Here's another chapter. Enjoyy : )
November 28th
Edward POV
It is raining outside, not that rain isn't normal, it just fits todays mood. I woke up this morning to a screaming Carley and a super frustrated Bella. Mornings like this are especially difficult, because I'm not totally sure where my place is. If I go over and try to help Bella, and tell that it'll all be okay, then she tells me to fuck off, but if I don't do anything then tonight she'll be mad that I didn't help her. It's a lose-lose situation.
I figure it's better to do something, so I go down to the kitchen and heat a bottle for Carley and get breakfast for Bella and then I go up to her room. "Bells?" I knock on her already half open door. Carley is in her baby bounce, still screaming, and Bella is in the bathroom trying to get ready.
I place the food on her desk and go to pick up Carley. I always feel sort of awkward when I'm holding her, like I'm sort of the father figure in her life, but not really. I don't really think of her as my daughter, even though Bella says I should.
"What's wrong Carley?" I ask her. "Why are you crying? Are you hungry?" I sit down on the edge of Bella's bed and give Carley her bottle. Immediately she stops crying, and she looks up at me. She finished almost the whole bottle, and then I burp her and get her dressed.
Bella comes out of the bathroom looking as if she barely slept. "Thank you." She sighs, "I don't know what I would do without you." She wolf down the pancakes I brought her and then packs Carley up.
"My pleasure." I give her a quick kiss, and then we headed to the kitchen. When she says things like 'I don't know what I would do without you,' it makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave. But I also really don't want to be stuck here.
"Bye," Bella leaned forward and kissed me goodbye. "I love you."
"Love you too." I just stood there as she walked out to her car.
I turned to mom, who was making Alice's lunch. "Am I a bad person for wanting to leave?"
"No," She looked up. "You're not. You're someone who has worked hard his whole life and wants to explore the world. There is nothing wrong with that. She'll understand. You're seventeen, and you shouldn't be tied down with someone else's baby."
"It's not her fault though." Why am I defending Bella? I'm the one who wants to leave. Fuck, why are things to complicated?
"Let dad and I help Bella. We are the parents, and we will take really good care of her. And then once you are done school you guys can see what happens. But don't stay here just because of Bella. She won't be alone Edward, I promise. She'll have all of us."
"I guess. I just don't think I can do that to her."
"You haven't even been accepted yet." She pointed out, "Wait until you know if leaving is really an option before you stress."
I nodded. "Alright." Rosalie and Jasper appeared in the doorway. "Ready?"
They nodded, and we headed out into the rain. Rosalie was on her phone the whole way to the school, and I couldn't help but be proud of how much progress she had made in the past eleven months. And then I can't help but feel a pang of pity for Bella. If she hadn't had a baby, then this could have been her life. She could be like Rosalie. She could have a future full of possibilities, and I wouldn't be feeling so damn guilty about wanting to leave her.
I love being at school, because it's an escape from the real world. Emmett and Jasper say the same thing, and I'm sure Rosalie feels the same way. I have no clue about Alice, because no one knows what the fuck is going on in her head.
The school day always comes to an end though, and I always have to go back to real life. Except today when I walked into the house Bella didn't shove a screaming baby into my arms. Today, mom was waiting with a thick envelope.
"From Dartmouth!" She handed it to me. "Open it!"
I was almost afraid to. I was scared of what is going to be written. "You do it." I felt like a little kid, but I don't care.
She ripped open the envelope, and then screamed. "You got in!" She threw her arms around me. "Sweetheart, I am so proud of you!"
I hugged her back, but I don't feel as excited as I should. Seeing the letter, seeing the words, knowing that they want me, I know that I have to go. And as exciting as that is, leaving Bella is not something that I want to celebrate. She is going to hate me.
Alice POV
I fucking Hate this school. With a capital H. I've been here three months and I'm ready to just quit. I'm failing a lot of my classes cause I just don't give a shit, and I usually skip out on my "one on one" sessions with Ms Miller, and during group time I never really say anything.
I was sitting on the steps in front of the school, waiting for mom to come pick me up.
"Hey girl," Ella bounced down the first few sats, and then sat next to me. She pulled a pack of smokes out of her oversized bag, and offered one to me. I borrowed her lighter, and we sat there in silence for a few minutes.
Ella was one of the coolest people I've ever known. I mean, Lauren was okay, for a catholic school girl, but Ella was just the best.
Ella and I clicked right away. We were both...different. We weren't outwardly defiant, like Liz, but we weren't shy or scared of getting in trouble like some of the other kids. And no matter what anyone said, we didn't stop drinking, or smoking, or blazing. I'd never gotten high before I met Ella, but now it's no big deal.
But the thing I liked best about Ella was that she was a real friend. She wasn't someone to just get fucked with, like Liz, who was only our friend when we were drinking, but she was someone who I had fun with, even sober.
"Why are you still here?" I asked her. Normally once the busses left, the school was quiet.
"My meeting with Ms Miller went late."
"You go to those?" I sat up straighter, and turned towards her.
"Yeah. Don't you?"
"No! I've only gone a few times. If you meet with her and stuff, why do you still do all of this?" I indicated towards her cigarette.
"I go, I listen to what she has to say, and then I choose weather or not to listen. She can't control what I do." She stomped out her cigarette, and then lit another one. I did the same.
"I dunno." I told her. "I just don't even want her opinion."
This is where Ella and I are totally different. She's not a trouble maker. She doesn't do things like dye her hair or pierce her own lip. She's not a bad kid, she doesn't sneak behind her mothers back, and steal booze. Not that her parents approve of what she's doing, but her family is really different from mine.
I don't go to my meetings because I don't want help. Which is weird, because I want to be happy. I don't want things to be better though, I want to go back in time when things were better.
The doors to the school opened, and I turned to look at who was coming. Ms Miller walked out of the school, and Ella immediately stomped out her cigarette. That's another area where we differ-I don't care. I kept on smoking, ignoring the fact that Ms Miller would probably be mad.
"Hi girls." She smiled.
"Hi." We said in unison.
"Alice, I haven't seen you lately."
"I've been in class."
"Yes, but I mean I haven't seen you in any of our meetings." Her face was really serious.
"That's because I haven't been there."
Ella was hiding her face, probably laughing. Even though she never did it her self, she found it funny when I talked back to people.
"I've realized that. But you need to be. It's requirement."
I looked up at her, and then took a long drag, as if to mock her.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw my mom pull into the parking lot, I stomped out my smoke and then jumped up. "My mom's here." I stuck a piece of gum in my mouth. "See you tomorrow."
I ran over the car and climbed in, leaving Ms Miller and Ella on the steps.
November 29th
(Still Alice's POV)
Rosalie and I were the only one's in the kitchen. Everyone else was still rushing to get ready. Rosalie looked good, normal. She was wearing skinny jeans, stiletto boots, a v neck t-shirt and a jacket, and of course she was texting. Normal.
I looked normal too, I guess. I was wearing leggings and long shirt, with a pair of keds. At first glance we looked like two normal kids.
All of a sudden my vision clouded, and I saw myself sitting in the classroom with Ms Miller. Her lips were moving, but I couldn't hear anything.
I opened my eyes again, and dropped the plate I was holding. What was that? I'd been having those...day dreams...more lately, and they always seem to come true.
"Geez Alice, be careful." Rosalie snapped. I ignored her, and swept up the glass. Yeah, I was not normal. No matter how much I try to convince my self, it's not true.
"I'm leaving." I said as I grabbed my bag. I doubt Rosalie cared, but I felt like I had to mark my exit. The bus wouldn't come for another ten minutes, but I needed some air. I needed out of that house. I needed to be away from the craziness.
I was one of the first ones in the class. Tiffany and Summer were sitting next to each other, giggling. I steered clear of them. Tessa was alone in her corner, but I knew not to go near her either. She was convinced that if she talked to any of us, she would relapse, and she'd rather be a social outcast then go back to the place she was last year.
I sat in my desk, hoping Ella would get here quick. I don't have a lot of people to talk to. Most of the girls here wanted to get better, they wanted to work hard so that they could get on with their lives. Even the ones who refused to talk at first had started participating, but I was the hold out. I wouldn't do it. I don't want to be here, and I refuse to work hard.
Ella didn't arrive until right when the bell rang, so I didn't have the chance to talk to her. Thursday's we have gym first period, so I'd talk to her then.
We all stood up to go change, but Ms Miller called me over. "Alice, you've been excused from gym today. You and I are going to use this time to chat."
"Why?" I love gym, and I don't want to miss it just to sit here and talk.
"Because, I think we need to."
"I don't want to..." I whined, but she led me over to the couch anyways. Fine, if this is how she wants to play, then good luck getting me to say anything.
"How are you?" She asked.
"Hungover." I said. This wasn't true, but why make this easy?
"You remind me so much of me when I was fifteen."
"I'm thirteen." I told her.
"So you are. High school next year, that's exciting."
"No. I'm not going." Again, this wasn't true. I would be going somewhere, but not by choice.
Ms Miller looked at me. "Fine," I caved, "I'm going, but I don't know where and I'm not excited."
"What's your local school?"
"McKinley."
"Will you go there?"
"Over my moms dead body. We all know I would never finish if I went to public school. I'll probably be stuck here."
"It's not so bad here, is it?"
"Going to this school is a constant reminder that I'm a fuck up. I'm not normal enough for public school. Even my sister goes to public school and she - well she has way more of a reason to be fucked up than me. But she went to her special stupid place, got help and got over it. She dealt and she moved on. Me, I have no reason to be like this. No excuse." Where did that come from? So much for my not talking plan.
"Then why are you?"
"At first I wanted to get away from my life. And everything seems better when you're drunk. And then I started to party, and started smoking, and it all went down hill from there."
"Why do you never come to our meetings?"
"Because I don't want to."
"Why not?"
"What good will it do?"
"I can help you. We can work out whatever you're feeling."
"But you see, thats the problem. So we work it out, I'm thirteen, I'll still be stuck at home. I'll still have to deal with my life. Even if I change, Bella won't. Rosalie won't. My mother will be still be focused on Bella, she'll probably always worry about Rosalie, and then I'll be invisible again! It's a fucking cycle. At least now I'm important. Every time I come home drunk or high, my mother is there for me. As angry as she is, she pays attention to me! She notices me!"
"So you think that negative attention is better than good attention?"
"Isn't it?" I challenged.
"No it's not, but first why don't you tell me about your family?"
I could my self slipping into her trap. She was going to fucking try and help me, and then where will I be?
"No. I'm done talking to you." I crossed my arms and turned away from her.
"But Alice, we just started."
"I don't want you to help me. Maybe I'll just go home and drink my self into a coma, then everyone will be happy."
"Alice, don't even kid about that. Now, there's an hour and ten minutes until the class comes back. I'm happy to just sit here, or maybe we can put this time to good use and actually talk."
"I have nothing to talk about." I stood up off the couch and walked over to my desk. I sat down and pulled out my iPod. I was perfectly happy to sit here for an hour too.
"I've talked to your parents, you know." My head shot up. Mom hadn't said anything. Surely she was lying, because if Ms Miller had called home, mom would have said something.
"I don't believe you." She was lying, it was obvious. And I'm not stupid, I know when someone is lying, so that I'll tell them what they want to hear. "And if you did talk to her, then why are you asking about my family?"
"We don't talk about your siblings, we talk about you. About you not showing up for our meetings, about you not doing well in class."
"Why isn't she mad?" I challenged. Mom would be mad.
"Coming to a new school can be difficult, especially one so different from public school. We wanted to give you time to adjust, but time's up."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I'm not going to let you skip out on classwork, it means that I'm going to get to know you. Maybe you don't want my help, but someday you might want a friend, someone who is on your side."
"What do you know about me?"
"I know that you're thirteen. I know that you are the youngest in the family. I know that you were home schooled last year. Which shows that your mother does care, if she took the time to do that."
"False. I was home school for the end of last year. I went to school up until like the end of April or May or something."
"See, I didn't know that. What school were you at?"
"Ask my mother, since you two are obviously BFF's. I'm done."
I sat in my chair, stuck my headphones and tuned her out. Fuck this.
Bella POV
(Same day)
"Bella?" Edward knocked on my bedroom door.
I sat up, "Yeah?"
He walked into my room and sat on the end of my bed. He looked really serious, and my heart started beating. He was going to tell me something, and from the look on his face, it was big.
Oh my God, I bet he's going to ask me to marry him. I tried to calm my self down. As much as I want to say yes, I want to be done high school. I know it's still two and half years off, but love waits, right?
"Edward," I took his hand, "I love you so much. I really do, and I so want to marry you some day, but I think we should just focus on finishing school first."
His eyes shifted, and he pulled his arm away. "That's not what I want to talk about Bells."
"Then what is it?" I moved back on the bed.
"Bella, I got accepted to Dartmouth." Dartmouth? But that's far! He would never leave me. He would never hurt me in that way. Not Edward. "And I've decided to go."
"What?" I leapt of the bed. "You're leaving me?" Tears filled my eyes. "You're the only one who even cares about me in this house!"
"That's not true. Esme puts her whole life into helping you. And you know what, I just need some space. I need some time to live my life. I still want to marry you, but let's just get some distance first. Let's live!"
"While you're fucking living it up, I'll be stuck here with a god damn baby! So you go an live, but I'll be stuck here, alone and fucking miserable." I know what I was saying wasn't fair to Carley, but I'm so angry that I don't even care. "How can you do this to me?" I cried. "Don't you love me?"
"I do!" He insisted, "But it's not fair to me to stay here. I am getting the opportunity of a life time, and I don't want to waste it, and then regret it for the rest of my life!"
I took a step back. "You would regret being with me?"
"No! I didn't say that! Bella you're great, but I'm not ready for this much commitment. I love you, and I want to help you in any way possible, and maybe one day we will be together, but not right now. I need to explore the world."
"Fine!" I threw my arms up in the air. "Be that way." I pulled a duffel bag out of my closet ad started throwing clothes in. Then I packed up all of Carley's stuff and went and got her up. I dressed her up warm and buckled her into her baby carrier.
"Bella, what are you doing?"
"If you're getting to explore the world, then I want to as well. It's only fucking fair." I grabbed my bag and stormed out of my room.
Alice appeared in the hallway. "What's going on she asked. It looks like she'd been crying.
"I need out. I need to get away for a few days." I snapped.
"Wait," She said, ducking into her room. She emerged a minute later with a backpack. "I'm coming too."
"No you're not!" Edward told her, "Alice get back in your room, and Bella you do the same."
"You are no longer my boyfriend, so I no longer give a rat's ass about what you say."
"So can I come?" Alice asked.
Why not? It'll be nice to have some company. I actually like Alice, she's a pretty cool kid, even if she does have her issues. But I'm not one to talk, and who am I to deny the kid some adventure. "Sure, but we're leaving right now."
"Fine by me." Alice followed me down the stairs and into the kitchen. Carlisle and Esme were out for the night, so it made for an easy escape.
"Thanks for nothing." I hissed at Edward as we stormed out the door. With Alice close on my heels I went out to my car and strapped Carley in. It was late, and dark, so she had fallen right back asleep. Alice climbed into the passengers seat.
Edward ran into the garage, yelling after us. "Just tell me where you're going at least." He begged, but I ignored him.
With Carley sleeping behind me, and Alice silent next to me, I drove off into the night.
I turned to Alice. I wonder why she was so eager to leave. "Bad day?" I asked her.
"Bad fucking week." She said. "Or bad school year. Bad year. God, things are just not good right now."
"Amen sista." I turned on the radio.
Screw school, screw Edward, screw life. I was doing my own thing now, and nobody was going to stop me.
Pretty jam packed chapter, no? So, what do you think is going to happen next? Any idea's where Bella and Alice are going? Please REVIEW! The more reviews the more I want to write! So please just leave something letting me know that you read this chapter !
Thanks!
xx Alice
