Chapter 29: The Last Boat

By Archet

Dedicated to Elf, who keeps coming back even though I'm the most unreliable person on the planet. Thanks :)


29. I will not continuously quote anyone, much less Gandalf.

The day the final boat left for Valinor was a beautiful one.

The sun had just come up, and it was shining lovingly onto the open, blue sea. The birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing, the-

"GOOOOOOD morning!" said Pippin loudly, running down the docks towards his friends. It was an important day, and he did not want a single second of his time left with Frodo to be wasted.

"What do you mean good morning?" asked Elrond snidely (he was standing nearby), "Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?"

Bilbo looked up at the elf in surprise, "Did you just quote- "

"Actually, I wasn't talking to you," stammered Pippin, "I was talking to Frodo, sir, and Sam and Merry. He is leaving today. Frodo, I mean. Not Sam and Merry. Or me. I'm Pippin" Swallowing awkwardly, the hobbit turned to his friends once again.

It was not five minutes until Gandalf himself arrived with a [well prepared] sorrow saying of his own.

"Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil."

"For even the very wise cannot see all ends," muttered Lord Celeborn under his breath, "Say, what did you hobbits ever end up doing with that rulebook I sent you, all those years ago?"

The four hobbits immediately looked guilty. "We- er- we followed it to a letter, sir," said Sam, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

Lord Celeborn looked pleased. "Good, good Samwise. It is said that he that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom."

This time, not only the hobbits exchanged glances, but the elves too. Gandalf suddenly looked as if he'd swallowed a frog. Galadriel looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Come, come," said Elrond, "It is time for you to board the ship. Do not be sad, Mr Frodo. All that we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. Your time has now come. Are you ready?"

"I think my time came a few years ago, when I destroyed the ring, Master Elrond."

Elrond stared.

Gandalf was looking back and forth between the two Lords, Celeborn and Elrond, who seemed to have spontaneously turned into cassette tapes filled with his own personal quotes.

"Er, Lord Celeborn?" he asked tentatively, "Can I ask you a question?"

"You may," said the proud elf.

"If I were to tell you that there was an troop of orcs behind you, what would you say?"

Celeborn cleared his throat. At the top of his voice, he hollered, "FLY, YOU FOOLS."

He woke up most of Lindon.

Galadriel was mortified.

Celeborn had the sense to look at least a tad forgiving before he was whisked off by their Watch. They put him in a bag and carted him off who knows where.

Galadriel continued being mortified.

Meanwhile…

"That's the last one," said Frodo, crossing off Number 29, "We've done it."

"We broke every rule?" Pippin asked, looking at the paper upside down, "Every last one?"

"Every last one," repeated Frodo, "We have succeeded."

The hobbits were uncomfortably quiet watching Frodo board the ship. Sam was crying, though he'd been crying for the last half hour already.

The atmosphere was only slightly broken when Celeborn's screams drifted through the valley, just as the boat was preparing to depart.

Galadriel had to hide her face in embarrassment. She was so glad to finally be leaving Middle Earth.

Lord Celeborn woke up in a cornfield several hours later, after having been rolled there from the Havens by some pissed off Watch elves.

There's a life tip here, guys. Don't quote Gandalf at the top of your lungs before six am.

Unfortunately, the elf lord had a rather different problem on their mind.

He had both missed the boat.

The last boat.

Well, crap.


Well, hope you liked it :)

Review and GET EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER BECAUSE RETURNING IS NOT ONLY ARCHET AND TIGGER BUT ALSO ELF AND SPECIAL GUEST TATHARWEN315

Yes. It is real. It is coming.

And it has LDC merchandise attached.

*excitedly waves and throws t-shirts at random people*