Robert didn't know what had happened all those weeks ago. He only knew that Sybil was since overwhelmed by melancholy and he currently had an inexplicable need to reach across his desk and wring Tom's neck. Not too long ago, Robert imagined he and Tom in similar positions. They'd be in his office much as they were now and Tom would sit back casually with one leg propped up on the other. His posture would be better and perhaps he'd wear a waistcoat. He wouldn't rest his forehead on a propped up hand, nor would he use his fingers to cover his mouth. The moment would be more relaxed and Mary would certainly not exist within it.
She sat still, irritated and impatient. Unlike Tom she was not slumped into herself. Instead, she used the arm of one of her father's leather chairs to keep the line of her back straight. Her cell phone was not in her hands and she hadn't thought of the device since placing it in her bag upon arrival. Really, all she was capable of were thoughts of Sybil. Her baby sister was in recovery and every day she swore one more forced smile was turned genuine. It helped, of course, that Mary was happy.
I just want her to be happy. If she's happy then I can be happy too…Words Mary had never uttered or heard reverberated within her mind, a dull humming to drown out the click of the spinning ceiling fan above. She felt them and noticed how she still felt inexplicably out of control with Tom seated so close. It seemed her former outburst did nothing to rid her body of its anger. It was possible these feelings would remain forever if she'd let them.
Robert sighed out. Defeated, and exhausted due to the overall nature of the upcoming semester, he joined Tom in reclining. There was no sense in displaying decorum or executing pleasantries. Mary knew Tom better than Robert imagined he'd ever know the boy. There were moments in his life when he hoped that would not be true, but Robert accepted it as fact now. Once again Cora knew the story but withheld it from her husband while she and their eldest daughter fought the wars they thought were best to keep from him. If Tom ever meant anything to Sybil, he did not now. Or maybe he did, and that was the cause of all this still-present angst while Mary and Tom avoided glances.
"Alright then," he exhaled. "Am I wrong to assume either of you know why we're here?"
"Yes," Mary bit out. Her frustration was not at her father, but it brought a smirk to Tom's face - the opposite of her intention.
"Yeah, I, uh…" Tom's voice trailed off as he moved to correct his posture. "I've no idea."
"There is an incident that was kept from my attention until recently…" Robert began. His words were slow in an effort to encourage either Mary or Tom to intervene at any time. "It involved the two of you and…" Again there was silence. Neither participant was willing to offer any aid. The two hated one another too loudly to allow for Robert to read them through physical cues.
Again Robert was speechless. Still, he persisted. "I've let Dr. Kolberg go."
"You what?" Tom asked, both his legs brought to the floor so he could lean further into the conversation. If they weren't in such an academic situation, Robert imagined the boy jumping to his feet in protest. "Why would you do that?"
Mary had ideas but she kept them to herself. She swallowed, hard, thinking only now of Matthew and how it'd be nice if he could be here now, just as he'd been present for all of her life's difficult moments lately.
"We hold our professors to a high standard here…" This time his thought lost momentum while Robert decided on what to call the young man sitting across from him — Tom or Mr. Branson. Neither seemed appropriate. "We have some of the best educators in the world, as I'm sure you know and will agree, and—"
"Dr. Kolberg was one of those educators!" Tom yelled. He tossed out an interjected hand for emphasis. "I learned more from him than any other professor at this school and—"
"Yes, well being a teacher and excelling as an academic advisor deals with far more than just sharing knowledge…"
Tom paused. Amidst his rage he was incapable of even speculating what it was Robert was referring to. If he'd been more calm, he'd remember how his years with Dr. Kolberg were rare compared to most students.
"Mary, do you have anything to add?"
"You know what, Daddy, I really don't," she stated confidently and with pursed lips. She wiggled against the seat to reclaim her put together disposition and folded her hands softly in her lap to cement this fact for any who still doubted it. "Why am I here?"
"Because Mary, you and many other students have somehow fallen victim to a professor under my watch and I'm disgusted by the mere prospect, let alone the truth that he was sexually inappropriate with several students during his seven years here. We've put thousands of dollars into research and campaigns regarding sexual assault on this campus only for me to find out it's been happening with my staff? Did neither of you think this was beneficial information for me? At what point did you decide you weren't going to share this?"
"Daddy, I…"
"Sir, it was…"
"I know you're not making excuses for him," Robert stated clearly and with a finger pointed straight at Tom.
"Daddy, it happened once and then never again! Let's give me a little bit of credit here, alright? He's a sleazeball and an overall unpleasant man, but I've dealt with worse at uni parties, honestly!"
"Please," Robert begged with closed eyes and teeth that practically gritted, "don't tell me those things. Daughter or not, I will not allow our female students to be treated like this. I don't want any of our students to be treated like this!"
"So you've fired him?"
"I have! Is that so shocking?"
"Considering it puts me in a real shite position, yeah, it is," Tom admitted. All former posturing toward Dr. Crawley was gone. He'd leave such things up to Matthew, the boy who was daring enough to be a man and admit his love publicly. Honestly, they both deserved happiness - Mary and Matthew. Such a thought was followed with confirmation, one of many he wished he could share with Sybil: it didn't matter what Mary's fate held — Sybil's happiness was hers and hers alone.
"Has it? Well I'm sorry I've inconvenienced you. I too was inconvenienced upon hearing all of this unfold—"
"You know, what did you tell him?" Tom shot out, leaning forward and directing all of his volume toward Mary.
She shifted backward, somewhat appalled by his insisted upon presence. "Me? I just said I had absolutely nothing to do with this! Do you think I want my father to know that a professor made a pass at me? Are you truly that daft?"
"Well I hope you don't think that's the only thing I'm offended by," Robert interjected. "Tom may be daft, but I certainly am not. How do you think it felt for me to find out that you excelled in Kolberg's class after all of this happened?"
In that moment it was clear to both Mary and Tom that Robert did not know the entire story. When you add Sybil, and the night Mary walked in on the two snogging in Tom's bedroom, there was actually much Robert did not know. In comparison, he knew little — practically nothing.
"I wrote her papers," Tom admitted with a sigh. What else did he have to lose? He actually played that game in his head a lot lately. The answer was little — not practically, just nothing.
"Tom…" Mary chided lowly. It was her turn to bargain and she was doing a poor job at hiding her intentions from her father who immediately shifted in his seat to hear the boy out.
"And when I didn't," he continued, "I graded them and Kolberg trusted me so he never questioned the high marks. It was what it was. I mean, it's the least he could do."
"Mary, I could have you expelled for this," Robert admitted, regretting that he had to do so.
"And what about Tom? Isn't his thesis all a big joke now? What's it worth if he's been lying this whole time? He's no better than Professor Kolberg!"
Robert pushed an anxious breath past his too-chapped lips. He licked at them before rubbing at his mouth fully, unsure of how to continue handling all of this. "He is, actually," Robert tried. "Honestly, Tom, there's no sense in me lying to you now. I can't treat you like a student despite me wanting to. You've completed your program and written one of the best dissertations the Politics Department has seen. You've also broken my daughter's heart," Robert stated quite calmly. "And I think it's that last bit that has me giving up on pretense here."
"I'm a shit person," Tom admitted. "I get that. I don't expect an apology and really, there's no need for you to even compliment my work. Kolberg was a big proponent of mine and I did...I carried his lies. It all stopped after Mary, but I played into it…"
Mary looked to Tom. "You played into it? What does that even mean?"
"It means…" Tom's voice carried with it a newfound motivation before dwindling completely. When it appeared again it was much more meek — he was ashamed for more than what he was about to admit. "Kolberg asked if I was...if I was sleeping with you and I said I was. It was none of his business—"
"And we weren't," an angry Mary assured, directing her icy glance to her father. It was the first time she'd ever cared to clear up a rumor.
"Of course we weren't, but he let it go and I was worried if he found out we weren't, he'd go back to bothering you. After that the semester got busy and I was struggling with my thesis and he was helping me with that and I thought I'd really handled the situation. No other female students complained, he lightened up a bit come finals time and almost everyone passed. It's not something I'm proud of but I'm not going to apologize for it. In my life I've seen some of the best people be taken advantage of and I thought I was helping."
"Like you took advantage of Sybil?"
"Excuse me?" Tom spat. "Cheap shot," he finished. "And unfounded."
Robert was nothing but a heap of sighs. It was all he could do, to expel air and feel it add to the already suffocating nature of the humid air moving about them. "Is that it?"
"No," Tom declared softly. "Matthew was there that day."
"I...I don't follow," Robert said.
"Yeah, me neither," Mary deplored through tight lips. It was a warning — she was asking for the truth while also pleading with him to keep it from destroying her. The two, she feared, were not mutually exclusive.
"He heard me...when I told Kolberg about us," Tom clarified.
"When you lied," Mary corrected.
"So when he broke it off with you and when he spread those rumors...he was angry, I'm sure. And that was probably my fault too. I'm a fuckup, Mary! Happy?"
The tone and noise of Tom's voice had both Robert and Mary falling silent. Neither moved, nor did they exchange glances. Ironically, Mary was not phased by Tom's admission. It was not a pleasant one, and she preferred that she never hear it, but she appreciated Tom's attempt at honesty. What she detested was the way that in apologizing to her for his shortcomings, he only spoke of Sybil. It was possible he was sorry for what he'd done, but he was far more sorry for the way he'd made Sybil feel. The pain he felt was evident in the crimson color of his face and the way Mary thought he actually might cry. There was frustration here and she'd seen it before in the months she spent trying to prove herself to Matthew, all for a crime she did not commit. Tom existed in the very same state only Sybil would never forgive him. She knew that now and that was punishment enough.
"Alright," Mary breathed out. "I'm done here. I'm sorry for lying, Daddy, but can I please be excused? I've said what I needed to and I don't think there's anything more I can do to help the situation. It seems Tom knows what he's done and I trust you'll handle this fairly."
Robert paused. His hands were crossed in front of his mouth now and he let a small chuckle out behind them. Sybil was typically the one that made him laugh but he found himself growing closer to Mary, the more she fell in love with Matthew. This was all he'd ever craved from his eldest daughter, he just hated that it came at the cost of losing Sybil. The girl had not shown him, or any of the world, much affection since the fundraising gala. He, the father, hated Tom and he seethed with disdain because of it. He, the Vice Chancellor, was far more forgiving.
With Mary gone the atmosphere immediately changed. Robert was more calm now, and the silence that existed was not awkward or empty.
"Do you need a moment?" Robert asked.
Tom let out a laugh in self-pity. "I need several moments. A year might be sufficient," he joked.
His sarcasm, Robert was sure, was something Sybil enjoyed. For such an unbelievably kind soul, her humor allowed her to pardon society for sometimes being so cruel. "Well that's a shame because I was going to offer you Dr. Kolberg's spot. I hear you're looking for a job and I've read your dissertation and it's quite good. I wasn't lying...it's one of the best I've ever read. Very informative and thought-provoking. Has…" He was going to ask if Sybil had read the piece but he quickly thought better of the question. "I don't agree with it but I understand why you did what you did. Mary may not, but I know how these classrooms can be. It does not excuse your wrongdoing, but I am sympathetic toward it. That being said, it's likely no one will share my opinion. We will not speak of these things ever again, and should you ever try to get back in Sybil's good graces, you will not share these things with her—"
"She knows about Kolberg and Mary."
"Perhaps," Robert shrugged. "But the rest of it...the role you played thereafter...you will not disclose those things, to her or to anyone, do you understand?"
"I do."
Robert sat back and let out a scoff of his own. "And more importantly, you'll leave her alone."
"Mary?"
"Sybil," Robert gave quickly. "This conversation could go a million ways...we're talking about people in positions of authority taking advantage of their younger counterparts. Mary made the jab and I will leave it at that. I gave you my trust, Tom, and though I don't know the entire story, I do know that I have never seen Sybil look so defeated. I will not allow you to take the spirit from her. I know it was foolish to hope she'd forever be untouched by the world but I don't think it's unreasonable to ask that you not be the one to break her heart again."
"So is this a bribe? The job, I mean."
"No, that is me honestly believing you're the perfect fit."
"I don't know how any of this has led you to that conclusion."
Robert stood. He was ready to end this discussion, if only so he could sit in his office alone and begin to process it. "Yeah, well we don't always know why we do the things we do...do we?"
Tom stood too. He grabbed for his rucksack and tossed the canvas material over his shoulder. "I guess not."
"Feelings, sometimes. Instinct, other times…"
Tom could only force a smile. He had no words to make any of this right — any of this less painful, and obviously so.
"I need an answer come Monday. Do you think you can do that for me?"
His words sounded condescending but Tom was far too exhausted to call the man on it. "Sure...absolutely," he assured before giving Robert a firm handshake. If Sybil were here she'd surely blush at the thought of her boyfriend being so chummy with her father. Then again, Sybil wasn't here, and for whatever reason he had willingly forfeited the title of boyfriend.
Tom took a right out of Robert's office and was happy to find that the Vice Chancellor did not follow. On the bench in an otherwise deserted hallway, Sybil sat, her hands tucked beneath her legs. She wore a skirt and a simple pair of keds. He was every bit the girl he fell in love with and every bit the woman he still loved now.
His mouth dropped open and he moved to take out the earbud he'd just placed in his ear. She immediately stood and made no pause as she brought herself close to him. This was the first time the two had seen each other in almost a month. Nearly thirty days passed since Tom had put Sybil's life on hold and she was just now learning to breathe without him around. In realizing the necessity for such a habit, Sybil gave sympathy to Tom's explanation of their break-up.
But she still did not forgive him.
"Hi," she let out, almost breathlessly.
"Hey," he gave back. A smile appeared and he didn't dare bite it back. Sometimes he was still lost in the idea that he'd pushed away the one person who'd ever made him happy. It was rare for anything to make sense anymore and this certainly did not. Robert had asked that Tom leave Sybil alone, and he planned to. It was an easy task, he assumed, considering he figured it was highly unlikely Sybil would ever donate her time to him again.
"I...it was me," she admitted. "I told my dad about Kolberg. Mary didn't...I did. I...I wasn't thinking and I was looking out for Mary and he disgusted me and I thought of Emilee too and—"
Tom shrugged. "Yeah, I figured."
Sybil's eyes narrowed. "You did?"
"You don't just…" But he stopped himself. No, you don't just forget these things. He believed he was doing the right thing but that didn't mean he'd forget her and now with her standing so close, he doubted the possibility of that ever happening. Together, their feelings still felt so present but he could sense the way she was doing her best to leave him behind.
"I know my Dad offered you the job," Sybil tried again. "You should take it."
"I don't...we'll see."
"Why not?"
"I don't know if I'm going to stay in Cambridge. I don't think this is where I'm meant to be right now. Maybe someday."
"The job may not be there in a few years, you know…"
"I do know," Tom admitted. Then: "I don't expect anyone to wait on me."
His words came with a force neither were expecting. Without warning, Sybil stepped into him and reached up so the two could embrace. Tom, previously frigid, felt himself soften into her. All of this, her smell and the curve of her spine, had him fighting back tears. It was clear she was in a similar state, and she was. Her eyes were shut tightly, pushing one single tear down onto the shoulder of Tom's shirt. The pair detached before any more could fall.
"Syb, I'm—"
"Don't!" she let out. Her own voice shocked her and she took a step back. "Please don't…" While Tom thought of another way to say I'm sorry, Sybil continued. "I have loved you more than I ever thought was possible, Tom. But I hope I never love anyone like this ever again. I don't...I'm not strong enough to do this twice."
Tom was brought back to that first night. He didn't recall the stout or the kiss the two shared in his room. What he remembered was their conversation on the telephone and how Sybil had admitted to him that she wasn't afraid of falling in love and being hurt. That version of her, surely this same woman before him, told him she didn't think such a thing was possible. But it was and somehow he had made her believe. Then he showed her why she shouldn't.
Can everyone do me a huge favor and please review? Yes, I'm very tackily asking for reviews. I have had this ending in my head for over a year and seeing it fleshed out has certainly given me many emotions and I'd kind of like to hear your input. Please?
One more chapter! Thanks, as always, for reading!
x. Elle
