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"You should know by now, you were on my list." - My List by The Killers


Chapter 28: Waking Up

Selene and Harry were finally let out of the Hospital Wing early the next week, before anyone had the chance to ambush them.

Carrying the bag of Galleons, partially hidden behind his robe, Harry had the air of someone who was just doing his job, rather like Snape in fact. "Are you sur-" He began, but Selene shook her head as soon as he got the beginning of the phrase out.

"No, Harry, it's yours." She insisted, biting her lip and glancing out one of the windows they passed. "Is your leg better yet? You're limping slightly."

Harry looked in astonishment at his leg, seemingly unaware that he had been limping until that very second. "I'm fine." He nodded, walking properly. "Just habit, I guess. Great Hall then? Might as well get this over with."

"You're the gallant hero Harry; I'm just the girl who had a suit of armour fall on her unexpectedly, even if it was rigged by the Death Eater. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time; I had my five minutes of fame when I rescued Gabrielle."

They didn't speak as they progressed down several floors, each of them pausing every once in a while to look out of windows compulsively, for no reason whatsoever. Everyone else was in the Great Hall, and the corridors were silent.

"Are you going back to your parents over the summer?" Harry asked Selene suddenly, looking down at his shoes. "After the Howler, and Fred, and us…?"

"I have no idea." Selene admitted, her hand instinctively reaching for the pocket where the letter was. "I don't think I have any other choice, I have so much I need to tell Draco that he will only listen to if there is absolutely no chance of his friends being able to listen in, and then I want to try and convince Father of… certain things."

"He was there." Harry blurted. "The night Voldemort returned, your father was there. He's a Death Eater Selene, how could you want to go back to a place where you have to live with a Death Eater?"

She stopped in the middle of a step, turning to the window and exhaling gently. "You think I didn't know that?" Selene asked quietly. "There are things I will never tell anyone Harry, if you saw my father t-t-that night, then you know how terrifying he can be. He rules with terror Harry. I have to go back, for reasons that are few and far between, mainly because I have no other option. If I don't… If I didn't then I am basically saying goodbye to everything I'd miss."

"YOU DO HAVE OTHER OPTIONS!" Harry yelled, his temper snapping. "I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO GO TO MY AUNT AND UNCLES EVERY SINGLE BLOODY SUMMER! YOU MET MRS WEASLEY; SHE'D PROBABLY ADOPT YOU IF GIVEN THE CHANCE! ME, I'M STUCK WITH MUGGLES!"

The words hung in the air for a long time, creating a gap between the two of them in a nanosecond. Harry shook his head, plopping the bag of money into his robe pocket with a resounding thud.

Selene was about to tell him what she had realised, she had the words ready on the tip of her tongue, but they wouldn't flow, what she recited in her mind sounded like garbled nonsense. So she exhaled again, turning back to the window and its view over the grounds.

"I'm sorry." Harry muttered. "I shouldn't have said that. It's Draco, isn't it? I expect I'd feel the same way if I had a younger sibling."

"No, it's me who should be sorry." Selene turned round to face him again. "I have a knack for ignoring the privileges I've been given in life, even if they're right in front of my face. And I wanted to say thank you too. Cedric-" Her breath caught in her throat. "-Cedric always spoke highly of you Harry, he liked you a lot. I can understand what you are feeling right now, and it's best to think of the good things rather than the bad."

They were nearing the Great Hall now, and the chattering noise grew louder and louder as Harry and Selene approached. "How do you understand?" Was the final query, so quiet that it would hardly have been audible in perfect silence.

"I can see Thestrals."

Harry gave Selene a curious look, before he stepped into the Great Hall, one pace in front of Selene exactly.

The chattering ceased abruptly as the entirety of Hogwarts turned to look at the two very different people standing awkwardly in the unnamed gap between the Great Hall and the Entrance Hall. Harry shifted from one foot to the other gingerly, gazing over at the Gryffindor table to look at Ron and Hermione, while Selene simply stared at the floor, ignoring the stares that seemed to be emerging from everywhere.

Someone started to clap, and Selene looked up abruptly. Fred and George, Ron and Hermione had wordlessly broken the awkward atmosphere, and the clapping was quickly picked up by the rest of the Gryffindors, then the Ravenclaws, then the Hufflepuffs. Fleur got up from the Ravenclaw table and launched herself at Selene, tears pouring down her perfect face as she compulsively asked whether Selene was okay, over and over again. Hermione copied this, but decided to focus her efforts on Harry, who clumsily patted her on the back as she berated him in as many different ways as she could manage.

It seemed as if only Cho and a few of the oldest Hufflepuffs were unwilling to celebrate too much, Cho was tracing a pattern in the oak table and the Hufflepuffs were on the verge of glaring at Harry.

But apart from those few, Harry and Selene were swamped by people who simply refused to listen to Selene's insistence that she only had a suit of armour fall on her. Harry was clapped on the back by Roger Davies and Selene was being squealed at by Gryffindor fourth years that she vaguely remembered as being called Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil.

Ron gave Harry a grin and a 'man hug', then turning to Selene and blushing crimson before giving her the briefest of hugs known to Wizarding history.

"Give them space now, give them space." The brisk, stern voice of Professor McGonagall cut through their midst, and the students hastily went back to their tables, giving the 'heros' parting waves or hugs. "Mr Potter, I am pleased to see that you are feeling better."

"Thanks Professor." Harry grinned up at his head of house.

She gave him a tight-lipped smile in return. "And Miss Malfoy, it's good to see you back among us once again. I have set you catch up homework, as with you Mr Potter, and I expect it on my desk by Monday."

"Seriously Professor?" Fred cut in there sarcastically, grimacing for England. "Homework? Harry just won the Triwizard Tournament Miss, give him a break."

"Mr Weasley, I don't remember ever seeing your Transfiguration homework when I was marking them last night, when I was marking them." Professor McGonagall pointed out.

Fred shrugged. "I was busy."

Selene had to cover her mouth with the back of her hand to stop herself for giggling insanely, compromising with a cough instead. Fred shot her a flirty wink that made her laughter die down abruptly and be replaced with slight terror – what was he up to now?

Professor McGonagall shook her head and made her way back up to the staff table, and Professor Flitwick rapidly took her place in front of Harry and Selene. "Miss Malfoy! How are you my dear girl? I was sorry to hear of your accident. I hope you've been keeping well, anyways?"

"I'm fine thank you Professor Flitwick." Selene smiled.

"And Mr Potter, of course, congratulations are in order I think! Well, I simply must be going. Mr Weasley, do remember to give your wand that extra jab when attempting that colour changing charm!"

"What are you doing Fred?" Selene asked, as soon as Professor Flitwick had disappeared. "What are you doing? You must be doing something, you've gone all quiet and… calculating."

"This." Fred grinned at Harry and winked at Selene, before he grabbed her around the waist and pressed his lips to hers.

Instantly, the Great Hall went deadly silent again, but Selene hardly noticed as he moved her hand, one by one, to his shoulders, before winding his arms around her waist.

It lasted for mere seconds before they had to come up for air, but by the look on everyone's faces they might have been snogging all over the floor. Selene buried her incredibly red face in her hands, ignoring the wolf-whistles sent her way from Lee Jordan and Seamus Finnegan. No one, not anyone, had ever seen anything of that type happen in broad daylight, in the Great Hall no less.

"That was worth waiting for, wasn't it?" Fred whispered to her with an evil grin. "I have no shame, my beautiful Ravenclaw, but it appears that you do."

"I hate you." Selene muttered under her breath. "I bloody hate you."

Selene couldn't look at anyone as she walked over to the Ravenclaw table and sat down next to Cho, wordlessly putting food onto her plate as the conversation welled up again. She could still feel the stares penetrating the back of her skull as she fixated on her food.

"You really don't know when to stop, do you?" Cho growled, still tracing the patterns in the table. "You don't ever stop to think about what other people feel, do you? He's dead Selene, and all you can do is go and snog your boyfriend in the middle of the Great Hall to make a scene."

Looking up instantly, Selene shook her head. "I-I didn't, you know I'd never do that! Of course I stop to think Cho."

"You don't get it though!" Cho gritted her teeth. "You never got it, all that girly stuff. Then you meet your 'best friend' again, you make new ones, and you get a boyfriend who is about as good for you as ice cream, and you shove me aside."

"I never shoved you aside Cho." Selene protested. "I never did. And Fred…"

"Oh yes, you love him don't you!" Cho said; venom in her voice. "So you'll put up with all his bullshit, all his crap. You'll leave any chance of piecing your family together for him. You'll get a fucking suit of armour dropped on you because you won't see that he's making you a worse person. I'm done with all this shit Selene, you'd better realise that."

She gave Selene one last murderous look, before standing up and publically moving to sit next to Marietta, who glared at Selene with a passion before eagerly beginning to talk to Cho.

"I thought that was romantic." Luna dreamily sat down next to Selene, looking straight ahead like there was an interesting Blibbering Humdinger on the horizon.

"Okay." Selene nodded, having learned to never question any of Luna's theories, and still consumed with Cho's monologue. "If you say so Luna, but I- I don't think Cho feels the same way."

Luna looked down the table to where Cho was discussing something over a bowl of pasta. "Give her time. She's still upset."

"Why does everyone think I've done something special Luna?" Selene asked, setting down her fork and turning to the dreamy girl beside her. "A suit of armour fell on me, that's all. I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Giving Selene a misty smile, Luna patted her on the shoulder a little like Professor Trelawney does. "That's because you are special."

Remember that friendship sometimes means more than gold, my dear.

"Of course!" Selene face palmed. "How could I be so stupid? She didn't mean gold in general, she meant the Triwizard gold! And friendship, that has to have meant Cho, right? And Harry, and Ron, and everyone I'm friends with."

Luna nodded dreamily. "I wondered how long it would be before you stopped looking at the bigger picture. It's good to, of course, but occasionally you have to look at the tiny details. I think what Professor Trelawney meant was that there was a way to stay friends with Cho. I'm not sure though, you might have to ask her…"

"How do you know?" Selene blinked at Luna. "I… I didn't tell anyone about that."

Shaking her head, Luna smiled. "You can't hide from fate. Professor Trelawney told me, I do like her an awful lot you know."

Normal P.O.V.

Fred sat down in his usual spot between George and Lee on the Gryffindor table, mock bowing at all the people who were unashamedly staring at him. "Thank you, thank you." He said in a low voice for the comedic pleasure of his fellow Gryffindors. "Please refrain from taking photos, my, my, I'm much too famous nowadays."

"My, my, do you have an overlarge ego." Ginny quipped with a sarcastic smile. "Please refrain from snogging your girlfriend in full view of the Great Hall; it makes some of us queasy."

"One day Ginny, you just wait." Fred shook his head, high-fiving Lee. "I told you mate, I would do that. Give them all something to gossip about that isn't just the Third Task."

"You know." Ron whispered to Harry in an undertone. "If I ever do that, you have permission to hex me."

Harry managed a grin, but it was fake. His mind was still dwelling on the thousand galleons held in his pocket and Cedric's last words. How Selene could be so cheerful after experiences like that, he would never know. Then again, she wasn't in the maze that night, her problem was simply her notorious surname. And she had the person that would never stop joking as a boyfriend, and if their little scene was any indication they had gone from strength to strength. He stabbed his pasta moodily, glancing up at the Top Table as he did.

Professor Dumbledore nodded at him, giving Harry a sombre smile before he stood up and spread his arms wide. "Students, teachers, I am standing up here today to let you know of a most heinous crime and it's cause."

Over on the Ravenclaw table, Cho's eyes were sparkling with tears and Selene was staring down at her hands, both of them surprisingly not even close to one another. The Hall quietened instantly; everyone knew exactly the topic that their Headmaster was on about.

"Cedric Diggory; lost his life on the night of the Third Task." Professor Dumbledore continued; his voice hollow. "He was much liked by everyone that knew him, and he was known to all as a hardworking student and a good friend. His death was a tragedy, but it was not an accident."

Harry held his breath, knowing that this was the moment. "You see, Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort." Many shuddered at the use of his name. An uneasy chill rang out through the hall, turning the atmosphere cold and unpleasant. "The Ministry does not wish me to tell you this, but I have decided that it is better if you know the truth."

Not many people believed Dumbledore, or Harry for that matter. Seamus kept giving Harry shifty looks; Lavender couldn't tear her eyes from a loose thread on her robes. But even Lily was silent, in the memory of Cedric and his bravery.

No one could bring themselves to speak in the common room that night. The twins didn't crack any jokes, Lily didn't have any shouting matches or sarcastic comments to add. Harry stared into the fire, thinking of the way Sirius's head had appeared there so long ago. So much had happened since then, so much had happened this year.

Bad things; and good things. Cedric was gone, and Harry's nightmares certainly weren't. They had just increased.

But the good counteracts the bad, even if he could only think of one thing to go in that pile, even if he dug deep.

He couldn't see himself at the Dursley's now, even if there was one more person to send him letters this year. When Voldemort was back, when Wormtail was with him, Harry couldn't stay quietly with his aunt and uncle. Too much was at stake.

Selene's P.O.V.

"Cho, please, li-"

Cho slammed the door behind her, leaving Selene standing there, tears running down her face and obscuring her vision.

"Listen to me…" She finished quietly, sitting down on the end of her bed and brushing the tears away. The day was warm, in typical June fashion. The sky was Selene's favourite shade of light blue, with no clouds drifting over its canvas. When her mood was grey, the weather always seemed to be the opposite.

Naturally, now she was alone, the niggling sensation returned again. Indecision. If she told him, he might reconsider everything about her again; go back to seeing her as a pureblood bigot. He might hate her for it. It was her fault, of course, all of this mess. If she had just let things be, followed the path her parents had set her on, then she wouldn't be deliberating this when her mind should be focused on regaining her life.

Underneath, was she just a pureblood bigot? Her parents wanted her to be just like them, just like Draco on all the levels she could manage and then some. Does your childhood make you who you are?

If that's true, then why was she sitting on her bed, mourning the loss of a friendship that was broken by a stupid gesture? Shouldn't she be off courting Theodore Nott, taking dancing lessons and wearing huge amounts of makeup?

Why couldn't she have a normal, simple, loving family? Mrs Weasley had been so very kind that night, amazingly so. To a girl she had only heard about since then, a girl that was the daughter of two of the Weasley's greatest enemies; that had to despise her for Ginny's encounter with Lord Voldemort. She had everything they didn't, money, status.

Selene could use a billion words to describe everything that had happened to her in a single year: crazy, strange, mad, stupid, unimaginable. Before this year, Harry Potter was simply a legend, and the star of all the convoluted stories Draco would concoct daily. Ron Weasley was the youngest son of her father's greatest enemy. Hermione Granger was the girl Professor Flitwick would rave about whenever someone did a spell wrong. And the twins were simply the ones that were heroes to everyone.

Now Harry was the person she could identify with, Ron was a tactless idiot with a kind heart, Hermione was her close friend and fellow S.P.E.W. conspirator, George was her brother in every way but blood, and Fred was still his egoistic, maddening, sweet self.

Sacrificing Draco? That wasn't possibly the best decision Selene could have made. Cho was right; she had given him up, her family up for her own selfishness.

She was selfish.

"Malfoy, Selene!"

I step forward on shaky legs, a new-born foal, ignoring the stares and whispers I collect. She's a Slytherin, for sure. That's the repeated phrase, the mantra of this crowd. Draco was sure, he was green and silver striped, but every step I took closer made me more unsure of my fate.

Terror overcomes me on the penultimate stride, and I almost break down before I even hear my verdict. But no, I keep walking, pushing on like a good, pureblood, Slytherin Malfoy.

The stool is made of willow wood; it is the same shade and colour as the wand in my pocket. Mr Ollivander gave me that wand three years ago, telling me that it would only work if I believed it would. It was the wand of a powerful witch or wizard, he said, and that I should be proud that it had chosen me over anyone else. I just had to believe.

Belief; that was all I could think about right now. Belief that I would be a Slytherin, belief that I would become the girl I was supposed to become. Mother always says that belief is the best friend when everything else was gone, a fact that she knows better than anyone.

Professor McGonagall drops the hat onto my head, and it flops down over my face instantly. I may be bigger than the rest, but I am still tiny compared to some. And I am grateful, the stares are a big enough cross to bare without having to meet them.

"Interesting." The Hat speaks inside my head, and I tense up instantly. "Very interesting. You are quite the enigma."

"What do you mean?" I ask it, my curiosity peaking before I can shove it down. No, no, that was wrong, a lady does not ask questions unbecoming of her. Maybe I should have stayed in France, at least Mother would be proud of me there.

"Not afraid of knowing more about what make you tick, I see." The Hat chuckles to itself. "A Ravenclaw attribute. But then I see great loyalty, kindness and inner strength. Hufflepuff traits. And then courage, for Gryffindor. A small amount of cunning, but not enough to make you a convincing Slytherin."

"I have to be a Slytherin!" I plead, feeling my muscles tense up as I take this in. "It is what is expected. All our family have been Slytherin, for centuries."

"You would not fit in Slytherin." The Hat persists. "You will become a great witch, capable of amazing things, as long as you are not in Slytherin. I see Gryffindor would be an excellent choice, but your lack of self-confidence and belief would make that path redundant. I apologise my dear, but I simply cannot place you in Slytherin."

"RAVENCLAW!" The Hat yells this last word aloud to the room, and I choke back a helpless sob. This cannot be happening. What else can I do now?

The Hall has burst into expected applause, punctuated by whispers nonetheless. I stand up, leaving the Hat on the willow stool and take my first steps towards the table that seem to catcalling the loudest.

Even though the Hat's words hang in my mind, I cannot help but feel selfish as I refuse to look at the Slytherins, and Draco.

She had always been selfish; she had given up Draco for the first time when she was sorted into Ravenclaw. Selene could barely meet his eyes for weeks afterwards, especially when her parents sent her all of those letters demanding for a resort.

They weren't Howlers, not quite yet.

And then she had so publically supported Gryffindor over Slytherin all those times, the Quidditch matches to begin with, then sending a card to Harry Potter when Lockhart put him in the Hospital Wing.

Being friends with muggle-borns, tutoring them in Charms when other people were readily available, reprimanding Draco when he pretended to be Slytherin's heir, because the petrifications of all those people were not something to boast about.

And this year, first becoming good friends with George Weasley, then being friends with Hermione Granger, then helping half-breeds and Harry Potter in the Triwizard Tournament, accompanying a Blood Traitor to the Yule Ball, drawing attention to herself during the Second Task, dating Fred Weasley, the Howler, the suit of armour.

And then being snogged in front of the entire school by Fred.

What Harry didn't understand, what everyone would never understand, was that Selene had to go home that summer. If only for long enough to speak to her parents face to face, then at least she would get her point across.

There were a thousand different things she could do now. But which one?

Dear Mother,

I hope you understand why I am writing to you with such a short time to go before the summer, but I am afraid that this could not wait.

You told me at a young age about your courtship and eventual marriage to my father, and I remember enough of it to know that you found the man you love at only fifteen. You were a special case, as you told me, and meeting Father was simply a coincidence, as he was to marry Aunt Bellatrix at the time.

The reason I have opened this letter with this recollection is in a hope to sway your opinion on my choices this far in life.

Love is a word with only four letters Mother, but it holds many different connotations. The love I feel for you, Father and Draco for one, the love I feel for books for another, the love I have for my friends is a third.

But up until now, I have never felt the type of love you described to me when I was a child. Love is unconditional, it's unpredictable and it can also be amazing. It's infuriating too, and crazy and strange. It crept up on me for months, then it slapped me right in the face.

What I am trying to say Mother, is that I cannot help who I have fallen in love with. You can't blame me, or him, or yourself. It's simply a coincidence.

I know that it is your dream to see me walk down the aisle at eighteen, on the arm of Father, walking towards Theodore Nott. All my life though, my dreams have come second-best.

For once, I know what I would see if I looked into the Mirror of Erised. I want a family, not just a patchwork one with different pieces sewn in with a futile hope of making it work. I want banter over the dinner table, arguments conducted in daylight, ghouls in the attic and chickens in the back yard.

Fred is amazing. I love him, more than I thought ever possible in life. He makes me better. I make him better too, as he insists. But it's unconditional, and nothing would ever make me stop loving him. My biggest regret is that I was too stubborn to look for him before. He was always there, in the background, waiting in the wings, but never here.

His twin brother, George, is like my brother. He teases me mercilessly, makes me do his homework for him, laughs at my clumsiness and would never let me down. I owe him my life, both metaphorically and figuratively.

So, what I am trying to say, is that I love someone you disapprove of in the extreme, but I love him. I know I have never been the perfect pureblood daughter you deserve, who would lay down her happiness in a heartbeat, but I am still your daughter.

Please consider what I have told you when you come to make your final decision.

Your loving daughter,

Selene Narcissa Malfoy