HIYAAAAAAAAA EVERYBODY!!!!!!! DID Y'ALL READ THE NEWEST NARUTO SHIPPUDEN CHAPTER?!? I can't believe it - I will not believe it.... KAKASHI'S DEAD!!!!!! HE MEETS UP WITH HIS PAPY AT THE "OTHERSIDE" (he's ugly :P)

Everybody a moment of silence for our fallen friend/lover/boyfriend/idol (insert here: any term you like) Kakashi..... "sniff"

... Okay! On with the show, here's goes the new chapie^^


CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

- So close…Yet distant -

Gradually my senses were coming back. I could hear the rain drizzling, tapping against surfaces, the breeze of the wind blowing and the light rumbling of the clouds. Then I tasted the ugly metallic taste of blood in my mouth, combined with the taste of rain. Next I felt the light drops of rain splashing against my face and my wet body with the unpleasant feeling of my clothes sticking to my skin. I was horribly aware of the pain in my body; I seemed to be severely injured. My body felt frosty underneath the rain and suddenly although I was sure this feeling was there since the beginning - I felt some pressure around my head, stomach, back, legs and some pointy and annoying pressure on my shoulder. From the pressures spread this comfortable and soothing warmth that caused my body to ignore the cold and the pain of my injuries. It gave me the feeling of security and comfort. I felt this wet and tickling, dog-like hair covering part of my face. For some reason I wanted to stay like this without waking, because I feared this might end and my chance to tell Kakashi will be impossible. Finally I could smell the rain, the burned wood, the debris, the blood, but most importantly the scent of a human and its hair. I knew it was a man. Lastly my heavy eyes opened, my sight was blurry and my left eye was covered by something. As my sight began to clear up, the grey murky sky was visible and I had to blink for the drops of rain drizzled down my face. At last my sight was crystal clear and instantly I knew who was holding me.

I sat on his crossed legs, while he held me close to him like I was something fragile and precious. His face was buried in my left shoulder, where I had felt his chin poking me annoyingly. One arm was laced around my shoulder blades so that his hand had a good grip on my right shoulder and the other was laced over my stomach and around my waist. Judging by his position he seemed to have frozen to a statue, remaining immobile for maybe quite some time. I smiled to myself, how pleasant it felt and wished this moment could last forever. Nevertheless I knew it couldn't and I decided to speak.

"I'm not dead yet, you know." I croaked weakly, horrified how dry and weak I sounded.

Kakashi's figure twitched and he pulled promptly back, staring at me with disbelief as if he was hallucinating.

"Such a thing shouldn't kill me; I thought you knew that - I'm dead-proof." I said with dry humour and chuckled.

Kakashi couldn't respond but stare at me with wide-eyes; the discovery that I was still alive in his arms was too much for him. For a split second I thought some tears were building in his eyes and he pulled me back into a tight suffocating hug. He showered my head with clothed kisses as if his life depended on it. His hug was like of a pincer's. My hands which were holding his shoulders tensed and tried pushing him.

"Ka…Kashi, you are squashing me and if you forgot I'm - badly wounded." I uttered with difficulty, suffocating in his hug.

His grip relaxed but he didn't pull away or said a word. I could breathe again, but I didn't dare to say a word, since Kakashi wasn't in the mood to say anything.

We sat there in complete silence, the rain poured down on us thickly and only the sound of the rain tapping against the debris was heard. I was a bit confused of his behaviour and told him I was fine.

"Kakashi, I'm fine you can let me go."

Kakashi didn't budge nor said a word. I contemplated over his behaviour and after observing some droplets rolling down his silvery hair, I realized something and the colour rose to my cheeks and my heart fluttered.

"Are you…Crying?" I asked him with a lowered and uncertain voice.

Kakashi rapidly pulled his head back with his face lowered so that his dripping silvery hair covered his expression. I raised my hand underneath his chin and raised his head so that I could see it. When I met his face, I stared with utter disbelief. I couldn't believe this, was that even possible?! Could that even happen in the book…Could he possibly be…Crying?!

His eyes, even his Sharingan eye was brimming with tears. His watery gaze looked at me, the despair and relief reflected in his sparkling dark orbs. Kakashi couldn't stop his tears no matter how much self-control he used, the thick tears cascaded without control down his eyes and were instantly absorbed by his mask. His gaze sunk out of shame and unfamiliarity. I was frozen stiff with a disbelieved stare, how could he possibly cry for me? Who would anyway? All of a sudden Kakashi pulled me back in an overwhelming embrace and there I heard for the first time a complete foreign voice of his.

"Will you stop making me worry so much about you? I was sure that I would have gone insane if you were gone forever!" he croaked with a voice strangled by emotions.

My eyes widen and my heart made a start. I couldn't believe what I heard and for a moment I thought I was dreaming, because Kakashi would never shed a tear for such a thing and he would never appear so shaken. Why…?

"Why do I have to worry so much about you? And why am I overwhelmed with relief that I must shed tears in front of you? Why can't it stop?"

I listened to his shivering voice with a squeezing heart. How could a man who's been cold for 20 years of his life, cry all of a sudden for pitiful and worthless me? Am I that important to him? Overwhelmed by the urge to comfort Kakashi, I embraced him back very tightly and expressed with desperation.

"Please Kakashi, stop crying! I'm here, please don't be sad!"

While I caressed in comfort the back of his head, I felt Kakashi wiping away the tears with the back of his palm. I was moved by this moment and still couldn't believe that it ever happened. I wondered how I could make such a guy cry, although he was trained to suppress all these emotions. Then he pulled back, his eyes were clearer now, like the fog from his eyes evaporated and he looked down to me. His eyes were so intense with emotions that my heart leaped. His arms still held me firmly against him and the distance between our faces was relatively close. We looked at each for what seems like eternity.

While Kakashi looked at me so intensively, he seemed to think intently about something. Since I realized the closeness of our faces and the rush of my feelings, I approached his face very very slowly, somewhat hesitantly. I know it was quite bold and a crime against humanity that I acted first and not him – but my feelings were screaming and longing for him so strongly. I blushed, but gratefully it was dark and the cool rain cooled me down.

By drawing slowly closer to his face I kind of hoped he would kiss me first, but no, he only looked at me, frozen. I gradually closed my eyes as I drew nearer to his face. I was entirely convinced that I was going to kiss him, his short warm breaths brushing my lips. With my eyes closed, I could feel the presence of his face so close to mine. A voice in my head shouted "Go on kiss him! What are you waiting for?"

However before I could reach his lips, I was promptly interrupted by Kakashi's cough and his hand patting my head. I opened my eyes, shockingly aware of our closeness and since he looked at me with a warm facial expression, completely ignorant of my kissing attempt - I drew hastily back with my gaze averted in embarrassment.

"Good that you are back." He mentioned calmly, glad that indeed I was back.

While he spoke I didn't once look at him, my heart that was beating fast was now run through by a stake. Not only was I ashamed of my action, but shattered by the reality of the situation. It was what I feared… I was bluntly rejected. I felt like crying and getting angry at him, so as a response quite roughly I pushed myself out of his embrace. I staggered on my own wobbly legs and without looking at him, I stated with a curt tone:

"I'll go check on Akai and Ronen."

Judging by Kakashi's silence, I knew he was confused and surprised. I turned away from him and for the first time I witnessed the disaster and ruins of the Dojo. Obviously Kakashi dug me up from underneath some debris, since I was covered in filth and the whole area where I stood was covered with shattered wood, cement and other material. The whole Dojo was destroyed; it must be during this beam of electricity that struck me that the entire Dojo collapsed.

Then amongst the debris, I saw something sticking out, I moved over there with my legs heavy as lead. I still was badly wounded and if I wasn't mistaken my healing ability either did not work or vanished. I went over to the splintered wood and found the scroll. I kneeled down and observed it. The scroll gave off the scent of mildew; its once olive green cover was blotched with black burned stains, like it was burned at several places. The seals which were pasted over the opening were burned away. It looked absolutely harmless; I picked it up and stood up with my gaze fixed upon it. I unrolled and saw that in the centre in a shape of a circle were these inscriptions to show another seal. Since in the circle it was blank, the scroll was now empty and undeniably harmless. I rolled it back together and put it in my hip pouch.

"What are you doing with that thing?" asked Kakashi all of a sudden with an earnest, which was old typical Kakashi again.

"Won't Hokage sama be satisfied to see the proof that we have completed our mission?"

"But-

-I killed it by sacrificing my demon." I interrupted Kakashi sharply.

I realized how rough I sounded so I sighed hopelessly and turned around with my gaze sunk and hopped over the debris passed Kakashi. The raised platform, which held the Dojo, had collapsed to the ground and the main building was burned down. The embers still glowed and some wood burned underneath the rain. The smell of burned wood combined with other materials gave off a poignant and disgusting smell. Judging by the appearance of the main building - which was in ruins with the flames still dancing around - showed that I must've been knocked out for quite some time.

I decided to quicken my pace and with one bounce I landed in the courtyard, which was spared from the disaster. What I met there gave my heart a start. Not so far apart lay Ronen and Akai. I ran over to Akai, dropping to my knees and pulling him up.

"Akai, Akai!" I called and shook his body.

His body stirred and I felt his weak pulse, then he exhaled weakly.

"You made it…" he uttered weakly with a smile.

I looked at him, relief washed over me but anxiety remained, as I noticed his weak state.

I scanned his appearance, no wounds only on his shoulder, but nothing else.

"Akai, what happened, who did this to you?" I urged bubbling with extreme concern.

"Finally its destroyed…I'm forever grateful…Now I can rest in peace…"

"What?! What do you mean? Akai!!" I shook him and he smiled at me growing ever so weaker, though grateful at my success.

"I wanted you to destroy this scroll, because…It sacrificed so many people's lives and killed two people I dearly loved; now…I can finally join them…"

"No! Akai! What are you talking about? You can't die, not now!" I shouted anxiously shaking him, though I could feel he was slowly leaving.

I heard a movement behind me and spun around, Kakashi stood there looking gravely to me.

"Kakashi, he's dying! But there are no fatal wounds!"

Kakashi kneeled across of me, checking Akai. He checked the wound on his shoulder and his pulse and then he looked at me and shook his head. Horror caught me and shouted at Akai.

"Akai! Don't die! Don't give in!"

Akai raised his trembling hands and rested one my shoulder and the other on Kakashi's and he looked at us. A remarkable but weak smile crept over his face, but his eyes looked blindly at us.

"I'm sorry…I haven't told you…Actually, if you destroy the scroll than those who've absorbed its power…Will die with it..."

My heart stopped and I covered my mouth by shock and despair. Akai chuckled.

"If I had told you…You wouldn't have destroyed it and set us free…I'm forever grateful to…you and you."

"Akai! How could you? Then I wouldn't have…!" I exclaimed with frustration and my eyes began to throb.

"It's passed and it's done, nothing can be reversed…"

"But why! Why Akai…Why lie about it?"

Akai chuckled.

"Those cursed with this power, envy those who don't have the same destiny…Ronen and I are cursed with such a burden that no human would ever want to possess…the burden of being half a monster and eternally chained to its power…The Fuhei clan was bound to perish sooner or later, soon as it laid its hands on this scroll…"

I couldn't take this anymore; the tears sprang out of my eyes and cascaded down on Akai.

"You idiot! I am sure there would have been another way!...I've-I've, it's like I've driven a stake through your heart!" I exclaimed with frustration towards my actions.

I wanted to undo everything what was done to bring him back to life…After all if I hadn't destroyed the scroll, he wouldn't be dying! Akai rested his palm against my cheek and hushed me gently.

"You haven't, you simply delivered us from this pain, from this curse…Also you have delivered yourself from your demon, you have forgiven him and embraced him…You have done so much for us…I'm sure you have made Ronen the happiest man on earth…"

Even more tears streamed down my face.

"No, I've lied to him about everything…I've hurt him so much by pretending to be someone I wasn't, only to end up killing everybody!"

"…Sara…" another voice called weakly and my head spun to the source.

I saw Ronen's body stirring and I looked at Kakashi so that he could hold Akai for me.

I jumped up and ran over to Ronen, dropped on my knees and held him up. Blood flowed from his mouth, he coughed and smiled at me weakly and he placed his trembling hand against my cheek. He looked ever more handsome as before, his eyes sparkling with affection ignoring the fact that he was dying.

"Thank God, you are alive…I was so devastated when I believed that I killed you…I'm so relieved…" he uttered weakly, coughing up some blood and nearly choking on it.

I was so ashamed of myself, so angry at myself of what I did, I felt like ramming a kunai into me. I embraced Ronen tightly and cried strongly, overwhelmed by shame, anger and sorrow. I realized what monster I have become.

"I-I-I'm so sorry Ronen, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!" I sobbed shakily against his shoulder.

Ronen's trembling and weak arms climbed up my back and he returned my embrace.

"Sara, you don't need to apologize…"

"Of course I do! I've-I've betrayed your trust, pretended to be you bride-to-be, even pretended to love you! I should apologize! I've caused you so much pain and I didn't-I didn't-"

My sobs interrupted my speech. I was so overwhelmed of my crime, lying to Ronen that I loved him and leading the entire clan to its death. I never felt so guilty, so filthy and ashamed of myself. I have become such a monster!

"Please…Sara, I know you did this to deliver us from this curse, I'm not angry at you…"

I pulled back and shouted at him.

"You are angry at me! For God's sake Ronen, I've wiped out the entire clan only to destroy the scroll, I am evil, I am a monster I deserve death!"

Ronen looked at me with sorrow and then it was his turn to raise his voice.

"I am not angry at you, if I would be than I wouldn't do this."

His hand that held my head pushed me closer so that he could capture my lips. I was too surprised to react and let it happen. He pulled back leaning his forehead against mine.

"How could I get angry at you a person that I so dearly love and cherish? …You aren't a monster, but an angel that illuminated my life and gave me a purpose to live … You accepted me as a normal person regardless of my demon powers, does that make you a monster?"

The tears just streamed down, this ball of emotion stuck in my throat, prevented me from speaking any more, only my overwhelming sobs expressed my sorrow and wish that none of this ever happened.

"To see you cry for me…Shows me that I did have some importance to you and it makes me happy…"

Finally, the ball that prevented me from speaking disappeared and a wave of strong emotions burst out of my mouth, I desperately wanted to ease his pain in regardless what way.

"I'm crying because you are important to me and …I did like you a lot!" I expressed with desperation and Ronen's eyes widened in disbelief.

Before he could say a word, with my eyes shut I crushed my lips on his with such urgency that it surprised him. I didn't care that Kakashi was watching I didn't care about anything anymore! I spoke the truth from my heart and tried urgently to ease his passing-over by all means. The taste of Ronen's blood sickened me but I wanted to comfort him the last time before he leaves. My tears mingled with the taste of his blood. He responded to my kiss by kissing me back with such urgency and intensity, expressing his ever last proof of his love towards me and I accepted it with the same longing.

"I…Love…You…Sara." He said desperately, speaking during our kissing.

He pulled back, panting heavily not only from the kiss but from his weakness in health. Tears were brimming in his eyes and he caressed my face.

"I'm sorry what I did to you, I understood your anger towards me when you fought me…I've been so selfish and cold…"

"No! You acted upon feelings...We're both to blame."

Ronen then hugged me so that he could whisper something to me.

"I wish I would have met you, not as Ronen or any Fuhei member, but as a normal person that could freely and eternally express love towards you…"

He pulled back, kissed my hand gently and held it against his cheek. He was weakening by the seconds, the strength in his hand to hold mine against his cheek was decreasing and the light in his eyes slowly fading.

"Promise me…You'll be happy with …."

Ronen's hand dropped to the ground with a heavy thud and the rest of him ceased moving ever again. I placed the body carefully on the ground. His wide eyes fixed to the murky grey clouds, now showering us with thunder and lightning. I drove my hand over his eyes and closed them; the last tear rolled down his cheek and was washed away by the rain. I draped his arms over his chest and placed a kiss on my fingers and drove it over his lips. I stood up and looked at the sorrowful clouds and closed my eyes. I hope that he was going to a place, where he will be well taken care of. I felt hollow and felt rest of the world had crumbled away underneath my feet, dropping me into the dark abyss. So much anguish lingered, squeezing my heart at the reality that I've lost two precious people. I opened my eyes and noticed Kakashi had placed Akai's body beside Ronen's. I was too absorbed by the misery and depression that I kept staring in the sky, letting the rain wash away my left over tears and misery and hoped that it could wash away the sins I've committed.

I don't know how long I stood there, how long I stared at the sky, how long I let the smothering reality sink in without shedding any more tears. I looked away from the sky, turned away and walked towards the gates of the ancient Fuhei clan.

"Where are you going?" asked Kakashi, his voice sounding solemn.

I stopped in my tracks and turned my head aside to utter behind me.

"I'm getting our things."

"Sara-

-No Kakashi! I'm sick and tiered of this place and this village! I want to leave!" I interrupted Kakashi harshly and coldly.

"But-

-Kakashi! Just report to the Mizukage that it's done and send a message to the Hokage that we'll be back in a week!" I shouted with frustration, now facing a solemn Kakashi.

All of a sudden he tried to embrace me, but I dodged his attempt like it was an attack from an enemy and retorted with teeming anger.

"Keep that shitty consoling for yourself, I'm sick and tiered of this bullshit!"

Kakashi froze out of shock of my words; his eyes stared widely at me. I huffed, furiously pushing my gold locks back and glaring at him.

"I won't keep up with this shit! How long are you planning to lie to me? HUH! The Mizukage wants the entire clan executed and oh-so-great Hokage says only steal the scroll? What a joke! BOTH wanted the death of the clan! My instincts tell me that all of this is only a set-up to check if I am loyal to Konoha or not and that is why you barely took part of the mission, RIGHT?!"

Kakashi's gaze averted, showing that I was right about the mission and that he lied to me about the purpose of the mission. I groaned angrily.

"I can't believe that I killed an entire clan to get the damn scroll! Kakashi I had to kill the innocent! And for whom did I do this? For the damn leaders of some damn shinobi village! You shinobis are full of lies and exploit any person that you come across with! I've changed my mind now over the whole shinobi thing. I WON'T BECOME ONE!"

I stormed towards him, driven by anger, humiliation and shame of this whole devastating situation. I pointed an accusing finger at him.

"It is thanks to your brainless, inhumane, bloodthirsty and greedy teachings and shinobi ideals that I've become a MONSTER! A killing machine that eliminates anything that cross its path! All of you live for the sole purpose to kill! Behind all this philosophy of "will of fire" and "win respect, dignity and pride" are only lies and means to recruit clueless people to transform them into living monsters."

I panted heavily through gritted teeth, keeping my eyes fixed on Kakashi. Then I outstretched my arms to make a point.

"Kakashi! Do I look like I've got the will of fire, won respect, dignity and pride…No! I've got nothing, I won nothing! I feel ashamed, humiliated, and filthy and lost my humanity! I've got blood on my hands! For what price?! I deserve to be in the depths of hell!" I shouted one last time, and then out of emotional shock and nausea I wobbled about before I keeled to the ground and Kakashi caught me.

The tears cascaded down my face relentlessly and I sobbed intensely against Kakashi's chest.

"I've k-k-k-killed innocent people and two of them were so precious to me. How am I supposed to forgive myself ever again?" I sobbed and hiccoughed.

Kakashi held me silently, his support against my wobbly legs was of great help but the comfort which I usually felt in his arms, did not take effect on me. Instead I felt like being embraced by ice and it made me shiver. I felt sick, filthy and depressed and wished this pain could end!

All of a sudden, my heart pound, cutting the oxygen passage and causing me to retch. I pushed myself away from Kakashi, staggering across to lean against something, while clutching my chest. I heard Kakashi's muffled voice, asking with alarm if I was okay, but I stared wide eyed in front of me. I gave a groan that was forced out of me like I was being beaten. The pain came from inside my body and it affected my heart so badly that at every beat it would constrict harshly, cutting off my supply of oxygen. It felt like somebody was trying to tear my heart from both sides. Another groan was forced out of me, causing me to keel over. The final strike send like an electro shock, paralyzing me and inflicting me excruciating pain, I yelled in such pain as I never felt before in my life. The voltage assembled itself in my stomach spinning like a ball of fire burning me inside. The pain was beyond imagination, beyond the limitation of excruciating pain and as a result I passed out.