I'm sitting head ducked down with my chin to my chest. Hands interlocked across my bloodstained knees, right leg bouncing as I wait in the holding room.
Yes, you guessed correctly I'm currently in a police station.
Waiting hopefully for bail. Should any of my three friends decide I'm worth it.
I glance up at the guy behind the glass watching me. He makes a face at me. I grimace and turn my gaze back down to my lap. Thoughts and plans running through my mind of ways to find Maine. Lure him to me.
When suddenly the door opens. To my joy Felix walks through. He makes his way to the guy behind glass. Smooth silvered words falling from his tongue as he apologizes and talks him up, and into lowering my bail.
Around ten minutes later I'm out. Walking down the pavement to the car an angry Felix at my side. "I can not fucking believe you." He snarls as we approach the black vehicle.
I sigh, "I'm sorry alright."
He scoffs. "Sorry. Because that's going to get my 4000 bucks I just spent on your sorry ass back." He pauses. "Is that my Fucking Jacket?" I glance down at the orange article of clothing. "Uh yeah. Sorry, I was only planning to wear it for a few-" "Give it to me. Now."
I groan, pausing and unzipping the orange garment. He snatches it from my hand, giving it a small sniff. "Gross it smells like freak. Is this blood!?"
I make a face at him and move to the car. Thoughts darkening steadily. As he goes on a rant about the things he puts up with.
I open the door and side slide in the front seat. Shutting it back and buckling up as I move to lean my forehead against the cool glass.
"You know, fucking Locus calls me and says he thinks he saw you running super ridiculously fucking fast. Then we see your ass on the news. And we fucking get a call. What the fuck were you doing!? U breast the shit out of some pedestrian!"
"He wasnt a pedestrian." I say quietly.
"What? I don't give a fuck. Why?!" I punch the dashboard. "BECAUSE HE WAS THERE. The man who did THIS to me. The man who killed Wash. He was there, only minutes before me. And I could've killed him."
Felix makes a face as he starts the car. "No. You couldn't."
I whip my head to look at him. "Excuse you?" He rolls his eyes moving to drive the car out onto the road. "You heard me. You couldn't. You couldn't the first time. And you won't be able to now. He fucked you up. AND killed your boyfriend."
"You don't get to say shit! About me, or Wash! You don't know what I'm capable of! I can and I will!" I sneer angrily. Felix shakes his head with an amused dark face.
"Apparently for 'All that you're capable of' seems like you weren't capable of protecting your boyfriend."
My heart stops. And I lash out slapping him hard across the face. The car swerves and he hits the breaks. Looking at me in shock.
I seethe, shaking from anger. "Fuck you." I manage. Tears welling up in my stinging eyes.
I grab the door handle and pull open. "Where are you going? Alexis. ALEXIS!" He shouts as I exit.
"I'll walk back. Better than any moment I have to spend with you."
He growls to say something but I slam the door shut and run off into the bushes by the side if the road.
Tears streaming down my face as his words ring in my mind.
I wasn't able to protect him. I wasn't.
.
.
.
It's eleven in the morning when I make it back to Locus and Felix's apartment. The black car wasn't out front. But a blue mini van was.
I make a face and go in.
I was exhausted, emotional, and filthy. I'd walked all night, between the breaks where I would stop and cry. A few times I considered throwing myself into passing cars.
As I open the door I hear voices. Megan's, Sirius's, and Locus. As well as a cartoon on the TV.
"California?" I look and see Locus. Standing in shock by the couch. I wave lightly. "Where have you been. We've all been worried. Felix told us what happened."
I scoff. "Felix can kiss my a-" "Shh!" I make a face as Locus shushes me. He points to the living room floor. I look and see two little kids. A girl around five, the boy maybe 8. Both with dark hair and a stunning resemblance of Sirus.
"Sorry." I whisper. They look at me. "Oooohh who's that Lolo?" Asks the girl. I smile for the first time all night, Lolo. That's adorable.
Than to my even bigger surprise Locus kneels by the child, the most warm and welcoming look I've ever seen, come across his face. "That's California. Or Cali. She's a friend of your dad, Felix, and I's."
The boy cocks his head, a tiny version of Sirus. "What's with the stripes on her face? Is she part tiger?" Locus's expression drops unsurely.
I smile and kneel by the child as well. "As a matter of fact I am little buddy." I coo. His face lights up. "Cool! Tiger Lady!"
I giggle and stand. Locus following. As we leave the children to their show. Sirus and Megan were sitting and the kitchen table. Her eyes go wide when she sees me. "Oh my. What happened?" Sirus frowns. "I heard from Felix that you got angry and ditched out of the car."
I scoff. "Yeah, got angry. That's a way to put it." They give me odd looks.
"He insulted me. And then said, that Wash was dead because I couldn't protect him. That in some way, it was my fault." Megan reaches a hand up to rub my arm gently. "Oh sweetheart. That's not your fault. You have to know that. You did your best."
I look down on her emptily. Her words falling short of their intended purpose. "I think it was though. I should've been stronger. I should've saved him. I should've known!" I start to panic. I feel my chest tighten as anxiety was taking hold.
Locus must've known, as he grabs me and holds me against his chest. I hyperventilate into it. Hating myself more with each desperate breath. "I should've saved him. I should've." I gasp.
Everyone tries to comfort me. Mixed emotions rising.
No one noticing Felix as he watched quietly from the kitchen doorway. Sorrow and feelings of remorse rising in his own chest as he watched the seeds of what he'd sown, sprout into an anxiety attack of a broken woman.
.
.
.
Sirus and Megan had left around an hour ago. I'd showered and gotten dressed in some pajamas I'd bought with Megan, even though it was midday.
It was cold in the apartment, even with the heater running. The temperatures steadily dropping on this planet as winter came.
I didn't know where any blankets were, other than Felix's orange Nightmare before Christmas one. Which was laid across the arm of his loveseat he always sat in. I wanted it, but he'd be angry with me if I used it. And I'm tired of dealing with him. And his hatred of me. I'm tired of trying to please him. And apologizing to him.
In fact, I'm tired of everything. I want to sleep, and never wake up. I want Wash to return, and hold me. Tell me it's all okay. I just want all my problems to be over. I want to die.
I jolt at the sudden thought. But am to exhausted to shake it away.
I'm to exhausted to do anything.
"Hey." Locus enters the room. I look up at him with sore eyes. He was wearing green and black plaid flannel pants. No shirt. His dark chest covered in a few tattoos. A cross predominantly over his pectoral. His long hair down, it looked as though he'd just gotten out of a shower as well.
"Hi." I say weakly. A shiver passing through me from the cold room. He notices. "Why don't you cover up in that blanket?"
I scrunch my nose up, shaking me head. "It's Felix's. I wouldn't want to anger him." Locus rolls his eyes, "Just use it. He'll get over himself." I shake my head again. Shrugging he sits down in the arm chair. Pulling on a pair of glasses, and grabbing the novel from the couch side table. The one Felix had stolen from the scar removal office.
"Your loss." He speaks as he leans to read the book.
We're both silent for a few minutes. When he asks, "No searching for Maine?"
I shake my head. "No, he's gone. It doesn't matter anymore. And besides it's not like I could beat him in a fight when if I wanted." I lay so my head is on the cold leather couch. I shiver a bit more and curl into a ball.
"That's not true-" "It is true. I'm weak. I'm not strong enough. I'm not good enough." I say defeatedly. All's silent for a few more minutes before my eyes start slowly drifting to sleep.
Around an hour or so later Felix returns from his work out in the gym. Locus growls at him, "You've gone to far." The slender man makes a confused face. "What?"
Locus slams his novel down, not fretting to much over the sleeping girl on the couch.
"You heard me. With Cali. She had a fucking anxiety attack earlier when she got back. Like you used to! Now she doesn't even want to look for Maine. You fucked up."
Felix looks to the shivering girl on the couch. His eyes full of remorse. He goes to respond to Locus's accusations, when he becomes aware of the cool room. And how The girl was uncovered.
"Why doesn't she have a blanket?" He asks. Not intentionally changing the topic. Locus growls, "She doesn't want to upset you by using yours."
He then slams the novel he'd been reading into Felix's chest. "Fix the problem you made. Before it gets worse. Wouldn't want to see her try anything you did."
Before stalking away. Leaving Felix cold from the words.
He turns to California. His eyes full of emotion he hides from the world. Regret, was the most predominant.
He takes his blanket and lays it over her, tucking the sides carefully around her petite form. And presses a soft kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry I'm such an ass." He whispers before pulling away.
She remains still and asleep. Never to know of the act of kindness he preformed.
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.
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TBC
