A/N: Well, here we are again, Internet! If you read this, Senturian (I'm not actually sure :P) then happy birthday again, 'cause this'n's for you. :D
Also, I'm in the process of making a custom texture pack! Woohoo! I've had Pirate Speak enabled for a day or so now and it's given me an urge to make a texture pack based on that. So far I've done 'hatchets' and I'm working on 'cutlasses', but it's rather difficult and there's a whole lot to change, so it'll take me a while. It's great fun, though.
Also, anything you say to me can and will be written about as you will find in this chapter. MWAHAHAHA. You know I love you, reviewers.
Why hello there, rain. I think the rain is trying to say hello to you all. By shouting across the ocean. Shut up, rain. They probably hear you. And now it's gone and everything's dripping. That's New Zealand weather for you.
Except for one of you. I forgot about this before, but I've gotten my first flame! I think this is some kind of milestone. If you're still reading, Daz, (though I doubt it) I'll have you know that I don't really care whether this is funny or not; it's written to amuse me, and the fact that it amuses my readers is just a bonus. So yeah. If you don't like it, don't read it.
As for the rest of you, ENJOY!
"Something bad is going to happen. I know it. You give a short, peaceful and a little unsatisfying chapter and then you wake up and something tries to kill you, right?"
I yelped in surprise, jerking out of sleep to see a block-high owl perched in the window opposite me. It – she – cocked her head and ruffled her wings, looking annoyed.
"Nyroc! What are you doing here?" I cried, still a little fuzzy-headed. Nyroc128 huffed and fluttered her wings again.
"Reviewing," she said simply, turning around and soaring off into the night.I stared after her for a moment, watching her disappear between the trees, before sticking my finger in my ear and twisting it back and forth a few times. This done, I held it up to inspect it; no brain-juices visible. So my brain wasn't leaking out my ears. How strange.
I'm going to try to keep my sanity and refrain from saying anything about that.
Good idea. Wait, it was still night? I had barely slept a wink! Blasted Minecrafters' inability to sleep without a bed… I decided now would be as good a time as ever to explore downstairs, so I made my way around the altar and descended the staircase.
Or, more correctly, stopped at the top of a staircase as a cow stared up at me.
"Maaw-aw," it informed me, turning to stare at a wall.
I checked for brain-juices again.
Slightly apprehensive of monsters and placing torches either side of the main entrance to the place, I began to inch down the second staircase and creep down the tunnel into the treasure hallway. I was terrified of activating the tripwire or getting blown up by a creeper or, I don't know, summoning the freaking Wither King or something…
But there was the triad of levers mounted on the wall, and I remembered from the Yogscast's snapshot video that the one closest to the wall had to be pulled first. With a grunt of exertion – the thing was old and rusty – I yanked it downwards and headed back up the stairs, looking for the entrance to the treasure room. Nothing. I returned downstairs and, after some contemplation, pulled the lever closest to the staircase and went back up to check. Nothing. I pulled the middle lever. Nothing.
Just break the stone already.
I broke the stone already, lying flat on my stomach to reach the chest that lay hidden in the small compartment under the floor. Two pieces o' eight, – er, emeralds – thirty-two putrid rations, – rotten flesh, that is – seven gold bullions – oh, ingots – and four limbs. Bones. Shut up. Pirate Speak is contagious.
Get vaccinated today. Free with any of the Aether's doctors.
A respectable haul, I thought, ignoring her. Now to retrieve the loot from the other chest; this would be more difficult. I descended the stairs for what had to be the fortieth time and turned left, beginning to creep down the vine-hung corridor, so tense I thought I would explode…
HEROBRINE!
I screamed loud enough to wake the dead and jumped sideways into the wall before leaping forward and landing flat on the tripwire, hearing that click of activation before an arrow went whizzing over my head. Mélodieux, the sadistic sod, burst out laughing and Triston added his guffaws to the mix as I propped myself up on my elbows, snapping the tripwire and muttering under my breath as another arrow flew past overhead. "That was not funny!" I yelled, getting to my feet and dusting myself off.
Oh, you sure? I'd have to disaHEROBRINE!
I didn't jump that time, instead just glaring at thin air and she huffed.
Fine, then. Get your stupid treasure already.
I obliged, wary of the dispenser above the chest. Nothing too extravagant, just some more gold bullions and a few limbs, but I took it all and, cheap as I am, the tripwires, hooks and arrows from the dispensers, too before heading back upstairs. Seemingly announcing my victory, pleasant, bouncy music began to plink and plonk in my ears, and I began to skip back and forth before I realised…
This was no ordinary tune.
This was my favourite.
Haggstrom.
As the music changed again I swayed and twirled, spinning in circles like a lunatic with the music ringing in my ears and the jungle whispering around me in the dead of night… I was disappointed to hear it trail off again.
Keep taking the pills, girl.
"But I enjoy being weird," I grinned. Downstairs raided, it was time to make this temple feel like a home; I lit up the place with some torches around the windows and had just enough wood to make a door. One door. For a two-block wide gap.
I see you're mastered defence skills. Next thing you know, you might actually survive a creeper attack.
"Whoa, Mélodieux, don't overestimate her!"
"HEY!"
I could hear him grinning.
It was still dark and I didn't really want to go out woodcutting in the night, so I just wandered around for a few more minutes before I caught a glimpse of pale blue sky through a window. Peering outside, I smiled as the sky lightened and the sun began to dye the horizon orange.
"Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo, doodie-doodie-doodie doo-doo," I sang, deciding to be a jerk and end the chapter again on a rather unsatisfying no
