What Life Could Have Been

A/N: I know it's sad but we had to get to this point eventually. Please keep reading and reviewing!

Betrayal

"I'm leaving to check on Peter," Sirius called.

Elise came out of the kitchen holding Penelope and smiling at him. "Isn't she beautiful? Say goodbye to Daddy, Penny."

"Bye, Daddy," Penny said sleepily.

Sirius kissed his daughter's small forehead before kissing her mother much more ardently.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too. I'll see you in a bit."

Elise smiled as she heard his absurd flying motorcycle come to life and zip off down the street. She put Penelope to bed and sat up re-reading Les Misérables for what was probably the hundredth time. She had put quite a good dent in it before Sirius returned. Only when she heard him at the door did she look at the time and worry. Elise met him halfway up the stairs.

"Sirius! You look awful, what happened? What took so long?"

She put her arms around him as he staggered up the stairs. Sirius slumped down on the bed, head in his hands.

"Sirius, talk to me. What's happened? Is Peter alright?" Her voice was steady and serious but the worry in her tone was building.

At the mention of Peter's name, Sirius looked up. "Oh, he won't be when I find him, that's for certain," he said darkly.

"What?"

"They're dead, Ellie. James and Lily. Peter's betrayed them and I made him Secret Keeper. Dead."

Elise was horrified. "Dead? But...Peter? Sirius, I..." Her voice trailed away, tears ran down her cheeks. Sirius wrapped his arms around her. "Harry? Is he..."

Sirius shook his head. "No. Harry's not dead. Hagrid took him to Dumbledore; he's going to live with Lily's Muggle sister and her husband. He stopped Voldemort, Ellie. Poor kid has a big gash on his forehead but Voldemort couldn't kill him."

They sat in silence, holding each other tightly and wondering at the cruelty of the world. Then Sirius leapt up, grim determination on his face.

"Where are you going now?" Elise held on to the sleeve of his robe. "Don't leave me," she pleaded.

"I'm going to find him. When I do, he'll wish it was Voldemort he had betrayed."

"Sirius, don't. Please. I can't stand all this. I don't want to be alone. I know you're angry but James and Lily wouldn't have wanted it. And you have a family too. Please, stay with me. I wouldn't be able to bear it if something happened to you."

"Nothing will happen to me, I swear. If I don't catch him, he can keep doing their bidding. Voldemort may be gone but the Death Eaters are still out there. Peter knows the Order's secrets. I have to stop him."

"Sirius this won't bring them back! Please…please, come to bed. I need you. Don't leave me alone with these horrible thoughts," she pleaded.

Sirius softened, hearing the fear and need in her voice. He sat back down on the bed and held her to him, stroking her hair as she let herself cry.

"Is Remus…?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know love, but he wasn't mixed up in this mess. He should be fine."

Elise kissed him fiercely, trying to drive away her fears. Sirius had always made her feel brave, she couldn't quite understand why. They were perfect compliments, two halves of a whole.

"I need you, now," she whispered.

Sirius heaved a mock sigh. "How is it you have such a voracious appetite at such an odd time?"

Elise raised an eyebrow.

He grinned his devilish grin and pushed her back into the pillows.


When Elise was asleep, Sirius quietly dressed himself and recovered his wand from the bedroom floor. He stood a moment and watched her sleep, her brow sweaty and her cheeks still flushed. She was so beautiful. He felt incredibly guilty about what he was going to do, looking down at her.

He kissed both her and Penelope goodbye before stealing out into the night, vengeance still on his mind.

***

When Elise woke alone near midday, she guessed immediately where Sirius had gone.

"If he comes back, I'll kill him."

She lay in bed, fuming at his bullheadedness. As the day wore on, however, her anger gave way to doubt and fear. She hadn't heard a ruckus, hadn't heard screams or explosions. He couldn't have gotten into anything too horrendous, he was only after one person and Peter had never been as gifted and Sirius and James.

She whiled away the rest of the day with Penny, accomplishing nothing and looking alternatively between the clock and the front window every few minutes. She was restless all night, waking at the smallest sound and checking on Penny obsessively.

Elise spent the next morning as she had the previous day. When the doorbell rang hours later, her heart leapt to her throat and she rushed to the door. At the sight of the Ministry official on her threshold, she paled and clutched the doorframe.

"Mrs. Black?"

She nodded, unable to speak.

"I have come on behalf of the Ministry of Magic to inform you that your husband Sirius Black has been arrested for the murder of twelve Muggles and one wizard by the name of Peter Pettigrew, as well as breaking the Statue of Secrecy in plain sight of a street full of Muggles. His wand has been terminated and he will shortly be sent to Azkaban prison. He had this on him," the official concluded, producing a folded sheet of parchment with her name on it. "Good day, ma'am." He Disapparated.

Elise stood frozen, the piece of parchment clutched in her hand. A sob racked her body and she slid down the doorframe. Her breaths came in gasps as she tried to comprehend what had just happened. The Potters dead. Peter a traitor. Sirius in Azkaban. It didn't seem possible. She cried against the wall for what could have been hours or mere minutes before she shut the front door and dragged herself to bed where she cried harder. She couldn't even summon the strength to write Remus and make sure he was okay.

She wasn't even angry at him. He couldn't have killed all those people. Something must have happened to him. Maybe the Imperious Curse. But he wouldn't have killed innocent bystanders. Elise cried harder at the thought of her husband doing something so vicious.

She felt empty, unable to completely comprehend that he would never hold her in his arms again. Never laugh and play with Penny. Never be there watching her sleep. Never kiss her. Never touch her. She would never have another of his children. The word 'broken' seemed too simple to encompass how empty and incomplete she felt.

Elise cried herself to sleep, dark thoughts plaguing her dreams.


It was two days after the fall of Lord Voldemort before Remus Lupin could get away from his Order duties. He sent a very brief message to headquarters and Apparated to the Black's backyard. From the back porch he could make out Penelope's cries mixed with the loud, raucous notes of the Muggle rock that Elise was blaring at the radio's highest capacity.

Remus entered the house, hands clamped firmly over his pounding ears. He found the offending radio and tapped it with his wand, changing the station and cutting the volume in half. Elise was lying on the couch, her wailing daughter cradled in her arms and a half empty bottle of wine on the coffee table. Her eyes were red, her cheeks tear-stained and she was huddled up in Sirius's favorite traveling cloak and her now wrinkled wedding dress.

"Ellie..."

Elise looked up at him. She looked broken, like Sirius was more than just her husband, like he was a physical part of her and she couldn't keep her life together without him there. Remus crouched down next to her and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"What can I do Ellie?" he whispered.

"I can't live like this. I don't know what to do."

"Think about Penny, you need to take care of her. She should be your reason to go on."

Elise buried her face in the couch pillows and sobbed into them, shaking her head and mumbling something incoherent. Remus could tell there was nothing to do at the moment. He gently removed the sniffling Penny from her mother's arms and took her to her room. Once she was calmed he returned to the living room, silencing the radio and vanishing the wine with a wave of his wand. He hoisted Elise up and carried her to bed, drawing the curtains and tucking the blankets in around her.

Remus combed the house for things to do, things to keep him occupied from his own grief. He did chores without magic to waste more time but eventually the feeling of loss overwhelmed him. Finally, he sank onto the couch, face in his hands.

Lying awake, Elise could hear him weeping as she stared at the same spot on the wall. Why was the world so cruel? The downfall of Lord Voldemort should have been a reason to celebrate, but it had taken the lives of the Potters and stolen her husband from her.

She heard the door open and Remus came in and lay next to her. Elise wrapped her arms around her miserable friend. They lay on the bed together, letting their sorrows consume them, each glad of the other's company.