chapter twenty-nine: anniversary
"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." - The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky
For five years, Ty Lee dreamt of fire. Every night, it spread from a net beneath her to engulfing the people she loved, one by one. When she woke up, she could almost smell the sweet smoke in her hair. The fire would spread and it would cover her and she would try to scream but her lungs were heavy with thick smoke.
The fire was blue. Always blue.
But the fire in front of her right now is red. Ruby and orange. And it's coming at her face.
She hits the ground. Azula has tackled her and subsequently leapt up. The red flame dissipates with a single touch of her arms. Arrows shoot out in the direction of the three firebenders that initiated the assault. They are all masked and hooded, their garments a more fiery red than the rest of the populace.
One of them is pinned. Azula finishes him off with a quick bolt of lightning.
"Mai, take Ty Lee and go," Azula orders, summoning a swirling ball of fire as she ducks around the attacks. She throws it out and it detonates in the streets. Carts of food explode in flame and the attackers are thrust backwards. They both stand back up.
"We can help you," Mai says, throwing a knife. It collides with the shoulder of one of the benders and he crumples. Azula supposes she has a point, despite the protective and possessive side in her not wanting her wife of nearly a year to go cartwheeling into a group of competent benders.
And so they fight together. The attackers increase by four. Azula takes two of them down with a dual blast of blue lightning. Dead. Ty Lee gives another a series of quick jabs. Mai tosses a knife into his throat. Dead.
Only one is left standing. Azula runs to him, ablaze like a supernova, and pins him against a sizzling hot wall. He chokes under her grip. In his shoulder is one of Mai's arrows. Azula heats one of her fingers ablaze and plunges it into the wound. He screams.
"Tell me why you were foolish enough to attack us," Azula demands, growing the flame inside of his wound. He squirms in pain.
"Azula, you're going to kill him! We need to bring him in for questioning!" Ty Lee squeals, but she stands back. Mai is holding her in place. They are stronger. They are.
"You weren't the target," the man coughs. His eyes are wide with terror.
"Oh but my wife was?" Azula purrs. The fire grows. His arm sizzles with the smell of burnt flesh.
"The resistance lives." He rips Mai's arrow from his arm and slits his own throat.
Azula steps back. Ty Lee is coughing, retching. Mai stands still and mute.
The resistance lives.
"Why were you guys unaccompanied?" Zuko demands, looking terrified. Azula's fingertip is stained dark red, although she tried to wash the blood from it. Ty Lee looks like she is going to faint and Mai is... Mai.
"I don't know, maybe because we're highly trained in advanced combat," Azula purrs, still staring at her finger in distaste. She seems suspiciously unaffected by the events that transpired. "It was a run of the mill assassination attempt. Relax. We killed them all."
"Did they say anything about who they were working for?" Zuko asks, starting to pace. He seems genuinely alarmed.
"Azula talked to the last guy," Mai suggests and Azula nods. She has prepared her answer for this inevitable question.
"They were working on their own. I didn't buy it, of course, but he seemed to be under that impression." The resistance lives.
For some reason, even a year after deciding that ruling the Fire Nation was not worth it, Azula has some fealty to the resistance. The rebellion. They... idolize her and she has to admit she likes the way it strokes her ego. She has nothing to gain by joining them, but she will not bring annihilation upon them.
"The attacks are increasing," Zuko says and the terrible trio can only agree. The resistance has gone from a little-heard of movement, small attacks on shipments of supplies to the other nations and attempted and successful assassinations of those deemed traitors and collaborators, to a full blown threat to everyone's security in the year since the attempted coup.
"Today was the anniversary," Ty Lee says, and Azula intended to neglect to mention it. Of course she knows what it is; her decisions on that night are in the back of her mind daily.
"Of Azula's coup," Mai finishes, her eyes deep in thought. Azula does not speak.
"Well, that's why they attacked foolishly," Zuko says, shrugging. "It wasn't to kill you three. It was to make a point. Showy. Flashy. No wonder they like you so much, Azula."
She has no words.
Immediately after informing Zuko, Azula draws a bath, wrapped naked in a red and gold robe. It is a new silk kimono robe, for the first time. Ridding herself of the old one felt like shedding skin from the days she did not leave her bedroom. She touches her fingertips to the water and it runs slightly pink from the blood of the man she questioned. She heats it hotter than it should go with her firebending, and slips inside.
With a single finger, she lights the red and white candles that line the bathtub. Wax sticks to the porcelain rim, not cleaned by the worthless servants.
The hot water feels nice. Her limbs hurt. She trains every day for hours, as she has since she was a child, but she somehow managed to strain herself in a quick five minute fight. The panic, maybe. And her thoughts are spinning.
She assumed she was the target. She started getting death threats around the time of the trials, but also a blossoming of support. No longer, Azula assumes, is she an icon of the resistance. There is no way they could form a rallying around someone who spared Zuko and gave up the throne willingly.
The resistance lives.
Then who was the target? Mai could be probable. To hit Zuko by killing his wife. Ty Lee... you could say the same thing about. But this resistance knows everything about Azula; they must have been aware that the men they sent would be butchered by the three combat experts.
She sinks further into the bath.
"I'm walking in," Ty Lee says, as if Azula would care. "You're taking a romantic bath by yourself?"
"I guess," Azula says airily, further into the water. Her lips touch the surface. The pink from the blood of the rebel has faded into the water, leaving it crystalline clear.
Ty Lee touches her hand to the water and instantly yanks it out. "How hot is that?" She shakes it off, skin burning.
"I'm training for my prison escape," Azula purrs, smirking faintly.
"I was going to join you but it feels volcanic," Ty Lee says. She picks at things on the counter beside the bath. She settles on a golden comb. It is engraved with Azula's name, and was one of the multitude of gifts after her birth.
Azula does not move as Ty Lee starts running it through Azula's half-wet hair. It feels oddly uncomfortable, but Azula's thoughts are still on the assassination attempt that was doomed to fail. Slow brushes, combing nothing.
"Perhaps, you have a perspective on this," Azula says, more wanting to break the silence than expecting Ty Lee to have an answer. "They sent a handful of relatively incompetent foot-soldiers after all three of us at the same time. People know what we're capable of. We're not underestimated like we were at fourteen. Why would they do that? It was a suicide mission."
Ty Lee makes one of her baby animal faces. Sparkling eyes, pouty lips; the one she made when she really really didn't want to be called on in class. Azula suppresses a sigh, and continues to bear the combing of her raven locks.
"It concerns me. That they lash out now. Last year, Mai told me that she thought they were biding their time," Azula muses aloud, knowing most of it is lost on her wife.
"They were waiting for your return from prison," Ty Lee says and Azula is momentarily surprised. She purses her lips contemplatively. "They knew that people won't follow some Admiral or even your father. The only person other than Zuko that the Fire Nation would ever follow would be you. That's why you're their icon. There are plenty of symbols of the Fire Nation's previous affluence. And if they just needed a face to get people to sign up, they'd use your father."
"Clearly, I'm no longer an option. So why did their failing, make them stronger?" Pause. "I would first assume that they're cornered animals. But they could so easily retreat if they were that frightened. There's something else going on."
I was not the target. But who? is Azula's dominating thought.
"Revenge can be a powerful motivator," Ty Lee says with a careless shrug, as if the New Ozai Society does not matter at all. Azula moves a little too quickly and the comb topples into the water. It falls onto her hip. Ty Lee reaches into the scalding bath and withdraws it, brushing her burning fingertips against Azula's bare skin. Hesitantly, she sets it back on the counter.
"I hope it's revenge. I really do," she says earnestly, because she does not want to think about the implications of a rebellion with a plan. A resistance that she scorned.
The resistance lives.
[X]
Uncle arrives by sea. Azula stands with Zuko, her eyes flitting around, searching for any threat. Zuko is grinning like an idiot and talking to some merchant sailor. Azula wants to throttle him; she imagines her hands around his neck and the sensation of bones cracking under her palms.
"Stop looking so paranoid," Zuko snaps and Azula grits her teeth.
"If you were an assassin, would you not strike when the only three eligible Fire Lords were in one public, hard to defend place?" Azula replies sharply and Zuko has to admit she has a point.
Then he turns to face her. "You didn't... you didn't hire an assassin to kill me and Uncle, did you?"
Azula rolls her eyes and does not dignify that with a response. Zuko stuffs his hands in his pockets like some kind of ruffian as Uncle's ship arrives. He comes out carrying several bags of belongings, despite only staying for a week. Oh, how Azula hates him.
"It's good to see you, nephew," uncle says grandiosely, embracing Zuko tightly. Azula takes two steps back but it is too late; he drags her into his arms. "And Azula."
He smells like Ba Sing Se. Azula hates Ba Sing Se. But he moves away from her and examines them both like they are little children and he is back from war briefly.
And so General Iroh makes his annual visit to his homeland.
At dinner, Azula is most uncomfortable. Everyone is ignoring the fact that it is the anniversary of her coup. People tend to pretend it didn't happen, and they do it because they assume acknowledging it will upset her. If there is anything she hates, it is being treated as if she is fragile.
"Why is she putting food on my plate?" Azula demands, staring at the slobbery mushrooms the baby has been taking off of her own plate and putting on Azula's. Azula hesitantly reaches to the unwelcome additions to her meal and places them back on Izumi's plate.
The entirety of the royal family, are sitting in the dining room. It is an informal formal dinner. Zuko has cut up food for the ten month old infant daughter, who has Azula's eyes, as everyone feels the need to point out. And now Izumi has decided that it is better suited for her unwilling aunt. Iroh is laughing at the scene Azula and Izumi are making.
"Alright, I've lost my appetite," Azula says, tossing her plate in the general direction of a servant. Mai averts her eyes, chortling. Some things never change.
"She likes you, Azula," Ty Lee says, making faces at the baby. Izumi claps gleefully. "She wants to share with you."
"This baby is always touching me. And making those sounds that are almost words but not. I don't know what it wants from me," Azula says, switching seats with her wife. Izumi starts playing with Ty Lee's hair. It is welcome, unlike when Izumi seizes Azula's bangs and tugs.
"You know, babies like prettier people," Ty Lee offers, but Azula does not accept.
Ursa dares to interject with, "You'll like your own children."
Azula glares in response. Uncomfortable silence all around. Ursa should know better than to engage in conversation with her daughter, but she still tries. It seems that she is under the impression that she can change her daughter. It repulses Azula.
"So," Zuko says, desperately looking for a way out of the situation, "tomorrow Azula and I are meeting with the Earth Kingdom delegates."
"About the New Ozai Society?" Ty Lee asks, putting food into Izumi's mouth. The baby seems to like it.
"Yes. The insurgence there," Azula purrs, looking into her cup of tea. It is cold. Today was terrible. "Maybe we can find answers."
"And help the Earth Kingdom," Zuko prods, constantly embarrassed by his sister.
"That too, of course," Azula lies.
"Will you take a nap with me?" Azula asks, her eyes drooping. She falls into her bed and nearly topples off of it. Ty Lee is putting her hair into a twisted, braided up-do. Studded with rubies, for some reason. A crown twisted into it. It is relatively impressive, for someone who wore a braid every day for years and still got it tangled half of the time.
"I was just about to go out for the evening," Ty Lee says and Azula is vaguely reminded of their reunion at the circus. Azula gets what she wants. "But... yeah... okay. One hour tops."
She caves in so easily. Azula has already pulled her blankets over herself and is half asleep. The meeting was surprisingly pleasant, but also incredibly exhausting. She finds it relatively hard to believe that Zuko deems her fit to join him in delegations with the Southern Water Tribe. But she accepts, nonetheless. Politics are almost relieving compared to the past two years of struggling for redemption.
And the past year of married life. It has not been easy. Particularly overseeing the trials of those who aided her in the coup that she got out of without a single punishment. Not even community service. Perhaps people hate her more than they ever did, but at least she has not had any rocks thrown at her.
Ty Lee presses her body against Azula's, their limbs intertwining in odd contortions. The flexibility of the greatest firebender who ever lived and the circus freak is impressive, and needlessly unusual. And Azula falls asleep, Ty Lee stroking her raven hair once she is too unconscious to notice it.
The acrobat's own hair is ruined as she lies against the coal black pillows. She spent a good deal of time to it, but, eh, sacrifices of love. Their relationship has not been perfect; she did, in fact, fall in love with a monster. But if Azula were too change too much, Ty Lee's heart might not be so caught up in her talons.
And Azula still has yet to shake her daytime sleeping habit. Ty Lee almost enjoys it, just lying there together. Maybe this was what she always wanted, as odd as it sounds. A vaguely masochistic relationship with the insane Fire Nation Princess. But, hey, she supposes she is royalty.
It has been a challenging day for Azula. This morning they were attacked by the resistance, then she had some kind of royal meeting ─ her first since her father's regime. And she answers her problems with sleeping, as has become the habit since her first downfall.
But now Princess Azula is on the rise. And her wife is with her every step of the way.
Azula wakes up at sunrise. Her old habit has returned over the past year, when she has returned to training incessantly. Later today she meets with the Earth Kingdom delegates, and it will require a clear head. And nothing better clears the head than practicing until her toes bleed and her mind can fathom nothing but lightning, balance and clarity.
But her wrist is grabbed as soon as she is about to leave.
"Trying to escape?" Ty Lee asks, grabbing her and pinning her down. Azula could easily brush her off, but she thinks she likes where this is going.
"I was going to train," Azula says as Ty Lee kisses her neck.
"I am much more interesting than lightning," Ty Lee says, smiling.
"And ten times as unpredictable," Azula replies smoothly, sinking back into the bed.
Ty Lee kisses her forcefully, holding her wrists tightly against the mattress. Azula does not resist, though it is not her style to be overpowered. A kiss per inch of her body, tearing off clothes as she moves, Azula trembling ever so slightly. She lets go of Azula's wrists, slipping down, lips grazing the surface of Azula's gradually bared skin, but Azula does not move, she simply gives in.
Toes curl into the red mattress. Needlessly loud; certainly servants are now aware of this.
And Azula reciprocates, albeit with more force.
My training schedule is completely ruined.
She skips bending for the first time in a long time, bathes herself, tries to make herself presentable, and meets Zuko outside of the palace. He examines her with scrutiny, and finally nods in approval.
"Try not to be... offensive," he says and Azula smirks.
"I will. Oh, I will."
Zuko's stomach twists.
Azula has been by his side in politics for a few months now, and she does surprisingly well. But sometimes he looks in her eyes and sees that the deceit remains.
Maybe it can't last.
The meeting goes well, at least. Azula negotiates far better than her brother, and she takes great pleasure in the fact. She gets the Fire Nation what they want, and also helps the Earth Kingdom with their little resistance problem.
It should have been perfect, but Azula feels hollow.
"How did it go?" Ty Lee demands the instant Azula is through the door. The moon has risen, and the sky is indigo. Azula lies down, having no desire to discuss the events of the day.
"Fine. Nothing went wrong." I just felt entirely wrong. Ty Lee makes a knowing face, as if she can see right through Azula ─ which is entirely possible ─ but she does not say anything. "I feel patronized by it."
"Zuko wants you involved. You're in a leadership position; shouldn't that make you happy?" Ty Lee says, finishing combing out her hair. It cascades down her shoulders like a waterfall.
"I don't know." I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm not and I have no idea why.
"Maybe it's just hard to get back into things. It'll probably get better," Ty Lee says, walking to the bed. She lies down, her legs curled.
"People don't respect me anymore," Azula remarks bitterly, crossing her arms.
"That's ridiculous," Ty Lee snaps, although she knows it has some merit.
"Hmph." Azula turns over and drags the silky blankets higher over herself. Ty Lee sighs, tossing her hair out of her face with a flick of her wrist and lying down, head on the rose tinted pillow.
Azula pretends to sleep for an hour to get out of conversation. Ty Lee stares at the dark ceiling.
In the morning, Azula wakes up and finds her uncle brewing tea. They are the only ones awake and she wonders if the sun wakes him up like her.
"Is that citrus?" Azula asks and General Iroh jumps as if something was thrown at him. He examines the tea for a moment, and then looks at Azula. She is used to frightening people.
"No; it's white tea," he says slowly, tilting his head to the side. He is wondering why she is talking to him, when she usually avoids him like the plague.
"Can I have some?" Azula asks and Iroh chews on the inside of his cheek. He only made enough for himself, but he pours her a cup. She sits down and stares at it. "You gave me more than you gave yourself."
"Of course I did; you're the guest at our... tea party." Even Uncle finds this awkward, and Azula has the sudden urge to hide under the table. But she supposes he is family, if that means anything. Not that being related is any guarantee of love.
They sit in silence for a moment, sipping tea. Azula is loath to admit that it is excellent; by far, it is the best she has ever had.
"Do you always wake up at dawn, uncle?" Azula asks, attempting to make this less awkward. He nods slowly. "So do I. Old habits die hard."
"You look sad," General Iroh says and Azula bites down on her lip. She does not approve of him analyzing her like those who whisper about her in the street. "A year ago today you made the best decision you ever have. No one has forgotten that."
"I don't want a celebration," Azula snarls, her lip curled like a vicious animal. Iroh is taken aback. "I want to go back in time and make a different decision."
Iroh pauses. He did not expect her to say that. From what he has heard, she has been happy and well-adjusted for the first time in her life. She has been a blissful newlywed, interacting with her family and regaining the favor of the Fire Nation with her surprisingly wise decisions and well-educated leadership. But somehow, she is still bitter about the throne.
"Do you feel unhappy with your life?" Iroh asks, prying where he should not. But Azula sighs.
"I'm happy and I'm sad and I don't honestly know how that's possible," she says, staring at her tea as if it can give her the answers she seeks.
And Iroh is stunned by her openness. More so, he is shocked that she is being open to him. But he does not think it is a bad thing. The last time he saw Azula, he was standing in for Fire Lord because she had electrocuted her brother and tried to steal the throne.
But her crossroads came to an end.
"It was supposed to be perfect after one side won," Azula continues, sounding frustrated. Her composure is absent, her walls of ice plummeted. And Iroh is still rendered speechless by it. "Why am I not happy? Tell me. Why?"
And Iroh can only reply, "I don't know."
[X]
"I'm so excited to see Suki and Sokka!" Ty Lee cheers, overseeing the decorations being laid out for their visit. Azula shrugs. She doesn't mind them, particularly, but they are most certainly not her friends. "They had their baby, you know."
"She was pregnant?" Azula asks, surprised. She is lying on the sofa, her body sprawled regally. She looks with disdain at the decor and her wife's kindness to the servants.
"Yes. I think he was conceived after our wedding reception," Ty Lee says and Azula rolls her eyes. Peasants. "It's a little boy!"
"Why are you so excited about other people's babies? Izumi is enough and now we have this little..." Azula trails off. Ty Lee is making a hurt face and Azula does not continue voicing her offensive train of thought. "I suppose I don't mind them."
Ty Lee ignores her as she returns to kindly ordering people around. Azula yawns pointedly, stands up, and goes to locate Mai. Her dull friend is likely a thousand times more interesting than Ty Lee's fetish for water peasants.
Azula finds Mai in the dining room, looking annoyed at her food somehow. It is lunchtime but Azula is nowhere near hungry. She picks up a cup of juice and sips it, examining Mai closely.
"She's pretty excited about this Suki and Sokka thing, isn't she?" Mai remarks and Azula shrugs. The princess sits down and crosses her legs. "She's going to want to have a baby."
Azula chokes on her juice, then quickly regains her composure. "That's ludicrous."
"Nope, it's really not. She'll see Suki's baby and next thing you know she'll be demanding a child," Mai says, sounding incredibly smug about it. Azula chews on her lip. It almost sounds like it could be true.
"She would realize that I would have to be pregnant," Azula says slowly and Mai can see a tiny glint of fear in her eyes. It amuses Mai mildly as she picks at her food. "She couldn't make that decision for me."
"Oh, but she will coerce you," Mai says softly, smirking. Azula swallows.
"I can't be coerced. I'm a manipulator," Azula purrs, though her voice falters slightly. Mai shrugs.
"I don't care either way. But it's going to happen," Mai says as she hears the loud and overconfident voice of Sokka from the entrance hall. Azula's eyes flash wide for a moment, before she finishes her juice and wipes the scared expression from her face.
Azula slowly stands up, and with powerful, deliberate strides, leaves Mai behind. Mai snickers at Azula's clear fear of motherhood. It is not as bad as it seems.
"How's my favorite couple?" Sokka cheers as Ty Lee wraps her arms around him. Azula feels a twist of envy in her gut as she sees the way her wife's cleavage presses against the peasant's chest. The way they both share a knowing smile.
Azula looks at Suki, who is carrying a small baby. Its nose is running and it is wrapped in a Water Tribe blanket. She tries not to make a face of displeasure.
"You'll like your own children."
"It's nice to see you, Ty Lee. And, uh, Azula," Suki says and Azula fights the urge to frown. She did torture Suki relentlessly, which may result in a certain discomfort between them. But Azula bears the friends of her wife; it is the right thing to do, although Azula is infinitely better at doing the wrong thing.
"And little Hakoda," Ty Lee says, reaching forward and touching the baby. Azula steps back to avoid it being forced into her hands. Izumi is difficult enough.
"How long are you staying?" Azula asks sharply and Ty Lee cringes. Suki makes that judgmental sound in her throat, but Sokka is blissfully oblivious.
"A week," Suki explains, an artificial sweetness in her voice. Azula nods; it won't be completely unbearable.
"You're going to be at the meetings, aren't you?" Sokka asks, examining Azula closely. He has heard that Zuko has given her a large chunk of power, and often attends summits and affairs with her. She nods again, not revealing much. Sokka is perturbed by it, but he has heard she is a reformed villain now. Not that he wants to believe it.
"Hakoda should meet Izumi," Ty Lee says, still fawning over the baby. Azula does not understand it.
Azula prepares to bear the company of Suki and Sokka.
And anxiously awaits to see if Mai will be proven right or wrong.
