Chapter 4: Éloïse

During the seven years of war, I couldn't do anything but hope for peace. At night I couldn't sleep because of the cries of so many wounded. How I dreaded to go to sleep at night and when the sun was up I still heard their cries for help, haunting me wherever I went. However now it was not the cries of the wounded I heard, now it was the crying from a friend whose trust that had been crushed and the pieces was so many that it would be impossible to be fully complete again. I was ashamed, I really was and a part of me would always loathe myself for abandoning her. But then again I had my reasons which I didn't have time to explain when we parted because she didn't let me explain before she went to conclusions.
If she had woken just a few minutes earlier she would have heard my conversation with my brother. One that made me realise that I had to be on his side until I knew he was out of danger. I wish I would meet her again one day so that I could tell her that. I didn't want her to hate me for what I did. Yet, I knew that it would take a long time until we met again since Netherlands had refused to let anyone leave the safe place. It was an ancient castle which was placed in the far north of Sweden surrounded my miles and miles of untouched land. I still hadn't gotten any details what our next step would be and since we had been here for two weeks already I began to wonder if there even was a next step. Netherlands, Belgium, Sweden, Estonia and Denmark sat locked inside a meeting room all days long but still they couldn't come up with something to do. What annoyed me even more was that it seemed that I was completely excluded from the discussions as was my brother. Not that he was of any use. He spent most of his days outside, brooding over something he refused to tell me about. The only thing I could do was to drown myself in my own regrets and shame.
There was no electricity in the castle so I couldn't charge my phone and I had gone back to wearing old-fashioned and very uncomfortable dresses.

I was currently walking down a corridor to my brother's chamber. He had asked to have a word with me and I could say that the distraction from my own thoughts was very welcome. However, it was something in the way he told me that it was a serious matter he wanted to discuss and I feared that whatever he would reveal would only make my stay here even worse.
One of these days something ought to happen. Whatever had happened back at the meeting building it wouldn't be the last thing they did and I didn't feel like hiding for who knows how long. I hoped that Magda did something better with her time than walking around a castle completely useless.
I knocked on the door when I reached the door. Usually, I wouldn't care about doing so but the time we had spent apart had made me treat him with a little more cautious.
"Enter," I heard his voice from inside and entered. He was lying in bed. The other place you would find him if he wasn't walking by himself in the gardens. He looked pale and tired. He had never spoken of it but I knew that the disappearance of his friends had made him sick of worry. His usual former self-seemed to have disappeared and I sort of missed his annoying and flirtatious attitude.
"Bonsoir frère, you wanted to speak to me," I said.
"Oui," he said sadly.
"Whatever is the matter?" I asked worriedly. His gaze fell to the floor. I walked over to him and sat down on the bed. It was strange to be so close to him after so long time apart. When I took his hand it felt like holding a stranger but I knew that I had to be there for him.
"I have just been thinking lately about the things I had done for the past years," he said. "And I'm ashamed."
"The war wasn't your fault," I told him. It was the truth.
"I was a part of it," he said. "But worst of all is what I did to you."
"To me?" I asked. "You have done nothing."
"I forced you to endure the war," he said and looked up at me. "You hated it."
"No I didn't mind as long as I knew that I supported you," I said. It was a lie but he seemed in such a gloomy mood already that I didn't feel like making it worse.
"Can you forgive me?" he asked me.
"Of course," I said and squeezed his hand. "Why do you ask me this now?"
"There's nothing to do here other than thinking over one's actions." He had a point. His apology made me feel closer to him and I couldn't dislike his actions during the war as much. But it was the way he said it that told me that there was something behind his words, why he chose to tell me at the moment. But he looked very tired and I didn't have the heart to press him for the truth. It was something that had to wait for another day.

I left him to rest. I should probably go to bed. It was late but sleep seemed to always be so far away nowadays. It didn't matter how tired I was, my shame and regrets kept me awake. As I was too occupied with my own thoughts I found myself in a corridor which I had never seen before. It looked quite similar to other corridors in the castle yet it was different. Something dreadful and mysterious was over it and I wondered who was the castle's last occupant and if their spirit still lingered.
"Are you stupid?" Belgium's voice behind one of the doors caught my attention. I shouldn't eavesdrop but my curiosity took the better out of me. There was more than one person inside the room and one of them was pacing around the room, probably Belgium.
"You know we can't stay here," Netherlands said.
"We can't just leave in the middle of the night," she said.
"They will find us," he said and for the first time, I could hear a hint of anxiety in his voice. He was actually worried about the situation. Unfortunately, I couldn't use it against him since he would know that I had overheard their conversation.
"As long as we stick together we will be alright," she said soothingly and I almost believed that she was hugging him. Suddenly I felt that I had intruded on a moment between brother and sister, I wasn't supposed to hear and it made me feel even worse over my broken relationship with my own brother.

I left them and walked to my room. If I would have to be up all night I might as well stay in my room. It was a very large room, presumably used for one of the most important inhabitants of the room. There were a queen sized bed and a balcony from which I had the most lovely view. However, the sun seemed to never set so it was light all night long making even more difficult to fall asleep. The night air felt nice and liberating when I opened the doors. I had a view of the road to the entrance. I and my brother had a minor argument over who would have the room facing the garden. I lost.
I knew for a fact that my room faced the south and I knew that miles away was Magda, Canada and Finland, doing who knows what. Maybe they had been captured or maybe they had found a clue bringing them closer to finding the people responsible and a small part of me hoped that they were on the way here. I sighed and looked over the forest and missed my piano and my friend.