Chapter 4.1: The King's Photographer

Waluigi and the gang stood on the edge of the ferry as they neared Kong island. As the ferry docked, they heard someone calling up at them.

"Are you guys the ones known as Team Waluigi."

Alboort looked down at the elderly ape on the dock. "That depends. Are you Cranky Kong, our benefactor?"

The old ape nodded, stroking his beard. "Come on down, and let me get a look at you all."

Alboort nodded. He turned to Waluigi. "Get the van ready."

Waluigi smiled and ran to his enhanced van. The rest of the gang followed him into the van. When they were all seated, he pounded on the gas, and the van flew off the ramp on the back of the ferry. They crunched into the sand of the beach.

Cranky Kong growled as he approached the van. "I realize you guys aren't locals, but the least you could do is not act crazy!"

Waluigi stepped out of the van. "Hey, it's not like Waluigi smashed into any of your trees or anything."

Cranky Kong waved his cane around. "That doesn't matter. We can't just have you mucking up our sands with that machine."

Alboort flew out of the back of the van. "Well, I certainly apologize about this. I guess I forgot that there isn't a great deal of technology here in Kong Country."

Cranky Kong stabbed his cane into the ground. "Well, we have enough technology on the island. I just don't want you destroying any our nicer spots." He pulled on his beard. "But what about the rest of this team. You have to realize that the Kremling Krew is a pretty powerful gang."

Waluigi banged on the side of the van. "Okay, people, time to say hello to the old monkey."

Ashley opened her door in the front and stepped out of the van, Red perched on her shoulder. "Well, this certainly is a sunny place." She placed her hand over her eyes. "I hate it already."

Cranky Kong huffed. "Why, I never."

Alboort held his hands up defensively. "Please excuse her. You have to realize that, as thieves, we don't necessarily get our staff from the heights of society."

"Who doesn't come from the heights of society?" Wendy swaggered her way out of the back of the van. "I happen to be a princess, thank you."

Cranky Kong jumped back. "What is blazes!"

Iggy, Ludwig, and Roy followed their sister out of the van.

Cranky Kong pointed at the four Koopalings with his cane. "What are the lot of you trying to pull?"

Toadsworth hopped out of the back of the van. He walked up to Cranky Kong, pointing at the Koopalings with his staff. "They, my good man, are Koopas. They come from a mountainous region of fire and grasslands. I doubt that they have any relations to your Kremlings," he tapped the ground a couple times, "seeing how this region is more jungle and water."

Cranky Kong gave a wary look at the Koopalings. "Very well. Kremling, Koopa, or whatever, I suppose that they are part of your team." He stroked his beard. "Anyways, you accommodations are this way. You can stay there during your visit."

Waluigi hopped into his van. "Okay. Waluigi will just park this somewhere in the jungle. He doesn't want anybody to find it."

Alboort nodded. "Sounds good, but don't take too long. You have..."

Waluigi waved the rest of the statement away. "Waluigi knows. He has to do reconnaissance tonight."

Alboort adjusted his glasses. "Actually, you need to do your reconnaissance today."

Waluigi sighed crisply. "Fine." He stepped on the gas and sped down an open path in the jungle.

---

Later that day, Waluigi stepped out of a bamboo shack. He pulled out his Thieftech and flipped it open. "Okay, Alboort, why is Waluigi going out in the middle of the day? Won't he be seen?"

Alboort tapped a couple of keys. "Simple, there's not enough light around here at night. I could install a flash into your Thieftech, but it would kind of stand out in such a low-tech area as this." He waved one of his hands furiously. "Seriously, I'm working with electricity from a bamboo hydroelectricity mill here."

Waluigi looked down over the side of the porch to the jungle floor. "Well, that's all fine and dandy, but Waluigi isn't all that interested in hiking out in the open." He paused and bit his cheek. "And by that, Waluigi means walking around in an environment he's not used to with enemies that walk around this place."

Alboort adjusted his glasses. "Ah, right. I was meaning to talk to you about that." He quickly tapped a couple keys and surveyed his computer screen. "You see, like with Wario, we want King K. Rool to know you're there."

Waluigi's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "What!" He pointed at his Thieftech's screen. "Waluigi admits that he had a few buddy-buddy moments with that chunk of alligator lard during baseball tournaments, but King K. Rool isn't exactly one to remember who his friends are."

Alboort nodded. "I was pretty sure of that, so let me explain. I didn't mean you as in you. Check your pack."

Waluigi pulled off his pack and fished around in it. He soon pulled out a purple Kritter costume. He raised an eyebrow. "What the heck is this?"

"It's a Kritter." Alboort clicked a couple times on his mouse. "I think you'll remember them from several baseball and soccer tournaments."

Waluigi flipped the costume around in his hands a couple times. "Well, yeah, but what is Waluigi supposed to do with it."

Alboort sighed. "Well, put it on, and I'll tell you."

Waluigi grumbled as he put the costume on. In his reptilian form, he growled as he stretched his legs. "Why are these guys' legs get so short? It makes Waluigi uncomfortable."

"Well, I admit that you can't kick as well as normal." Alboort tapped a couple of keys. "But it's more your height and should allow freer movement than your other two costumes."

Kritter Waluigi looked around. "Well, Waluigi supposes that's true."

Alboort frowned. "Now, before I tell you your mission, I need to make one thing clear. You need to talk in the first person! I know you can do it."

Kritter Waluigi jumped. "Well, sure. But does Waluigi have to?"

Alboort nodded. "It's essential. You need to play the part of a common worker. You can't go in there sounding all self-righteous. Besides, King K. Rool, on the off chance, might recognize your name."

Kritter Waluigi tapped the end of his snout for a moment. "Well, Wal- I mean, I guess I could."

Alboort nodded. "Good job. Now, we need you to get a quick job as the royal photographer. Just head over to King K. Rool's castle, and it should be easy to figure out from there on."

"All right. I-I'm going to see the king." Kritter Waluigi flipped his Thieftech shut and stuck it in his shorts pocket. He walked over to the ladder and slid down it.

After several minutes of walking, Kritter Waluigi found himself in front of a pair of massive gold doors with a Kritter head on each one. He grinned and walked up to the doors.

A Blue Kritter was slumped against the doors. He looked up and saw Kritter Waluigi. He stood up slowly and pointed at the fake Purple Kritter. "Yo! You! What do you want with the king?"

Kritter Waluigi jumped and stared at the Blue Kritter. He pulled out his Thieftech and held it out. "Hey, I just came from the sports arenas from the main land. I wanted to talk to the king about getting some pictures for an article."

The Blue Kritter held his chin. "A photographer, huh?" He scratched his chin a bit. "Tell ya what. You go snap a couple o' pics of me pals 'round these parts, and I'll tell ya what I think o' that."

Kritter Waluigi grinned. "Easy enough." He held his Thieftech up and waved it around. "Who are these pals of yours?"

The Blue Kritter crossed his arms and grinned. "Easy. They usually hang around the castle. One's a Red Kritter, and the other two are Brown and Green. Ya shouldn't have any problems finding them."

Kritter Waluigi turned around. "Very well. Keep the doors unlocked."

The Blue Kritter snickered. "We'll see about that."

Well, it didn't take much walking before Kritter Waluigi saw a Red Kritter. He ran ahead and grabbed the Kritter's shoulder.

"Hey!" The Red Kritter turned around and snarled. "Whatsamatta wit' youse? Youse some kind of crazy or somethin'?"

Kritter Waluigi backed up a bit. "Woah. Calm down a minute." He held up his Thieftech. "I just want to get a picture."

The Red Kritter snorted. "A picture, huh?" He pushed Kritter Waluigi back and flexed his arms. "Why didn't youse just say so? I'm always ready to get a picture taken."

Kritter Waluigi grinned. "Very well." He stepped back a couple times and held his Thieftech. He took a minute to focus and took the picture. "Hey. That's great. Did you just shed or something?"

The Red Kritter laughed. "Youse could tell, huh?" He turned his back and flexed some more. Yep, just three days ago. The new high gloss suits me, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. Sure thing." Kritter Waluigi flipped his Thieftech along his fingers. "Say, do you know where I can find a Green Kritter around here?"

The Red Kritter turned to Kritter Waluigi and grinned. "Oh, you must mean Joe." He pointed into the jungle. "Yeah. Joe should be out there a bit."

Kritter Waluigi nodded and walked into the jungle. Not long after, he nearly bumped noses with a Green Kritter.

The Green Kritter fell back a bit. "Hey, watch where you're going, wise guy!" He pointed to the path. "I'm walking here!"

Kritter Waluigi pointed at the Green Kritter. "Say, are you Joe?"

The Green Kritter frowned. "Of course I'm Joe. Sure, there's lots of us Green Kritters, but everyone knows I'm Joe."

Kritter Waluigi held up his Thieftech. "Yeah. I was asked to take your picture."

Joe paused for a minute, tapping his cheek. "A picture?" He grinned and held his chin between his forefinger and thumb. "Just be sure you get my good side. I'm a real debonair kind of guy."

Kritter Waluigi held up his picture and zoomed in on Joe's face. He snapped the picture. "Say, that's pretty good."

Joe laughed. "You better believe." He waved his claws at Kritter Waluigi. "Now, get out of my way. I've got guarding to do."

Kritter Waluigi frowned as he stepped to the side.

Joe walked past, grinning. "I'll be seeing you around, Mr. Snappy."

After the Green Kritter and passed, Kritter Waluigi grumbled under his breath. Suddenly, his Thieftech vibrated, and he flipped it open. "What?"

Alboort tapped a couple of keys. "What's going on? I thought I told you to go after King K. Rool. So far, you've only taken pictures of a couple of Kritters."

"I'm working on it." Kritter Waluigi looked around. "Look, the Kritter guarding the front doors of the palace told me to go get some pictures of Kritters."

Alboort shrugged and nodded. "That probably was a good idea. Kritters aren't only some of the strongest creatures around, they're tough. Too tough for most of us to take in direct combat. Even Roy would have problems if too many of them got together." He examined his monitor for a second. "We're going to need to find some way to get most of them out of the picture, if we want to take on the big king himself."

"Yeah, okay, look, I'll get your picture of the king." Kritter Waluigi looked around the jungle floor. "I just need to go see about one more Kritter, and I'm in."

"Okay. I'll call you back shortly after I get the picture of King K. Rool." Alboort disappeared from the screen.

Kritter Waluigi flipped the Thieftech shut, looked around, and walked down the path. Shortly, he came across a sleeping Brown Kritter. He slyly looked around before kicking the Kritter a couple times.

The Brown Kritter jumped into the air and landed on his feet. "Who? Wha? I wasn't sleeping!"

Kritter Waluigi jumped back. "Hey. Calm down!" He held up his Thieftech. "Just calm down. All I want is your picture."

The Brown Kritter stared blankly at the fake Purple Kritter. "Oh. A picture." He scratched his head. "I'm not really sure. I don't really like getting my picture taken."

Waluigi held his arms out. "Come on. Everyone likes having their picture taken."

The Brown Kritter grinned weakly. "Well, I suppose you're right." He stood up straight and smiled. "Okay. Let's get this over with."

Waluigi held up his Thieftech and zoomed in and out. After a moment, he found his focus and snapped the picture. After taking the photo, he looked at it. "Oh man. Your eyes are closed."

The Brown Kritter shrugged. "Listen, I need to go." He looked around shiftily. "I'm sorry I can't stick around and take another picture, but I'm probably already late as it is."

Kritter Waluigi frowned after the retreating Brown Kritter. He looked back at the picture and flipped his Thieftech shut. "Ah well." He turned and walked down the path.

Soon, Kritter Waluigi was standing in front of the gold doors.

The Blue Kritter held out his hand. "Well, let's see these pictures."

Hesitantly, Kritter Waluigi handed his Thieftech over to the Blue Kritter.

The Blue Kritter searched through the pictures on the cell phone-like device. "Hmm. Max always gets showy after he sheds his skin, and Joe is taking as much pride in his teeth as ever." He paused when he saw the next picture. "Well, I have to say that that is the best picture I have ever seen of Sid." He shut the Thieftech and tossed it back to Kritter Waluigi. "Too bad Sid has never taken a half-decent picture before." He elbowed the door behind himself open. "Go on in. I'm sure the king would like to here this proposition for an article."

Kritter Waluigi walked past the doors and into the golden palace. He walked down the halls until he arrived in the throne room. "Hello?"

King K. Rool jumped up in his throne. "Who has come to disturb me? I asked for no one!"

Kritter Waluigi walked up, flipping his Thieftech between his fingers. "I've come from the mainland, King K. Rool. You see, I've noticed that we, the Kremlings, haven't exactly gotten our fair share of action."

King K. Rool pounded the arm of his throne. "Don't remind me! Everything has been about that annoying Donkey KONG!" He stopped and laughed, leaning back in his throne. "But that's going to change soon."

"You bet it will." Kritter Waluigi held up his Thieftech. "I wanted to do an article about our little culture, maybe get your own team. Hmm?"

King K. Rool paused, staring at the Thieftech. "Well, rest assured that I am planning to rid of that Donkey Kong and for all. Now that he is weak, the timing is perfect." He paused, drumming on the arm of his throne. After a minute, he laughed and stood up. "But I suppose that there's always something to gain from some good press." He flexed one arm, raising a jeweled scepter with the other. "Be sure to get a good picture. I want the public to see how great I am." He raised his head up high.

Kritter Waluigi held up his Thieftech and took a picture off the Kremling King.

King K. Rool laughed after the picture was taken. He sat down. "That's nice." He waved his scepter around. "And be sure to write about how nice I am, or you'll be severely punished."

Kritter Waluigi grimaced as he looked at King K. Rool's massive arm. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind." He held up his Thieftech. "Say, you mind telling if there's anything else worth taking a picture of?"

King K. Rool rubbed his chin. "Well, there is my temple." His bloodshot eye twitched. "Then there's my royal dam."

Kritter Waluigi raised a finger. "What about players? You need a full team to enter most tournaments."

"Players, right." King K. Rool leaned back in his chair. "Well, the Kritters make for good players, but that might seem monotonous. And I gave Klump the weekend off." His eye started bulging larger. "Oh! Kludge! He'd make for a wonderful player." He laughed. "And Kalypso. Yes, she's definitely the crowd pleaser." He tapped the side of his jaws. "Kip and Kass would make for good players, but I have trouble believing you could find them."

Kritter Waluigi raised an eyebrow. "So, the temple, the dam, Kludge, and Kalypso. That's all I need?"

King K. Rool nodded. "That should be enough." He waved Kritter Waluigi. "Now get out! I need to be alone for now!"

Kritter Waluigi walked out of the palace and a little ways out of it. He pulled out his vibrating Thieftech. "So, what do you have about this Rool guy?"

Alboort tapped a couple of keys. "Well, he's the leader of the Kremlings, and he's all ego. He's been Donkey Kong's archenemy for the longest time, though he seems to have gotten along with Cranky Kong back in the day. As for statistics, don't be fooled by his large stomach. It's actually all muscle. He's been determined as one of the physically strongest, if not the strongest, in Kong Country."

"Please tell Waluigi that you plan on using brains over brawn with him."Kritter Waluigi grimaced. Waluigi is number one, but he doesn't like the idea of fighting someone who could swipe his head off."

"Don't worry, I'll come up with something." Alboort tapped a couple of keys. "But let's see about these four other targets. I've already projected destination markers over your targets."

Kritter Waluigi raised an eyebrow. "How the heck do you always have these targets marked? We haven't even seen most of these things."

Alboort shrugged. "Satellites."

Kritter Waluigi raised his other eyebrow. "Right. All technology questions can be answered with satellites." He stared blankly into the jungle. "Hey, does Waluigi have to stay in costume?"

"Of course not." Alboort clicked his mouse a few times. "You can move around a lot better out of it, like climbing vines and landing on branches with the C button."

Kritter Waluigi pulled off his costume. "Okay, Waluigi's going off to see about these other photos." He flipped his Thieftech shut and pocketed it. He jumped onto a nearby vine and climbed up.

When Waluigi reached the top of the vine, he jumped onto a nearby branch. He pulled out his Thieftech and attached it over his eye and ear. He looked around. "Well, there certainly a lot of temples around here." He paused. "But that looks like our target." He jumped onto a longer branch and went on to jump from tree to tree.

Waluigi soon found himself sitting in a tree in front of a gold and marble temple with King K. Rool's golden head sitting above the doors. He zoomed in on the head and doors and snapped a picture.

Alboort appeared on the screen. "Well, this certainly is an impressive temple. Both beautiful and valuable. I can only imagine how much it's worth to the king. It looks like the bottom of the structure is weak, though, with thin walls and mostly columns."

Waluigi raised an eyebrow. "You planning on bringing that thing down?"

Alboort nodded. "Certain to be seen as a bad omen by King K. Rool."

Waluigi held his chin. "Well, Waluigi's not sure about bad omens, but it certainly would make him upset."

Alboort tapped several keys. "Let's see about this dam. I find it curious that King K. Rool should think it significant."

Waluigi nodded and jumped through several more trees. He got close to the mountains, he zoomed in on a gold, vine-coated dam, again with King K. Rool's head on it. He zoomed in and snapped a photo.

Alboort reappeared in the screen. "Well, this is a curious dam. It looks pretty old. I wonder why such a natural environment would need a dam. What's behind it?"

Waluigi shrugged. "Well, Waluigi wants to know about these other two Kremlings. If King K. Rool's the strongest, Waluigi's a little worried what he thinks qualifies as a good player."

Alboort pushed up his glasses. "Good point. However, you'll probably need to go back down on the ground to get a good picture."

"Don't worry. Waluigi knows how to keep his distance." Waluigi pressed the button to turn Alboort off and looked around. After seeing a destination marker, he jumped through a couple of trees, grabbed onto a vien, and climbed down to the ground. He looked down from the marker to see a massive blue Kremling with red eyes stumbling his way down the path. He ran down the path, turned around, snapped a photo, climbed back up into a tree, and watched the massive Kremling walk by.

Alboort appeared in the screen shortly after Waluigi landed on a branch. He tapped several keys. "Well, this big fellow seems to be Kludge. He's pretty big, and all that muscle is loyal to King K. Rool."

Waluigi's eyes widened. "Okay. Waluigi could put up with one heavyweight. But two!?"

Alboort swallowed. "I completely agree with you. I figure out some way to get him out of the way before we attack King K. Rool."

"And do it quickly." Waluigi looked around. "Waluigi guesses that leaves one last target to go. Kalypso? Sounds like a strange name." He jumped over a couple of trees. "Of course, everyone around here has weird names."

After several minutes, Waluigi found himself standing over a clearing with a lake. He jumped down and looked around. "Let's see. Where's that marker?" He looked around until he saw someone across the lake. He zoomed in all the way and snapped a photo.

Alboort showed up on the Thieftech screen, staring at his computer screen. "Well, she looks... different."

Waluigi held his chin and smiled. "Waluigi thinks you mean hot." He paused and blushed slightly. "That is, in a scary, reptilian sort of way."

"Don't worry, Waluigi. Kalypso's seen as attractive by many." Alboort clicked his mouse. "Of course, those people would say she makes a better picture than a person. Certainly, she looks nice, and despite some diva-esque habits, her personality is pretty good, too. People just can't stand her high-pitched voice and laughter."

Waluigi raised an eyebrow. "Waluigi can tell that she's pretty. Does she pose any danger?"

Alboort scanned his computer screen. "Well, like all other Kritters, she has a loyalty to King K. Rool. As far as attacks go, you, Ashley, or one of the Koopalings could probably take care of her with little difficulty. However, her agility might make up for her lack of physical strength. And with the Kremling Krew, she's one frightening fighter."

"So, do you want Waluigi to just sneak attack her now?"

"No." Alboort tapped a couple of keys. "She's one of the smarter Kremlings, and I wouldn't be too surprised if she just danced away from your attack and swipe you across the nose." He paused and adjusted his glasses. "Dance? Dance." He waved his finger in thought. "That might be worth something."

Waluigi raised an eyebrow. "Okay. Waluigi is just going to come back to the hideout and pretend that you're not going crazy." He flipped his Thieftech shut and ran over to the nearest tree.

Mission complete,

signed,

-Waluigi

---

Okay, I realize that characters like Kalypso and Kludge only showed up in Donkey Kong: Barrel Blast, but I think that they could use a bit more attention. Besides, I needed a couple of people to choose from in order to do my mini-boss quota.

I hope this chapter turns out all right. I'm a little worried how much inspiration will come to me for it.

There will be one more mission where Waluigi refers to himself in the third person, though.

Anyways, enjoy and review.