In different years, I'd had months that dragged on, but this year, February and March seemed to fly by. Sometimes it felt as if I was a circus performer learning to juggle while riding a unicycle. I was so intent on keeping the balls in the air while remaining on course; I didn't look down to register the days passing. Without Remus's stability to hold onto, I would have never been able to keep my balance, much less juggle work, Order duties, and Occlumency lessons.
On April Fool's Day, I appreciated how fortunate I was. Before Remus, love had felt like a joke played on me by the universe. You think this bloke is your one true love? April Fool's! Now that I fully realised my blessed state, I could have decided to share some good fortune and not pull any pranks myself. I didn't. My rascally uncle had earned a prank for the wedding reception he'd intended to chintz out of, and I planned to see that he got what he deserved.
To put my plan into action, I hurried over to the Blue Moon after work. I opened the door quietly, putting my fingers to my lips to keep Bubbles from greeting me while I snuck over to the stairwell. I didn't want Morty to know I was in the building. I even tiptoed up the steps.
On the first floor, I strolled into Lisa's open office. "Want to play an April Fool's joke on Morty?" I asked after a quick hello.
"I think I'm in labour," she said.
I froze for an instant before bursting into laughter. "Stars and stones, I thought you actually meant it for a second! You got me—brilliant acting. Morty will forget your due date is two weeks off if you say it to him just like that."
Lisa didn't smile. She stood. "I'm not pretending. My back's been aching all day, and the contractions haven't faded like they did before. They're coming closer together." She suddenly put a hand on her stomach. "Here's another one."
I could actually see her abdomen tighten against the fabric of her robes. "How far apart are the contractions?" I asked, trying not to panic. I glanced at my watch.
"A few minutes." Her strained tone abruptly relaxed. "That's over, thank Merlin, but unfortunately the contractions are lasting longer, too."
"That one lasted a minute," I said with forced calmness. I wanted to yell and drag her down the stairs. "We're going to get Morty now."
A look of alarm flashed through almond-shaped eyes. "My hospital bag," said Lisa. "I need my hospital bag."
"Okay. I'll walk you down and then run up to the flat and get it."
"Thanks."
In the corridor, when another contraction stopped Lisa in her tracks, I noticed that her skin was pale and she was starting to shake. "Are you okay?" I was ready to send my Patronus to Morty at once if she said no.
She gulped, put a hand to her mouth, and then vomited onto the floor, spattering our shoes.
Before I cleaned the mess with a spell, I sent my Patronus bounding through the wall to tell Morty to contact the Wizarding Ambulance Service immediately.
Lisa was holding onto the banister, halfway down the steps, when her husband came rushing up the stairs. One glance at his face and I asked, "Are you sure you two don't have food poisoning? Because Morty looks like he's going to honk up."
"I'm not going to vomit," my uncle snapped, "and we'll see how Lupin looks when the shoe's on his foot!"
Lisa gripped my arm, gasping through a contraction, "My bag."
"I'll get it," I said, dashing up the stairs.
Morty's voice followed me. "Don't faff around!"
"Just for that I'm stopping by the bathroom to put blue dye in your shampoo!" I called back.
I was thankful Morty hadn't changed the rune pattern to disengage the wards on his flat. I would have, in his place. Up until a few weeks ago, I was still considering sneaking in and shaving his head. He wasn't the worst skinflint in the world, but only Lisa thought his bargain-hunting exploits were "cute."
By the time I grabbed the case and ran downstairs, the ambulance was a swirl of yellow and green in the distance. Bubbles stood on the pavement, watching it go. She greeted me with a sunny smile. "Morty said we were to go straight to the Fae Birthing Centre, with no—" She giggled.
"Faffing around?"
"Close enough." Bubbles held up her hand to show me her fingernails. "Look. I spelled them to blue right before I saw the cute little silvery doggy go into Morty's office. I must have had a premonition!"
"It's possible, but my Patronus is a huge bear of dog. How can you call him little?"
"He's little compared to my Jimmy."
Point taken. Jimmy Durbin had shoulders so wide, if he was a wizard, I'd be wondering if there was giant in his family, or maybe even troll.
Bubbles locked and warded the Blue Moon while I sent my Patronus off to Remus, asking him to send his along to my mother before Apparating.
Located near St. Mungo's in the building of a "relocated" tax office, the birth centre was reached through a side entrance that appeared in the brick after Bubbles and I stated our names and those of the couple we were visiting.
Inside, the atmosphere was soothing. Paint and furnishings were a mix of cream and blues and greens. The welcome witch in pale green robes glanced up from her desk to smile. "Mrs. Black is progressing nicely. If you'll have a seat in waiting area, I'm sure Mr. Black will have an announcement to make very soon."
Bubbles and I sat on a sofa and began to sort through the collection of magazines on the coffee table. I spied one with a "which witch wore it best" article and picked it up.
"Why would he need to make an announcement?" Bubbles whispered. "It's only the two of us. Couldn't he just say Lisa's had the baby?"
I heard a soft chime and looked up to see Remus stride into the centre. "I think we'll be a small crowd before long," I said, tossing down the magazine as he approached and reaching out to hug him.
"I was in the library playing chess when the Patronus arrived," he said, lowering his voice to murmur, "I think Sirius was more surprised to see your Patronus than to learn Lisa was ready to have the baby."
I groaned. "If he teases me about it, I'll kill him."
"I think he was touched."
"Yeah, right, touched in the head, laughing like a loony about it, I expect."
Remus smiled.
Within a quarter-hour, my parents and Mr. and Mrs. Liu, along with Cami and half a dozen Liu family members had joined us in the waiting area. Remus and I were chatting with Bubbles, Cami, and the two cousins I had met the night of Lisa's hen party when Morty entered the room.
My uncle's hair was standing up in spikes, but the ecstatic grin on his face made tears prick the back of my eyes. Dramatic as ever, he waited for everyone to stare in expectant silence before announcing the birth of Mortimer Sirius Black.
Lisa and the baby were both doing brilliantly, and the new mother requested the godparents be the first to visit. My eyes flew to Remus. Morty and Lisa had mentioned once that they'd like us to be the godparents, but I hadn't really thought about it. The expression on Remus's face caused me to wipe away tears. He would finally have the chance to be a godfather.
While Morty boasted to Remus about the length and weight and amazing alertness of his child, I sat in the chair beside the bed. "He's beautiful," I told Lisa. I performed another Sanitising Spell on my hands before stretching out a fingertip to rub the back of a tiny, balled fist.
"He's got his daddy's hair," she said with a laugh, smoothing the downy, black hair that seemed to stand on end.
"Will you call him Morty or—" I choked up, thinking how Sirius must feel, excluded from yet another family celebration.
"Look at that face," Lisa said with a loving smile. "Have you ever seen a baby that was more Sirius?"
"Seriously? No."
"Puns already? I guess my boy will have to get used to them," said Morty, hugging me before kissing his wife and child.
I rose from the chair. "I'll let Mr. and Mrs. Liu have a chance to visit."
Morty nodded. "Will you ask Ted and Andie as well? They're the closest thing my kids will have to grandparents on the Black side of the family."
"They'll love spoiling him rotten," I said.
.
After everyone had a chance to see the baby, Cami, Remus, and I brought pizza back to Grimmauld Place. In the back of my mind, I feared Sirius would be drunk or moody—maybe both. Instead, he was surprisingly cheerful, ushering us down to the kitchen, fetching Butterbeer from the coolant cabinet and asking about the baby. He gave a bark of delighted laughter to hear the boy's middle name. "First a Patronus in my Animagus form and now a namesake. I'm honoured."
Cami kissed his cheek. "You should be, to know how much people love you."
Sirius kissed her soundly on the lips. "I am," he said with a chuckle, "even if they don't love me the way some people think they do."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I pointed my finger at the grinning imp across from me. "Did Harry say something to you?" The look on his face was one I'd seen on Morty's dozens of times: shifty. "What did you say to him?"
"That was a joke about a slip of the tongue he's probably already forgotten." Sirius rolled his eyes. "It was New Year's Eve. Harry and I were playing chess, having a chat, when he asked if you had a boyfriend." He smirked. "After I teased him about fancying older women, I said 'if she does, she's keeping it mum, so a certain Mum won't go ape, if you know what I mean.'"
"Oh, Sirius," Cami said with fond exasperation.
I tried to smile. "You're pulling an April Fool's Day prank, right?"
Sirius shook his head, giving me puppy-dog eyes.
I put out my hands and pantomimed choking him.
When Cami left the kitchen to go upstairs to the loo, Remus asked his friend, "Were you drinking to make that kind of slip?"
"I'd had a few beers. I wasn't drunk." Sirius pushed to his feet. "People say stupid things all the time and no one asks them if they're pissed. Me, I never get the benefit of the doubt. I'm always guilty without trial." He stalked out of the kitchen.
I boxed the leftover pizza and placed it in the cupboard where Kreacher made his den. "Eat it or don't eat it, but the pizza's wizard made," I yelled down into the hole. I slammed the cupboard door shut and felt like kicking it. I had been so joyful, and now all I felt was upset and angry.
Remus slid his arms around me from behind. He pressed his chest against my back as he bent to kiss my neck. "Sirius will apologise the next time he sees us. He always does. Let's go to your place and remember only tonight's happy moments."
"Celebrate being godparents?"
His hands slid upward. "Celebrate life...and love..."
I heart a faint sound that was like the sweep of a broom across a floor—or a cardboard pizza box sliding across stone. Kreacher had taken the pizza! I covered Remus's hands with mine and turned my head to seek his lips, showing that my answer was yes.
.
Along with showers, the month of April brought letters from Ginny Weasley. She had a lot on her mind with school and Quidditch added to the emotional turmoil caused by Dumbledore's disappearance and evil toad Umbridge.
One letter made me chuckle.
Dear Tonks,
I found out the hard way what Pince will do to students if they endanger her precious books. I went to the library after Quidditch practise this afternoon to talk to Harry and give him his Easter egg from Mum. He was looking down, so I asked him about it. I thought he wanted to talk to Cho, but he didn't. It was Sirius he wanted to talk to!
We were chatting and eating the smallest bites of chocolate when Pince saw us and went mental. She screamed as if we were wiping our hands on the pages or something and made Harry's books pelt us on the way out.
If that wasn't bad enough, Harry's ink bottle smacked me on the cheek and ink dribbled down my face. Then, when I got back to my dorm, I found out I had chocolate smeared on my lips!
If you know of any jinxes to use on librarians, it would be my pleasure to try them and see which one is most effective.
Your friend,
Ginny
It pleased me greatly to reply:
Dear Ginny,
That must have been awful for you. I'm impressed by the way you kept your sense of humour. Since I know that you were joking, I can tell you, strictly in jest, that Evellere, aimed at chairs, will pull them out, requiring the librarian to physically push them back in to break the spell. Also annoying (I've heard), is the charm Habere pro, which causes librarians to place books on the wrong shelves, which they mistake for the correct ones.
An effective prank to pull without magic (according to an anonymous source) is to take a library copy of the Daily Prophet, divide it into sections, and then leave each individual section on tables in different areas of the library. Rumour has it that librarians find it far less amusing than you do when they have to reassemble the paper for other patrons to read.
I've been keeping busy tracking down old friends and making new ones. No ink on my face, but I did get egg on it when the child of a person who had filed a complaint against their neighbour threw one at me. One-minute eggs have very runny yolks, and yellow was never my colour. When I was in school, I petitioned for the Hufflepuff colours to be changed to pink and black. I had loads of signatures, but all I got for my efforts was detention.
Your friend,
Tonks
I always tried to keep my replies light-hearted, although I was becoming stressed too.
Dumbledore might not be acting Headmaster anymore, but he kept in contact with the Order, and set us to following key Death Eaters in the hopes of determining Voldemort's plans. Alternating night duty and surveillance on top of my day job was wearing me down. I had to snatch moments with Remus, and only saw baby Sirius a handful of times when I stopped by the flat.
The news of Fred and George's grand exit from Hogwarts barely rated a grin, although I did admire their style and enjoyed the thought of Filch as a surly gondolier, ferrying students across the swamp the twins created so they could reach their classrooms.
By the end of Easter holidays, I was feeling the effects of sleep deprivation. My brain was so sluggish, when I returned to Grimmauld after a fun Monday night of surveillance, I didn't even laugh when Sirius demanded that I go to Snape and demand he resume teaching Harry Occlumency. I barely had the presence of mind to ask, "Why'd he stop?"
Remus relayed what Harry said earlier in a communication fire. I hugged him. "Bet you felt guilty about tha', didn' you, baby? It wasn' your fault. James and Sirius were res—respons'ble for their own actions."
"Why is she slurring her words?" Sirius demanded. "Is she drunk?"
Remus pressed a kiss to my forehead. "She's tired."
I wriggled closer. "Not too tired."
Sirius snorted in amusement. "Get thee to a bedroom."
I grinned all the way upstairs. In the bedroom, I dropped onto the mattress and lifted my feet off the floor. Remus obligingly took off my shoes and then tickled my left foot after removing pink and black striped socks.
I giggled as I unfastened my trousers. "How about you help me strip off everything?"
"All right."
I flopped back onto the bed and promptly fell asleep.
.
In the morning, I opened my eyes to see Remus lying on his side, watching me. "How long did I sleep?" I squinted, trying to gauge the sunlight filtering through grimy windows. "Am I late for work?"
"I owled Jerry. You're off sick today."
"In that case, I don't care what time it is." I leaned forward and kissed him, thanking whatever wizard came up with morning-after strength brushing/flossing mints. One of the best things in life was a long, slow kiss with Remus. I touched his cheek and smiled. "You got up and shaved."
"With Sirius inclined to mickey taking, I didn't want to give him ammunition by giving you head-to-toe stubble burn."
The thought of how I'd get that burn made me kiss Remus again, this time following it up by gently nibbling his lower lip. Not that I didn't adore his entire mouth, but that sensuous, talented bottom lip was what clung to mine when a kiss ended, and what I wanted to drive me wild caressing other parts of my body.
Remus took his cue from me and pulled back to nibble his way down my throat. "You need to spend the day in bed." His voice was a husky rasp that gave me lovely shivers. "Resting."
"Will you spend it with me?"
"Yes." He kissed the hollow of my throat. "I'm going to make sure you rest."
"You need to catch up on your rest too."
"I'm planning on it."
.
The day in bed, while not always restful, did wonders for my disposition. The next afternoon, Jerry said after we sent the last report to Gulch, "You should take a sick day more often."
"What are you saying? That I'm not a joy to work with tired and cranky?" I pretended to scowl. "You owe me a drink for hurting my feelings."
Jerry's freckled face lit up in a smile. "All right, I'll buy."
We walked over to the Iron Shackle and found Tom and Julia sitting in a corner booth, snogging. "Just like old times," I said. "Clearwater and Fenton inspiring inter-office memos about public displays of affection."
"Gulch can't say a word. We're off duty—and married," said Tom.
Julia smirked. "Sit down and tell me what you were up to yesterday instead of working."
I slid into the booth. "Sleeping and a lot of what you were doing a minute ago."
"A beer, right, Tonks? I'll go get it from the bar," said Jerry.
After he walked off, I smacked a palm to my forehead. "Tactless, aren't I? Poor Jerry can't get a girl and I rub Remus in his face."
The couple exchanged a look. When Tom raised an eyebrow, Julia's eyes narrowed into slits before she turned to me. "About Jerry," she said with a glance toward the bar. "We can't help but wonder if there isn't a reason why he never hooks up with any of those girls he dates."
I checked to make sure my Auror partner wasn't on his way back with the beer before I said, "Of course there is. He's a magnet for the pretty-but-psycho type."
Julia looked at me as though I was thick. "Another reason."
Jerry was heading our way. "If it's isn't his mother the control freak, I have no clue, so tell me some other time." To make up for talking behind Connelly's back, I smiled brightly when handed my beer. "Thanks, mate!"
"You're welcome. We should do this more often."
Our conversation turned to normal things like busy schedules and the cases we'd worked. I wanted to ask my friends' opinions about the Harry Potter article—if they believed that Voldemort had returned—but I was afraid someone would overhear and report us. Fudge threatened to sack any "disloyal" Ministry employee, and giving credence to Harry Potter was number one on the list of disloyal actions.
.
I didn't get a chance to ask Snape about teaching Harry Occlumency until the end of May. Snape had cancelled our lesson for the last Friday in April, and was too busy to attend meetings, so until he owled that he would have time for a lesson on the twenty-ninth, I had no expectation of being able to speak to him.
Although I didn't drag my feet on the way from the Hog's Head to the school gates, I wasn't skipping in eagerness, either. Sirius could tell me to demand and insist all he liked, but I knew full well that Snape would only sneer at me if I tried to order him around.
When I knocked and was told to enter, I attempted to start off on a friendly note. "Hello, Severus."
"Have I asked you to address me informally, Nymphadora?"
I could feel my eyes widen. Cold dungeon air wafted across parts of my eyeballs that were usually protected. "No, but I thought—"
"To talk me into resuming Occlumency lessons with Potter? I received Black's barely-intelligible scrawling on the subject. I will give you the same answer. No. Potter knows why I cannot teach him further. The subject is closed."
"Closed for the term?"
Snape looked down his long nose at me. "Forever."
There was nothing I could say. Forever was final. I exhaled heavily. "OK. I have a question that relates to what I've been learning."
"Go on."
That was easy for him to say. He got to curl his lip if I asked what he considered a stupid question. "Well, I know how to give someone the cold shoulder, in a manner of speaking, but I don't want to just be able to do it after someone starts to bring up a memory. I want to know how to stop them before they use Legilimency."
Snape's brow winged upward. "You must learn to recognise the initial stages of Legilimency. I shall demonstrate. Look down, glance up, making eye contact only briefly, as if in the course of conversation, and then look away."
I did as he asked and felt a shiver run from the top of my head down my spine. Was that my imagination, or was he that subtle of a Legilimens? I focused on keeping my mind shielded by a layer of icy reserve.
"Enough. What caused you to guard your thoughts?"
"A shiver."
"Created by Legilimency or a draft?"
"Legilimency."
Thin lips pursed. "How are you able to distinguish between the two?"
I thought for a moment. "It's too weird to explain. I'll have to show you." I cautiously made my way around the desk. "Stay seated and don't hex me. I'm going to touch your hair for demonstration only." I cupped my hands. "Pretend I'm holding an egg." I placed my hands on the top of his head and tapped. "Now I've broken the egg." I ran my fingers down his hair. "Do you feel the yolk running down?"
He shivered.
"We used to play that game first year," I said. "My best mate Julia could give you shudders."
Snape rose to his feet. "Spare me. I have no interest in hearing your recollections. This lesson is over, and if I hear that you have repeated anything that has transpired—"
"I won't. I swear. The thought of Sirius ribbing me is enough to give me shudders!" I backed hastily toward the door. "Really. My lips are sealed." I reached for the door handle and noticed something. "Hey, my fingers aren't that shiny. You're not a greasy git after all."
"Get out!"
I muttered a Disillusionment Charm and darted into the corridor. "You're still a git, though," I said to the closed door.
"What's that, my sweet? You heard something?"
It was Filch and Mrs. Norris. I dodged the pair, but the cat must have got my scent, because she abruptly wheeled around and began padding after me. In the entry she started yowling. Since Filch was likely running to see if she had caught a student, I decided to give her a reason to yowl. When the cat was found shut inside a suit of armour, hopefully Peeves would take the blame.
.
I thought Sirius would blame me for not convincing Snape to resume Harry's Occlumency lessons, but he only shrugged. "I should never have told you to try. Snivellus is a lost cause. Always has been."
Remus shook his head. "Come, now, Padfoot. Some would say the same about you."
Sirius laughed harshly. "And maybe they're right." He lifted his beer in a salute. "I'm off to bed, since Cami's spending the night tailing a bloke claiming disability as he makes the rounds of his favourite pubs." He began whistling on his way up the basement stairs.
All at once, the dank walls of Grimmauld Place seemed to close in, suffocating as any tomb. "Let's go to my place," I said, feeling almost desperate to get away. "Make a cup of tea, snuggle up on the sofa. You can read a book while I attempt to paint my nails or flip through a magazine. I don't care what we do as long as it's something normal, with no mention of You-Know-Who."
Remus smiled and pulled me to my feet.
Almost a week later, Remus and I were lying on his bed, tangled together after expressing our love in the fashion lovers normally do. Following the Order meeting, we had excused ourselves, to the thinly-veiled amusement of Mad-Eye and Kingsley, who had stayed on to have a beer with Sirius.
I was dreamily listening to the beat of my love's heart when Sirius burst into the room.
"What's wrong?" cried Remus, as I pulled up the sheet.
Sirius's face was pale while his eyes blazed. "I found out how Buckbeak injured himself so mysteriously yesterday. Kreacher did it to keep me upstairs so he could say I was gone when Harry tried to reach me." His hands balled into fists. "Snape just contacted me. Harry thinks that I'm being held captive at the Ministry." His face twisted. "We have to save him from Voldemort's trap!"
The moment Sirius began to explain, I didn't give a damn about modesty anymore. I threw Remus his trousers and slid off the bed to get dressed as quickly as possible.
"Here's your wand," said Remus.
I took it, following as he and Sirius sprinted out of the room and rushed down the stairs.
"Kingsley and I reckon there will be a dozen Death Eaters to contend with," said Mad-Eye, leading the way outside.
"At least we know what they're after," said Kingsley, "and Kreacher won't be able to warn them that we're coming."
"Kreacher won't be breathing after I get back," Sirius said with a malevolent glance back at the vanishing house. "I'm going cut off his head and mount it on the wall, just the way he's always dreamed of."
"We'll do it together," I said, gut twisting over the times I'd felt sorry for the traitorous bastard. He didn't deserve pity. He deserved to die.
Remus didn't protest. He said, "Focus on Harry now. We'll deal with Kreacher later."
"Yes, we will," Sirius said darkly, before Apparating.
.
There were smears of blood in the telephone box leading to the visitor's entrance. "They're already here," Kingsley said, in his deep voice that made the words seem more ominous.
Remus and Sirius dropped their visitor badges onto the floor of the Atrium while Mad-Eye blasted the grilles to the nearest lift apart. It was almost surreal to hear the voice Julia and I called "toffee-nosed bitch" say, "Department of Mysteries," as coolly as if we were going there for authorised purposes.
We ran down the corridor, through the black door the Order had guarded so diligently, following the sound of shouting to locate Harry. He was in the pit of some kind of amphitheatre, standing on a dais in front of a stone archway. Death Eaters were torturing another boy in an effort to force Harry to give them the prophecy he clutched in his hand.
One masked figure had his wand raised. "Stupefy!" I yelled, grimly satisfied to hit my target.
A glimpse of movement out of the corner of my eye had me dropping to the floor.
"Oooh, the wittle witch has quick reflexes," a woman's voice cooed mockingly, amplified by a Charm.
I froze. She sounded like my mother.
"Aww, don't you want to meet your Auntie, wittle half-blood? Kreacher's told me so much about you." A low, evil chuckle made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. "I hear you're more a Black than your blood-traitor cousin, wittle Tonksie."
I jumped up to fire a Body-Bind Curse, crouching down behind a bench halfway down the amphitheatre when Bellatrix dodged the spell.
"Did you get a good look at me, wittle girl? Your mother and I used to pass for twins. She was my favourite sister before she ran off with that filthy Mudblood."
Was she trying to appeal to family sympathy? I didn't have any where she was concerned. I cast a Disarming Charm. Bellatrix laughed as she hurled a curse that made the seat behind me explode into rubble. I gritted my teeth, sending an Incarcerous toward her. She shrugged off the cords, demonstrating that the Marauders weren't the only ones who knew rope tricks.
Our duel continued.
"I have a confession, wittle Tonksie," Bellatrix called out in a horribly playful tone. "I was going to kill you, but you've been so much fun to pway with, I think I'll spare you and rid the world of a blood-traitor instead."
"NO!" I rose from cover to take aim and played right into her hands. My arms and legs snapped together before I could fire off my own Petrificus Totalus. I keeled over, striking my head against stone.
.
The sounds of fighting were replaced by a low rumble that I thought was water until I realised it was the sound of voices. Distantly, I became aware that two voices were calling my name. One sounded hoarse with tears. The other was like something out of a dream, bright and laughing. I didn't want to cry, so I turned toward the happy voice and opened my eyes.
"I thought only cows slept standing up," Sirius said with a grin, waving his hand in front of my face.
I couldn't help but stare. Gone was the gaunt, haunted man I remembered. Sirius's face was now fuller, tanned and healthy. Faint lines crinkled at the corners of grey eyes that sparkled with life. "Have you always been this bloody gorgeous?" I asked, brushing away the strange tears that rolled down my face.
He gave a bark of laughter. "Only since I was exonerated and Cami agreed to marry me." Sirius looked at me closely. "Have you had too much sun? My little sweetheart is ready to blow out her birthday candles, but I'll tell her Auntie Tonks needs to rest with Cousin Teddy a few minutes if you want to go in the house and lie down."
I realised that we were in my parents' back garden. Adults were standing or sitting in small groups while a group of children and several dogs were running around the grass popping the golden bubbles my father created with his wand. One little girl drew my gaze. She looked to be four or five, with straight black hair and a charming smile.
I looked from my sheath dress to Sirius's shirt and trousers. "Why is everyone wearing white?"
Sirius's grin turned indulgent as he pointed to the black-haired little girl dressed like a princess with butterfly wings. "Because Lily Angel Black wanted everyone to be angels for her party, just like her. That's why." He hugged me and then gave me a push toward the house. "You really are out of it. Go take a quick nap so we can cut the cake."
Mum and Cami were chatting with Lisa and Emmeline Vance, who wore her green shawl over a long, high-necked white dress. I returned their waves as I walked into the house. It was exactly the same as I remembered, and yet something felt different. I discovered the difference when I entered my old bedroom. Someone was sleeping in my bed.
The toddler looked to be between one and two years old. He was dressed in a sailor suit. I sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his hair. It was brown and silky, ending in baby curls. As small children do, he woke up. "Mum," he said, stretching out rounded little arms.
My heart leapt in recognition. "Teddy." I picked him up and rained kisses on his face.
Dark blue eyes stared into mine. "Cake," he said plainly.
I stood, settling him on my hip. "Wait until Daddy hears your new word. He'll write it down in your baby book in calligraphy."
Sirius, Morty and Kingsley were in the kitchen, laughing over a joke. "Good thing you didn't sleep," Sirius said, taking a container of ice cream out of the coolant cabinet. "For an angel, Lily is becoming devilishly impatient to blow out her candles."
"Cake!" said Teddy, lunging toward Morty.
My uncle caught the boy and rubbed the little nose with his. "My Sirius is clamouring for cake, too, along with the rest of the pack." Morty winked at me. "Shall I take him to join the cousins?"
"Please do," I said, trailing the men as they walked into the afternoon sunlight.
The moment I stepped foot outside, a cloud overshadowed the sun.
"Nymphadora."
The voice sounded so distant, and yet when I turned my head, I saw Remus standing only a few metres away. He wasn't wearing white, and the expression on his face made me want to burst into tears. In the background, voices were singing and then hands were clapping. I glared. "What's wrong with you? This is supposed to be a happy day, and you're ruining it!"
"Nymphadora, please, listen to me."
I blinked away the moisture threatening to spill. "Teddy!" I cried. "Teddy, come tell Daddy your new word!"
Remus's face crumpled as the little boy ran to him and clutched his trousers with dimpled hands.
"Cake, Daddy, cake!"
Tears coursed down Remus's face as he picked up his child and looked over to where Sirius was handing out slices of cake to a crowd of eager children.
I couldn't take it anymore. I ran into the house and slammed the door, closing my eyes to stem tears.
When I opened my eyes, I was in the entry of Grimmauld Place. I put a hand to my head, momentarily disoriented and confused. I looked down. I wasn't wearing white.
The mists of confusion cleared. I must have had some kind of dream after Bellatrix knocked me out. Obviously, I woke up and came straight here to find Sirius, who came back because he didn't want to be arrested. That was the only explanation that made sense.
"Sirius!" I yelled, running for the stairs to basement. He wasn't in the kitchen. I turned and headed upstairs again. He wasn't in the drawing room or the dining room. I called his name over and over as I checked the library, the spare bedrooms, and even the attic.
"Buckbeak!" I cried aloud. Sirius must be checking to see how the wing was mending.
The Hippogriff gave an enquiring chirp as I entered, but there was no one in the room with him.
I was starting to get really upset. "Maybe he fell asleep on his bed," I whispered, just to hear the sound of a voice, any voice, even my own. I pushed open my cousin's door to find yet another empty room.
"Nymphadora."
I knew it was Remus who was calling my name, even before I stepped onto the landing to see him staring up at me. His eyes were red and filled with an emotion so terrible, I couldn't bear to look at him.
"Sirius isn't here," he said in a broken tone that made me clap my hands over my ears.
"Don't say it!" I screamed, closing my eyes tightly. "I won't let you say it! I'll go where you can't find me!"
The world shifted.
Instead of standing in a house, I stood in a forest. As a wolf, I trotted toward a clearing, where I dropped down to lie on the flower-dotted grass. I placed my muzzle on my paws, drowsily listening to the rustling in the underbrush while the summer sun cast a golden sheen over the world.
Eventually, twilight came. Stars began to appear in the darkening sky. When a wolf padded into the clearing, I sprang to my feet. If he stepped toward me, I would run away, flee as far as my legs would carry me.
He didn't approach. He didn't move, except to lift his face toward the star that shone brighter than any other. He gazed upward for long moments and then began to howl.
I recognised the sound of anguish. It made me acknowledge a truth I couldn't deny any longer, however much I wanted to. We had lost a packmate, and no amount of pretending otherwise would change that shattering fact. Grief welled up, tearing at me with sharp claws. Overwhelmed by loss, my howl echoed my mate's, joining him in a song of mourning.
I awoke to find that I had been crying in my sleep. I could feel the dried tears; taste the new ones streaming down my face. In a chair beside my hospital bed, Remus slumped forward, his eyes closed, his hand holding mine. When I squeezed his fingers, his head jerked back, jolting him awake.
His eyes flew to mine, silently questioning.
I nodded. He had been in my dreams, and I while I didn't know the details, I knew why Remus had said, "Sirius isn't here."
Sirius was gone.
I ignored the pain in my body and held onto Remus, crying with him in mourning.
.
.
A/N: I used the HP-Lexicon timeline for the dates, because the books don't always match the Muggle calendar, and I could imagine Tonks petitioning to change Hufflepuff colours to pink and black. After all, how many people really look good in yellow? I'm sure most people know, but in case there are any who don't, Sirius, the Dog Star, shines twice as brightly as any other star in the night sky.
As for Sirius falling through the veil, while tempted, I didn't go Lydia from Beetlejuice and write with a black veil on (or even a sheer black scarf, which I happen to have). I did cry, so if any readers were touched by his loss, I heart you for that!
I've written a poem from Cami's pov called Return to Me, and if anyone wants somthing lighter to read as a non-chocolate sweet to combat sadness, I've posted the second chapter of Paint it Black: the Portraits of Phineas Nigellus.
