Chapter 29: The Parasite Within

Enjoy!


"So," Trunks said, nudging Pan in the side to get her attention. "Where have you been all this time?"

Pan closed her eyes tightly, trying to fight the illness in her stomach. "Training," she croaked out.

"But where?"

"Uh," Pan said, clearing her throat. "I can't really tell you."

"You're so much like your grandpa," Trunks said with a chuckle. "Disappearing for months and years for the sake of your training…"

"Yeah," Pan said bitterly, "and not being there for Grandma when she needed me. Not getting to say goodbye."

"Panny, it's not your fault…"

The soothing tone in his voice caressed her insides. Her nausea and pain at being un-fused began to disappear in the solace of his nearness. The warmth in his glassy eyes made her want to step forward and melt into his arms. She wanted to dissolve into tears again, but she knew that it would not be wise to let herself go. If she allowed Trunks to comfort her, she would need more and more comfort. She would need to confess all her sins to him so that he could forgive her, because she could never forgive herself. He seemed to be able to see the way she felt, and he began moving forward.

"Panny," he said again, reaching out to pull her into his arms.

"No," she responded, dodging his grip and moving back toward the house. "I need to see my parents."

Dragging the sleeve of her gi across her forehead, Pan exhaled. She felt a cold shiver run through her body, and her pores began to secrete a thin layer of sweat that soon covered her from head to toe. She knew that she wouldn't be able to last very long without being fused with Bra.

Being an incomplete person was killing her.

Each cell vibrated with the longing to be joined with Bra. Her physiology did not remember what it was like to be Pan Son. That person had ceased to exist long ago, and there was no going back; not even temporarily.

As she entered the house, Pan found that her family and friends were gathered around the dinner table. They were chatting amongst themselves quietly, but there was no food on the tablecloth. Pan felt herself looking to the kitchen to see if Grandma Chi-Chi was preparing something delicious to bring over for them to snack on while they chatted, but then she remembered. She stared at the empty table in shock and horror, and the situation really began to sink into her brain.

Chi-Chi was gone.

Gohan was speaking to the gathered friends and family, in a morose tone. "As great a man as he was, my father only exists in pockets of my memory." His deep voice was slightly shaking. "I remember him appearing in the nick of time whenever I needed him—and I remember the year I spent training with him in the hyperbolic time chamber. But those are just moments—yes, he was there for the greatest moments of my life, the moments that mattered most—but my mother was there for every other moment. My mother was the constant. She was the heart of the family, and without her, my father would have been nothing—whether he realizes it or not. I don't think anyone will ever understand how much she strengthened him. She strengthened all of us. She made everything possible."

"In truth," said Vegeta quietly, "Chi-Chi was the most admirable aspect of Kakkarot."

Bra entered the room then, and sat in the seat closest to her father. She bowed her head in sadness and shame. She glanced up at Pan erratically, clenching her hands tightly in her lap under the table. The girls did not have to communicate telepathically to tell each other that they both felt intense, gnawing pain in their guts. Bra could feel her heart palpitating at an irregular pattern, and the room was beginning to spin in her vision.

"Sure," Bulma whispered, touching a handkerchief to the corner of her eye. "She was a good wife. She was a good mother. But she was an amazing friend."

Goten and Trunks entered the room, chatting quietly amongst themselves. Bra turned her head toward them. She knew that she needed to be there for Goten—and for her family—but she couldn't concentrate while her body was at war with itself.

Bulma was unable to keep from weeping. "She was the greatest friend a girl could ever hope to have, through thick and thin."

"Thick and thin," Krillen repeated with a grumble. "There was a whole lot of thick, and far too much thin."

"She's in a better place now, Papa," Marron told her father, touching his back gently. "We will all see her again, someday, Dende-willing."

Videl had been biting down on her lip so forcefully that it had turned purple. "I had better fucking see her again! She was my mother, too. Maybe my real mom didn't give a fuck about me, but Chi-Chi made me feel loved. Chi-Chi took me into her family, and gave me a place to call home. My life was shit on a stick until I met her."

Gohan reached out to squeeze his wife's arm gently. Pan moved forward and threw her arms around her mother's neck. She knew that she needed to make an effort to be around more, now that Chi-Chi was gone. She felt an urge to go to the kitchen and make food—someone would need to take over the role of matriarch. Pan knew that it would eventually fall to her.

Videl hugged her daughter back for a moment before something seemed to snap in her mind. Standing up, Videl shoved Pan away from her so violently that the younger woman went flying across the room.

"And YOU!" Videl shouted viciously. "This is what it takes to get you home? This is what it takes for you to spend some time with your family? A fucking funeral!"

"Mom…" Pan said in surprise. "I didn't mean…"

"You're a horrible daughter," Videl said, beginning to sob as she spoke. "You only care about yourself and your own selfish needs. Did you ever think that we needed you here? Did you ever think that being away from home for so long hurt your grandma? Poor Chi-Chi loved you! You were her little angel, you know that? Her life was hard. Do you really think she needed the added stress of her granddaughter missing for over a year?"

Pan stared up at her mother in silence. She realized for the first time that her mother was blaming her for Chi-Chi's death. And no one was contradicting her. No one was interrupting her tirade. Pan felt like the walls and ceiling were caving in on her with the weight of this blame.

"I'm sorry," Bra blurted out suddenly. "Pan and I need to go."

Everyone's head swivelled to look at Bra in shock. The blue-haired girl blushed furiously, realizing how rude it was to ask to be excused from the funeral of an important family friend. Nevertheless, her head was aching so powerfully that she could not stay seated at that table for a minute longer. She moved over to her friend protectively, and placed a hand on Pan's arm.

"It's not her fault," Bra said with a frown. "We have some business to take care of, but we'll be back later." With that, she raised two fingers to her forehead and used Instant Transmission to teleport Pan back to Iceland.

Everyone stared at the spot where the girls had been a moment before. There were looks of confusion and anger painted over their faces.

Vegeta was the only one who had something of a smile on his face. "Did you all notice that the girls had grown tails? Did you all notice how much more powerful they have gotten? Damnation! Whatever they're doing—I hope they keep it up."


"Quick," Bra said, fumbling in her purse for the fusion-keeping rings, much like a junkie jonesing for a fix. "Come on. Get up."

Pan shook her head. "No."

"What? PAN! I need this. My stomach—it hurts so bad."

"We can't fuse again," Pan said with determination. "Did you see—did you see how upset my mom was?" She swallowed back a lump of emotion, and a bit of bile, wrapping her arms around herself. "I don't care how sick we get, Bra. I don't care if it damages our insides. We need to tough it out. We need to stay separate people."

"I know," Bra said miserably, reaching up to pull on her hair. The pale blue strands now felt insipid, and their texture was limp compared to Para's. She groaned, ripping out two large handful of her hair, and staring at it in distaste. "But my body is crumbling, Panny. I won't last another minute. I can't. Please. Let's fuse one last time. Or let's try to slowly wean ourselves off it—we can't quit cold turkey! Not after being Para for an entire year. I haven't been Bra since… since…"

"Since the Charity Ball," Pan reminded her with a frown.

"Yes. And I can't… I can't stand being myself," Bra whispered. She slumped down to the ground, curling her body up into a little ball. "Please, Panny, please."

"We are saiyans!" Pan shouted. "We can deal with a few cramps and headaches, I think." Even as she said it, there was a large trickle of sweat dripping down her brow, and her entire body was beginning to shake violently.

Bra scoffed. "Look at yourself. You look like a heroin addict. You're stronger than me, Pan, but do you really think you can last another ten seconds without fusion?"

"Yes!" Pan roared. Her hair flashed golden and shot directly up as she screamed this. "We're stronger than Para! We're stronger than that bitch. She stole my life away!"

"Whoa, whoa, chillax!" Bra reached out to place a hand on each of Pan's shoulder's. She took several quick, calming breaths. "Fine. If you really want to stay separate, I'll try my best. We can do this together, right?"

"Sure, Bra. I'll be right here with you every step of the way." Pan relaxed from Super Saiyan, allowing her hair to become black and soft once again.

Bra touched her friend's dark hair in a soothing way. She reached out to give Pan a hug, but the moment their bodies touched, a crackling electricity began to ignite through their skin. Both girls instantly doubled over in pain.

"What the fuck?" Pan gasped, pressing both hands over her stomach. "What is this?"

"It's Para," Bra moaned. "She's still inside me—like some kind of parasite. It's going to kill me, Pan. It's going to kill me unless we fuse right now."

"It only happened when you hugged me," Pan argued, stepping backward. "If we just stay apart, we should be fine."

"But you said you'd be there for me!" Bra said desperately. "You said you wouldn't let me go through this alone."

"The whole point of being separate is that we need to be alone!" Pan argued. "It's biological—you weren't hugging me because you wanted to hug your friend. It was your body telling your mind that it needs to be fused."

"I know. I just can't... I feel so naked."

"Don't you think I feel the exact same way?" Pan asked harshly. "We need to be tougher than this. We need to push past the urges—we can't let them rule us."

Bra sat down in their living room, wrapping her arms around herself. "It's the worst pain I've ever felt, Panny. It's worse than anything that I felt in the time chamber. It's terrible. It's worse than… it's worse than…"

"I know," Pan said, inhaling sharply. "Fine. Let's fuse again... one last time..."

"Thank Dende," Bra said, instantly springing up from the ground and assuming the first position of the fusion dance. "I need this."


Para stood before the mirror, glaring at her reflection. "It's time," she said firmly. "It's finally time for me to kill myself." Her own wounded indigo eyes stared back at her in refusal. In the year that she had been a whole person, she had grown to know and love her new identity as Para. She could not go back to being Pan and Bra without losing some of the wisdom and strength that she had gained.

But being Para had required great sacrifices too—the greatest of sacrifices. She had lost precious time she could have spent with her grandmother as Pan. Now, reminded of the hard fact of the mortality of everyone around her, and even her own mortality—for even though she was a saiyan, she would not live forever—she knew that she needed to break herself into her two original, rightful halves, for the sake of her loved ones. Nature had chosen to make her two people, and she had no right to interfere with the natural order.

The question was simply: How? How could Para stop being herself, and return to being inferior and inadequate? How could she sacrifice her own life for the sake of Pan and Bra's existence?

"I've got to try," Para told herself, with a decisive nod. "It will be a slow process. I can't do it all at once. But now that I've decided—Para needs to go. I need to try to get my lives back. I need to heal." With a deep breath, Para slid the katchin rings off her index fingers.

With a flash of light and smoke, her body violently split itself down the center, creating two girls where there had been only one. Both girls were suddenly shaky on their feet.

"It's so cold," Bra said weakly. "Why am I shivering?"

"You must have a fever," Pan explained. She lifted her hand to touch her friend's forehead, but stopped herself. She knew that she could not touch Bra without feeling physical pain from not being conjoined with her. Swallowing back some saliva, Pan turned and began to pace around the room, shaking her hands out to relax herself. "I think our bodies are used to helping each other regulate our core temperature. Now they have to work ten times as hard to just keep us alive."

"I've got…" Bra lifted both hands to her head, trying to make explanatory gestures. She was so accustomed to just sharing a brain with Pan that it seemed ridiculous that she had to go through all the complications of speaking to communicate. Words seemed like an excessive and inaccurate form of interaction. "My head. It hurts so much. This headache is insane."

"It seems to me," Pan said quietly, gripping the back of the sofa chair, "that the symptoms of separating are similar to withdrawal. From a drug addiction. If you think about it, it makes sense. The fusion is like a substance which enhances our performance—and when we remove it, our bodies cannot seem to perform, even at a basic level."

"So how do you get over a drug addiction?" Bra asked, rubbing her own shoulders so fiercely that her skin began to turn red and chafe.

Pan hesitated. "Well, ideally—we should seek professional help. Of course, there's no way that we can really do that, with this particular problem. I suppose we could ask Dende, but I'd be really embarrassed. Drug addicts can also ask their families for help, but then we'd have to tell them the truth about what we've been up to, and that simply isn't an option."

Bra lowered her head into her hands. "We'd lose our families altogether if we told them about Para."

"But we can lie!" Pan said, snapping her fingers together. "We'll just tell them that we became really addicted to some substance and ask for their help in keeping us apart."

"That's so humiliating," Bra complained, crawling toward the couch and pulling a blanket around herself.

"Yes, it is... but it's better than the truth," Pan said with a scowl. "We can't tell them: 'You know that girl from the future? That's us. We slept with our brother for half the year and our uncle for the other half just to get revenge, and it was fun, but now we can't stop being one being so we need your help to keep from fusing because otherwise we can't stand being your daughters."

Bra nodded, mulling over the idea in our mind. She pulled another blanket over herself, trying to stop her body from shivering. She wanted to ask Pan to cuddle her or send a wave of energy over her to keep her warm, but she knew that she could not be close to Pan's body or energy without excruciating pain. "I don't want to tell them," Bra said stubbornly. "I would rather die than let my father know what I've done."

Pan shook her head. "Don't talk like that. Our parents will be angry, but I think they'll forgive us and help us. We did a lot of good things too—we got stronger and we developed a senzu serum. It could have been worse. We could have done something worse, right?"

"What could be worse? I don't think it could be worse than this."

"But Bra…"

"Oh Dende, I can't even hear you call me that name..." Bra used the blankets to mop up the sweat that was pouring off her neck. "I feel so ill. I can't handle this. Can we fuse again? Please?"

Pan closed her eyes in misery. "How do you expect us to get back to being ourselves if we can't last five minutes?"

"I don't know," Bra muttered. "I don't know. Fine. Let's try to last a little longer." Pressing her head against the sofa cushions, Bra clenched the blankets tightly around her neck and shut her eyes as she shivered.

Pan continued pacing erratically around the room, with her arms crossed above her chest and a dark glower on her face. Finally, her pacing became so frenetic that she was literally wearing holes into the carpet as she sharply swiveled. "Okay," Pan said in a soft voice. "I'm reaching my limit. I think we need to fuse."

"Or let's just die," Bra whimpered. "I just want it to be over. I can't suffer through this anymore."

"You shouldn't say things like that!" Pan said sharply, clutching her head in pain. "This is… this is why I say we need to seek help…"

"If our parents knew—they would never allow us near each other again." Bra gulped. "I think they might not want us to be friends after this. Let's just try to do this on our own—or not at all."

Pan's vision had grown blurry. She squinted, beginning to see and feel the shadows of various enemies surrounding her. Without thinking, she instinctively raised her hands and began to fire ki blasts all around her.

"What the heck are you doing? Panny?" Bra lifted her hands to block the attacks, and noticed that her friend was not paying attention. She shouted mentally. Panny!

Blinking in surprise, Pan blinked away the hallucinations. She stood in place, panting for a moment. "Please, Bra, can we just fuse? My mind is starting to play tricks on me."

"It's messing me up too," Bra whispered. "Probably worse than you, Pan—you're stronger than I am. I feel... oh, I can't describe it! But I want us to beat this thing. We have to get our individual lives back. I want... I want Goten back."

Pan nodded, clenching her fists. "Focus on him, Bra. Focus on his face."

Bra tried to do this, but a sob escaped her throat. "I can't. He's my reason to live—my reason to be myself—but he's not a good reason at all. He loved Para. Not me. Why didn't he want to stay with me?" Bra had dissolved into tears.

"Bra! Para was you. We fooled him, we were successful, we won! Now be strong..."

"Pan... just give me your hand."

Pan took a deep breath, and she began to extend her hand but then she shook her head violently. "Bra. I can't touch you. If we touch we'll have to fuse."

"Please, Panny," said Bra, extending her hand and looking at her friend with pleading eyes, "I feel like I'm dying here..."

"Okay. Okay!" Pan grabbed her friend's hand and closed her eyes tightly. "Be strong, be strong, be strong. Goddammit! Let's fucking fuse."

"Yes!"


Para rolled around in bed, groaning and trying to force herself to remove her fusion-keeping rings. She spun the circles of metal around her fingers in order to stall the inevitable. Waking up is more trouble than it's worth, she thought to herself. While she was sleeping and dreaming, she had been at peace—she had not worried about the need to be the correct person. She had been comfortable. Now that she was awake, the world had come rushing back to her with a vengeance, rendering everything unpleasant and unsatisfying. Her every thought grated against the insides of her brain like a crowbar against a chalkboard.

Finally, she ripped the rings off her fingers. A second later, there were two girls lying beside each other in bed.

Bra sighed. "It's not so bad, is it? Being a different person."

The girls looked at each other, feeling each other's pain, but unable to touch or console the other because they knew it would result in them fusing.

"This isn't going to work," Pan finally admitted. "We need help. If only there was someone who knew..."

"Marron!" Bra said, sitting up suddenly. "Call Marron!"

"Yes!" Pan scrambled for her phone, and rapidly dialed her friend's number. She had not bothered to check the time difference between Iceland and Japan before calling, so a very groggy blonde woman answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Marron, we have a problem..."

"Is that... Pan?" asked the voice on the other line in surprise. "Pan as in... the original Pan?"

"Yes. Marron... can you come to Iceland for a few days? We need your help."

"What's the deal, girlfriend?"

Pan frowned. "We're going through fusion withdrawal, and it's horrible. We want to be two separate people, but we're both so sick and in so much pain..."

"Woah. You two saiyans, sick? This sounds bad. Let me grab a few overnight things, and you can come teleport me over."

Pan sighed in relief. "Thanks, Mar."


"This kind of reminds me of when I was babysitting you girls. Except you two were never this helpless back then. Usually you were running in opposite directions. Pan to the Gravity Chamber, Bra to the closets to play dress up. I never had a problem with keeping you apart before."

Bra smiled weakly. "Thank you for coming, Marron. You have no idea how much we needed you. You're the only one who knows."

"Anytime," said Marron softly, sipping her tea, "What are friends for? So we've successfully made it to 24 hours with no fusion, correct?"

Pan suddenly stood up, and nearly fell over from dizziness, but she grabbed the sofa for support. Once she was steady she ran out of the room.

Marron had been shocked by her sudden movements, and she looked at Bra. "Where'd she go?"

Bra rubbed her temples, groaning. "She went to the bathroom. She's vomiting."

"Vomiting?" asked Marron in surprise. "Since when has Pan ever vomited?"

"That's what she's asking herself right now," Bra mumbled as she read her friend's thoughts. "It's the first time in her life."

"If it's hitting her that hard, you're screwed," said Marron cheerfully. "But we'll get through this together!"

"Can you NOT talk so happily! Dende, you make my skull hurt!" Bra complained.

"Be nice to our babysitter, princess!" Pan demanded as she stumbled back into the room.

"I wouldn't have to be nice if we were fused! You could be nice FOR ME!"

"Me? What makes you think…" Pan stopped speaking when her body began to shake with fierce coughs. Her shoulders shook back and forth violently. "Ugh… I can't…"

Marron sighed. "Hold on a sec, Panny. Let me get you a glass of water." Marron stood up and moved to the kitchen, muttering to herself in concern. She had never seen the girls in such a state. Reaching for a glass and sweeping some ice out of the freezer, Marron quickly prepared a glass of water for the young saiyan. She moved back into the living room, and was startled by the sight before her.

Para was standing there, pulling a hairbrush through her hair, no longer sick or miserable.

Marron stared at the beautiful woman, shaking her head in disapproval. "Well, girls... at least this experience will surely make me a better mother. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind about that."


A week had passed, and Marron had almost given up hope. The girls had fused three times under her watch, and by the third occasion she was ready to throw her hands up in defeat. However, her adoration and compassion for the girls and their plight would not allow her to quit.

"Stop!" Marron shouted, physically placing herself between Pan and Bra as they tried to initiate the fusion dance. She grabbed their fingers to prevent their technique from completing. "Girls! Please think about what you're doing. You need to stay apart!"

Pan flung Marron aside while Bra reached for the nearest item, which happened to be a pot of coffee.

"Leave us alone!" Bra screeched as she chucked the pot of coffee at Marron's head. "You don't know what this feels like!"

Somehow, perhaps due to years of being around martial artists, Marron was able to narrowly dodge the glass projectile. It smashed against the wall behind her, and she flinched, trying to avoid the flying shards of glass. Marron stood still for several minutes, staring at the broken glass.

"Oh my god, Mar," Bra whispered. "I didn't mean to do that."

Marron nodded slowly. She exhaled shakily. "Look girls, I can't do this. I'm not strong enough to keep you two apart. You need your families to help you through this. You need to be in separate houses. I will tell them the drug addiction lie, okay?"

Pan had pressed a hand to her forehead in shame and horror at what she'd done. Now she nodded. "I think you're right... but even if we're far away, we can converse in telepathy."

"It's true," Bra said. "Even if we're lying in bed at our respective houses, we'll be communicating the whole time..."

Marron sighed. "Communicating is one thing. But this is like a biological withdrawal right? It's physical. If we keep you two separate for a few months, then you should be back to normal."

"Maybe," Pan said softly.

"We might as well try," Marron said in a tired voice. "You two are getting crazy."

"I'm sorry," Pan said, slumping into an armchair. "We're just—not used to being these weak, miserable people. We were… we were a goddess."

"Being a goddess is overrated if it chases all the love out of your life," Marron told them. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "I have just one question for you girls. Just one. Was it worth it? Was it worth paying the price of your health and sanity to get revenge on those two?"

Bra and Pan looked at each other and smiled before looking back at Marron and speaking in unison, "Absolutely."

Marron smiled. "I guess you deserve all this suffering then. Wish you could have seen what you did to those poor boys." She chuckled lightly. "I guess I can't judge. I know I've said this before, but I'm so lucky that I ended up with Uub."

"You sure are," Bra admitted. The blue-haired woman's knees began to wobble before they sunk under her. "Dende, I can't even walk right now."

Pan sighed as she relaxed back into her chair. "I guess it's time to tell our fathers."

"They're going to flip their shit."


Marron stood in front of the Briefs and Sons, explaining the situation to them as the girls had planned. When she had finished spewing her collection of lies, she chewed her lip and stared at them expectantly.

"But Panny's never been into any kind of drugs," protested Gohan in disbelief.

"It's a new type of drug," Marron explained. "A performance enhancer they used for their training. They discovered it while trying to use hormones to re-grow their tails. It's hit them pretty hard, and created a kind of dependency. It's really messed up their systems, and they're going through a type of withdrawal."

"So… what can we do?" Bulma asked nervously. "I want my little girl back."

Marron looked around at the expressions on their faces and felt a bit of satisfaction that they were buying her story. "We need to be patient with them. I must stress that during the period of the next few months, until the girls are better, they will get intense cravings where they will ask to see each other. ON NO ACCOUNTS should you let Bra and Pan be in the same room during this period, do you understand? Their health depends on it."

"That seems to be a strange request," Videl commented.

"Just trust me on this," Marron said. "If they're together, they will use. They were brave enough to ask for my help, and now we have to be supportive and not make them feel alienated. We can't attack them and ask questions, but we just have to show that we love them."

"Do you know what the substance they were using?" Bulma asked curiously. "Maybe I can run some tests…"

"No. I said no questions," Marron repeated firmly. "If we pry too much into their addiction, it will only make things worse. What the girls need is to know that their families will accept them. Do you think you can do that?"

Vegeta slammed his hand down on the coffee table. "If this drug was responsible for enhancing their training so much that they were able to increase their power levels to what I sensed last week…" The old saiyan's face was transformed by a gigantic smile. "Drugs, hypnosis, or fucking silly dances! I don't care what they did to achieve power, as long as they achieved it. I'm proud of them."

Marron blushed lightly at the mention of silly dances. She nodded. "I'm glad you feel that way Vegeta. I will tell the girls that they can come home."

"Wait," Gohan said quietly. "What about Trunks and Goten? Should we tell them about this problem the girls are having?"

Marron hesitated. "Why don't we keep it to ourselves for now? Goten just lost his mother and he's taking it pretty rough. He doesn't need to know that Pan's health is failing as well."

"That's a good point," Gohan mused thoughtfully. He nodded. "Fine. Let's bring our daughters home!"


Pan was sprawled in the bed at her old room in the Son house in Mt. Paozu. She had been tossing and turning for three days, unable to sleep with the pounding in her head. Her hallucinations were becoming stronger, and Gohan often had to come into the room to take care of her. Occasionally, she would experience a fit where he would have to pin her arms and legs to keep her from thrashing about and hurting herself.

"Thank you, Papa," she told him earnestly, after one particularly bad seizure.

"Hey, what are dads for, kiddo?" Gohan had spoken with a wink.

"Do you still love me?" Pan found herself asking as she gripped large handfuls of the bed sheets and squeezed the fabric. "I've done… such terrible things."

"You'll always be my daughter," Gohan told her, placing a hand on her forehead lovingly. In that touch was contained great depths of absolution.

Pan allowed the forgiveness to wash over her in soft, warm waves. She began to relax ever-so-slightly, and allowed her head to roll back limply against the pillow. "I missed you, Papa. You're the best."

Gohan chuckled. He reached to his side and retrieved a bowl of soup. "I'm definitely not the best cook, or you might have eaten something in the last few days. You can't starve yourself, kiddo. You're a saiyan and you need sustenance."

"I'm just really not in the mood," Pan told him weakly. "I'll be fine, Papa. I think I just need to rest more."

"You haven't been resting at all, Panny."

She nodded, rolling onto her side and pressing her face into her pillow. "It's the pain… makes it hard to fall asleep."

"Maybe if you ate something, sweetie." He held a spoonful of soup close to her lips. "Will you try to have a bit of broth? Do it for me?"

The delicious aroma reached her nostrils, causing them to flare slightly. "I don't know," she said cautiously. She had been unable to keep anything down since un-fusing. It felt like half of her stomach was missing—every single basic physical function was impaired.

Still, the scent of the soup reminded her of home. It exuded a cozy aura of intimacy, reminding her that she was, in fact, within the protective walls of her childhood. It was the place where she had grown into a woman. It was the place that had weathered impossible storms. It was the place she had come from, and where she was meant to be. The soup had the same brown color and dull sparkle as the broth that her Grandma Chi-Chi had used to make when she was younger, for family dinners with her grandfather. Pan shivered slightly at this thought—at this pleasant, bittersweet memory of her beloved family members who had been snatched from her life. They had been taken before she had been ready to let go.

She stared at the spoonful of soup, compelled to taste the memories and cherish the glory of her past on her tongue. Pan almost hoped that consuming this potion would cure her body, and return her to who she used to be. Angling her face in acceptance, and letting the savory broth trickle between her lips, she closed her eyes.

For a moment, it was good.

Then, her body revolted. Pan bolted up from the bed, knocking the soup from Gohan's hands as she blasted through the window. She fell to the ground outside the house, vomiting into the grass. She sobbed in frustration at herself, and the sickening feeling of being empty. She was starving, but not for food. She was hungry for her other half.

"Panny, are you alright?" Gohan was asking. He had placed a hand on her shoulder.

She violently shrugged him off, propelling her body into the sky. She had only one goal in mind, and that was to be joined with Bra again. However, Gohan intercepted her path.

"Panny, it's time to go home."

She took several deep breaths. "I need to go, Papa. Please, I need to go." She tried to push past him, but the older saiyan physically restrained her.

"I don't understand why, Pan, but you're not in the right frame of mind right now, and I was instructed not to let you out of the house. For your own health."

Pan struggled against her father's grip, feeling her ki rise automatically. Her body was powering up and preparing for a fight, without her permission. Even though she knew her father was trying to protect her, her body felt like he was threatening her survival. And considering the way she felt, perhaps he was.

"Papa... please," she begged, one final time before her eyes flashed green. "You don't understand how much it hurts."

"I don't care, Panny. I am not going to let you harm yourself anymore."

"Fine!" she shouted. "It's not like you can stop me anyway." Powering up to Super Saiyan 2, Pan easily swiveled in Gohan's grip, flinging him to the ground and sending a ki blast after him. The strength and balance boost from her newly grown tail helped her to easily overpower her father.

Gohan righted himself and flew after her, gripping her tightly in his arms. "Calm down, Pan!"

"I can't. Let me go!" Pan released a bloodcurdling scream, sending flames of ki at Gohan, causing him to release her. He reached up to rub his wounded face as she flew in the direction of the Capsule Corp building.

Cursing softly in concern, Gohan used telepathy to communicate with the other fighters. Vegeta, I need your help. Come quickly. Goten? Are you…

A whoosh of air beside Gohan alerted him to his brother's presence.

"I sensed her flipping out," Goten said with a frown. "Is she okay?"

"No," Gohan said, holding his injured cheek. "She's out of control. I can't hold her."

Goten's eyebrows knitted together as he chased after his niece. By the time he had caught up with her, Vegeta was there as well. Gohan managed to recover from the blast to the face, and the three men surrounded Pan with a warning in their eyes.

"Go home, girl," Vegeta said quietly. "You don't want trouble with us."

"Get the fuck away from me, Vegeta!" Pan said sharply. She realized, in the back of her mind that she was being impolite, and she should show more respect, but in the front of her mind, she could only think of fusion. "Let me through!"

"Pancakes, you should probably be in bed," Goten told her softly. "You're making us all worry… OUCH!"

Goten was cut off by a punch to the face.

War broke loose as Pan powered up vastly again. She fought off the three men in an effort to get to Bra. She tried to use instant transmission a few times, but the men anticipated this, and grabbed her wrist, pinning her from moving. Pan released another powerful scream as she fought the men, but her lack of sleep and starvation were beginning to cause her to lose energy fast. She suddenly understood what Bra had meant in saying that it felt like there as a parasite gnawing at her insides. It was like Pan herself was not controlling her body any longer. Another, new entity lingered inside of her, a beast that would not rest until it was satisfied. A disease, an infection that would do absolutely anything to survive; even if it meant killing its host. In a desperate effort to break free, Pan shouted and tried to reach the secret stores of energy that she had used as Para.

She was no longer sure if she was fighting the men around her, or the demon of her own creation that persisted in her mind.

"Holy shit!" Goten exclaimed. "Is she… transforming? Holy shit!"

Pan looked down at her own body in surprise, and saw the tips of her hair glowing and extending outward. Her energy seemed to flicker as her body pushed forward to the transformation of Super Saiyan 3. She gasped, for she knew that she could not handle the energy required to sustain the level. Para could, but she could not. If she transformed to Super Saiyan 3, it would kill her within seconds.

"No!" Pan shouted, scraping her nails across her chest as her heart began to beat violently. "No—agh!" Her heart felt like it was going to fail at any second due to the intense demands that her body was placing on the organ. Her body had forgotten its own limits. Her body had forgotten how to keep itself together—how to not explode itself into tiny pieces. Her mind was swimming with blinding color and the pricks of a thousand tiny needles.

Pan Son.

It was a soothing voice which came into her mind. She could barely recognize through her furor that it was Dende, speaking to her telepathically from the lookout.

Be calm, child. All is well. I will give you the sleep you seek.

With that sentence, everything went black.


"Didn't your dad tell you what happened yesterday?"

"No. He's just walking around and grumbling to himself, annoyed at the world."

"Dude. Panny went Super Saiyan 3."

"She did what? Are you fucking kidding me?" Trunks barked into the phone, blinking at the information.

"Just for a second man. It was like she flashed level three for a few seconds, and then she passed out."

"Whoa," Trunks said, staring down at his little sister in surprise. Bra was sleeping fitfully in her bed. He had been tasked with babysitting her while Vegeta had flown to help Gohan with Pan, and periodically ever since. "That's insane."

"I've never seen anything like it," Goten admitted.

The men were silent for a moment. Things were still awkward between them, due to the newness of their recently mended friendship.

"Do you think it's my fault?" Trunks asked suddenly.

"Wha-huh?"

Trunks cleared his throat. "Well—what I did to Pan. Do you think that it was her anger at me that drove her to taking drugs?"

"I don't know, man. But if that was what made Pan do it—you can bet I'm responsible for Bra using whatever she used."

The men were quiet again.

Trunks sighed as he stared down at his pale little sister. Her blue hair clung to her clammy face in a pathetic way. She hardly looked half as beautiful as she normally did. "I wonder what drugs could possibly be strong enough to affect them like this? They're both tough kids."

"I don't know," Goten said, "but I understand why they want to quit now. After mom died… I decided to stop smoking too. I haven't had a cigarette since the funeral."

With a small chuckle, Trunks ran a hand through his lavender hair. "That's great, bro. But whatever our girls were doing—it was a lot more than smoking."

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Goten asked nervously. "Panny's in bad shape, man. She passed out for like an hour, but now she's just sitting there and shaking. I can't stand seeing her like this—not after Mom…"

"Nothing's going to happen to her," Trunks assured him. "Pan and Bra are going to be just fine."

"I hope so," Goten said.

When the line went dead, Trunks returned to his seat at Bra's bedside. He reached out and began to push a few strands of limp wet hair away from his sister's forehead.

"What kind of trouble have you been getting yourself into?" Trunks mused to the sick girl.

Bra moaned in response, letting her head roll from side to side as though she was suffering. "I'm not her," she whispered. "I'm not her."

"Bra?" Trunks said with worry. "Are you okay, kiddo?"

Her blue eyes snapped open, and she looked at him with surprise. "Big brother?" Her eyes instantly became teary, but she blinked them away. "Look, Trunks, can you do me a favor?"

"What is it?"

"I'll be fine. I'm getting better, but right now, Pan is in a lot of pain. She needs you. Can you go to her?"

"Bra..." Trunks sighed. "She doesn't want me. She..."

"Oh, give me a fucking break," Bra spat through teeth gritted in pain. "She loves you, and she needs you. Go to her."

"How do you know that?" Trunks asked with a raised eyebrow. "You're sick and I can't trust anything you say. Are you trying to pull some kind of trick on me..."

"Dear Brother, first of all, Pan is my best friend. Secondly, I'm telepathic."

"What? No way."

"You just were thinking that you hoped I couldn't read the dirty thoughts you were having about things you'd like to do to Pan when she's vulnerable and sick."

"That was just a good guess. What about now?"

"Now you're thinking about the time you snuck into an empty hospital room window and played doctor with Pan using real medical equipment to..."

"Bra! Stop it right this instant and get out of my head!" he ordered with a blush.

She laughed lightly. "Now you're thinking that you don't want me to know about the time..."

"I mean it! Stop!" Trunks made a face. "Kami, Bra. How long have you been able to read thoughts?"

"Since the time chamber," she answered. "You'd better hurry, Trunks. Goten's supposed to be watching Pan, but he's getting sleepy, and about to take a nap. She's leaving her bedroom for some fresh air. If she teleports here… she'll take me away and you won't see us for a long while again. If she and I slip back into our sickness... I'm going to get a lot worse."

Trunks frowned, tapping his foot nervously. "Dad said I wasn't to leave your side."

"Then switch," Bra demanded forcefully. "You go to your woman, and send me my man!"

Trunks hesitated, before smiling at her. He leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. "I missed you, sis. Get better soon."

"Just don't tell him I called him that!" she screamed as Trunks flew out the window.


Trunks arrived at Pan's house just as Goten was munching sleepily on a snack. Just like Bra said, he mused. Pan was sitting cross legged on the rooftop, and she seemed to be struggling to keep herself from using instant transmission. He scooped Pan up in his arms and flew back into the room.

Pan was taken by surprise and she looked up at her attacker angrily. What's he doing here? I didn't even notice his ki approaching, I must be really out of it...

By the time they entered the room, Goten was sprawled at the foot of Pan's bed, hanging halfway off of it and snoring. Also just as Bra had said.

"Why didn't she tell me she was telepathic sooner?" Trunks mumbled.

"She told you?" asked Pan. Then she frowned because all she heard was silence coming from Trunks' mind. She could see that the wheels were working in his mind, but she couldn't read it. She dearly missed being able to use Bra's telepathy at her will. She felt so powerless alone. Her head began to throb as it tried desperately to use Bra's telepathy—a skill it didn't have, but knew how to use.

"Trunks," she begged softly, placing a hand on his chest. "Will you please let me go see your sister?"

He smiled down at her in his arms. "Nope! She sent me over to take care of you because she said you were losing it."

"Losing it? I've lost it!" shouted Pan. "Because MY DEAR UNCLE keeps putting his FEET in my face every five minutes! It's not enough I have to suffer through the worst headaches I've ever felt from a self-inflicted illness to which there is NO cure, but I have to deal with VERY smelly—not moderately smelly, not somewhat smelly, but EXTREMELY smelly feet—in my face ALL THE TIME."

Even with all her yelling, Goten hadn't stirred out of his nap, and Trunks chuckled. "He's just like Goku that way, isn't he? The Sons have the weirdest sleeping positions possible. Except you, Panny, you always sleep peacefully, like an angel."

Pan opened her mouth to protest and then she closed it and smiled. The throbbing in her head began to ease a little. She leaned her head against Trunks as her breathing calmed down. "Thanks for coming. Bra was right; I really needed you just then. I wish I had her telepathy."

Trunks stared down at her with a warm look in his eyes before walking over to the foot of her bed and kicking Goten in the side. "GOTEN! Wake up. You have to go take care of my sister. We're switching duties."

"Owww," said Goten, sleepily rubbing his ribs where Trunks had kicked him. "Panny, why'd you have to go and... oh, hey Trunks!"

"Goten, we're switching. I have orders that you have to go and take care of your woman while I take care of mine, got it?"

"Okay, fine," Goten mumbled, heading for the window. He turned around in puzzlement. "Hey, did you just call Bra..."

"Yes, now go!"

Goten nodded, shrugged, and flew out of the window obediently.

Pan poked Trunks. "Uh, did you just call me your woman?"

He tossed her onto the bed before going to close the window. "Sure did."

"What year is this?" Pan asked, rubbing her sore head. "Have I travelled back in time to the days when it was normal for you to toss me on the bed and call me your woman?"

"No," he said, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge of it, "You'll just always be my woman. Regardless of the year or how mad at me you are. Or how many times we break up, or how many men you prefer over me."

"What about Medea?" Pan asked, snuggling closer to his warmth as her body shivered feverishly.

"That was a mess," muttered Trunks, "You told me to 'see other people' so I tried. In truth, I partly did it to try and make you angry. But she sure showed me, didn't she? A Super Saiyan from the future who cheated on me. With Goten. I should have just become a celibate monk the moment you left me, Panny."

"No," Pan mumbled, not noticing that she was gripping Trunks' leg tightly as pain shot through her body. "No. Monks shave their heads. Your beautiful hair would go bye-bye."

He laughed and winced at the same time as Pan's fingernails dug into his thigh. "You're cute when you're sick. You actually complimented me."

"Trunks," Pan moaned in pain, clutching his leg even tighter as she saw a kaleidoscope of colors that couldn't be blinked away. "Dende, Trunks, I'm so sorry."

"Easy there, Panny," he said, prying her hand away from his leg and ignoring the fact that she had drawn some blood. He slipped down from his seated position on her bed, and lay down next to her, pulling her body against his. It was partly to soothe her with a hug, and partly to restrain her. He rubbed her back firmly, feeling her body convulse against his.

"Dende," he said. "What have you done to yourself, Pan? This isn't like you... what kind of drugs were you taking?"

Her hands clutched great big handfuls of his shirt as she mashed her forehead against his chest.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you," she whispered, "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Well, I did... but I never meant to mean to. I never thought I would be so angry and do such awful things. You'll never forgive me."

"What on earth are you talking about, Pan?"

"I made Medea. I made her."

"What? Do you mean to say that you're her mother?"

"NO! Yes! I am her, I made her, I destroyed her. I'm sorry, Trunks."

"You're not making any sense, Pan." Trunks placed the back of his hand on her forehead, "You're burning up with fever. You're just delirious, that's all."

"I didn't mean to... I just wanted you to see how it felt. It felt so terrible."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know that you hate me," she whispered.

"I could never..."

"But once I started I couldn't stop. You know that right? I'm so sorry."

"Shhh, Pan. I think you should get some rest."

"I couldn't stop." She began repeating, over and over, "I'm sorry, Trunks. I love you. I love you. I love you so much, how could I do this to you?"

"Panny," he said, kissing her gently, and holding her, "Just try to get some rest. You're not yourself right now."

"No! I'm me now!" she all but screamed, "I wasn't myself then! Please don't let me go back... I love you, Trunks..."

"Kami, you must be in so much pain that you think you're dying if you're telling me you love me this much."

Pan was quiet for a few moments, and her breathing slowed down to a normal pace. The tension in her body eased away. She suddenly had a déjà vu, recalling that she had experienced a premonition of this moment long ago. She squinted, trying to recall if it had just been a dream, or if it had actually happened. She could not seem to separate fantasy from reality. There was only pain.

"I missed you, Pan. Please don't go away again. Not for so long," he said, stroking her hair. When he was sure she was asleep he softly added, "And I hope you're finished seeing all those other people."

"I didn't actually see any," she whispered.

His heart leapt with a tiny flutter of hope. "You didn't?"

"Nah," she mumbled against her pillow. "Unless you count Uncle Goten, who is always in my bed lately, but he doesn't count because he has smelly feet."

Trunks laughed. "No, I don't count him. You really didn't see anyone else in all this time?"

"Who the hell would I see? The pope?" She groaned loudly as she wrapped her arms around herself. "I didn't even see myself in the goddamned mirror. I haven't seen myself as myself in far too long. It makes me wonder if myself is worth anything. Why should I bother to be half a girl? I'm worth nothing to you."

"You're talking crazy, Panny. You're worth everything to me."

She tried to pry one eye open to study his face. "Trunks. I have a very bad feeling. Something's about to go terribly wrong."

"Nothing's wrong, Panny. You're probably just nervous about staying at home after being away for so long. And the stuff with your grandma…"

"You never trust me," she accused suddenly. She pressed a hand against her head, moaning in pain. "I know things. I see things before they happen. I saw all of this. And you said that to me before."

"It's just your illness, Pan..."

"No!" she lifted her hand to hit him in the arm to make him listen. "Here's the thing, Trunks. Bra may be telepathic, but sometimes I have visions of the future."

"Really?"

"Yes. We've been training a lot. With great fighting power sometimes comes great mental powers, I suppose."

"That makes sense," he told her, stroking her head. "So what do you think is about to happen?"

She closed her eyes. "I just remember—the first time you held me like this. It's like the first time, isn't it? You held me all night, while I slept. It was the night before we came back to earth and ran into Baby."

He swallowed back a lump of fear. "This isn't a bad omen, Pan. Us being together again? It's a good thing. Nothing's going to happen..." He stopped talking because he saw that she had drifted back to sleep. He sighed and pressed a kiss against her forehead. "I want you back, Panny. But I'm not going to risk scaring you away again. Let's take it slow."

Trunks continued to hold her until he fell asleep as well. A few minutes later, Gohan and Videl entered the room to check on Pan, and found their daughter sleeping peacefully with her ex-boyfriend.

Gohan remained frozen as he stared at the scene before him, contemplating the couple thoughtfully. He turned to his wife. "I think that's the first time she's slept since she came home, dear."

Videl sighed and wrapped her arms around Gohan as she beheld their daughter. "Dammit. So she never did get over him. I hate the fact that Vegeta is always right."

The corner of Gohan's lips curled up in a smile. "Do you really?"

With a roll of her eyes, Videl pinched her husband in the stomach playfully. "No."


Happy holidays! :)