a specialist for a MRI; he doesn't want that to show in his personnel file at work so after discussing it with Michelle, they come to the conclusion that he has to go on their dime and before work. By that point, he started wearing his sunglasses whenever he wasn't at work, hoping that they will counter balance his hypersensitivity to light and Michelle started making sure to keep only the bare minimal lighting on in the apartment to accommodate him; he even switched from coffee to herbal tea to try and in hope that it would allow him to sleep.
She comes to the hospital with him; her hand never leaves his as they sit in silence in the waiting room, his leg shaking nervously. She rests her other hand on his thigh and he turns his head toward her; her eyes are so full of concern and worries, making him feel even worst about than the pain in his head does.
She leans forward and kisses his temple very lightly; he can't help but feel glad he's wearing his glasses and she can't see his eyes because she might see too much. It scares him how easily she can read him now and, in this moment, he can't let her see how scared and weak he feels; she can't know that he secretly wishes that all of this is some kind of brain tumor or something of that sort because that's something he can accept, something he can come to term with but if it's not... If it's not he doesn't have a clue what he'll do.
His appointment is supposed to be at 7 am and it's now 7:15 and he's getting more agitated with each passing minutes. The nurse finally comes by to let him know they're almost ready for him and to ask him some questions; he says he isn't having any hallucinations because his daydreams can't be hallucinations, they just can't. Next to him, Michelle squeezes his hand tighter.
When the nurse come back to get him, she stands too and walks him to the room. He's about to step inside to get changed into a hospital gown when she stops him, she stares right into his eyes despite the sunglasses, her small hand on his cheek.
"I love you!"
"I love you too."
He barely gets to work on time and the bright, harsh light from hospital made his migraine even worst, which he didn't even think was possible, and it makes him quite irritable. He does try to hide his discomfort as best as he can, but he knows some things are starting to leak through.
When he comes back from Miami, he's worst than ever; the pain in his head is so intense that he's sick on the flight back and he blames it on something he ate when Hotch asks if he's okay. All of his senses are in overload; light feels like he's getting stabbed repeatedly behind his eyeballs, the quietest of whispers is like a jackhammer inside his brain, smells and tastes make him feel like he's gonna vomit again and even the lightest touch is as if someone was rubbing sandpaper onto his skin.
Michelle texts him that his results are in and he replies that he'll head to the hospital after they land. When he heads down the corridor, she's waiting on the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. She walks toward him and wraps her arms around his waist; she quickly lets go when she feels him stiffen at touch, unfortunately used to it by now. Her dark brown eyes filled with worries and fear pinch at his heart and, once again, the guilt washes over him for making her suffer like this.
She quietly asks if he'd rather go in alone and he just shakes his head; he makes an extra effort to show her that he is grateful for her presence by taking her hand despite his discomfort.
"That doesn't make any sense..." He says, frowning, his entire face reflecting his confusion.
"I'm not sure what you want me to say."
"So, there's nothing wrong?" His heart is pounding in his chest, his head feels like it's spinning and he is nauseous again and this time it's not from the migraine. This can't be right, there's no way it can be right.
The doctor tells them that his scans are normal and, out of the corner of his eye, he can see the relief on Michelle's face and somehow it kind of angers him. What is that supposed to mean that she'd rather he was crazy than have something that might be curable? That's when the doctor asks if he considered the possibility of a psychosomatic cause and as soon as the words are out of the man's mouth, his entire body tenses up. This is not happening!
"Listen, I'm not crazy." He says with a much conviction as he can muster which admittedly right now isn't a lot. His breathing quickens, he hears Michelle say that no one said that as she rubs her thumb on top of his hand, probably hoping it will calm him but it doesn't. He can feel a boiling rage taking hold of him. He, Spencer Reid, is NOT crazy and how dare that man suggest otherwise!
"Listen, I have headaches! I have headaches; I have intense sensibility to light because there's something wrong with me physically, not mentally. It's... It's not that!"
"That?"
"Listen, doctor, my mother is a paranoid schizophrenic who's been institutionalized, so I know..." He can barely hear Michelle trying to calm him down but he ignores her. "I know very well what mental illness looks like, maybe even better than you and that's not that! It's not!"
He lets go of Michelle's hand and stand up, grabs his bag and just leave the room. If they want to think that he's losing it, he doesn't want any business with them!
