Disclaimer: I do not own Tortall, or any of the Tamora Pierce characters- obviously. Only characters a hard core fan doesn't recognize are mine- IE Aaurie, Branic and Illean.
AN: My descriptions of the fort probably won't match the books properly. I kept getting hung up writing this chapter because I didn't have the energy to match my descriptions Pierce's. So, in order to get you a chapter I just wrote. Feel free to point out my errors if it makes you happy, but this chapter is what it is!
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"Kel said you used to live here, so most of the stuff should be familiar. They had to add to the barracks, and they moved the infirmary and officers' quarters. Strengthened the walls and gate too," Toby told Aaurie, pointing out the changes as they traversed the yard.
"Thank Mithros for that, I remember worrying that they wouldn't hold through a full fledged attack," Aaurie muttered to herself.
"Yea, a few months back a group of raiders made it through- wrecked havoc before milord and the Own were able to push them back. That's when they realized they'd need to strengthen their defenses." Toby replied.
"Better late than never I suppose," Aaurie replied, offering Toby a half smile. A long but comfortable silence stretched between them as they wandered around the yard, watching soldiers and chickens alike mull about.
"If you're a member of the Own, why don't you travel with them- you came ahead of us didn't you?" Aaurie asked giving her thoughts a moment to run through her mind before asking.
Toby looked alarmed, then pursed his lips as if unsure whether to answer or not.
"Begging your pardon?" Toby asked shakily.
"At the Dove, you told me you were a member of the Own. So I was curious why you weren't traveling with them…?" Aaurie repeated confused.
"Oh I," Toby laughed almost nervously. Running a hand through his hair. "Crap. How did I let that one slip- Kel will kill me."
Aaurie cocked her eyebrow at the flustered young man as he mumbled to himself.
"Ok look, no one really knows that I am part of the Own. They all think I'm still with Kel see, that way I can run around doing her bidding and no one knows its really for the King and milord," Toby whispered, his eyes pleading.
"So I shouldn't have told all the lads on the road down here?" Toby went pale, all color escaping his face before Aaurie laughed. "I'm kidding Toby! You're secret's safe."
Toby gaped like a fish for several more moments before seeming to comprehend the joke and laughing nervously.
"Makes me feel like I can finally do something to make people forget I'm Scanran," Toby said suddenly. Aaurie frowned, kicking at the dirt near here feet.
"I don't want them to forget where I come from. I don't want them to forget that not everything that comes out of Scanra is evil- even the Maggot can't change that," Aaurie replied her brows knitted together.
"The king knows that, the Lioness, Lady Kel- milord and Neal. It's just hard for everyone else to remember sometimes. I guess even I can forget," Toby chuckled half heartedly, running his hand nervously through his hair.
"I should be tracking down Neal I suppose, he'll probably be wanting to see me," Aaurie decided after a few more moments of silence.
"Yeah, I have to go have a word with Lady Kel myself. See you around then?" Aaurie nodded, giving Toby a warm smile as he trotted off towards the Officer's barracks.
"Milord, I'm done touring the fort- I am pretty certain I know my way around. Did you need anything else tonight?" Aaurie asked quietly, standing in the doorway to the infirmary, watching as Neal folded bandages.
Neal's shoulders pinched slightly and Aaurie saw a roll of bandages drop from his hands.
"I'm sorry Neal- should I come back later…or…?" Aaurie stopped abruptly, hearing a strangled sob erupt from her knight master.
Neal clutched the edge of the counter, his shoulders slumping forward in defeat.
"Mithros, I can't- I can't do this any more," Neal choked, his body beginning to shake. "I can't keep going without her."
Aaurie gaped, watching her knight master fall apart. Before she could process her thoughts fully, she was drawing the much older man into her arms, holding him tight and stroking his hair.
"Shhh…its ok. We all feel defeated sometimes, but you have to keep going," Aaurie cooed as Neal cried into her shoulder.
"She was pregnant. We hadn't told anyone yet, the healer said it was a girl…I shouldn't have let her go, should have told her to stay in Tortal until the baby was born…" Neal choked, half growling his words.
Aaurie fought back tears as she began to rock Neal slightly.
"You didn't know what was going to happen Neal. Only the gods are responsible Neal, not you. I never got to meet her Neal, but from everything I've heard she'd want you to keep going. It's always going to hurt Neal, but you shouldn't give up," Aaurie tried, not sure what she could possibly say.
She'd been all but inconsolable when she'd left Scanra, having lost so much of her family. What words could really fix that hurt?
Aaurie bit her lip, unsure of her next words. When she'd first come to the fort and Wyldon had uttered them to her, they seemed to put everything to rights. Neal might not hear them as favorably.
"She loved you Neal. And you loved her- and your unborn child. You don't have to stop Neal- ever. But you do have to move forward," Aaurie whispered.
There was a long silence, when Neal suddenly sniffled and straightened, looking down at his squire.
"You can't really only be 17," Neal said with a small smile. Aaurie smiled back at him.
"I'm not 17 yet technically," she replied cheekily. Neal snorted.
"Thanks."
