I woke up tied to a chair and in a very pissy mood. In less than 48 hours I'd managed to run off to Vegas, ruin my own wedding, fly back home on a friend's dime, have my apartment broken into for the millionth time, and get my neurons scrambled by some highly concentrated electricity. Somebody better call Guinness. I think I just broke the world record for rotten luck.

After a few moments of self-pity, I decided to take inventory of my situation. Hands were bound. Feet were bound. Tape over the mouth. And of course the chair thing.

My assailant could be heard off in another room. Things were clanging and clattering but in a somewhat reserved manner. Probably didn't want to attract the attention of the neighbors. Someone was obviously looking for something, and I'd been foolish enough to drop in on the search party.

"Mmmmm!" I called. I at least wanted to know who was responsible for all of this. Even if they decided to off me in the end, I wanted this one mystery solved.

A familiar face appeared from the hall. My eyes widened.

"MmmMmm?" I asked.

"Hey Plum," he said dumping my bathroom waste basket contents on the floor in front of him. He picked through them a little then frowned. "Your apartment is full of junk. Not a single thing of value anywhere."

I glared at him.

"I thought at least you'd have more paintings lying around. Or jewelry. Or something. But there's nothing! How do you even live like this?"

It was true. A lot of my valuable things had been hocked during slow times at the bonds office. It kept life simple, I guess. Not that I didn't enjoy high end things. It's just my line of work coupled with my inability to keep a car longer than a few months didn't really allow for such luxuries.

"Guess it's not a huge deal since the real object of interest you probably didn't even know you had."

I raised an eyebrow waiting for him to continue. Rocky didn't seem to notice. He just continued searching through things.

"Barney's not gonna like all this," he muttered to himself.

Barney? Who the heck was Barney?

"Mm Mmmm?" I asked.

Rocky glanced over at me and shook his head. "You really are thick sometimes, Plum. I mean it was fun there at the beginning. Stringing you along on those wild goose chases. But your friend in black isn't quite so much fun to play with. Not very lighthearted, know what I mean?"

I had no idea what he meant. I mean, yeah, I knew about Ranger. But I hadn't the slightest clue what the hell was going on. And who was this Barney?

Just then I heard the lock tumble on my door. If I had any luck at all, Ranger would come crashing through any second with some large, muscular linebacker types ready to rearrange Rocky's smug face and rescue me from this disaster. No such luck. It was Ben.

Ben was no Ranger, but he could probably take Rocky and save me. I felt tears start flooding my eyes in relief. Thank goodness for Ben!

However, Rocky must have heard the lock tumble too. He backed into the shadows of the hall and waited. I started making a commotion in an attempt to warn Ben. He saw me out of the corner of his eye and started looking around.

"You here somewhere, Rocky?" he called.

Wait, what?

"Oh good, it's just you. I was afraid you might be the man in black. He gives me the chills."

That's right, Rocky! Ranger should give you the chills. He's going to toss you out that window there once he uses his ESP to rescue me. Except at the moment, even I was having a hard time believing that as a real possibility.

"You find it yet?" Ben asked interrupting my growing despair. He did a quick intake of the apartment. "Think you could've made a bigger mess?" he added with a scowl.

Rocky frowned. "It's hard to find things that you don't know much about. You gave me a freaking needle in a haystack, man!"

Ben shrugged. "The payday'll make up for it. I promise."

My eyes still felt like they were stuck in giant saucer mode. Ben and Rocky seemed to know each other, and the relationship was giving me a familiar sick and queasy feeling in my gut. It was the same feeling I'd had after overhearing Ben on the phone in Vegas. I did a mental sigh. How did I always end up in these horrifying and beyond crazy situations?

Rocky caught my eye. "Whatdya wanna do with the girl? She's gonna be a real problem, ya know."

Ben's eyes narrowed. "I'll take care of it."

The reply made my blood run cold. It sounded dark and terrifying. There wasn't a single trace of the doting boyfriend/fiancé that I had spent the last ten months with. Maybe this is what schizophrenia looked like. Ben's alter ego was some kind of freaky homicidal maniac.

A wicked grin spread across Ben's face. "You still trying puzzle through all of this, hot stuff?" He walked over and ruffled the hair on the top of my head. "Don't trouble your simple little brain, sweetheart. You were a means to an end. Nothing more."

I gave him a death glare.

"Gee, that really hurts. Especially coming from my fiancé. What's wrong, puddin'? Benny-boo not who you thought he was?" His sing-songy voice was creeping me out.

I channeled my fear into anger. It was a little easier to process.

"MMMMMM! MMMMMMMM! MMM! MMMMM!" I yelled.

"Well, I hate to break this to you sweetheart, but I'm not Ben. You probably guessed that by now, huh?"

He pulled up a chair next to me and straddled it backwards. "Wanna hear a story? Bet you love a good story, huh?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"People have always trusted me. They'd tell me things even when I was younger. Secret things. And I was like, ok, what am I supposed to do with this? At first, I had no idea. It was just how it was. Then one day I'm at the bank, and there's this guy.

I watched him for several minutes and was instantly mesmerized by his confidence and laid back persona. Seemed like he didn't have a care in the world. And everyone seemed to like him. He was charm incarnate.

A week later I found out the bank had been robbed. There was just one fuzzy picture of the suspect. And I knew instantly who it was.

And just like that, I knew I had to find this guy. Finding him was crucial to unlocking my destiny. It took several years, but I finally did it. I finally found Mr. Charm Incarnate. It was no easy task either. The man was a brilliant con artist."

I didn't like where this story was going. It was making my stomach churn and my head spin. Hopefully I wasn't going to be sick.

"Out of respect for the lengths I'd gone through to find him, the man took me under his wing. Showed me the ropes, if you will. He showed me the value of my easy-to-trust face. We developed a partnership of sorts. And it worked out for a while.

But eventually I decided this guy was pulling me down. Holding me back from an existence that could be even better. Then we landed this major job. I'm talking a once-in-a-lifetime gig. And wonder of wonders, we actually pulled the damn thing off. A real highlight in life, ya know? In honor of our success, I decided it was time to dissolve our partnership. In more of a permanent way, if you know what I mean." He grinned coldly.

Oh man! This guy offed his mentor! How sick is that? The realization that I was sitting next to a deranged, grade A psychopath started to really sink in. Along with the fact that I'd spent the last ten months being his girlfriend and sleeping with him! At this point, I was kind of hoping I would die. I wasn't so sure I could even live with this horrifying turn of events.

"But the plot thickens," Ben continued. "My mentor wasn't quite as dumb as he looked. The old coot had organized a con of his own just in case things went south with me. There was another player in the game, and he secretly wired all the money from the big con to an off shore account. There's a case with the account number in it, but you see, I can't seem to find the key."

I shook my head and sighed.

"Oh right," Ben winked. "You're wondering how you fit into all of this, right?"

I guess I kind of did. So after a moment of hesitation, I nodded.

"It's actually a bit of a funny story. I think my mentor was a little leery of me towards the end. You know, suspecting I might not be such a good guy and all, so he started getting all weird. And then one day I noticed he started wearing this necklace.

After putting some clues together, I found out the necklace probably had that key for the case. But do you suppose he was wearing it the day I offed him? Of course not! I tore his place apart looking for the damn thing. Nada. And there was no way this guy was going to get the better of me. So what'd I do? I tracked down Mr. Third Party. He spilled the beans about the case and a possible location of the key right before I spilled his guts. Care to guess where the key is supposed to be?"

I had a hunch it was supposed to be in my apartment. But why?

Rocky was still rummaging around off in the distance not really listening to the story. Maybe he'd already heard this fractured fairy tale.

"Turns out the old guy got a tip from a psychic that he should hide the key. Ha, a fortune teller! Didn't even know the guy believed in that junk. Anyway, he was walking the streets after hearing his bad fortune and happened by this apartment complex as a bunch of guys were coming in for a renovation project. New paint and new carpet in apartment 215. He must have decided it was as good a time as any to unload the key, so he snuck in as a worker and hid it. Third Party gave me the tip on apartment 215, so I did some snooping, and low and behold that apartment belongs to you, hot stuff!"

If he called me "hot stuff" one more time, I was probably going to have to barf. Which would be unfortunate considering I still had tape covering my mouth. Did that mean it would have to come out my nose? Gross…

"So I'm thinking with all the bodies piling up in my wake, I should probably find a different way to handle your situation. I did some research and found out you were a single, decent-looking bounty hunter. And a great opportunity for a con…with some added benefits, if you know what I mean." He winked at me, and I gagged.

"I paid a guy some major bucks to quickly borrow this 'Ben Johnson' identity. I think the real Ben Johnson got a little mixed up with some drug lords in South America. All I know is he didn't make it back from his last business trip, but that's when I showed up. After all, the best lies are wrapped in a little truth, ya know. I followed you around for a while watching your daily routines, who you made contact with, and what could be a potential snag in the plan. But honey, bless your heart, you were easy as pie!"

Guess I'd have to add that to my resume: easy con. The longer Ben's story went on, the more I didn't want to hear any more of it. It was humiliating on an entirely new level. I'd been duped. And not just for a single incident. This was ten months of being duped! Where had my spidey senses gone? Why hadn't I been worried about Ben Johnson? There were a lot of questions that I just didn't have any answers to right now. Maybe I never would.

Rocky came back into the room frowning. "I'm not finding it, Barney. Think she knows where it is?" he asked looking over my direction.

Ew! I'd been dating a Barney? That was almost as bad as a Dickie. I sure knew how to pick them, huh?

"I think not. Little Miss Sunshine here didn't even notice me rifling through her apartment over the last ten months. Even when she walked in on me that one morning. That was a riot! You were so guilty about that, I almost blew the lie. But I guess you wouldn't have known all those business meetings were fakes anyway. You were too worried about your piece of meat on the side, huh hot stuff?"

Dammit! I was worried about Ranger, and now I wished I would have listened to him. He suspected all along that this situation wasn't good. He knew Ben…oh wait, I mean Barney…was no good. And I spent TEN MONTHS in obvious DENIAL. I started crying despite my best efforts not to.

"Aw, I hate to see you cry. You get all puffy. Honestly, it's not your best look." He paused. "Sorry about crushing your dreams like this. Your boyfriend has been getting a little too creative in his investigation tactics. Even after I tried to distract him with the collapse of his company. He must like you a whole awful lot to keep you his priority when his legs are sliding out from under him."

The last comment made my chest ache. And I knew it was the truth. Too bad I'd probably never get to tell him thank you.

"I decided I needed some exclusive access to your place, so I decided we could marry in Vegas, and you could conveniently disappear in the Caribbean on our honeymoon. Then once I'd found the key, I'd disappear with the windfall from that last con. It was all going so perfectly too, but then you walked into my room at the hotel in Vegas. What made you run?"

"Mmmmm…" I grumbled.

"Oh. Right." With one gesture, he ripped the tape from my mouth.

"OOoowww!" I yelled. "You lying piece of…" I proceeded to list off every bit of bad language that my mother was always reprimanding me for. And yet, it still didn't seem good enough for Barney. The man was the devil.

"I heard you say 'she doesn't suspect a thing,'" I finally admitted. "You said it in a different voice, and I knew something wasn't right. In fact, I think I always knew something wasn't right. You felt off, but I convinced myself it was everything else in my life that felt off. So take a bow, Barney. You really outdid yourself with this con."

He grinned. "Why thank you. For that compliment, I'll make sure your death is quick and painless."

Oh good. Something to look forward to.

"Hey wait," I added. "Did you kill Ray?"

"That ratty bum?"

"Yeah."

He shrugged. "Had to unfortunately. Saw our pal Rocky here chatting with me in an alley. Didn't want him tipping you off prematurely."

I felt my blood start to boil. "What made you bring Rocky into all of this?"

"He was the distraction for you, darling. I've heard you like a good mystery, so I helped Rocky here keep you busy while I continued to look for that stupid key."

"Good one," I muttered. "Anything else I should know about?"

"Meh," Barney shrugged. "You're not half bad in the sack. Especially when you haven't had sugar in a while. That one night you really outdid yourself, sweetie," he winked.

That did it. I barfed all over the floor.

Barney looked down at it and frowned. "Well that's gross. How's everything coming along, Rocky?" he called down the hall.

"How 'bout you quit playing storyteller and help me out a little?"

Barney got up. "Excuse me," he said.

I sat there wriggling in my chair, pulling at my restraints for all I was worth. I'll be darned if I was going to die thanks to con artist Barney and covered in my own vomit. After a few minutes, I heard something crack and wondered if I'd just broken my wrist. I decided I didn't care and kept wriggling and pulling.

Suddenly I heard a scuffle down the hall. The men were arguing about something, but it all sounded fuzzy and far off. I was probably having an out-of-body experience. There was too much trauma and not enough sugar to balance it all out. In fact, there probably wasn't enough sugar in the world to make me feel better right now.

Somehow I miraculously managed to wriggle out of my bindings. My legs were feeling a little shaky, so I was kind of hobbling toward the door when I heard a shot ring out. My stomach instantly dropped through the floor and I had the urge to vomit again.

Ben suddenly appeared. "How'd you get out of that?" he asked in astonishment. His gun was pointed at me.

I shrugged. My words were a little restricted at the moment. Mostly because I was suddenly aware that this was probably the end for me. All potential weapons were out of reach, and I had a feeling Barney was feeling a little desperate since I was pretty sure he'd just murdered his accomplice.

Then I saw it there. A little Stephanie Plum nuance. Something silly that on any other day would have been a disaster for me, but today it was hopefully going to be my ticket out of this train wreck. I hobbled into the kitchen.

"And where do you think you're going?" Ben asked eyeing me suspiciously.

I shrugged and mustered enough final courage to speak again. "Felt like I needed a cookie before I died. You know, just so the last taste in my mouth wasn't puke."

Barney laughed. "You're something else Stephanie Plum."

Don't I know it… I carefully took the lid off my brown bear cookie jar. The "cookie" I was after was right where I'd left it. Guess Rocky hadn't thought to look in here. I said a silent prayer hoping it was loaded.

"Cookie jar empty?" Barney questioned.

I shook my head. "Just one left," I said as I raised the gun and pulled the trigger.