+++++ 5th Angel + 0 : Friday (29)
"What do you mean I can't see him?" Nozomi frowned at the big man standing in her path, "My nii-san needs to know I'm ok, and I need to make sure he's happy."
"You don't need to see him as he is, kid," Kaz shook his head. "He's pretty banged up, and he's resting. Maybe in a week or so, once the worst of it has gone down. But-"
"I am not waiting a week to see my nii-san!" Nozomi's voice reached registers she rarely utilized, "He is right there," she swung her hand directly to where he rested in the L-Nine on the other side of the door and curtained window-walls, "and you are going to get out of my way." Marching forward, she was quickly held at bay by a new challenger.
"Nozomi-chan," Rina shifted between Kaz and Nozomi while Hina shuffled the big man off, "before I help you in to see him, you need to answer a few questions. It's adult stuff, but if we don't do it, we get in super big trouble."
Swooping back in after shoving her coworker into a nearby chair, the mirror twin crouched down to nod earnestly, "You don't want us to get in trouble, right? After all, we're just doing our job here, like you."
"You'll help me," Nozomi narrowed her eyes, "if I answer the questions?"
"If you answer the truthfully," Rina started.
Hina finished, "we'll help you see him."
The youngest Horaki's tone was dubious, "Is this a test?"
"No," both answered simultaneously. "It's a short questionnaire."
Giggling, Nozomi covered her mouth, "That's funny, how do you do that?"
"We're twins," the pair continued. They pointed at each other, "I know what she's thinking," then at themselves, "because it's what I'm thinking. Are you ready for the questions?"
"Mm-hmm," she nodded eagerly. "I need to see my nii-san."
"Ok," Rina held up one finger, "first question: have you ever seen him without any clothes on?"
"…No," Nozomi blinked. "I've seen him without a shirt on, but that's it."
Hina held up a finger of her own, "Second question: do you know what a third degree burn means?"
"Uh-uh," she sagged slightly, This is just like Daddy, when he wants me to see that I'm not thinking.
"Last question," they asked together, "do you think you should see him right now?"
Looking down at her feet, she shook her head. "He's hurting very badly, isn't he?"
"We're helping him, Nozomi-chan." Rina brought the little lady into a hug, "And I know he misses you."
"He asked where you were, when he was awake," Hina moved to set up a teaching exercise to take Nozomi's mind off of the situation she found herself in. "Wanted to make sure his imōto was all nice and safe."
Picking her up off the ground easily, Rina moved the young girl over to where Hina had begun placing objects, "But you know what we can do while we wait for one of your nee-san to wake up?"
Hina grinned, "You can learn about the techniques we used to help your nii-san. So when you see his scar, you know what happened to cause it to look like that!" Holding up a scalpel, she winked, "This, is a number ten blade."
+++++ 5th Angel + 0 : Friday (29)
Approaching Misato at her terminal, the Professor felt far older than his near seven decades. His meeting with Gendo had gone as he had anticipated, the man's darker rage having taken over as he had no answers to the important questions. "What's your opinion," he asked quietly, "is he going to bounce back, or did we just lose him?" He hated to give even the appearance of doubt in his young pilot, but duty was a harsh mistress.
"Oh, Sir!" Misato went to stand, only to feel Kozo's hand on her shoulder pushing her back into her seat.
"No," he shook his head. "I'm done being angry for now," he's angry enough for any ten people. With a sigh, he looked at the monitors displaying the efforts of the Tokyo-3 Restoration Crew, "You know what you did, you also know that I'm just as angry at myself as I am at you. This is Miss Katsuragi speaking to Mister Fuyutsuki. I need to know what you think; did we lose him?"
Watching him watch the monitors, Misato thought through her answer. If I asked him, right now, to fight an Angel, he'd race me to the gantries. The question we should be asking, is should we let him? "I don't think we did," she began slowly. "I think, if anything, he's starting to see enemies everywhere." I have to help him, even if it means having him questioned by a shrink. "I asked him if he'd be ok going with me to the 'Over the Rainbow', if he healed quick enough. He's pulled off stranger miracles."
Kozo's head turned slightly towards the Tactical Commander, "And?"
"Well, I asked if he wanted to take Hikari-chan. Show her what he does at work, maybe impress her a little, you know?" She shrugged, "She's a civvie, he's a dashing pilot, sure they're already pretty hard for each other but there's nothing wrong with giving him a chance to woo her more, right?" Her lips twitched in consternation, "Hard 'No'. Not even hesitation, he just flat out said he wasn't taking her on a business trip. Too dangerous."
Prescient. "I see," Kozo kept his surprise hidden easily. "Well, he probably just doesn't want her to be where there's a lot of military equipment, a lot of moving machinery, and rude foreigners." It makes sense, from his perspective. He's just protecting the Horaki family as best he can. Even if he's unknowingly right about the next issue's likely appearance.
"Maybe," Misato tepidly agreed. "I'm just worried that he's going to start seeing danger everywhere, sir. Angel attacks, assassins, his own teammates turning against him." She looked to the screens, "If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone wants to drive fear so deep into his mind that he loses all hope. I…." She rubbed her cross, "I don't want that for him."
Ironically prescient. "I laud that instinct, Katsuragi-san," he patted her shoulder firmly. "I trust that you'll follow where it leads, help him see that there's life beyond our war. No matter what certain Commanders may say, he's not a tool for us to use and abuse at will. He must be hard as steel during combat, we should help him understand that his armor can be set aside when he's not fighting for our lives."
"Thank you, sir," it improved her mood, hearing him say as much. She knew his anger wasn't everlasting, and that he tried to do what was best for the son of a man that had no humanity left in him, but for him to admit openly that Shinji was more than just another weapons component meant that maybe she was wrong. It's a start.
+++++ 5th Angel + 1 : Saturday (30)
And so, here we are again. Shinji felt the voice he associated with darker tidings drift past as he floated in nothingness. You. Me. This lovely locale you seem to enjoy. Why is it that you like it here, Shinji? There are so many better places to be, so many wonderful things to be doing, and yet here you sit staring at this…void.
"Where are we?" He wasn't going to fall into the trap of allowing the voice control again, "Why can't I see anything?"
Asks the Lord of Morning. The smug tone rankled him, If you don't like the darkness, why don't you try turning on the light?
"If you're not going to answer me," he tried to return to the peace of oblivion, "just leave me alone."
Why? So you can mope about here? That's no fun, he felt fingers trail along his shoulders, the odd contours of his charred flesh providing asymmetrical sensations to the touch, we could do so many other things, Shinji. Just use a little imagination. Come on, let's play a game. Just the two of us. We could even try crossing the river, see what lies on the other side.
"I want to sleep," he snapped.
And when has what you want ever mattered, Shinji? The voice laughed dolefully, Go on, tell me one time.
The Light, "It matters to Hikari. To Kodama. To Nozomi."
So you can learn, she applauded briefly. If you really believe yourself, and I'm not saying you do, why is it still so dark?
A flash of green light pulsed around him as he snarled, "Because you're the one that brought me here!"
Ooo, temper, temper, the fingers once more trailed along his chest. Be cautious with that my little lordling. You can do a great deal more damage than you think…to you and everything around you.
"Wh-what happened?" For an instant, as if in the flash of a camera, he saw an alien world surrounding him. Jagged bluffs and stormy seas. An ocean of stars above him, twin moons…. "T-two moons?"
Careful, the voice whispered in his ear, you're starting to sound curious.
"Gardeners," he tensed, remembering the fights both before and after his return, "I'm…I'm fighting the Gardeners."
Are you? The sensation of a kiss lingered on his neck, Or are you aiding the farmer? A very feminine body laid atop him suddenly, Do you know why you fight, Shinji? Do you know whose cause you aid? Do you even know all of the players? Who is it you think I am? Who is it you think they are? So many questions, and yet you focus on everything else. Why is that, I wonder.
His heart began to pound as images flashed through his mind. A giant being of purest white. A council of six, lit in various colors as they argued about the best way to murder the world. A world covered in LCL. The Earth, as seen from the surface of a grey ball of rock, covered in billions of crosses. Rei's hand buried in his chest, a sad smile on her face as luminous wings flare from her back. Images of the planet's past and his present, futures of a reality that ceased to be, all raking along his mind like so many shattered mirrors. Shinji tried to grab onto the woman laying atop him and met with nothing but his own flesh, "Stop!"
I'm not doing anything, Lord of Thunder. Maybe, instead, you should be asking her. Maybe you should be asking yourself.
The pace of the hallucinations accelerated, two realities becoming four, then sixteen, then two-hundred-fifty-six, growing exponentially and all as distinct and valid in his mind as the one he knew to be his new home. He felt chaotic energy begin to pulse in his veins. Choices branching, fractally nesting themselves in an out of control spiral outwards until he could see everything and through everything, nothing. The swell of the tides, the song of daybreak, the peal of nature's hammer, all chasing themselves in tighter and tighter circles. There was no point in time he was unaware of, no moment too small to escape his vision, the grand becoming minute, the minor swelling to eternity.
"STOP!"
+++++ 5th Angel + 1 : Saturday (30)
"He's not responding," Maya watched pensively as the tank drained slowly into a nearby reservoir, "the electrodes aren't even causing a muscle spasm." Shinji's gurgled screaming echoed oddly in the small room, the passionate terror on his face not yet breaking through his chemically induced stasis.
Hikari stared incredulously at the woman assisting Temple and Kaz in recovering her boyfriend, "You're electrocuting him?!"
"It's ok," Kodama held her sister tighter, hoping to prevent her from interceding in something she didn't understand. "The shock isn't enough to do more than prod him awake. It's part of how we woke him up before he fought the one before this one." She wanted to be involved, but knew that the practiced talent of the two Corpsmen before her far exceeded her own at the moment.
"I need to get a faster pump installed," Temple noted casually. "Kaz, once he's stable, hunt me down an engineer or two."
"Roger," Kaz held himself as a predator readying to attack. The big man clearly willing to shatter the case surrounding his patient, if needed, to render what aid he could. "Three seconds."
"Right," his supervisor agreed. "Two. Now."
Kaz gripped the base of the lid as the liquid drained below where it would spill out, eschewing the hydraulically assisted lifting mechanism and instead ripping the cover off whole. "Paladin," he wrapped the screaming young pilot in a big hug and hoisted him free of the remaining LCL, "wake up. You're safe, it's ok man!"
Scooping his feet, Temple coordinated moving him to the nearby bed, "New problem, he doesn't feel pain so we can't induce a trauma consciousness. Suffocate?"
"Wouldn't work," Kaz responded before Hikari could whimper any louder. "He's got the LCL in his lungs, we need to force expulsion first." Looking to the woman he knew already had the answer, he waited for his grade.
"Flip," they moved Shinji to his belly, "your move."
Winding up, the giant Corpsman smashed down on Shinji's back in the area closest to his lungs. A huge geyser of liquid sprayed out on the bed around him, and then another as Kaz repeated the feat, "He really should be waking up, boss. I don't care if he doesn't feel pain, he should feel eighteen and a half stone landing on him."
"Concur," Temple frowned as she checked the nearly healed scar on her patient's flank, puzzling through her memories for anything to try. "Flip him." Once they had him on his back, again, she turned to Hikari, "Talk to him."
Needing no further prompting, the young woman raced over and begged, speaking as loud as she dared over his pained screaming, "Shinji, please, wake up. It's ok. You're safe, you're not fighting anymore. We're here," taking his healthier hand, she squeezed it, "we're here, please…please, wake up!" She shook her head, turning to Kodama, "His hand is cold, it's like ice."
"Thermal shock," Kaz turned and bolted from the room, Kodama hot on his heels.
"Circulation is being interrupted," Temple twisted Hikari back towards her boyfriend. "Keep talking, girl. Give him a rabbit to chase."
"I don't want him chasing rabbits!" Hikari's memory of her conversation with him the day they met bubbling to mind, "He has enough people trying to get him to do stupid, pointless, things just for a moment of his time!" Turning back to Shinji she gripped his hand tighter, "I just want you, Shinji. We can fight through your problems, your nightmares, your stupid father! Just don't go where I can't follow you!"
Maya's thoughts raced, hoping for a solution that might not fall under 'medical'. As Kaz and Kodama rushed back in with thermal packs and emergency blankets, she heard a squeak in the room outside, the noise triggering a chain reaction of ideas. It's aurally scarring, but effective. Moving quickly over to the bedside, she shifted Hikari gently further back from her target, placed her fingers in her mouth like her father had taught her, and unleashed the kind of whistle that he used to be heard across six farms. All at once, Shinji snapped awake with a cry of, "STOP!" Temple sighed and shook her head while rubbing her ears, Kaz and Kodama stared blankly at her, and Hikari just blinked in amazement.
Shinji struggled briefly to acclimate to his new situation, being wrapped in blankets and rapid-warming chemical bags, instead of immersed in liquid. The realities he had seen, if indeed that was what they were, faded to a memory in the gentle lights of the hospital's room. Seeing Hikari looking at him, tears in her eyes, frightened him more than his being restrained and the others surrounding him combined. "What happened?"
"You had a night terror," Temple glared at Kodama. "Someone neglected to include that in your profile."
"I put it in the AAR for his last stay here!" The nurse shook her head, just as lost as Shinji, "It was before I was working here, so maybe they were discarded or shunted off to a part of his clinical notes that weren't updated properly."
"PTSD," Maya calmly soothed both Hikari and the man they both cared for. "The episodes are likely quite new, and nothing to be wound up over." Running one hand along the Class Rep's back, and the other along Shinji's hair, she sighed, "We just ejected him from a situation that he would have worked himself out of on his own."
"I…I wasn't," looking around again, Shinji noted that there were too many people present for him to talk about what he had just seen. If he had seen anything. I need to talk about this, I need to tell them…. He knew he'd be giving off his tells, the signals that anyone with social understanding could read like a book. Reaching up with his free hand, the still damaged left side that nobody willingly touched, he brushed the same side of his face, eliciting a barked command from Temple.
"Put your hand down, Paladin!" Watching him as he slowly complied, moving as if not to draw further attention from a dangerous animal, she sighed in frustration, "You're damaging yourself. Your inability to feel pain means you don't feel the harm, and I'd really rather not see you do that to yourself."
"Is it that bad?" Hikari looked to the part of his chest they discussed. It looked far better than it had, but still too similar to a pork roast gone horribly wrong for her comfort. "If…if nerve endings are damaged…."
"He's fine," Temple cut her off. "We're working on it, and I don't do half measures." Tipping her head back towards the tank, she motioned for Kaz to leave, "Go find someone to speed that contraption up." Patting Hikari on the back, she moved to leave as well, "Captain, If you would take charge of your man."
Waiting for the room to empty, Maya made certain the door had closed, "Ok." I can do this. "What was it you were about to say, before you realized who was in the room?" Crossing back to the bed, she looked between Hikari and Kodama, "We all need to understand, whoever he doesn't want here, leaves. No drama, no anger. If he can't discuss it in front of someone, that's that."
"What if that's you," Kodama raised her eyebrow.
"Then I leave," she answered with a level gaze. "I care for him just as much as you do, Kodama-san. I am just as invested in his health and well-being. And I will fight for him if that's what it takes." Smiling wistfully, she looked back down to see Shinji watching her with his one good eye focused on her, the other a foggier steel compared to the sky blue of the right, "I hope that the color change isn't permanent, I kind of miss seeing the shaggy dog in your eyes."
Snorting a laugh, Shinji sighed, "Woof."
"He's…not that furry," Hikari blushed, having seen far more of him in the past week than she'd thought she would so quickly. She knew Kodama would start to get her dander up, and wanted to keep the tone friendly. Acting coy, despite feeling nothing of the sort, would distract her sister well enough. Whatever it was that Shinji was playing along with was part of him building a healthy relationship with Maya. She's a good woman, intelligent, creative, and cute. Cute? Well…ok, I'm a little stressed right now. I'm not about to start flirting with her, I can think she's cute.
"No, no," Maya snickered at Shinji's joke. "Before the change…just after the Third Angel, he and I had a talk. He thanked me for what I did to help him in combat, even though I really didn't do that much."
"Yes, you did," Shinji interjected firmly. "Maya-san, you were there when I started all of this," both times, "and you were the first person to talk to me. You tried to calm me down," his chest began to feel odd, "and I'm really warm right now." Hefting one of the plastic packages that were intended to rapidly increase a patient's temperature, he handed it to the former Lieutenant, "She said I reminded her of a big dog her family had, during the post-Impact madness." Looking tiredly down to Kodama, he handed another to Hikari, "Same eyes, she said. Same hair color."
"He never changed to silver," Maya threw away the packet. "And I owe both that wonderful pup, and this wonderful pup, my life." Accepting the next small bag, she lifted her chin, "So when I say that I care for him like you do, Kodama-san, I mean it."
"Just so long as you remember he belongs to the Horaki family," Kodama retorted bluntly.
"He belongs to himself," Hikari corrected her sister firmly. "He chooses to be with who he will."
"Stop," Shinji quietly urged, flinging the blanket down so his chest could cool off. "Please…no fighting. J-just…no." Exposing his chest and upper torso cooled tempers better than his plea could, as everyone saw the true threat glowing brightly. "I don't want to see people I care about fighting. Not anymore." Reaching over to touch the marred flesh, he whispered, "Not after this."
"I agree," Hikari pulled his hand away gently. "We have better things to spend that energy on," calmly folding his much larger paw in both of her smaller, she reprimanded him with a look that spoke volumes.
"S-sorry," he grinned suddenly, realizing he felt like the other Damned must have felt when they were admonished by their wives, "…dear."
"Don't you start that," Hikari's mouth twisted as laughter and embarrassment battled for supremacy. "I am not like Mbau-san, and if you had any bad habits they'd be focused around being too giving, sir." Her cheeks glowed a gentle rose, knowing that her boyfriend was slowly learning to be more than just an apologizing provider. It was something to celebrate in the midst of tragedy after tragedy.
"Well then," Maya shared a look with Kodama that indicated the conversation would continue elsewhere, "do any of us need to leave, Shinji? I don't want someone to overhear something that you're not willing to share."
The walls have ears, Shinji, the calmer voice whispered urgently. They hear much.
Shinji's smile froze as his eyes widened slightly, the realization that his father would be just the kind of man to put monitoring devices everywhere. In the house? He'd do it. He'd build an addition, just so he could have the workers spend more time than necessary to sneak listening devices throughout the one place I should feel safely private. "That…bastard." His lip and cheek twitched as a rage built in him, "That absolute bastard."
"Shinji?" The fear in Hikari's voice pulled him back to center once more, "What's wrong?"
Tell Hikari? Trust her to…No. She might say something wrong. Need someone familiar with him, "Maya," he squeezed his hand slightly to signal his girlfriend that he needed it. Once she let go, though with great hesitation, he reached up and grabbed the lapel on Maya's uniform, pulling her down to where he could whisper under his breath into her ear, "Listening devices. In walls. In computers."
He felt her stiffen, then go slightly slack. Turning her face towards his, she kissed him gently, "Why, of course. You know, I think it might not be a bad idea to do just that." Turning to Kodama she looked rapidly between the tablet and Shinji, then tapped her ear as if she were scratching it, silently urging the woman to pick up on the concept. "But, you do know that if I leave you alone in here with Hikari-chan, I'm going against orders. So, if it's all right with you, we'll wait to have you two talk about what's going on until you can get home."
Kodama scowled, then went blank as she picked up on the message, "Yeah…yeah, I think that's best. It wouldn't be a good idea to have the medically qualified people leave until you're back in the tank. I mean, if we can't hear what's being said, we also might not hear when something goes wrong."
Mouthing a 'thank you' to the elder Horaki, Shinji looked back to Hikari, "Maybe we can go for a walk. Go to a park, somewhere that's nice and quiet."
"Hikari-chan, why don't you come give me a hand," Maya could tell that the young woman wasn't following. "Kodama-san," she flicked her finger towards the tablet, "why don't you take his temperature, see if his core has risen enough that we can let him out of the blanket."
"Sounds great," Kodama urged Hikari to follow the woman as she shut down the device. "I'll give you the choice, Shinji," her smirk was playful, "orally, or otherwise?" Waiting for the pair to leave the room, she moved quickly to Shinji, pressing her lips to his hungrily. Folding her right hand back behind her back to avoid touching anything sensitive, she ran the fingers of her left hand through his hair as she whispered fervently, "I swear, Shinji, if you want release, affection, anything, you don't need to go outside of the house." Her eyes carried her desperation, "If you don't think Hikari's willing, come to me. Please, you don't have to leave."
Leave? I'm not going anywhere. Shinji blinked, trying to adjust to the unexpected topic, "W-why w-"
"Please, baby," she begged him, "don't listen to her. I'll-"
Shinji forced out the question over her objections, "Listen to who?"
"Later," Kodama heard movement approaching. "Just…I'll do anything you want, Shinji. Don't…just don't." With that, she pulled out a thermometer and shoved it in his mouth. Wiping her eyes, she affected a long-suffering air, "I swear," the door opened again, "you talk to a man about anything going near their butt and they turn into children."
Shinji gasped, "Kodama!"
"Mouth closed." Her eyes flicked to Hikari, who nodded subtly, "I'm just saying."
"We do have surface thermometers," Maya stated wryly. "They're fairly accurate, these days."
Shinji curled inward mentally. Between the voices, the visions, the potential eavesdroppers, and now Kodama's fear-driven propositions, he had far too much to think about. He had to get better, there was too much that needed him, and he couldn't do it from a hospital bed. Always too much to do.
+++++ 5th Angel + 1 : Saturday (30)
"The worst part," Shinji said with a grimace, "is the constant sensation of floating. Everything I do, I'm always just barely aware of not being firmly seated." Lifting his arms to demonstrate, he winced as Hikari reflexively reached to stop him from moving his still-damaged left arm, "Sorry."
"No, no," the freckle-faced beauty shook her head. "I…I shouldn't coddle you. If you think it's ok to move it, then you know your body best." She tried to smile, "It looks…better?"
Looking down, Shinji shook his head, "It's not me."
Hikari tilted her head in confusion, "What do you mean?"
"Me, this body, we're two components, but we're not one person. Not yet." The images he saw raced through his mind, causing him to close his eyes and force them away, "I…I think I'll be better sooner than you'd believe. I just…need to not fight it."
He's dealing with trauma. It doesn't have to make sense, just let him process it. "Like the changes in our life?" Her smile was hopeful, "Us getting closer, right?"
The unintentional parallel brought a grin to Shinji's face, "Y-yeah. Like the changes in our life."
"I don't regret this, Shinji." Shifting her chair closer, she laid her shoulder against the glass to be as close to him as she could, "You're…not normal. But neither am I. We'll just not be normal together." She warmed as his hand rested against the glass beneath hers, "You'll always be the better chef."
"You'll be the one who speaks for us," Shinji countered. "I tend to screw up talking to people. You always know just what to say."
"We'll play to our strengths." Looking across the room, where Kodama and Maya were working through a series of exercises designed to help the new nurse understand the field kit she'd carry everywhere, Hikari hummed thoughtfully, "Would it make you unhappy if Kodama lived with us in the future, when we move out into the world?"
"I…I guess not," Shinji hedged. "When you talk about moving out…?"
"I'm talking about when we get married," Hikari's smile was patient. "Nothing you say is going to change how I feel, Shinji. You're the only man for me. Your strength, your compassion, your gentle heart…you're everything that I've ever wanted."
"We'll…we'll see." I can't condemn you to this, Hikari. Why can't I be strong enough to let you go?
"You know," Hikari giggled, "I bet we will see." Looking up into his eyes, love and affection rolling from her, her smile turned teasing, "My silly, silly Shinji."
+++++ 5th Angel + 2 : Sunday (31)
"They act as if their toy could defeat an Angel, let alone the greatest bio-engineering feat of all time," Ritsuko stood confidently before Gendo, placing the finishing touches on her strategy. "Instead of bothering with this skulking sabotage, we show them our invincible weapon in action." Leaning forward slightly, she used her own weapons to what effect she could, "Challenge them. When they fail miserably, it will be a message to the world that Gendo Ikari is the only means of protection against the Angels."
"What do you gain from this?" Gendo's fingers were tented before his mouth, she knew he was interested but wasn't convinced fully. "An indirect touch risks nothing, unless your skills are as weak as Captain Ibuki implies?"
"Captain Ibuki has no vision," Ritsuko snorted. "The ultimate goal, your ultimate goal, is better served by being bold. Give the people their bread and circuses, show them their champion standing over a man-made foe, and none will dare interfere! Write the name 'Ikari' in blood across their memories, Commander. With the Third Child as the gentle warrior, and you as the stern leader, what politician would risk the fallout from denying us the funding we need? How much more can I accomplish with the right money? The particle beam project, the studies on the Third Child's metamorphosis, I gain a great deal by securing our cash flow for the foreseeable future."
His eyebrow raising spoke volumes. There was silence for a time, his judgment hanging behind the reflective surface of his glasses. "If this fails, you will not survive the day."
"It won't fail," he never fails.
"If the clone is not awake by the time you leave, dispose of it." Considering the matter finished, he turned his chair towards a stack of folders on his desk, "We'll wake the third, when you get back."
+++++ 5th Angel + 2 : Sunday (31)
"Nii-san!" Nozomi bounced into the room ahead of Raffle and Vidar, climbing up onto Maya's lap as the newest Captain sat next to Hikari facing the recovering pilot. Vibrating with pleased excitement the youngest Horaki happily announced, "They finally let me in here!" Far more bright-eyed than the others in the room, she threw herself into her job of raising spirits and improving morale with gusto.
"I'm sorry, Nozomi-chan," Shinji dipped his head, the best he could accomplish while immersed in the tank of L-Nine. "It's my fault. I-"
"Am going to get my butt kicked when I step out of recovery if I keep blaming myself for winning," Kodama finished his sentence for him. "Sprout, you and me are going to have to tag team him if he keeps this up."
"Maya-san," the livewire little lady frowned up at the woman she sat upon, "is it because he's in that beer? Is he drunk? Nii-san is being very silly if he thinks he's to blame for being stabbed and burned."
"You know," Maya hammed up her agreement, "I think it might just be, Nozomi-chan. If he were sober and rational, he'd realize that he beat the big monster," tickling her occupant's side slightly, she prompted a giggle, "and saved the little princess, and that's not something to be sad about."
Vidar thumped the back of his giant fist against the glass in greeting, "Well fought, Paladin."
"Bah," Raffle wrapped Hikari's shoulders in a tight embrace from behind, resting her chin atop the younger woman's head, "I say any landing you walk away from is a good one. Wheels on the tarmac, enemy's in the dirt, the rest of it is so much pomp and circumstance."
"You should listen to your sempai, Shinji," Hikari laid her hands lightly atop Noelle's wrists. "They have good experiences to share with you, and only want to help you become a better pilot."
"So is it true," Nozomi pointed up at his shoulder, "you don't feel pain?"
"I…no," shaking his head slightly, he realized that the truth would spread to those that cared about him. It was inevitable. "When I changed," he gestured along his head with his right hand, "into this…I stopped feeling pain."
"But that's not true," tilting her head to the side so that it laid on her shoulder, she frowned, "because you still feel pain. You are worried about the blue lady. You were worried about the train lady. You worry about Sakura-chan. You hurt, nii-san. You just hurt inside, instead of outside. You feel pain differently, and sensei says that's true for everyone. I don't feel happy the way Hikari-nee-san feels happy. You just have to learn how you feel things."
That's an oversimplification. Shinji tried to find a way to explain the situation better, without hurting her feelings or diminishing her in front of the others.
His delay, however, allowed Maya to intervene, "That's a very good point, Nozomi-chan. If Shinji didn't have any nerve connections, he wouldn't know that he was holding a cup, or grabbing a shirt, or anything that he has to do to get through the day. We just have to teach him to recognize the signals he receives as 'pain', instead of focusing on the fact that he doesn't feel it in the way you or I would."
"Yep," the little lady nodded. "And I know just the way," she raised her tiny fist, "I'll punch you in the arm every time you blame yourself for something that isn't your fault."
"I like it!" Raffle belted out a laugh, "What do you think, Vidar? New Group mascot?"
The big man's lip quirked upwards in a grin, nodding in approval of the idea.
Shinji settled back and was content to listen, the group around him understanding without saying a thing that he did far better as a passive participant than as an active one. Over the next few hours, the various speakers included him off and on; lightly offering him chances to interact as they could, pleased when he chose to, sympathetic when he did not choose to. Raffle introduced Vidar to the women in the room as the secondary pilot for the Eva Corps' transportation needs. Kodama discussed her training schedule with the Corpsmen, Hikari focused on her displeasure with the need to go back to school the next day for her and Nozomi.
It was when Maya was discussing the updates she was receiving on the reconstruction efforts for the few blocks of buildings damaged in the fighting, as well as the deconstruction efforts necessary to clean up the Angel's corpse, that his day took another shift away from the pleasant. "The material inside of the Angel really is fascinating, from a scientific perspective. It's not entirely carbon-based, which…." She looked to the door as it slid open, her gaze going hard and flat as she recognized the intruder, "Doctor Akagi."
"Captain," Ritsuko scarcely acknowledged her. Focusing solely on Shinji, she crossed over to where Vidar stood, the pilot instinctively drawing away from his place leaning on the tank. The room stayed silent, the intrusion nearly universally unwelcome. "I'm very sorry that I couldn't make it up to visit earlier, Shinji," speaking as if it were only the two of them present, she sighed morosely, "I've been working almost non-stop on finding out what's happened to Ayanami-chan. As you know, she's alive, but unconscious." Her eyes widened slightly, "Or…I hope you knew. Surely someone else would have shared that with you."
"I was told she was alive," the music was back, stronger than ever. The closer she stood, the louder the song became. "What…uhm, what can I do to help her?" The memory of her touch, of her pulling him against her, filled his nostrils with the acrid scent of nicotine smoke. Unwittingly, his heartrate increased as confused and confusing emotions toyed with his mind, "I-I don't…uhm, I don't know much about what caused her to collapse."
"Well, you see," leaning down, pretending to view something of the burns on his chest, she gave him an unhindered view down her blouse, "I actually have another project that I've been handed. A project I need your help with." Lifting her eyes back to him, she sighed, "As it happens, the Commander wants me to address a competitor to the Evangelion project."
Jet Alone, Shinji's eyes narrowed as he remembered Misato's exposure to the radioactive core of the gigantic mecha. How much have I forgotten?! It isn't like this was seventy years ago! "What does he want me to do?"
"A challenge has been issued," Ritsuko left who challenged who to his imagination, "even after your successes against the Angels. Japan Heavy Chemical Industries believes that their robot, an unmanned, nuclear-powered disaster waiting to happen, can defeat the Angels without risking children as they put it."
"Nuclear?" Maya gasped, "If something ruptures their containment armor, they'd spread radiation wherever they deployed it!" Quickly setting aside her distaste and distrust for the bottle-blonde, she turned to Shinji, "You would be fine, the Evas are not only hardened against the kinds of waves that a compromised nuclear reactor would emit, but your A. T. Field would buffer that further. The surrounding environment, though…."
Shinji shook his head, there was no rest for him, "When?" It was soon, wasn't it? I went to school, we had 'parent teacher conferences', then the next day Misato was in uniform. If fighting this means she doesn't have to become exposed to radiation….
"We will be attending a conference in Old Tokyo on Tuesday. Due to security for the event, it will be just the two of us." Ignoring the stacked sounds of protest from behind her, she continued on, "Unit-01 will be delivered by the freight line between Tokyo-3 and the testing grounds. There's still an old umbilical connected to the local power stations, from when we used the area to demonstrate Unit-00 to the Japanese government."
"He needs support staff," Maya calmly set Nozomi down, urging her towards Kodama. "C2 can't be done without appropriate communication equipment, which means engineers as well as myself and-"
"He'll be operating solo," Ritsuko interrupted smoothly. "It's what he's been doing so far, isn't it? Commander Ikari has authorized everything, Captain. If you have problems with the plan, I suggest you go to him."
"He's not fully healed," Kodama snapped. "You want him to go out and fight again when it's not an alien but a corporation doing something stupid? Can't you give him a week to get back on his feet before you start finding new ways to kill him?" Several more voices joined hers, it was obvious the room was opposed in general to the decision. Only Hikari sat there watching him, her fears obvious, but not engaging in the push and pull that had taken over.
"Stop!" Shinji forced himself to yell, to be heard over the din, "Just…stop." If I don't do this, it's going to go rogue. It's going to threaten everything. It's going to threaten Misato. "I'm fine. Remember, I don't feel pain."
"Shinji," his girlfriend stood, pulling free from Raffle and crossing to his tank, "I trust you to know yourself and your abilities better than anyone else." Ignoring Ritsuko for the moment, she placed her hand on the tank and tried to express without words what she felt for him. I need to show him that I trust him. I need him to show everyone the kind of man that he is. "I trust you to do the right thing."
Oh, he'll be doing something little girl. "We'll be leaving tomorrow evening, staying there overnight. Depending on how long the presentation and challenge last, we might stay another night. Make sure that you get some rest, Shinji." There won't be much to be had tomorrow. Waving with an eager smile, Ritsuko turned and walked back out of the room ignoring the glared daggers she trailed behind her.
"I'm going to go do what I can." Maya looked to Kodama, "Do you remember the instructions for putting him to sleep?"
"Yes," Kodama nodded. "This is horseshit, Maya-san. I don't trust that woman at all."
"None of us do," Maya took Hikari's hand and pressed it to the tank, placing her own over the top of both. "We trust you, Shinji. Ok? I will do what I can, with all of the authority I have been given. But Hikari's right." Giving the younger woman a quick hug, she kissed her temple and let go of the tank, "You are a good man, who knows right from wrong. You won't do anything we would ask you not to do. Now I have to run. Get some sleep, hopefully you heal faster."
"Vidar, let's motor." Raffle walked over and knocked on the tank, "We're not without our own methods of addressing things we din like. Rules always have loopholes." Looking to her compatriot, who pressed his fist to the tank briefly and nodded once to Shinji in solidarity, she marched out of the room to act on her word.
"Nii-san," Nozomi latched onto Hikari's side and frowned, "I don't like that lady."
She's not the woman she should be, "I think she's just under a lot of stress, Nozomi-chan. Ritsuko-san isn't normally so…."
"Please don't lie to your sister," Kodama looked sternly at the man she loved. "Family tells the truth to family, even when it's inconvenient or impolite. Your little sister needs the truth, Shinji."
"She's changed, Kodama," Hikari hugged Nozomi close. "This isn't the woman I met, it's not the woman that Shinji introduced me to, it's not the woman that seemed to be eager to see him thrive despite his challenges. It's…not normal." Exposure to the L-Nine changed Shinji. What if…. "Nozomi, say goodbye to Shinji. We need to head home and start packing a bag for him to take. We don't want him to have to borrow clothes, do we?"
"Hai," she agreed sadly. "I'll make sure you have a snack too, nii-san. I know I need something when I'm in a train for too long."
"Thank you," Shinji closed his eyes as the comment on snacks struck a familiar nerve. "Hikari, would you please send a text to Yang-san? She asked to be kept appraised of how I'm doing, and I completely forgot to ask you to do it. I'm not being a good friend…to anyone."
"I handled it yesterday," Hikari's smile was soothing. Another conversation for another time. "You have your hands full, Shinji. Leave it to me to handle the social obligations, ok? Focus on sleep. I'll see you again before you leave." Looking at her elder sister, then subtly flicking her eyes down to Nozomi and shaking her head, she moved to the door and tried to steady her disquiet about the situation.
Once the door slid shut, leaving the eldest Horaki Sister and Third Child as alone as one could be in NERV, Kodama looked at him and scowled, "You're attracted to her." It wasn't an accusation, but it also wasn't far from becoming one.
Family tells the truth. "I'm attracted to a lot of people, Kodama. It's like the world around me is suddenly full of all these beautiful women. But because I was unlucky enough to step on a damn teacup…." Clenching his eyes shut and clamping his jaw closed, Shinji tried to force the sudden burst of anger back where it belonged. "I'm sorry." She's going to leave. They're all going to leave, and you'll be all alone again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He sensed a shift in the pressure of the LCL, the chemicals to help him sleep moving about.
He barely heard Kodama's voice, "Do you love us, Shinji?"
"I…yes," he felt the beginning of the drug's effect. "Please don't leave me. I'm…I don't want to have all of these people around. They never would have noticed me if I had kept those cups in my hands. I'd just…just have Hikari. J-just all of you. Just my family. I'm sorry."
"Shinji…." When she sighed, he opened his eyes and saw her looking torn, "You need to ask yourself, and you need to be honest. Do you love us, or do you just love not being alone?" Her finger traced a lazy pattern on the glass, "Because if you love us, if you truly love us, you'll tell these other women to stay away. The strongest wall can be broken with unrelenting rain, and the women in your life are pouring down around you."
Ask her. The darker voice urged him sternly, Ask her the question.
"K-Kodama," he fought against the drugs, "why m-me?"
Her smile was the picture of beautiful sorrow, "Because it's better to have part of a great man, then all of someone that only cares about my tits." She tapped the glass, "Go to sleep, Shinji. When you wake up, we'll talk more about this…among other things."
