Chapter 30: Epiphanies

Wow. So, yesterday marked the one year anniversary of writing this story. :') It really feels like I just started writing this a few weeks ago. Man, it's crazy. I just want to take a moment right now to say a giant ass THANK YOU to everyone who's bothered to read/review my story, especially the ones since the very beginning. You all are amazing! (: I'd make a heart here, but FF is extremely stupid & won't let me.. grrr. -_-

Anyways, I got some very positive responses from the last chapter. [; This is my LONGEST chapter ever. Word count without author's notes: EXACTLY 4000. :O Damn. Anyways, I hope this one will meet your expectations.[: Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own TDS, Skillet, or Go Radio.

Courtney's POV (..Hehe [;)

The task I held was simple enough: go to Duncan's room to thank him for the necklace, he'd say some smart ass remark, then I would storm off and leave to go to Trent's performance. Easy enough, right? Yes, yes it was. But apparently the universe decided to screw with my mind on that moment right as I was about to knock on the door, only to find it was cracked open. Me, being the responsible CIT I was, was against snooping in on Duncan's private business...but the other gossiping teenage girl half that was taking over my senses was dying to know what he was doing. After all, if his door was somewhat open it must not be that terribly secretive, right?

I peeped the right side of my head in through the sliver of light, to see Duncan sitting on the plush couch...with a black guitar? Well that was strange.

Some imaginary bell in my head was ringing, trying to tell me something. I searched my mind for what was off about it. The guitar? The fact Duncan was actually smiling? The fact it was raining in the window behind him even though it was October?

Epiphanies seem to strike me at the oddest times.

I had seen that guitar before, I know it. I just can't remember where. Maybe it was Trent's? Or one of my uncles? He's a Les Paul fanatic after all, so it would be reasonable. I argued in my head while I scanned my memory for any signs of the guitar.

It was on the tip of my tongue but...I couldn't figure it out.

As I left my thoughts for a moment, I saw Duncan loosely wrap his right hand around the neck of the instrument, letting his other hover over the strings with a dark green pick. I backed out of the doorway, shaking my head. This picture looked all too familiar for my liking. I had seen that image before too. Where? Where? 'Come on Courtney, think,' I scolded myself.

It most definitely wasn't Trent's- the night at the beach was the only night I had seen him play and his was unpainted. A quick blush enveloped my cheeks as I remembered the events of that night, but was soon snapped out of it by a few random plucking noises, along with a few cuss words from said delinquent that was just previously in my thoughts.

The tinkering ceased for a moment or two before an unfamiliar tune started playing from his finger tips.

Duncan was strumming and plucking with his eyebrows creased in slight concentration. The melody sounded extremely off, but after a moment it started to blend together quite nicely. I was considering taking out my PDA and recording this for blackmail, but the moment I reached for my pocket I froze.

My stomach dropped to the floor, my head hurt, and I was pretty sure I stopped breathing for a moment or two.

'No. No, no, no, no, no. This just..this is not happening. This is some stupid dream that I'm temporarily stuck in and I'll wake up soon. Yeah, that's it. A dream. This is a dream.'But none of my thoughts would do that beautiful voice that was ringing in my ears justice.

"I went to bed I was thinking about you
I ain't the same since I'm living without you
All the memories are getting colder
All the things that I wanna do over"

He was singing. Duncan was singing. Duncan Evans was singing and I didn't recognize him as Duncan anymore. Now, instead of looking at a punked up teenager with a Mohawk, I'm seeing a little boy with shaggy brown hair and an innocent smile.

"I went to bed I was thinking about you
I wanna talk and laugh like we used to
When I see you in my dreams at night
It's so real but it's in my mind

And now I guess this is as good as it gets

Don't wake me 'cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me 'cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of I don't wanna wake up"

I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to react right now. Did I really not notice it all this time? All the extremely obvious clues that he might have actually purposely thrown my way...did I honestly not see them?

"I went to bed I was thinking about you
And how it felt when I finally found you
It's like a movie playing over in my head
Don't wanna look 'cause I know how it ends

All the words that I said that I wouldn't say
All the promises I made that I wouldn't break
It's last call, last song, last dance 'cause
I can't get you back, can't get a second chance

And now I guess this is as good as it gets"

I think I can truthfully say I am the biggest idiot in the world. The guy I had known since I was a child was in front of me for the past month and I never noticed. Can I get a dunce cap over here?

"Don't wake me 'cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me 'cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of I don't wanna wake up

Don't wake me we're together just you and me
Don't wake me 'cause we're happy like we used to be
I know I've gotta let you go but I don't wanna be alone

These dreams of you keep on growing stronger
It ain't a lot but it's all I have
Nothing to do but keep sleeping longer
Don't wanna stop 'cause I want you back"

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I kept chanting that phrase in my mind as I relished in the bittersweet moment. One question was ringing in my mind over and over again. What was I going to do? Confront him maybe? And if I do, what if he asks how I found out. Say 'Oh, I was standing outside your door like a creepy stalker and I heard you playing the guitar and singing,'? Yeah, no.

"Don't wake me 'cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me 'cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of I don't wanna wake up

Don't wake me we're together just you and me
Don't wake me 'cause we're happy like we used to be
I know I've gotta let You go but I don't wanna be alone

I went to bed I was thinking about you
'Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
It ain't the same since I'm living without You
'Cause I never seem to stay asleep"

My mind wouldn't stop thinking about all the horrible scenarios that this could possibly turn into. Would he hate me? Maybe he wanted to forget about being Matty for the rest of his life. Would he be happy I figured it out?

"I know I've gotta let you go but I don't wanna wake up"

And there's the other epiphany; did he remember me? My stomach dropped at the thought. He might have thought I was just some new girl in his life that he could have his way with, then move on. He might not even care enough even if he did remember.

Oh God. I think I'm going to be sick.

I stumbled the few yards back to my own dorm room and frantically tried to shove the key in the lock, missing the first few times. Once the door was opened I threw it shut and did the deadbolt. My feet seemed to have had a mind of their own since they drug me over to my bed where I complied and flopped face down in my pillow, trying to think.

As utterly cliché and stupid as it sounded, I was at a loss for words. Hell, I was at a loss for emotions. The new found information was starting to process and sink into in my mind, but it was all too much.

Duncan was playing the same guitar Matty had gotten right before he moved away. Their voices were almost identical, only Duncan's was deeper. They both spoke Italian. They both had the same color of God damned eyes. And Matty's full name was Matthew Duncan Evans.

I lifted my head slightly and sighed in frustration.

I was stupid. So. Fucking. Stupid. How could I have not noticed that before? My Adamsapple felt sore and stuck in my throat and tears welled up in my obsidian eyes for reasons unknown. Though, judging from the previous thoughts, it was because I was upset with myself. I mean, why shouldn't I be? I was an idiot, completely oblivious for well over a month. How is that even possible? I'm supposed to be smart, I was a CIT, I have a 4.6 GPA for crying out loud!

I was also left wondering two more things: Did Shelby know? And if so, how long did it take her to figure it out?

If I had just figured it out, did Shelby still not know? I mean, I had spent more time with Duncan (..Matty..whoever you want to freaking call him) than she had. So did she still not know? She wouldn't really have had time to talk to him anywa-

Suddenly, a flashback struck my brain. It was back on the first day of class when I was reunited with Shelby.

Flashback

"You two act like an old married couple," she stated.

"We do not!" we both said in unison.

"Exhibit A," she said. "Wait a second, what did you say your name was?" she asked, looking at Duncan as if she knew him from somewhere.

"Duncan Evans," he stated nervously.

"Hey! Aren't yo-"

"Shelby can I talk to you outside for a sec?"

End Flashback

Shelby was going to say 'Aren't you Matty?', wasn't she? And then I bet he explained his whole freaking story to her too when he drug her out in the hall.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

I stuck my head in the fluffy white pillow until oxygen was needed in my lungs. My breath was coming in heavy, choppy sighs so I wouldn't resort to bawling and my vision was blurred by the salty liquid. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be happy that 'Matty' was here, that he was so close to me all this time. But...I just couldn't. Duncan was Matty. Matty was Duncan. The hell? It didn't even make sense. The puzzle pieces wouldn't connect. Matty was this sweet, innocent little eight year old boy that had moved away and I'd never see again. Duncan was a juvenile punk who liked nothing more than to make my life a living hell but made up for it in weird yet sweet gestures. They weren't the same people, they couldn't be.

Now that I though about it, I wasn't only upset with myself for not realizing it, but I was mad at Duncan for not bothering to even tell me. What were his intentions? To play me like a mind game? To confuse me until my head near damn exploded? What?

Knock Knock

I let out a groan and forced the waterworks to stop for the time being. I wiped my eyes with a Kleenex to rid the smudges of mascara that I just knew were stained along my cheeks. I did a quick once-over in the mirror and saw that my eyes were bloodshot and puffy, but that was the least of my problems right now. I shook my head to get the previous thoughts away, just for a few moments at least. I reached for the door with a shaky hand and turned the knob and pulled the white painted door open.

Aaaaand, cue the almost breakdown.

Of all the damn people in the damn world, he had to be the one knocking on the damn door?

No one's POV

"Hey," was the CIT's shaky greeting, complemented by a voice crack. Her eyes were averted to the carpeted floors as she held back the barricade of salty tears that were threatening to fall once more.

Duncan's face turned into confusion and concern as he noticed, even with the brown hair partially in her face and her onyx eyes glued to the floor, she had been crying. What had she been crying over?

"You okay Princess?" Well, that wasn't a stupid question at all...

Duncan was surprised when Courtney ran over and flopped face down on her bed, leaving him standing there helplessly in the doorway. As he slowly approached her after shutting the door, he could hear the mangled sobs flowing from her mouth.

He wasn't really an expert on how to comfort crying girls, but his Ma made him watch enough chick flicks when he was younger to know the basics. Duncan sat down on the bed on her right side and slowly rubbed her back with his left hand.

"Mo mumay," Courtney mumbled into her soggy pillow.

"What?" Duncan questioned as he continued to rub her back in a soothing motion while keeping his voice quiet as to not startle her.

Courtney turned her head so that it was now facing Duncan (still not making eye contact), only to mutter a harsh "Go away." He took his hand away from her body since was taken aback by her hostility, but just brushed it off as PMS or some other confusing girl stuff he didn't bother to learn about.

"Come on babe, lighten up," he teased lightly, trying his hardest to make the water works just go away. Duncan and crying girls didn't go well.

Courtney finally made eye contact with him, glaring into his beautiful and newly familiar turquoise eyes. "Lighten up? Lighten up? Do you honestly expect me to lighten up?"

"Well maybe if you told me what the hell was wrong, I might not expect you to!" he said, now on defense. Her eyes visibly softened and turned downcast. Duncan lifted her chin with his index finger, his curious orbs meeting her glossy ones. "What's wrong?" he whispered.

"You're an asshole," she breathed just as lowly.

"Excuse me Princess?" Duncan asked, half teasing, half serious. Courtney pushed his hand away from her face while she moved and sat Indian style, facing Duncan.

"You're an asshole," she said again, at normal level this time, almost sounding emotionless. But sure enough, emotions came out as she took her arm back and punched his shoulder. Hard.

Duncan covered his shoulder with his hand out of instinct and gave her a 'What-the-fuck?' face. "Uh...ow?The hell was that for?"

"For not telling me!" she screamed. Courtney decided playing stupid with him would have done her no good, so she let her emotions flow free. Fuck being nice. A few pillows and a blue stuffed teddy bear that had 'I love you Shmoopy!' (Geoff was too cheesy for his own good) written across the front flew at Duncan's head. He immediately jumped off the bed and started backing towards the window on the far wall while trying to dodge the fluffy objects.

Courtney remembered a quote she saw once on the internet that said "Violence- If it's not solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it." She decided she quite liked that quote.

"Remind me, what exactly did I not say?" Duncan asked as he barely missed being hit in the head. Again.

"Would you just quit playing stupid Matty!"Courtney screamed at the top of her lungs. Duncan froze. His body seemed to cease all movement as he let the pillow hit him in the side of the head this time.

Hours seemed to pass as they just stood there. Duncan looked befuddled and awed, like he was a five year old and she had just told him that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy don't exist. Courtney was fuming out her ears while holding another fluffy green pillow, ready to attack if necessary. She had so much pent up emotion that she didn't even know what to do with it anymore. Throw more things? Hug him? Slap him? Question him? All of the above?

"What?" he finally whispered, still astonished and bewildered to say anything past that. She figured it out? Well yeah, that was pretty great, but...she was pissed? He really didn't know what else to do at the time. "How did you-" Duncan stopped himself in time to put the pieces together like she had done only moments earlier. She had heard him playing, hadn't she?

'Damn it, I knew I heard a someone outside the door,' he thought as he reprimanded himself. Courtney got off the bed and decided to get up in his face to make her message a little more poignant.

"I swear, you are such an asshole! First, you pretend like you never knew me and don't even bother to frigging tell me that you're Matty, you continuously insult and make jabs at me, then you go off and act like you actually like me! Giving me your sweatshirt and a necklace as a stupid little act. Seriously, how messed up is your head?" Courtney was breathing hard and glaring at Duncan at the end of her short lived tirade that was more than likely going to continue very soon.

If looks could kill, her stare would go down in history as the most malicious and suffering death any person has ever had to endure.

Slap.

"Why the fuck do you keep hitting me woman?" Duncan said in a disbelieving tone of shock with lifting his palm to his cheek. His face just screamed 'WTF?'

Though, he really couldn't say he wasn't surprised...or that he didn't deserve it. He never took in the possibility she would be upset if he never told her, but he didn't think it would actually take her anywhere nearthis long to figure out something so simple.

"Because- because you- you're just so-UGHHH!" Courtney screamed as she had an internal battle with her thoughts. She shut her eyes and clenched her tanned hands into fists, knuckles going white.

"Look, I-"

"You what?" Damn, she was loud..

"I'm...I'm sorry, okay?" he said. Before she could glare at him more for such a small apology for her mental health, he continued. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't ever think it would've taken you this long to figure it out, okay? It's just...I don't know. I thought you'd find out as soon as you saw me, not a whole month later...So there. I said it. I'm sorry, and sorry for doing that to you, so...yeah." His hand was resting on his neck, something he always did when he was anxious or nervous. Duncan was rambling, he knew that. He also knew he had to stop sounding so pleading before he said something stupid that he would regret later.

Luck. It was blind luck was when his cell phone started ringing.

"Lets leave our imprints on the sidewalk
Like our initials in the sand
And see if Tallahassee tempts you to hold my hand
Cause its just like California summers
With better warmer Florida nights-"

Duncan gulped as he reached into his pocket and checked the caller ID. Seeing it was Geoff, he hit the talk button on his Exclaim and held it to his ear, not once taking his eyes off Courtney's glaring ones. "Yo, what's up?"

Courtney wouldn't admit it, but she was rather surprised Duncan liked that same music she was into. But then again, he was a punk, and it was punk music that was blaring out of his cellphone.

"Dude, where are you? Trent's show's about to start in five minutes!"

His eyes widened. He completely forgot about Trent's performance. "Uh, dude, tell Trent I'm sorry but I'm not gonna be able to make it."

"What? Why man?"

"I've got a few priorities to attend to first. Later." Duncan didn't even give Geoff enough time to say bye before he hit the red button to end the call and shoved his phone back into his pocket. They stood in complete silence, just looking at each other. Onyx and turquoise. Anger and apprehension. Questions and answers. Pleading and nervous.

Out of nowhere, Courtney lunged at Duncan, engulfing him in a massive hug and resting her head on his shoulder. His eyes widened at the sudden affection, but he wrapped his arms around her petite figure none the less. As they stood in an embrace, he breathed in her scent of vanilla and...cinnamon maybe? Whatever it was, it was pretty addicting. The two stood like that for a few more serene moments before the brunette murmured something into his shoulder, but it was muffled by the dark fabric.

"What?" Duncan asked, obviously not hearing her. Courtney lifted her head a little bit in order to look at him better.

"You're still an asshole," she muttered with a small smile playing at her mouth. He smirked, glad that she was back to not completely hating him anymore.

"So, I supposed you'd like some answers?"

"Answers would be nice."

IMPORTANT NEWS REGARDING THIS STORY!

So, for those of you who actually like my story and are insane about it (I highly doubt there's many of you), I have some good news. I'm planning on revising all the chapters and making them less awkward sounding! :D Yay! Let's be honest here- since I was an amateur when I started on this site, my writing style completely and flat out sucked. I reread the first few chapters and actually found myself cringing at my horrible use of words. It was bad. So once I am finished with this story, I will work on that..along with many other one-shots and stories for Total Drama Island and other categories from FanFiction.[: teehee

Songs used; 'Don't Wake Me' by Skillet, and 'You Hold Your Breath, I'll Hold My Liquor' by Go Radio.

Moving on..

Come on, how many of you honestly expected Courtney to be 100% happy and cheery when she first found out? Tension was inevitable. [; And I also had my fair share of fun by letting her kick the crap out of Duncan. There were quite a few requests for that. (: Haha. I love you guys. xD

'Violence- If it's not solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.' If you can tell me where this comes from, then you get major brownie points. (: haha.

Did this chapter meet your expectations? Or did I crush all your hopes and dreams? Tell me in a review, all of you amazingly wonderful people of FanFiction. [:

And yes, I was sucking up.

Love,

xXduncanxloverXx