Chapter Twenty-Nine:
Words Get In The Way
two
of two chapters uploaded 7/8
The
Crane Cabin
"Is it good?" Theresa asked, looking at Ethan across the table. They'd sat down to eat a few minutes ago, and now she watched him anxiously as he took a bite.
"I would have to say that this is absolutely the best spaghetti I have ever had." Ethan grinned at her. "But I wish you would have let me cook. I just wanted you to take it easy."
"Ethan, my circumstances have changed quite a bit in the last few years. I always have someone cooking for me, cleaning for me, doing my laundry...I guess since we're taking a break from our every day lives, I want a break from being taken of too. Cooking for you tonight was actually rather relaxing."
"Is that so?" Ethan looked teasingly at her, then at the overflowing sink of dirty dishes. "Well, since you're feeling so domestic, I suppose cleaning the kitchen will be a dream come true for you, won't it?"
She laughed. "Let's not get crazy. Even Martha Stewart doesn't do her own dishes."
Ethan shrugged. "It was worth a try."
They ate in silence for another few minutes, then Theresa spoke again.
"How's Chad?" She asked, pushing the pasta around on her plate.
"Chad?" Ethan looked at her confused.
"Yes, Chad...as in one of your best friends and formerly one of mine, until he ripped Whitney's heart right out of her chest. You mentioned him earlier, that he gave you the CD with 'Kiss Me' on it. So you've seen him recently?" Theresa raised an eyebrow, a bit flattered by Ethan's inability to concentrate on their conversation.
"Oh yeah...sorry, I'm a bit distracted." Ethan grinned. "Yes, I saw him yesterday, actually. We had a good talk. He's taking everything pretty hard though - losing Whitney, not being able to have very much time with Miles. I feel really bad for him."
Theresa snorted. "I don't. He brought this all on himself."
Ethan looked at her. "I would have expected you to be a little more empathetic, Theresa, seeing as the same thing could have been said about you many times."
"Excuse me?" Theresa's voice rose. "I may have done a lot of things, Ethan, but Chad cheated on Whitney more times that even he can probably count. He exposed her to diseases, he lied to her, he betrayed her in the worst possible way. He had this whole secret life behind her back! How can I be sympathetic to him? He knew what he was doing was wrong!"
"Yes, I agree." Ethan's voice was tense. "But Chad has an illness...he's an addict. He wasn't able to control his actions-he needs help."
"Bull." Theresa snorted. "I believe that Chad has problems, but he could have gotten help at any time. He didn't even try. He destroyed Whitney with his lies and betrayal and I hope he loses everything."
"I don't think you mean that." Ethan stared at her. "You still care about Chad-I can't believe that you just lost all feeling for him in a heartbeat like that. And you're one to talk about secrets and lies, Theresa."
Theresa's face went white and hurt. Ethan wanted to hit himself - why had he said that? He'd just been so surprised by her vehement anger towards Chad, who'd been a friend to both of them for so many years. "Theresa, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"
"Yes, you did." Theresa said quietly. "You didn't mean to say it out loud, but it was what you're thinking. You're still upset at me, for everything I've kept from you over the years. You haven't forgiven me, have you? And you don't trust me, either."
"That's not true!" Ethan shook his head, desperately wondering how things had gotten so bad, so quickly.
"It is, Ethan! Why else would you say what you did? This is what I was afraid of! I thought, if by some miracle we ever got back together, it wouldn't last, because you turned against me years ago, and you've never really trusted me since. And I know I deserved some of that mistrust, Ethan, I do. But if you can't let it go, if you can't forgive me, or trust me, we don't have a future, do we?" She'd set down her fork by now and was looking at him with tear filled eyes.
"Theresa, please, listen to me. It's not that I haven't forgiven you, or that I don't trust you. After all, I've done plenty too, to damage our relationship. It's just that..." He hesitated.
"What, Ethan? What is it?" Theresa tried to blink the tears away, desperately wanting him to say something to make it all better, something to reassure her, because suddenly she felt so cold, and so lonely, and like the rug had been pulled out from underneath her.
"It's just that I know you're still keeping something from me, Theresa." Ethan looked at her steadily. "Something that's bothering you, something that you're having nightmares about. Something that apparently Gwen, of all people, knows about, and yet you don't feel you can share it with me. How is that supposed to make me feel? I thought you would know by now that secrets destroy relationships. Haven't you learned anything?"
He realized as soon as the words were out of his mouth that he couldn't have picked a more wrong thing to say. Theresa's face flushed angrily and she stood up. For a moment she didn't speak, not trusting her voice to stay steady. Then she took a deep breath and stared straight into his eyes.
"I have learned my lesson, Ethan. I've had my life destroyed, over and over. I may as well have been publicly flogged for everything I've ever done. I've paid, and paid, and paid! You, of all people, should know that. As far as whether I'm keeping something from you, well, what if I am, Ethan? Look at me. I'm no longer that naive young girl who was too scared to open her mouth and tell you the truth, the one who still thought you were the perfect Prince Charming who expected me to be his perfect Cinderella in return. I'm a grown woman. Has it ever occurred to you, that if I am keeping something from you, maybe I have a good reason for it? Maybe it's not out of malice, maybe it's not for a stupid, or a shallow reason. Maybe it's not only for my benefit, but the benefit of every single person that I love, including you! How dare you stand there and act like you're so much better than I am, like I don't know what I'm doing? Trust is a two way street.'
She took a shaky breath before continuing. 'You want me to feel like I can count on you-well, you know what? I don't. Because, with you, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to build me up onto a pedestal that I don't want to be on, and then disappear when you find out that I make mistakes just like anyone else. Your love, it has conditions, and I can't live up to them. Not anymore. This was a mistake. I should have never come here with you." Turning, unable to stop her tears, she ran from the table.
Ethan stood up, feeling like he'd just been slapped. 'What the hell is wrong with me?' He angrily cursed himself. 'I've been waiting for so long for this chance with her, and I just blew it. Why the hell...that's not what I meant to say! It's not what I feel! I've got to make this right.' He hurried from the table and made it to the bedroom door just as Theresa slammed it shut. He tried the doorknob but she'd already locked it.
"Theresa, listen to me, please. I didn't mean it like that! "Â He knocked on the door, calling to her. "Please, open the door! Give me a chance to explain...Theresa, please, please give me a chance!"
On the other side of the door, Theresa leaned her head against the wood, listening to his voice as tears streamed down her face. "Go away, Ethan." She sobbed. "Just...it hurts too much to try anymore. I can't stand to be let down again. Please, just go away and leave me alone!"
"Theresa!" Ethan continued knocking
for a moment, desperately pleading with her. He got no further
response. After several minutes, he finally pulled away. "Theresa..." he paused, trying to put his thoughts into
words. "Look, I'm going to give you some time alone, OK? But
I'm not giving up-I'm going to make you understand. I'm going to
make this up to you." Still, there was no response. Sighing to
himself, he turned and slowly walked across the floor, wondering how
it could have fallen apart so quickly and wondering if there was any
way to fix it. His heart felt like it was breaking all over again. Could he have been wrong? Were he and Theresa not meant to be
together after all?
--
As
Ethan's footsteps faded away, Theresa got up from where she'd been
sitting on the floor, wiping her tearstained face. She sighed, her
body feeling heavy and weighed down by an unbearable sadness. It was
all ruined...it just wasn't going to work. The dream was shattered. She and Ethan...too much had happened between them - their trust had
been broken too many times. Their relationship would never be the
magical dream it once was.
She sat down on the side of the bed, feeling exhausted. All she wanted to was sleep. Maybe in her dreams, they could be together. Maybe in her dreams, he would never judge her, or hurt her, and she would never lie to him. Maybe... always maybe. She took off the delicate bracelet she was wearing, then reached up to unclasp her necklace. She'd just get ready for bed, and maybe in the morning she'd have the strength to deal with all this.
She reached over to open the nighttable drawer, planning to store her necklace inside, then stopped. Something was already in there-a book with a red cover. Pulling it out, she looked at it curiously. 'Ten Ways to Win the Woman of Your Dreams-Dr. Love Reveals All!" She actually managed to giggle as she read the title. "This guy looks like Fabio." She muttered as she looked at the cover. "I wonder what this is doing here-is one of the Crane men having women trouble?" She opened the cover, more out of boredom and a way to distract herself then out of any real interest. "Let's just see how stupid this advice really is." She ruffled through the pages, stopping here and there to read a word or two.
"Here we go." She looked at the first how to chapter. "Let's see...Step 1: 'Compliment Her.' Hmm...I guess that's OK. Step 2: Buy Her Flowers." She paused, remembering the huge, overdone bouquet Ethan had bought for her a few months before. "Trickier than it sounds." She chuckled. "And expensive bouquets-not really the way to a woman's heart, although they are a nice gesture. What's next? 'Step Three: Be There For Her. There we go...now that's some decent advice. Let's see if this guy actually knows what he's talking about after all." She turned the page. "Step Four: Show Up Your Rival." Suddenly she froze Memories came rushing back to her...Ethan, dancing with her at Gwen's reception, telling her she looked beautiful. Again, she recalled the flowers in the hall, and then...
"The dance contest! Is this what that was all about? Did he get the idea from this book?" She looked at it in amazement. "No way! There is no way Ethan would do something as cheesy as buy a book written by what looks like some foreign male model, and follow some really bad advice to try and win me back." Still, a lingering doubt remained, and she looked behind the cover once more, looking for an indication of who the book might belong to. There was nothing.
Shrugging to herself, she started to put the book back in the drawer, but her attention was caught by something else. Reaching into the darkened space, she pulled out a day planner. "Who does this belong to?" She wondered. She opened the cover. Her eyes widened suddenly. "That handwriting...it's Ethan's! And the date he wrote ...this is right after he got back to Harmony!" She looked again at The Dr. Love book, then, taking the day planner with her, she stretched out on the bed, lying on her stomach, and began to read.
TBC Theresa is amazed by the contents of Ethan's journal. Will it change her mind about their future?
Coming
Soon
As for Ethan, he's
even more shocked than Theresa is over the discovery of the book and
journal... What is the secret behind it all?
