Author's Note:
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful reviews! I honestly wish I could put into words how much it means to me when I read about your thoughts/concerns/fears/appreciation for Aome and her drama.
Sweet Pea
a My Candy Love (© ChinoMiko) fanfiction
Chapter Twenty-Eight
up down turnaround
Opening Song: "Honey Come Home" - the Head and the Heart
do you remember every block
every minute of every walk we used to take
we were young, so many years ago
and I think of all this time
that we've wasted with all our fighting
Even though I protested yesterday, I wish Lysander were here to walk with me into school. He gave me some comfort after how awful yesterday was, and as relieved as I felt going to bed last night, nothing is any better this morning. No one will make eye contact with me, and if they see me they immediately turn back around and go the other way; they're not even trying to hide the fact that they want nothing to do with me. When I tried to talk to Alexy, he just walked the other way.
Needless to say, things did not just tide over, and everyone did not forget about everything that happened yesterday.
I should have just stayed in bed.
Feeling exhausted and, more than anything, hopeless, I hide in the first classroom I see, closing the door behind me. "I can't do this," I mutter, leaning my head back against the door as I try to blink back the tears.
"Well, if it isn't the little tormentor!" My blood freezes, when I realize that it's Armin in the room with me. Alexy must have said something to him, but… He's smiling? "Are you planning on torturing anyone else today?"
I'm confused, and also a little hurt. Armin and I aren't as closed as Alexy and I, but he never struck me as being particularly cruel. I press my lips together, pulling together all the willpower I have to not start sobbing.
All of a sudden, the smile drops from Armin's lips, like I'm the one who verbally attacked and offended him. "C'mon, say something! A comeback, something… Defend yourself!"
Now I'm even more confused. "What…? Look, Armin, I'm not… I'm not in the mood, okay? Besides, it's not like you'll actually believe me, and…"
"So have you been tormenting Delilah?" he asks, cutting me off.
"You mean Deborah," I say deadpanning, and even just saying her name leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. "And no, I haven't— Look, I'm not explaining this to you, okay?" Almost none of my friends believe me, one of my best friends won't even look me in the eye… I can't expect Armin to take anything I say seriously. We're not even close. "Apparently everyone at school hates me, so what's one more?"
His brow furrows. "What do you mean everyone hates you?"
At this point, I'm tired of fighting. I feel like I'm constantly on the brink of tears; what does it matter if I start breaking down now? "What, you mean Alexy hasn't told you how horrible of a person I am yet?" I ask, barely blinking back tears.
"No, why would he?" Armin asks, looking very, very confused. "Alexy loves you. You're his best friend."
So he hasn't told Armin? That's weird; I figured they'd tell each other everything. "I'm sure if you ask him now he won't agree with that." I wipe the corner of my eye, probably smudging my eyeliner in the process. "He doesn't believe me, Violette doesn't believe me, Melody, Kim, Iris… God, I'm sure Castiel's heard."
But Armin doesn't look like he's listening to me anymore. Instead, he's muttering to himself, shaking his head. "I gotta talk to Alexy," he says, quickly brushing past me.
I blink, barely moving out of the way as he runs out of the room. I'm not really sure what I was expecting out of an encounter with Armin, but that probably wasn't it. "Weird…"
I try to gather my bearings (or what's left of them) before walking out of the classroom — and right into Violette. "Oh, shoot!" I reach out to steady her to keep her from toppling over (I swear, that huge drawing pad does nothing for her balance). "I'm so sorry, are you okay, Violette?"
"Y-yes," she says, but her cheeks suddenly flush and her eyes avert to the side. I don't even bother to try and hide my disappointment. "Um, I should probably—" She doesn't finish her sentence, just awkwardly scuttling away. I'd seen the look in her eyes yesterday, but the pain doesn't fully hit me until just now. I really consider(ed) Violette one of my closest friends, but it only took a couple words for her to decide she couldn't trust me. And it's not just her, it's everyone else as well. It's all these people I trusted and loved and had fun with and laughed with and cried with and worked with… I honestly, truly believed we were friends.
Every time I turn the corner or run into someone, they immediately turn the other way. No one will make eye contact with me, will even acknowledge that I'm even really here. No one, except Deborah, who makes a point to look me in the eyes as she smirks from the lunch table I usually sit at. She makes a show to throw back her head as she laughs, to place a hand on Iris's arm, to joke with Kim and hug Violette and whisper with Alexy.
Today was not something worth waking up for.
I take my lunch to a secluded corner of the courtyard, where I throw myself under the nearest tree. I am so overwhelmed, and I haven't seen Rosalya or Lysander, and I just need someone to tell me something good. I need to hear some kind of affirmation, something, from someone. I… I just need to hear that someone still cares and still believes me and doesn't hate me.
I release a shaky breath as I pull my knees up and droop my forehead against them. I just want to go home.
"I haven't heard anything good about you today."
I raise my head at the sound of Ken's voice. He's standing in front of me, a brown lunch bag in one hand and the other in his pocket. My jaw clenches automatically at the sight of him, but… There's nothing accusatory in his voice or in his eyes. His eyebrows are drawn together, but he looks more inquisitive than angry, and since he's come back all I've seen is the latter.
Quickly, I remind myself that I'm mad at him and that's been an asshole to me, and I've probably cried over him more than I have over this stupid Deborah Debacle.
"Oh, that's really nice to hear," I snap. "Especially from you, of all people."
He flinches, but tries to stand his ground. "Listen, Aome…" It's weird, hearing him say my name. "I…" He rubs the back of neck uncomfortably as he turns his eyes to the side. "Do… Do you wanna talk about it?"
What the hell? Seriously, what is bringing this on? One week ago he was trying to obliterate to smithereens with a single glance, and now he wants to have a Share-Feelings-Pow-Wow? This has been a very weird day.
"No," I say, and it's not because I'm mad at him or whatever, but because I honestly don't wanna talk about this to anyone. Except maybe Rosalya or Lysander, but they've been MIA all day. "I don't. Sorry."
He looks conflicted. "You should," he says. "I… Back at the other schools, when the other kids would make fun of me, it always helped. When I talked about it, I mean. With you."
Where is this coming from? What is his motive? Why the sudden change of heart? Last week he wanted to throw me under the bus and now he's trying to reminisce? He's trying to make me feel better? What is this? I honestly don't know how to take this all in, like… Part of me is happy because I didn't think he'd ever look at me or talk to me like this again, but the other part of me (the really stubborn, irritated, pissed off part of me) doesn't want him to even look at me.
I try to clear my head, shaking it. "That's… That's nice, Ken," I say, and I mean it. It's not the affirmation I was originally looking for, but it's something after this awful day full of accusatory glances and whispers. "But I still don't wanna talk about it."
Now, he doesn't know what to say. "If you do—"
"Thanks, Ken," I say, quickly standing up and grabbing my lunch (which hasn't been touched). "Or, Kentin, I guess. See you." I sprint away as quickly as I can, trying to piece together what's going on in my head and what I'm feeling. I just… I don't know what Ken's trying to do. Why's he being so nice to me all of a sudden? Maybe he finally figured out that I didn't send those texts. Maybe he's finally thinking. Maybe he's finally realizing what a total dick he was to me.
And like… That makes me happy because no matter what I've tried to convince myself, I've missed him so much and I still love him so much, but it also makes me angry because what the heck!? Why now!? What changed!?
"What the hell," I mumble, catching my breath as I stop in the hallway.
"Aome! There you are!" Rosalya runs up to me, breathing heavily. "Gosh, I've been looking all over for you—"
"Me, too—"
"No, no, hold on, this is big." She digs through her purse and pulls out some crumpled up computer paper that's smudged with what's probably coffee and chocolate. "So I was doing some research and I stumbled across the blog of Deborah's ex-guitarist. He mentions her a couple of times, nothing too specific, but it's obvious he's not a fan. He apparently wrote an article about her and she had it censored, so I had to private message him, and—"
"And he responded?" I ask disbelievingly.
Rosalya shrugs. "Apparently he'll take every opportunity he can to talk about what a witch she is. Anyway. Deborah dated the guitarist and the drummer at the same time so that she could take advantage of both of them and play them against each other. She wanted to be on magazine covers alone, do interviews alone, have photo shoots alone… Without the rest of the band. Basically, she just wanted it to be all about her." That sounds strangely familiar. "Well, the guitarist found out and ditched the band, and she's having trouble doing this tour without a guitarist."
"So she's here for Castiel," I say. It's no surprise; I figured as much. "And she'll probably just use him and toss him aside like she did last time."
She nods. "Exactly."
I take the papers, scanning over the exchanged messages between the two of them. "Maybe we can use this. To prove that I'm not totally crazy."
She gives me a sort of pitying look that tells me my idea was stupid. "Do you really think everyone will believe you if you show them these?" Yeah, it sounded a little better before I actually thought about it. "And everyone knows I'm on your side, so they'll probably say I photoshopped these or something." She rolls her eyes, scoffing, and shoves the papers back in her purse. "Any the guitarist won't really be any help either. He's actually overseas, doing another gig, and I doubt he'd wanna come back for some little high school feud."
"'Little,'" I mumble. "He's not the one being ignored by everyone."
Rosalya smiles sympathetically, giving me another hug. "I know, sweetie. Listen, the only thing we can do here is get her to confess to the heinous slug she really is."
"And how are we gonna do that?"
"I'm working on it! Listen, I'm gonna do a little more research. In the meanwhile, I just need you to stay out of trouble, okay?" Before I can even think about saying "okay," she dashes away, disappearing in a flash of silver and purple.
"How does she do that? I bet she has a crazy good workout regimen…" I shake my head in disbelief as I head towards my math class. I know it's a little early, but I might as well get my favorite seat in the back; the last thing I need is get a seat in front and have everyone's glares pierce me in the back. Just as I walk in, Deborah walks out, and she purposely bumps her shoulder against mine. I automatically open my mouth to apologize, but I clamp it shut when 1) I realize it's her and 2) she shoots me the smarmiest smirk I have seen in my entire life.
"Bye, Aome," she says, sickly sweet.
"Bye, Satan," I mutter under my breath.
"Talking to yourself?" My heart leaps to my throat when I see Castiel standing in front of me, one hand on his hip.
"Castiel," I say, desperately trying to recover from the shellshock. "Um."
"Um? We haven't seen each other in like three days and all you have to say to me is 'um'?" he teases.
Uh, yeah, 'cause you disappeared from school and you cancelled all our plans. Whatever. I'm not salty about it. "Sorry, I haven't eaten, so my brain isn't working like usual," I say, hiding my untouched lunch bag behind me. "Anyway, that's not the point."
He folds his arms across his chest, suddenly looking very defensive. I was probably right; he probably knows about everything that's happened since he was away. "Then what's the point?"
"Where've you been?" I asked, cutting to the point.
"You miss me?"
I roll my eyes. "Shut up, Cas. Seriously. I… I was worried. Kind of."
He snickers, and I hate myself for showing a moment of weakness for this giant turd. "No need to worry, little girl. I can take care of myself." His eyes move up and down my body, not sexually, but like he's taking in my total physical appearance. (Which isn't super hot, today. I'm wearing another baggy sweater, some jeans, and worn moccasins that have definitely seen better days.) "What about you? I can't say the same for you."
"Don't be rude," I say, sniffing.
He doesn't say anything for a moment, which makes me worry. "I don't really appreciate what I heard about you, about yesterday," he says finally, and my blood turns ice cold. He doesn't elaborate, which makes me think that he's waiting for an explanation — or that he, like the others, has already decided that I'm guilty.
"Cas," I say, very aware of how desperate I sound, "you have to believe me. It's not what you think it is."
Honestly, his silence is way worse than an outright, "You're a lying piece of shit."
"You don't believe me," I say, and I have to bite down on my lower to lip to keep myself from crying. This isn't just from the viewpoint of a girl who has a crush on a guy — this is from someone who really considers this redheaded jackass to be a friend. But Deborah was just in here, which means the two of them were talking, which means… "I'm just worried about you," I say, my voice cracking. "I… Earlier, the two of you, in here… What were you talking about?"
His eyes flash, and I know I've hit a nerve. "That's not any of your business," he snaps, and I recoil. I don't think he's ever yelled at me like that before.
"I know it's not." It's taking everything I have not to start crying, to keep talking to him and try to make him see where I'm coming from. I know it looks like I'm the bad guy — everyone at school has succeeded at making that happen — but I'm honestly just worried about him. "But we're… We're friends." (Just friends?) "I know you can take care of yourself, but I know that's hurt you before, and—"
"Shit, I knew you were nosey, but this is really crossing the line," he says, his nose wrinkling in disgust.
No, no, no, no, this is not what I wanted to happen. This isn't how this was supposed to go. "Cas—"
"Ah, you two are here early," Ms. Ringo remarks as she walks into the classroom, dropping her stuff onto the desk. "That's unlike you." I can hear other students in the hallway, which means that the bell's going to ring soon.
I look at Castiel, desperate for him to at least look at me, but he's already taking his seat. He looks straight ahead, refusing to even acknowledge me.
He thinks I'm lying. He already doesn't believe me.
Shaking, I settle into my seat next to him. I can't even bring myself to glance at him or try to catch his expression. I don't think it's really sunk in until now: how totally and completely helpless I feel. Lysander's trying to cheer me up and Rosalya is running around doing research, and me? I'm just supposed to stay out of trouble, I guess, while everyone's actively hating me.
No, I gotta pull myself together. I have to do something about this; I can't just lay down and let Deborah walk all over me.
I'm gonna show everyone what's hiding underneath that pretty mask of hers, and I'm gonna do everything it takes to make it happen. I can just sit by and let Lysander and Rosalya do all the work; it's time to get my own hands dirty.
Closing Song: "Out of the Woods" - Taylor Swift
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! Sorry it took so long to get this out; I've been super lazy and I keep exiting out of the document every time I try to write. This is a little shorter, but I wanted to get something out for you guys.
Also! I'm super stoked about the new wig because it's basically how I imagine Aome's hair looking. Also also, thank you everyone so much for reviewing! You are all so so sooo sweet to me! And thank you to Crickett for drawing a picture of Aome; it's beautiful!
xoxo
