Chapter 29: What ever happened to 'Stay Positive'?
The next morning I awoke feeling much better than I had in a while. Thank you Teyla! After a quick breakfast on the run I rushed down to the infirmary to talk to Dr Beckett. Teyla had not arrived yet - I noticed Sergeant Bates in one of the beds and looked over at Dr Beckett with a raised eyebrow.
"He was beaten pretty badly," Dr Beckett admitted. "There's some suspicion that Teyla might have had something to do with it."
"Teyla would never do that!" I denied the possibility.
"I know lass," Dr Beckett agreed. "We're waiting on some test results – I should know more by the end of the day."
Teyla rushed in at that point, apologising for being late. Sheppard and Ford had met with her in her quarters about Sergeant Bates and had delayed her in the process.
"John wouldn't believe you had anything to do with this," I assured her.
"I hope not," Teyla acknowledged before adding "Shall we begin?"
"Can you hook us up so you can break the connection if this actually works and we get into trouble?" I asked Carson.
"Aye," Dr Beckett agreed readily. He got us set up on two adjacent beds and hooked up the sensors.
"Are you ready?" I asked Teyla. We had agreed that I would attempt to make a connection to her using the method she had described to me. If I made a connection Teyla would then attempt to reverse it and get into my mind instead. My job would be to resist that.
"Proceed Sabina," Teyla said softly, relaxing against her pillow. "I am ready."
It was the strangest feeling to send my mind out and into someone else's head. Teyla's instructions were effective and I made the initial connection with ease. I had thought the sensation would be similar to what I felt when I used ancient technology and although it was, my experience there didn't help me. Apart from getting the sense of how controlled and ordered her mind was, that first connection was so brief it was over before it began. I felt Teyla invade my mind almost immediately and tried to put up a block so that she couldn't take control. At first I could block her but the mental effort required was extreme and I began to tire. Before my block could crumble completely, Teyla released me and I opened my eyes to see Dr Beckett looking at me curiously.
"Did it work?" he asked, almost excited.
"It did," Teyla said. "Sabina was able to make the connection with ease; however she must develop more mental strength if she is to stop a Wraith from taking control."
"What Teyla means is that I was barely able to hold the connection for a second before she took over," I admitted with a self deprecating laugh. "How effective was the block I put up?" I asked curiously.
"Although it was complete to start with," Teyla shifted to look at me closely, "it became less so as you tired. I was able to gain some access to your thoughts."
"Oh," I said. "Anything interesting in there?" I tried to lighten the suddenly tense mood descending on the infirmary.
"You need not worry Sabina," Teyla reassured me. "I will not divulge anything I might learn during our practice."
Okay, that just made me more worried. What was I unwittingly giving away by making myself vulnerable to her and did I want Teyla to know that much about me?
"Shall we try again?" Teyla broke into my thoughts.
"Huh? Oh right, yes – lets." I replied, worrying about the things I didn't want anyone to know while at the same time trying not to worry about them. My head was already beginning to hurt.
We practised for hours that day and by the end of it I had a massive headache but also a sense of achievement. By our last attempt I was able to hold my block indefinitely and Teyla agreed that with further practice I would be able to stop her from taking over the connection. Dr Beckett said that my many hours controlling the ancient technology would have strengthened my mind and that I just had to learn new ways to resist mental attack – something I wasn't used to because ... well Atlantis liked me and would never attack me!
Unfortunately my practice with Teyla was cut short. Dr Beckett had proven her innocence in the attack on Sergeant Bates – by proving there was a Wraith in the city! Teyla rushed out immediately to assist in its capture.
Although the idea of practicing on a real Wraith was momentarily attractive I knew we couldn't risk giving anything away and we had no idea how much the Wraith had communicated to its ship. The fact that a Wraith had been in the city for two weeks freaked me out ... knowing that Teyla and Major Sheppard were out there hunting it down scared me even more. I was tired and had to make a more conscious effort to keep my sensor blocks in place.
Waiting it out in my quarters, I paced back and forth as I anxiously prayed that no one would get hurt. It was Dr Beckett who let me know that the Wraith had been apprehended - Major Sheppard had been stunned with the Wraith weapon and was recovering in the infirmary. I stopped in briefly and was relieved to see John sleeping peacefully – good enough for me to retire back to my room to sleep as well. I had a feeling it might be a while before we'd get the chance for a full night's sleep again.
Early the next morning I headed straight for the infirmary only to find that Major Sheppard had already left to interrogate the Wraith prisoner. I was still there when we heard the news that Rodney's team had got the satellite up and running just in time to confront the hive ships. I cheered with the infirmary staff as it was broadcast that one of the hive ships had been destroyed. And I despaired at the news that the satellite had been destroyed with no further kills, carrying away Peter Grodin in its destruction.
The mood on Atlantis was bleak as we all came to the realisation that we were out of options, a point that was slammed home when we all heard Dr Weir's city wide announcement.
"May I have your attention, please? This is Doctor Weir. Our plan to stop the Wraith armada has failed. They will make it to Atlantis. Therefore we must begin our evacuation plans. I wish I could tell you all that this is a fight that we will win, but I can't do that. I wish I could tell you that we will find a safe harbour when we leave here. I can't promise you that either. I can tell you this: up to now, you all have accomplished extraordinary things, and I believe that even in the face of an uncertain future, as long as we stay together we have a chance to continue to do so. Now, we all have our evacuation duties, so thank you -- and I'll see you on the other side."
So that was it ... I wouldn't get the chance to even try to use the Wraith weapon because we would have evacuated long before the hive ships were within range. I was upset that we'd be responsible for the destruction of a city that had stood firm for 10,000 years but deep inside a small part of me was relieved that the decision was out of my hands, that I was no longer under pressure to operate a weapon even the ancients had hesitated to use.
I had plenty to do before the evacuation but I decided food should be the first priority, especially as I was kind of hoping I'd run into Major Sheppard or Teyla in the commissary. My mood lifted when I spotted both of them at their usual table. The rest of Atlantis was already buzzing with activity only a couple of hours after Weir's announcement so I wasn't surprised to see the room was otherwise deserted. It would take the rest of the day and some of the night before the evacuation would be complete.
"Are you okay?" I asked, not directing my question specifically at either one of them as I sat down across from Sheppard.
"We are all fine," Teyla reassured me.
"And the Wraith?" I asked hesitantly. I could sense that something wasn't right but was it really my place to question them?
"Dead," Sheppard said in such a way that I knew he had been the one to kill it and that I would be getting nothing more of the story from him.
"I will leave you now," Teyla said unexpectedly, rising from her chair. "The mornings events have been ... unsettling. I am sorry we did not get the chance to practice more Sabina but I have much to do before the time to evacuate is upon us," she added before leaving the Major and me alone.
"Is everything really okay?" I asked softly. "I mean apart from the fact that the Wraith are coming and the 10,000 year old piece of technology we were relying on is out of the equation?"
"What ever happened to 'Stay Positive'?" Major Sheppard looked at me with a slight smile, already appearing to put the events of the morning behind him.
"It's been a long week," I excused myself. "Do you want to hear about my progress?"
"Not particularly," Sheppard admitted. "Teyla filled me in on the basics anyway," he added.
"Oh ... right ... of course." I said, realising we were now alone in the commissary. "I should probably start packing myself," I added, making no attempt to move.
"How's the headache?" Sheppard looked at me closely.
"How did you know I had a headache?" I asked incredulously. I'd had one since yesterday's practice with Teyla but I thought I was better at hiding things than that.
"Your eyes," he admitted. "The brown kinda goes greenish when you get angry, or upset ... or when you've been doing too much of the mental control stuff."
"That's very observant of you Major," I said stiffly, not sure how I felt about that. A silence fell over us as neither of us made any attempt to leave. It was kind of nice just sitting there quietly, enjoying his presence in a way I hadn't done since the whole Chaya incident.
"Sabina," he broke the silence to ask softly. "Do you think you could do one thing for me?"
"What?" I asked just as quietly.
"Call me John."
"Okay," I agreed easily. "But that doesn't mean I've given up on getting you to let me use the Wraith weapon."
"I never for a second thought it did," he drawled. "Walk me to my room?" he stood and held out a hand to me.
"Okay," I took his hand and let him pull me up from my seat.
John kept a hold of my hand after we were both standing and I didn't protest. We walked the busy halls of Atlantis hand in hand, neither one of us compelled to speak. A strange mood had descended upon us – I felt very keenly that old bond between us but for once it didn't frighten me. The Wraith were coming and it seemed wrong that the petty things that had kept us apart should remain a barrier between us.
When we arrived at John's door, he turned and looked at me intently. I gazed back at him, trying to convey my acceptance of the question I knew he was asking. Coming to an agreement without speaking, he opened his door and we both walked inside.
It was so familiar to be in his arms again, but at the same time so different. We had both changed ... grown, especially me ... in our time apart and that was reflected in how we came together. We had an unspoken agreement that we wouldn't talk of our feelings or any of the things that had held us back. In fact we hardly spoke at all.
The same heated urgency and need overtook us as it had in the past, even more so because I think at the back of both our minds was the thought that this might be the last time we would have the chance to do this. I let down my guard more than I ever had and as a consequence felt that deep connection, that electric jolt, I'd always felt with him down to my very soul. Emotion and passion enveloped us - it was over in an instant that was an eternity.
After, as I lay cradled in John's strong arms, I promised myself that soon I would work out what this thing was between us. But for now I would just enjoy it, enjoy that feeling of being safe. I knew the future was uncertain but that just made me gladder that I'd had one more chance to be with John.
Authors Note: I know - MORE fluff! I just can't resist ... but surely in reality if you really thought things were that dire you'd take the opportunity to connect with the people close to you ... also apologies for the bit in the middle where I just kind of reiterate what we all know happens at the end of The Seige Part 1 - I needed to put the series of events in my story and didn't want to do a big conversation between Sabina and anyone else. Only a few more chapters to go now!
