Chapter 29: It Comes and Goes

As surprising as it was to Hermione, she made it all the way to NEWTs, not fading at all. Every day she cherished as her last with Sirius and the others, but every day passed by normally. Of course, Hermione didn't expect the fadings to just stop, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. She was still cautious, of course. Every day she carried around her letter to Sirius, prepared to give it to him whenever she needed to. But it didn't seem like she did need to. Soon enough, it was time for her first NEWT, potions.

Hermione and Remus went to the potions NEWT together, after waking up early that morning to study. Hermione was nervous, as always before tests. She even knew that she shouldn't have to be nervous, as Sirius had repeatedly stressed to her.

"Hermione, love, you can just blow off all your NEWTs if you want to," Sirius said nonchalantly, "I mean, your scores won't even matter, right?" There was a little hint of sadness in his voice. He expected her to leave, and it broke her heart.

The NEWT was grueling, but it wasn't much harder than some of Snape's tough exams. Remus seemed to have a little trouble with the Polyjuice potion section, but other than that, she was sure that he had done fine as well. They finished, and the whole room seemed to exhale with relief. Students filed out and Hermione grinned at Remus when she found him among the large group of people

"Wasn't so bad, right?" Remus asked with a surpisingly relieved smile. Potions had always been a tougher subject for him that year, Hermione had learned that through having the class with him. But never the less, Hermione and Remus were both some of the most intelligent students in their year, and their study sessions- which were held relatively often- had made sure that they could ace the class.

Hermione nodded her agreement to his question. She could feel the rush of adrenaline from working so hard on her test. And they still had several more to go! That was only the first test on the morning of the first day, after all.

"I'm gonna go find Maddie," Remus said happily, "I promised to meet her after lunch."

"You two have fun," she grinned, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" she called after him.

Remus shook his head, chuckling under his breath as he walked away.

Hermione slowed down, taking the hallway at a leisurely pace as a realization came to her. She had just made a joke, no, she had made a suggestive comment. She tried to think back to the last time she had ever purposefully dared to utter an innuendo of any sort. Okay, maybe she had done it a couple times recently, but honestly, never before she had been here with the Mararuders.

It was one of those moments when everything suddenly clicked in her mind. She realized that the marauders (and especially Sirius) had changed her. The more she thought about it, the more connections she had made. Her time spent here in the past had forced her to adapt and bond with these people who seemed to have rubbed off on her quite a bit. She had loosened up and let go of her normally strict demeanour. Of course, over the years, she had always been losing her anxious and no-rule-breaking tendencies, but now, she was different. She make suggestive comments, merlin, she was turning into Sirius.

Hermione supposed it was a good thing. As a child she had always been uptight. She smiled absently while strolling down the hall.

Suddenly, it was happening all over again.

Hermione felt it come on so much faster this time. Her stomach turned and she immediately looked down to see a ghostly hand where her slightly freckled, inkstained one used to be. Hermione let out a strangled gasp as her whole arm began to disappear. Was it happening now? Had she even said goodbye to Sirius that morning? This couldn't be happening. No, this wasn't the last time. It couldn't be.

She had been focusing on her hand for so long that she didn't even notice when the floor beneath her changed from dark stone to old oak flooring. A sob escaped her when she looked up to see a kitchen, and it was a kitchen that she definitely didn't want to see right now. She felt a pang in her heart as she noticed the dishes washing themselves, a trick Mrs. Weasley had once demonstrated for Hermione. She looked to a nearby wall, where a curious clock hung. She saw each hand with a name enscribed on it, pointing in different directions.

Ron, Charlie, Molly, Arthur, George-

Hermione couldn't continue reading because the clock began to fade away. She could hear her heartbeat pounding in her chest as the Burrow disappeared and the hallways of Hogwarts took it's place. Slowly, the walls around her became solid, as did her hands and arms.

There was too much running through her head. She needed to get out. Hermione felt her legs carry her at a rapid pace to the nearest bathroom. She entered the empty girls bathroom at a run, immediately opening the door to the first stall. She hadn't recognized that she felt sick before she coughed and vomited up that mornings breakfast into the toilet. Hermione continued dry-heaving for several moments afterwards, feeling tears running down her cheeks as she did so.

After a while, the young witch stood up and moved out of the stall, removing her wand so she could place a locking charm on the door. She breathed a sigh of relief and slumped against the cold stone wall, falling to the ground.

Hermione covered her mouth with her hand, trying to stop the sobs that were aching to be let out. Eventually, she gave in and let herself cry. Tears ran down her face as she hugged her knees to her chest, hoping beyond hope that she could stay here. She just needed to stay here.

She couldn't lose Sirius. It struck her in that moment that she couldn't live without him. He was everything to her. He had become her life. God, how had she let herself get so hung up on a boy? But this wasn't just a boy. This was Sirius Black. She let herself smile a little as she remembered his fierce eyes and easy smile. Would she forget what he looked like when she left? Forget his smile? His eyes? The way he felt?

It hurt, and she hadn't even lost him yet. She was still here...

But she would soon be gone.

After the tears came to a slow stop, Hermione picked herself up off the floor, making her way to the sink slowly. She looked in the mirror and took in her bloodshot eyes and wrinkled robes. She was a mess. Slowly, she fixed herself up, remembering that she had another NEWT that afternoon, and Hermione Granger would never miss a NEWT.