Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's just the way things are. Thanks for reading, I hope you have enjoyed this fanfic.
Twenty Ninth Act
All is dark in the auditorium, the seats around the stage crowded with the various members of the BLEACH community. Everyone is speaking in whispered tones, sensing that there is something different about this act.
They are right.
A single light appears to illuminate the stage, a lone figure pushing aside the curtains to take center stage. The figure is a tall brunette in her mid twenties, her demeanor solemn as she walks over to stand facing the curious men, women and other before her.
"Hello, Everyone. You must all be wondering why this is starting off so differently."
"So that's the enemy." Yachiru muttered, giving her captain a feral smile. "Picking her off will be easy as pie once we get free of these shackles."
"If we ever get free." Nemu pointed out, thinking that the lieutenant was being overly optimistic. "Given how many Disney films there are, and the fact that new ones are created every year, it is feasible to assume that she could keep us all prisoners for a very long time to come."
CQueen smiles at Nemu. "That is an excellent point, but alas, this wonderful fic of mine must now come to an end."
"You're getting our hopes up just so you can squash them, aren't you?" Aizen sneered, glaring at the brunette with blant hostility. "That's what I would do but you're under estimating all of us because we won't break that easily."
"I can see how you might think that of me but I am being honest here. Apparently the way I have been formatting this fic is in violation of the Fanfiction Net rules. I have to change the format or it will be deleted. Unfortunately there's no other way to really write this fanfic and so I'm stuck ending it now."
The room buzzes as everyone discusses this announcement.
"And so I will present the last four Disney songs and that will be it. Thank you all for being a part of my wonderful madness, I'm sorry that it couldn't continue. The first song is from 'Pete's Dragon' and it is called 'We Have A Bill of Sale'. It will feature the entire twelfth division and Captain Ukitake."
**CQueen disappears from the stage to be replaced by the Twelfth division and Captain Ukitake**
Kurotsuchi:
Ukitake, that girl is ours!
Twelfth Division:
We got a bill of sale right here
Kurotsuchi:
That says she belongs to us
Twelfth Seats:
We made her fair and square last year
And we own the little cuss
Kurotsuchi:
Look here, read the writin' that gives us a legal claim
Twelfth Division:
Oh we got a bill of sale right here
Kurotsuchi:
With dear little Nemu's name!
Ukitake:
I don't believe it
Kurotsuchi:
We got a bill of sale in hand
and lord, if you don't budge
Twelfth Seats:
We'll pick ya up right where you stand
And bring ya before the judge
Ukitake:
No Sir!
Twelfth Division:
That girl is our property
Same as the family cow
'Cause we got a bill of sale right here
And we're gonna take her now
Ukitake (Twelfth Division in Brackets):
You can't have her (gotta do her chores)
You don't love her (make her wash the doors)
All you've done (shine shoes) up to now (turn screws) is break her heart (fix the broken fuse)
You'll abuse her (she's so good at feedin 'hogs)
And just use her (feedin' us and choppin' logs)
Look out, or I'll take you apart (we'd like to see you try it)
Twelfth Division:
We got a bill of sale right here
She's ours until she dies
Ukitake:
Stay where you are - just one more move
And you'll get it between the eyes
You won't make a slave of her
Even if you connive
Twelfth Division:
Yes we will, cause we got a bill of sale right here
We got a bill of sale right here
We got a bill of sale right here, right here!
Ukitake:
You can't have her
You don't love her
All you've done up to now is break her heart
You'll abuse her
And just use her
Watch out, or I'll take you apart (we'd like to see you try it)
Twelfth Division:
We got a bill of sale right here
that says she belongs to us
Fight all ya want
Won't do no good to holler and fume and fuss
Ukitake:
Leave town, keep on goin' before I can count to five!
Kurotsuchi:
We got a bill of sale right here (I'll protect...)
Twelfth Seats:
We got a bill of sale right here (...her...as)
We got a bill of sale right here, right here! (...long as I'm...alive!)
**head bang and they return to their seats, CQueen reappearing on the stage**
"The next song has been requested a lot, and I have to say that this version of it isn't one of my best. But I couldn't end this fanfic without doing Ursula's infamous song, 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' from 'The Little Mermaid'. Yoruichi will be singing it with Ichigo, hope you like it."
**head bang and CQueen disappears once more, Yoruichi appearing onstage in her fighting attire, Ichigo dressed in his school uniform**
YORUICHI
The only way to get what you want is to become a reaper yourself.
ICHIGO
Can you do that?
YORUICHI
My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I live for.
To help unfortunate menfolk like yourself.
Poor souls with no one else to turn to.
I admit that in the past I've been a bit nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a bitch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
To this
And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And dear boy, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)
Poor unfortunate men
In pain, in need
This one longing to be tougher
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate men
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my dojo
Crying, "Help, Yoruichi, please!"
And I help them!
Yes I do
Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
Yes I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate men
Have we got a deal?
ICHIGO
If I become a reaper, I'll never be with my father or sisters again.
YORUICHI
But you'll have your power, heh heh. Life's full of tough choices, isn't it? Heh heh.
Oh, and there is one more thing.
We haven't discussed the subject of payment.
ICHIGO
But I don't have-
YORUICHI
I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle!
What I want from you is - your voice.
ICHIGO
But without my voice, how can I-
YORUICHI
You'll have your looks, your pretty face.
And don't underestimate the importance of body language, ha!
The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a guy who gossips is a bore!
Yes on land it's much preferred for fighters not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle babble for?
Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they duel and strike and fawn
On a man who's withdrawn
It's he who holds his tongue who get's ahead
Come on you poor unfortunate men
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice!
You poor unfortunate man
It's sad but true
If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll
Omaeda, Soifon, now I've got him, boys
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate man
Beluga sevruga
Come winds of the Caspian Sea
Larengix glaucitis
Et max laryngitis
La voce to me
Now, sing!
ICHIGO
Aah...
YORUICHI:
Keep singing!
**head bang from offstage and the two leave the stage to reappear in their seats**
"Well that was fun." Yoruichi smiled, waving at the writer who had returned to the stage. "Thanks for casting me for all the awesome, villain songs."
Laughing, CQueen waved back. "Glad you liked them so much. The next song is very much a villain song as well, though Aizen will be taking the role as it suits him so well. I hope you all enjoy having him and the Arrancars sing 'Out There' from 'The Hunchback of Notre Dome'."
**The latest victims appear onstage in their uniforms**
Aizen
The world is cruel
The world is wicked
It's I alone whom you can trust in this whole city
I am your only friend
I who keep you, teach you, feed you, dress you
I who look upon you without fear
How can I protect you all, unless you
Always stay in here
Away in here
Remember what I taught you, Arrancars
You are deformed
Arrancars
We are deformed
Aizen
And you are ugly
Arrancars
And we are ugly
Aizen
And these are crimes
For which the world
Shows little pity
You do not comprehend
Arrancars
You are our one defender
Aizen
Out there they'll revile you
As a monster
Arrancars
We are monsters
Aizen
Out there they will hate
And scorn and jeer
Arrancars
Only a monster
Aizen
Why invite their calumny
And consternation?
Stay in here
Be faithful to me
Arrancars
We're faithful
Aizen
Grateful to me
Arrancars
We're grateful
Aizen
Do as I say, obey
And stay in here
Arrancars
We'll stay in here
Ulquiorra:
Safe behind these windows and these parapets of stone
Gazing at the people down below me
All my life I watch them as I hide up here alone
Hungry for the histories they show me
All my life I memorize their faces
Knowing them as they will never know me
All my life I wonder how it feels to pass a day
Not above them
But part of them
And out there
Living in the sun
Give me one day out there
All I ask is one
To hold forever
Out there
Where they all live unaware
What I'd give
What I'd dare
Just to live one day out there
Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives
Through the roofs and gables I can see them
Ev'ry day they shout and scold and go about their lives
Heedless of the gift it is to be them
If I was in their skin
I'd treasure ev'ry instant
Out there
Strolling by the Seine
Taste a morning out there
Like ordinary men
Who freely walk about there
Just one day and then
I swear I'll be content
With my share
Won't resent
Won't despair
Old and bent
I won't care
I'll have spent
One day
Out there
**all characters return to their seats. The stage becoming lit by only a single spot light**
Standing in the spotlight CQueen sighs, looking out at the characters who'd she'd enjoyed tormenting so much for years. It was all coming to a bittersweet end. "I hope you all enjoyed the three songs you've just heard rewritten and than you'll like the forth and final song just as much. This song is actually not a Disney movie, but I decided I could use it for my last song since it was produced by a company owned by Disney. Thank you all for sticking with this fanfic for so long, I loved to hear your suggestions and reviews. Members of the BLEACH community, I'd say no hard feelings but I know there are plenty. So to everyone, I bid you a fond adieu. The last song will be 'Thanks For All The Fish' from 'A Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy'."
**All BLEACH characters appear onstage dressed as dolphins**
Male Cast:
So long and thanks for all the reviews
So sad that it should come to this
We tried to warn you all but oh dear?
You may not share our intellect
Which might explain your disrespect
For all the natural wonders that
grow around you
So long, so long and thanks
for all the reviews
Female Cast:
The writer's about to be destroyed
There's no point getting all annoyed
All Members:
Lie back and let the scene dissolve
Despite those fanfic sheets
We thought that most of you were sweet
Especially tiny tots and your
pregnant women
Male Members:
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
Female Members:
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long and thanks
for all the reviews
Yoruichi:
If I had just one last wish
I would like a tasty fish
Unohana:
If we could just change one thing
We would all have learnt to sing
All Members
Come one and all
Man and reaper
Side by side in life's great gene pool
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long and thanks
for all the reviews!
**BLEACH members burst through the curtains to go find the writer and kill her**
THE END
