A/N: Kwills341 Thank you!

I honestly don't remember getting home. A maze is forming in my mind, growing more complex as time passes, new walls appearing seemly out of nowhere closing a path that I thought I could easily take. The more I think about it, the more I realize I should've never allowed Cosima to have this sort of power over me. She is right: nothing happened... Not really. And yet, I feel like I've just lost someone so fundamental to me, to who I am.

We have said goodbye to each other so many times before. None successfully. This time feels different. Very different. I still believe the Cosima I met is there, I just don't think she'll let her come back out any time soon, if ever. I just wish I could say that I have it in me to try to bring her back, but I really don't think I am ready for that kind of fight, nor do I think I want it. If Cosima is so determined to keep me away, perhaps I should just stay away.

Maybe I should've seen this coming, that the bumpy path we roamed could only lead us here. Maybe if I had been less unkind to her to begin with and Cosima had been more...subtle in her approach. Maybe then we could have found a way around our differences, overcome my initial doubts, overlook Cosima's lack of tact. Even so, had she not been so bold would I have even noticed her? Had I not been so resistant would she have held onto her interest in me? Who's to say I wouldn't have disregarded her advances? Or be just another notch in her belt by now? And we would still end up in the exact same place we are now...

When Olivia arrives home she finds me on the couch, hugging my knees close to my chest, a tomb like silence having settled upon the house.

"Well, you look like shit!" Her first words to me.

"Well... I feel like shit!" I respond, without second thought.

She sits on the other end of the couch. "Wanna tell me what happened?"

"We need to abort our mission." I say low, resting my chin on my knees and looking straight at her.

"You think it's too much for Cosima to handle?" She assumes, pushing my legs until they rest on her lap.

"Non... I think Cosima is too much for me to handle." I say and when my friend looks at me unconvinced I explain further. "She clearly stated that she wants me out of her life. I'm not about to go against her wishes."

Olivia stays quiet for sometime, looking at me with a thoughtful expression. "It's been really fun to date you." She leans over and gives me a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Next time we should go all the way, though."

I chuckle." Yes... That would've made things a lot less complicated."

She gets up and goes to the kitchen, returning a few seconds later with two beer bottles and extends one to me. "What are you going to do now?"

"Rien..." I simply say.

We drink our beers in silence for a while. My roommate avoiding my stare, at least until I give a soft laugh. "She called you a test subject, you know?"

"How did I end up in that conversation?" Olivia asks me with a raised brow.

"Well... She accused me of experimenting and said you were her replacement as my test subject." I give another go at the beer and catch her looking at me sideways. "What?! You know that's not what I was doing."

She waves her free hand. "I know, I know... That's not it."

"What is it, then?"

She gets up again. "Nothing." Then she gets her phone and says. "I think we should order in. No one's in the mood to cook today."

I would say that I woke up early the next morning, but in order for that to be true I would need to have slept, which never happened. Last night I was able to relax, Olivia sensed that I needed it and she didn't mention Cosima the rest of the night. However, when I found myself alone in bed I couldn't rest. My last conversation with Cosima haunting me, cutting deeper into my soul than anything ever has before; her words were harsh, yes, no doubt about it, but it was her expression that turns my heart to stone. It felt like she had no option, that what was happening was beyond her control. It feels like Cosima is trapped. But worse than that: I got the impression she's not interested in freeing herself, and if she won't do it, no one will be able to do it for her.

I want the old Cosima back, the one that ignored the obstacles in her way and kept pushing forward, but I've run out of ideas to make it so. And, to be honest, I am starting to believe that everything I've done so far has had the exact opposite effect. Cosima has never been as far away from me as she is now. My plan failed with a huge implosion and all I can do is brace myself to deal with the consequences.

I am at the kitchen window, gazing towards the San Francisco Bay in the distance, mug of lousy coffee between my hands and turn when I hear Olivia behind me, going through one of the drawers.

"Did you sleep at all?" She asks as soon as her eyes lay on my face.

I smile sadly. "It was not for lack of trying." I respond low.

"I know it's a stupid thing to say, but it will get better." Olivia's eyes on the mug on her hands, slowly spinning the spoon. "I have plans to go out tonight, why don't you come with?"

I give a few steps in her direction and kiss her on the cheek. "You are a great friend, Olivia. I don't think I say that enough."

"But you're staying home." She concludes with a modest smile.

"There you go." I say, walking to my room.

Olivia follows me and stands by the door as I gather my things for the shower. "So... That's it? You're giving up?" She asks as I pass by her, on my way to the bathroom.

I stop and look at her for a long moment before I continue. "Olivia, there's nothing I can do. I wish there was another way, but..."

She stays by the door, turned the other way, while I undress. "Okay. So you're gonna let Kate win..."

I interrupt her. "This was not a competi..."

"And..." My roommate continues, raising her voice over mine. "More importantly, you are going to abandon Cosima, let her be subdued by her."

I get in her shower stall and start the water. "I am not a fucking super hero and Cosima is not a damsel in distress. And more to the point, even if she was, she obviously doesn't want to be rescued."

I wait for Olivia's reply, but it never comes and when I slide the door open and peek, she's no longer there.

And that was the last of it. Olivia stopped asking me about what I planned to do, but that doesn't mean her words didn't stick in my brain. She could be right about me letting go of Cosima. She probably thinks I'm quitting too easily, but she wasn't there, she didn't see the determination in Cosima's eyes as she spoke the words that she knew would hurt me. She didn't hear Cosima's disdain as she laughed at the end when she gave her final blow. Knowing Olivia, had she been there, she probably wouldn't have taken things as lightly as I have.

I arrive at the lab just before five, when I usually meet Cosima, not surprised by her absence. Instead of her, I find Dr. Ford waiting for me by the door.

"Cosima called saying she won't be able to make it the rest of the week." She announces, extending me a keycard. "Lock before you leave and drop it by my office once you're done."

"Did she say why?" I ask, accepting the key, for appearances sake.

"Tomorrow, when you arrive, pass by office to get the key." She proceeds with her instructions, ignoring my question. "I am not about to stand here waiting for you." Dr. Ford turns and leaves.

I sigh heavily as I open the door, weirdly looking at Cosima's desk... Empty... Just like she left it the day before. I had actually counted on her not making an appearance. She'd always done that when things get bad. Disappear. It's the only reason I came, because I knew in advance she wouldn't. It only now strikes me how well do I know her, or at least these little things, how I can predict how she is going to react to certain circumstances. Cosima wasn't a fan of confrontations, not really. Not until she's pushed into a corner, invariably by me. She was persistent and always fought to get her way, but she was never truly forceful. Her methods were always of a smoother nature.

The week drags by slowly, and my only companion in the lab is a defining silence. Cosima's empty desk taunts me, a constant reminder of what little I had left and lost.

Friday evening, when I step out of the building and am greeted with the low warm sun, I feel ready to take up on my resilient roommate's offer and go out to have a drink.

I am not quite out of the campus area when a firm hand goes around my right arm, preventing from going forward. I turn and have to look down to meet liquid blue eyes.

"What do you want?" I ask harshly.

"I hope this answers your question."

"What are you talking about?" I turn my body completely to face her.

"If I have her." Kate explains, a gleeful smile on her full lips, but the shades in her eyes betray her.

"Cosima's not a puppet that you can control as you please." I step forward as I continue. "Actually, I think this little scheme will most likely blow up in your face."

Kate stands her ground and laughs in my face. "Oh yeah?"

I squint my eyes and lean in closer. "Yeah!"

"And how are you gonna make that happen?"

"Watch me, bitch!"