"Remus? It's me, Dora. I'm alone." Tonks knocked on the door to the inn room. "It's been a day since we've talked and I'm worried something happened with Cleverly, because you said you would try and get in touch with me last night. Are you okay? Did something go wrong?"
There was no answer. She had talked to the wizard downstairs, leading on somehalf-true sob story about how she was worried about her husband and needed to talk to him immediately. Recognizing her from the paper alongside the guilting, he eventually let slip which room Remus was staying in.
"I'm guessing the door's locked and I'm not about to bust it down, so could you please come over and tell me you're okay?" Tonks asked.
She could hear heavy footsteps slowly drudge over to the door and unlock it. On the other side she could see Remus, still in his clothes from the day before, though they were clearly slept in. His hair hadn't been brushed and his skin looked sickly pale.
"Merlin's hairy ballsack, how much did you drink last night?" Tonks asked.
"Was that a serious question?" Remus shut his eyes. The blue veins behind them were visible and dark in his eye sockets.
"No." Tonks replied. "Can I come in?"
"Sure." He shrugged.
Tonks noted that he dumped his trunk by the door as she almost fell over it. He hadn't bothered unpacking anything. Then again, neither of them knew how long the stay would be for. The curtains blacked out the room almost completely. She found an entire empty bottle of firewhiskey on his dresser, picking it up, and gagging. "God, just thinking about that gives me heartburn. Since when can you drink a whole bottle like that, Mr. Lightweight-Lupin? What, was this a hobby you picked up after I disappeared?"
"Forget it." He shook his head.
"Are you at least drinking fluids?"
"No." Remus confessed, rubbing his tired face. He stumbled towards the bed, sitting on the edge.
"I'm guessing you just woke up." Tonks walked over to the window, opening the curtains slightly. He winced, cowering away from the sunlight and sitting back on the bed. She made her way to the bathroom. "Really glamorous set up you've got here."
"Best I'm getting for now." He yawned. "You don't have to-"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Tonks remarked, handing him a glass of water. "So tell me, what's the plan from here on out?"
He didn't hesitate to finish the glass, setting it on the nightstand. "Dora, I cannot feel my brain enough to have any sort of complex brain functioning right now." Remus replied, leaning back against the headboard of the bed. "And if you would be so kind as to not play with the curtains, that would be much appreciated."
Tonks's foot kicked the metal bin beside the bed as she sat down on the bed beside him. "Good on you for at least putting a bag in there first. I'm guessing things went far from well yesterday."
"There aren't words to describe how bad it went." Remus replied, shutting his eyes
"You want to talk about it?"
"Not particularly." He grumbled. "I'd rather forget."
"Anything I can do to cheer you up? I've got something quick to say and then I'll be out of your hair if it's best I leave."
"It doesn't hurt to have you around." He said lightly. "I'll take something in a bit, I think I just need to rest for a moment."
"You've not been throwing up a lot, have you?" She asked.
"Not really, why?" He barely peeked his eyes open when she leaned forward and kissed him. He fumbled around, trying to grab ahold of her hand. He squeezed her palm and she returned the gesture. "Was this what you wanted to say?" Remus remarked breathlessly.
"No." Tonks crawled up onto the bed, straddling his waist with her knees. Her hands tenderly grasped the sides of his face as they kissed. His hands worked their way up her sides against her bare skin, then back down over the back of her pants. The two seemed intertwined with each other for an eternity. "I'm pretty sure this doesn't count as resting, though."
"I'll survive, I think." Remus inhaled sharply. "You are okay with this, right? I'm not pushing you too hard?"
" 'mm good." She said. Tonks took in a breath, her eyes still half-closed. "You don't have to drink yourself half to death, you know. It's not going to make you feel any better in the long run."]
"Sorry." He muttered, pulling her back in to kiss her. "Dora, I'm-"
"You're what?"
Remus stopped abruptly. "Dora? Are you okay?"
"What?" She was completely brought out of the moment. "What's wrong?"
Remus stared at her in shock. "Do that again."
"Do what again?" Tonks asked. Before he answered, he grabbed her by the shirt, pulling her close to him and kissing her. "Mmm?" She jerked her head sideways to break off from him. "What?"
"Quick, before it wears off-" Remus grabbed her arm, jumping out of bed. He rushed her over to the vanity, turning her in front of the mirror. "There? Did you see it?"
"See what?"
"Hang on, can I... can I try that again?"
"Try what again?" She asked. He brought her back in to kiss her and after a moment, her shoulders relaxed and she began to feel calmer and more in tune with him. She continued to hang onto him until she felt the confusion wash away from her into a more mellow state.
"Now look." Tonks turned sideways to face the mirror and was shocked. A small sliver of her hair had turned into an almost white-blonde. She brushed it out of her face, studying it as it disappeared back to brown. "Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you."
"Oh my god!" Tonks exclaimed. "Has it ever done that before?"
"Before being when?" Remus wrapped his arms around her from behind. "It used to change like that all the time. When we'd kiss, back when we first started dating, it would just turn a brighter shade of whatever it was, like pink or purple or blue..."
"Wow." She gasped. "I knew I used to... did it do that, you know, after I came back?"
"No, not since you left." He buried his face against his neck. "The last time I ever saw your hair change like that..." He shook his head.
"No," Tonks shook her head. "Tell me."
Remus sounded as if he might have been about to cry. "It was... I remember you falling asleep before I did and you... you had just dozed off and began dreaming and your hair turned this... amazing blue colour, I couldn't even describe it. I never even got to ask you the next morning what you dreamt about and then you were... you were gone. It's so stupid, but my last memory of you, for years all I thought was of you being happy in for the last time before they murdered you." He held her tighter than before.
Tonks thought for a second. "What kind of blue was it?"
He thought for a moment. "It was like... I dunno. I wondered for a while if you were dreaming about Teddy."
"Frankly, I don't exactly remember anything good from that night." Tonks sighed.
"I thought about it a lot because I thought that was the last moment I was ever going to see you or hold you." Remus shook his head, his eyes going dull. "I should have gotten up instead of you when Teddy cried. I could have gone with you and protected you. I could have saved you and Teddy, at least, or maybe they would've taken me instead."
"They would have killed you and taken me anyways." Tonks remarked.
"But maybe... maybe I could have bought you time to get away." Remus said quietly. "I could have saved you."
"What's happened, happened, and..." She shook her head. The blonde streak had already returned to it's natural state. "I'm happy that I got where I was going. That's all that matters now."
"I'm so sorry." Remus said in such a low voice, she could barely make out his words. "I've ruined too many people's lives."
"You didn't ruin my life, Remus. This wasn't you fault."
"What are people going to think of you now? What is Teddy going to think when he gets older and he wonders why his father caused this entire mess?"
"You didn't cause any mess.Tonks replied. She turned around to face him, gently rubbing her hands over his shoulders. He winced. "Remus?"
He stretched his shoulder, rubbing at a particular spot. "Sorry." He mumbled.
"Did Cleverly draw a wand on you?"
"No." Remus replied. "Don't... don't look at me like that. I deserved it."
"Remus, you may have a continous history of being an absolute prat the second things go to hell in a handbasket, but that doesn't mean she should have hit you." Tonks said skeptically.
"I handled the situation poorly." He gave a sour laugh. "I handled the situation in the worst possible way I could have! I kept trying to salvage what I could from the conversation and I was nothing but complete ass to her! I just wanted to apologize and tell her that I loved her, but I didn't want to be with her and I sounded like a complete idiot."
The two accidentally bumped heads when Tonks tried to lean in towards him. She was startled, holding onto the top of her head. "Ow, sorry," She shook her head. "Look, we're all in agreement that none of us have handled this situation very well. None of us. People aren't supposed to come back from the dead and when they do, other people start acting stupid. I mean, come on, there was no way to gracefully handle any of this."
"But she was right, was she not? I've been nothing but a selfish scumbag my whole life. Nothing's changed, not even after I lost you."
"Quit taking the fall for everyone here." She told him. "We all did stupid things here. None of us were innocent. Does that make any of it okay? No. But it means you're not allowed to say that all of this is your fault."
He closed his eyes. "I just wish I could fix things with her. I don't want to spend the rest of my life knowing she'll never forgive me."
"Now's not the time." Tonks explained. "If you had come straight to my parent's home after you dropped me off there, I might have actually set you on fire. Let the wound heal some. It's better if you give her some space to process her thoughts before you try and be friends again. And if she chooses not to, then... that's on her."
He winced at the thought. "I'm sorry I'm such a let down."
Tonks was becoming mildly frustrated. "Remus John Lupin if you keep acting like this, I'll be the one walking out of here! Quit beating yourself up, would you?"
"I-" His mouth was hanging open, ready to continue his apologies.
"Don't." Tonks said. She practically fell into his arms to hug him again. "You're not a let down. You haven't let me down yet. We're starting over, remember?"
"Starting over, right." He nodded, closing his eyes.
"Which brings me back to what I came here to say. First course of action, I think, is that we're going to Flourish and Blotts. I'm going with you to show them that you aren't what they think you are." Tonks said. "And if they decide to be rude about it, we're going to demand your job back under the discrimination protection law because I know they damn bloody well didn't fire you for being a bad employee."
"And your backup plan is...?"
"The job opening at the Menagerie. Or the dozens of muggle job openings we read about in the paper. Whatever we can manage right now." Tonks said, pulling away from him. "Scratch that, first course of action is you need a shower and something in your stomach. You seriously look half-dead and I can hear your stomach from here. You need to eat and you should rest, too. Teddy's already agitated with the full moon next week, I can't imagine how you feel." She reached up and planted a kiss on his cheek.
"This is surreal, honestly." He remarked. "I still can't believe you're actually here sometimes. That we're actually doing this."
Tonks smiled. She reached over and squeezed his hand. "Speaking of, Teddy's probably wondering where I'm at by now. I'll swing by soon. Drink water and sleep. And no more drinking."
"No more drinking. Got it. Sounds easy enough." Remus nodded. She started making her way to the door. "Wait, Dora!"
Tonks turned around quickly. "Yeah?"
"So which course of action involves me asking you out on a date, exactly?" He called.
She turned around, biting her lip to hide her smile. "Oh? Why do you ask?"
He smiled back with a goofy look on his face. "I mean, I'm free whenever you are. Especially if you planned on being free... particularly around, say, the day after tomorrow? Don't tell me you forgot."
"I'll bite." Tonks leaned against the doorframe. "Day after tomorrow, did you say?"
"I dunno, I was just thinking if we could get away from all the chaos for a few hours." He scratched the back of his neck.
"Sounds good to me." Tonks shut the door behind her as she left.
Tonks wasn't sure how she was supposed to dress for their date and before she knew it, she was anxiously awaiting Remus's arrival. He had mentioned that there was a play going on at the local downtown theatre, if she wanted to go, which she agreed to. But what to wear? Currently, her attire had composed of whatever pants she could find that were at least somewhat clean and bulky jumpers and sweaters. She felt that was a bit downplaying for the occasion. She didn't have anything particularly nice. Even from before the war, most of her clothes had been thrown out or simply given away. She picked out the most decent looking sweater to throw on.
"Dora! Your boyfriend's downstairs!" Ted exclaimed.
"Quit calling him that!" Tonks replied. She hadn't had the courage to put her wedding ring back on, leaving it tied up around her neck. She grabbed it and tucked it under her shirt.
"And what exactly would you prefer I call him?" Ted asked.
"I dunno." Tonks sighed. She looked up at Remus and smiled. "Hi."
"Hello." Remus smiled back. He was a bit more dressed up than usual and was holding a bouquet of daffodils and something else she wasn't quite sure of.
"What's this all about?" She asked.
"Oh, I got them because they're your favourite." Remus suddenly looked slightly horrified. "They are your favourite, right? I didn't make that up?"
"They are, actually." Tonks laughed. "Here, I can put them in some water real quick before we go... wherever it is you're taking me."
He handed her the flowers. "I brought something else too. Ministry sent me a bit of your mail. I won't lie, I already opened it. Sorry. It might be a bit less pleasant. I thought it was rather funny myself..." His voice trailed off as he handed her an orange envelope with her name on it.
Tonks held the flowers in one arm and tore open the letter. "To Miss Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks and Edward Remus Lupin," She read aloud. "On behalf of the Ministry of Magic, we wish to congratulate you on the news that you are in fact, alive, and are officially reinstated as such. Hope you are well and enjoying your summer." Tonks dumped out the rest of the envelope to find several similar documents with the word "VOID" written across them.
"I think that one's a death certificate." Ted pointed out. "That one there, too."
"And our marriage certificate." Tonks said. "Not that it meant much, you know, with the war and all. Look, Teddy's birth certificate, too! We're actually alive now." She stared blankly at them for a moment. "Huh."
"Odd reaction to finding out you're alive." Remus sort of laughed.
"Dunno, I suppose it was a missed opportunity." She laughed. "Can't accuse a dead person of committing a crime, can you?"
"Oh please. Yes, of course, and what crime would the auror commit?"
"Arson. Obviously." Tonks rolled her eyes.
"What's arson?" Teddy asked.
"Setting things on fire." His mother replied.
The boy suddenly looked very concerned. "Why would you do that?"
"I wouldn't, I'm joking." She explained. "It's sarcasm, don't worry."
"Well, you two best be on your way." Ted sighed, grinning. "Don't want to be late if you're going to go to dinner, do you?"
"Right." Remus nodded, looking over at Tonks. "Are you ready?"
"Oh, here," She set the flowers down on the counter and set the envelope nearby. "Dad, could you put those in a vase, please?"
"Oh, sure." He nodded.
"How come I can't go?" Teddy asked curiously.
"Next time." Remus promised. "Next time we go somewhere fun, you can join us, alright?"
Tonks leaned down, kissing the boy's face playfully. "Now remember, don't do anything I wouldn't do." Ted warned playfully, pulling a tall vase off of a shelf in the cabinets.
"Like what? Accidentally go missing and make everyone think I'm dead? Oh wait-"
"Young lady," Ted said sternly. "Better watch your mouth now. Remus, you better keep an eye after her. She's a fierce one."
Remus nodded, trying not to smile. "Yes, sir."
The couple apperated to a narrow alleyway close to the theatre where he had gotten them tickets. In turn, Tonks got to pick where they went to dinner. Remus, a closeted fan of theatre enjoyed the show from an artful perspective. Tonks thought it was funny from a different, more outside perspective. At times, she had to stifle her laughter to keep from acting innaproprate. Remus kept finding himself looking over at her childishly, enamoured by her innocence. One it was over, the couple broke away from the crowd, heading around the side of the building, underneath a street lamp.
"Bloody hell, is it seriously raining?"Tonks huffed. She cowered under the eaves of the theatre. "Great. Now we're stuck."
"It's not that bad." Remus pointed out.
"It is if we've got to walk in it to apperate." Tonks said in a low voice.
"Oh come on, it's lightening up already." Remus said optomistically. "Now tell me, what did you think of the play?"
"It was a bit weird." Tonks chuckled. "Muggle stuff's weird. All of it, singing and dancing around like that. Can't change my mind. But as far as having a good time, I had a great one. I'm glad to get out of the house, though."
Remus reached over and put his arm around her. She snuggled her head against his chest. "Happy anniversary."
"Six years." She let out a sigh. "It's ironic that we've technically only spent about one full one married. So what now? Are we celebrating our second year or our seventh next year?"
"I dunno." Remus sort of glanced over at her. "I was sort of thinking since we're starting over and all, maybe we can have our first one next year."
Tonks yawned. "So what's that mean?"
"It's like you said, maybe this is less of an anniversary and more of a beginning, don't you think?" He asked. Remus pulled away from her and removed his coat, carefully placing it around her shoulders.
"You're a real flirt, aren't you?" Tonks teased, turning her nose up at him.
"I try my hardest, Ms. I'm Not Setting A Foot Near The Rain." He sort of smirked.
She shivered, holding on tightly to his coat. "Remus, are we moving too fast?"
He tilted his head, putting his hands in his pockets. "Perhaps. I'm not actually sure, really. I mean, I know people change all the time but... how much did we change in five years? It's hard to tell."
"It's scary, what it is." Tonks remarked. "I dunno."
Neither of them said anything for a bit. Remus cleared his throat. "I saw you stopped wearing your ring."
"Yeah, it was because of Cleverly. I... I didn't want to offend her. Seems like I did anyways." Tonks said. "I didn't lose it, if that's what you're asking. Got it right here actually." She reached up to her neck, bringing out the makeshift necklace.
He eyed it cautiously. "I'm surprised it stayed intact so well."
"Yeah." Tonks muttered. "You think I should start wearing it again? Or is it still too soon?"
"I think it's like I said. You know? How much do people like us change in five years." Remus replied.
"I knew you well enough to marry you the first time, so why not the second?" Tonks said lightly. "I mean, if that's where you're going. I mean, we're going, right? Only if that's what you want, that is-" She rambled a bit.
"Is that what you want?" He asked.
She shrugged. "I dunno." Tonks confessed. "I'm scared."
"What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid you're not going to like me for who I am now. I'm afraid you've changed too much. I'm afraid of... I'm afraid of messing up what we already have. I'm afraid of Cleverly... and your parents, and all the others who are going to look at us badly, I mean, come on, we got lucky with my parents, didn't we? I'm just... afraid." She rubbed her face, turning to look away from him. "I feel like an idiot, I'm sorry."
"That's how I felt last time." Remus told her. "I mean, not that I'm not jumping out of my own skin right now, but I guess... I dunno. Since I let go of Cleverly... since you came back it's like... I feel like I've let go of something. Problem is, I dunno what."
"Maybe that's a good thing."
He stared at the ground, watching as water from the roof puddled onto the cobblestone sidewalk. "Dora?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Do you think we're moving too fast?"
"I think... I think I've learned a lot lately and a lot of it has to do with learning that we're all just sort of... existing on borrowed time, you know? What's the point of waiting or prioritizing or just sitting around and doing nothing and waiting for it to pass?"
"Nihilism."
"What?"
"You're thinking about nihilism. A sort of... 'seize the day' philosophy."
"Is that a good thing?"
"Perhaps, I suppose. If you're trying to justify going ahead and acting on your feelings, that's one thing. If you jumped out a window to try and prove that nothing mattered or would change if you did, you might have a problem." He explained.
"When we were dating and we got married, that's the approach we took, wasn't it?" Tonks asked. "We could lose everything in a moment, so if only we could have each other, maybe things wouldn't be so bad."
"I still think that." Remus replied. He turned towards her and reached out for her hand.
Squeezing herself towards the building, she reached out and took his hands. "I do too." Tonks said quietly. "I'm just... scared."
"I'm a lot of things really." He said. He let go of one of her hands and reached up to examined the piece of ribbon. "Can I take this off? Are you going to be mad at me?"
"Go ahead, if you can get it." She replied, tilting her head back to let him try and unknot it.
"Damn, you tied this tight..."
"Well I was going to cut it if I needed to." Tonks laughed.
"Wait, can you slip it over your head?" Remus awkwardly tugged it over her face. "You should've just used twine or yarn or something..."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Tonks stared down at the ring he was holding between his fingers. It wasn't anything more than a band with one large center stones and one on each side. He seemed to be examining it carefully.
"Here, may I?" Tonks held out her hand to him. Remus slipped the ring on, not even bothering with the ribbon and stared at her hand. "I feel like I should've prepared a speech or something. I seriously think I'm as lightheaded and flustered as I was... see, I never had any of that with Cleverly..."
"Oh, shut up." She laughed and threw her arms around him, him holding her just a few inches off of the ground. "I love you." Tonks whispered into his neck.
He closed his eyes. "I love you Dora."
