All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 as well as my pre-reader EdwardsMyObsession1971. You ladies rock! =D


Never Let Go


Chapter Twenty-Nine


Bella

School let out at noon the day before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately for me, I had to go to the library to do research for a paper I had due the following week. I'd been working on it for a couple weeks already, but after my teacher took a look at my first draft, she handed it back with revisions I needed to make and notes that told me I needed more content.

Edward volunteered to go to the library with me since he had his own paper to work on. Alice and Jasper were heading to Port Angeles to see a movie since they weren't tied down with a paper to write. I was jealous of them, until Edward smiled and told me he'd come with me.

Rain was pouring down outside, as usual, but the cold front that had come in a couple days before made the rain even more unbearable. I shivered as I perused the shelves, hunting fruitlessly for the one book I needed most. When I found something that might have been suitable, I sat down on the harsh carpet, criss-cross applesauce and poured over the pages. I felt Edward behind me before I heard him. In the muted light of the library, he sat down behind me and wrapped his arms around my middle, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"What are you reading, sweet girl?"

"Nothing exciting. I wish I could find what I needed without searching through all these books."

"Can I help?"

I nodded and quickly explained what it was I was looking for. Edward kissed my head softly and rose from his spot behind me. Several minutes later, he called me over to look at a few of the books he'd pulled from the shelves.

"How did you know to look for these?" I asked incredulously.

"Because there was a time in my life that I had nothing to do – and no one to do anything with because my heart was aching so badly. So I started reading – a lot. I found out that I actually like some of this stuff."

"Oh, Edward." I frowned. "I'm so sorry."

"No, baby, don't apologize. I understand why you did what you did. Knowing what I know now, I'm glad you did it that way. But no more apologies – it's in the past, let's leave it there and look forward to what we have ahead of us."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For helping me and loving me – no matter what."

"Always, Bella."

We packed up our books and dashed out in the rain toward Edward's car. We were laughing so hard we struggled to catch our breath by the time we'd made it safely inside.

"Now what?" Edward asked.

"My house?"

The sun was starting to set by the time we got to my house and there was an eerie glow cast on the porch from the streetlight. It scared the shit out of me, and as Edward pulled into the drive and cut the engine, I knew I couldn't go in without him.

"Bella?"

"Can you come in with me?"

"Of course, but you have nothing to be afraid of, Boo."

Edward took my hand and grabbed my backpack, slinging it over his shoulder as we walked toward the front door. The house was dark – my dad had forgotten to reset the automatic timers on the lights after the time changed. My hands shook as I put the key into the lock, and Edward gently laid his hand on mine to steady it. No words were spoken between us as we worked together to open the door. Keeping his hand at the small of my back, Edward quietly guided us inside. Although it was still scary for me to go in the front door, it was a small victory that I was no longer using the kitchen door to enter the house.

Once we were in the safety of my room, I turned to Edward, grasping his shirt in my hands.

"Stay here with me." I pleaded.

Edward looked down to me with wide, concerned eyes.

"Bella, you're safe here, but if you want me to stay for a while, I will."

"Please."

Edward nodded and I led him over to the chair in the corner.

"Can we snuggle for a while?"

He smiled my favorite crooked smile and fell into the chair with an 'umph'.

"You just wanted to get me upstairs so you could snuggle?"

"It is one of my favorite pastimes you know," I grinned. "But I truly didn't want to come into the house by myself. You know that still bothers me."

"I know, baby. It probably always will bother you, but that's okay. We'd probably question your sanity if it didn't. Besides, if you're offering snuggle time, I'm not about to turn it down."

I giggled and leaned down to kiss him sweetly.

"Give me a minute, okay? I want to put some sweats on and turn the heat up a bit."

Edward chuckled.

"I think you'll warm up soon enough once you settle in, baby."

He wasn't kidding. Once I'd changed and snuggled into the chair beside him, our lips met while our hands roamed. There wasn't enough friction to keep us warm, but the anticipation of what would happen next made me forget all about being cold. Long, warm fingers snuck up under the hem of my sweatshirt, meeting bare skin underneath.

"You're so soft," Edward murmured, breaking our kiss.

"Mmm," I hummed.

I once worried what would happen should Edward and I try to push the boundaries of our relationship. After all, we were eighteen – it was something that we should have been doing right? Being with Edward was as easy as breathing. There wasn't any anxiety as Edward's hand continued to caress my skin – in fact, I didn't want him to stop.

"Are you okay?" Edward breathed against my temple.

"Mmmhmm."

We spent the rest of the evening sitting in that chair curled up together. Kissing, caressing, and connecting in a way only we knew how, yet still staying chaste enough to not cause me to have a panic attack.

Thanksgiving was a loud and rowdy affair. Emmett had come home from school and because his parents were out of town, he joined us for dinner. I helped Esme prepare dinner all day, making various dishes while Carlisle and Dad watched football in the living room. Outside, Edward, Emmett, and Jasper threw around a football. Alice had gone to her grandparent's house in Oregon, and Rosalie chose to stay at home helping her mom with a feast of their own. I watched Edward through the window with a smile on my face, thankful that I was there with them and able to function much better than I had the year before.

"Bella … sweetheart, are you okay?" Esme asked softly as she rolled out a pie crust.

"Mmm … I'm fine, Esme. Just enjoying the fact that I'm here."

Esme's smile was radiant as she looked back at me.

"We're so glad you're here, sweetheart. You seem like you're doing a lot better these days."

"I'm getting there."

"You are. I'm so proud of you, Bella. You really are a strong young lady."

I blushed at Esme's kind words but I felt like she was only saying them because she had to – not because they were true.

"I know what you're thinking, Bella. Don't you dare believe that – not for one second. If you weren't strong, you wouldn't be standing here today. You've overcome so much just to be here."

I looked up at Esme with tears in my eyes.

"Esme … if I'm strong, it's because of you guys. You, Edward, Carlisle, and my dad … you all have helped me so much and if I didn't have you … I don't know what would have happened to me."

Esme quickly rounded the island and pulled me into her arms.

"Oh, honey. We'll always be here for you. We love you and nothing will ever change that."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing, Bella."

Esme's voice was filled with conviction, and I knew from the look in her eyes, she was serious. All my worries about losing her and Carlisle if something ever happened between Edward and me were for naught. I should have known better, but hearing her say it made me feel much better.

Esme and I were broken out of our emotional moment by Edward and Emmett who came stomping into the kitchen, laughing and trying to shake off the chill. Edward looked so handsome. He was happy and smiling and his cheeks were stained crimson from his exertion out on the lawn.

"Everything okay in here?" Edward asked as he looked at Esme and me.

"We're fine, Son. I was just telling Bella how proud I am of her and how happy we are to have her here to share the holidays with us."

"Good. I don't want her running away." Edward said seriously as he reached out for me and pulled me toward him.

"I'm not running anywhere," I whispered, kissing him on the cheek.

Dinner was filled with laughter and light hearted conversation. Emmett regaled us with stories about college and his frat buddies which drew up the conversation about which colleges Edward and I would be attending.

"I haven't decided where I'm going to go yet," Edward said softly, playing with the napkin in his lap. "I still have the spring season to play and I'm sure there will be a few scouts out."

"Son, everyone who wanted to see you play, saw you last spring. I'm not saying they won't come around again this year, but they know what they want and I'm sure you'll have some offers out there."

"I know that, Dad. I guess my final decision will depend on those offers."

At Edward's admission, fear struck my heart. I'd never once thought of him going to college anywhere other than UDub.

"What about you, Bella. Surely you've given college some thought?" Carlisle asked.

"I have. I've applied to UDub – they have a couple of programs that I'm interested in."

"Excellent. Have you applied anywhere else?"

"No. I don't know that I want to go anywhere else. I mean … I'm still … I'm afraid to go any further from home than Seattle."

"Bells … you'll be fine, baby girl. You've got a few more months until you really have to think about leaving home and maybe by then you'll be ready."

I nodded.

"Bellaboo, you know that I'll be there even if Eddie decides to go somewhere else. I'd never let anyone hurt you, and I'll be there for you if you need me."

"Thanks, Emmett. I appreciate that, but I can't realistically expect you to come running whenever I need something. That's not fair to you. Besides, how will that make Rose feel?"

"It doesn't matter how it makes her feel, Bella. She knows better than to be jealous of you – you're Eddie's girl and you always have been. She's need to be realistic about it too."

I looked over to Edward who had been sitting so quietly next to me.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think about all this?" I asked softly.

"I think it's great that you applied to UDub, Boo. I'm proud of you – you've come so far in so little time."

"Applying might be worlds different than actually being able to attend classes though. UDub is so big – the more I think about it, the more anxious and intimidated I feel."

"Like Charlie said, Bella … you still have a few more months before you have to worry about it, but I think you'll be fine."

The way Edward was talking was scaring me – it was like he didn't think he'd be right there beside me. I knew it was selfish of me to expect him to be there, but it didn't stop me from wanting it. Suddenly, I didn't want to talk about it anymore because the entire conversation was making me melancholy and that's the last thing I wanted to feel. Esme must have picked up on my mood because she quickly changed the subject, asking who wanted dessert.

After dinner, Edward linked my pinky in his and led me down the stairs to the basement.

"Games or a movie?"

"Hmm … a movie."

Edward and I snuggled up on the sofa after he popped in a movie. It didn't matter what he put in, I wouldn't be paying it much attention anyway.

My mind was on the boy sitting next to me. Our bodies were so close, I could feel the warmth of his skin radiating through my clothes.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm really proud of you."

"You are?"

"Mmmhmm. I think it took a lot for you to even consider going to college let alone to apply."

I nodded.

"I realized that life is going to go on without me if I didn't make some sort of decision. You've got scouts watching you and so does Jazz. Rose is going to UDub with Emmett and Alice plans on going to Berkeley. I don't want to be left alone here and I thought UDub would allow me the chance to be normal yet still be close to home in case I need someone. I do have to admit though, I've been selfish in thinking that you'd be there at UDub with me. I never once thought you'd be going somewhere else and that thought scares me."

"Oh, baby. You'll never be alone. I may have scouts keeping an eye on me, but the truth is that I want to be wherever you are. If you want to go to UDub – that's where I want to go too."

"Edward … you can't throw away everything you've worked so hard for. You need to go where it benefits you the most. I'll still be here when you come home."

"Bella, you can't seriously thinking that being away from you would be a benefit. The only reason I threw myself into training so hard was so I didn't have to thinking about missing you. When you weren't here … I was a mess. I missed you like a crazy, and then when you came back … well, you were a mess and understandably so. I feel like I've only had you back for a little while and I want to hold on a little bit longer."

Edward's eyes were full of sadness and my heart filled with regret. I had cost us both time. I cupped his handsome face in my hands and kissed him softly. He gently pulled me into his lap, his lips never once leaving my skin.

"I love you, Edward," I sniffled.

"I love you too, Bella. You're my everything, you know that right?" My world isn't right without you in it."

His words built me up and tore me down all at once.

"If we don't want to be apart, we need to come up with a better plan then, don't we?" I asked.

"I thought we had a plan? I applied to UDub too, just in case."

"Edward … what if you get a baseball scholarship to a better school?"

"We'll deal with that if and when it happens."

Feeling a bit more settled, I laid my head against his chest and snuggled into him. I breathed in the sweet, clean scent of him and closed my eyes as he glided his hands across my back.


A/N: Yay! Finals are done and I have more time to write again! Speaking of writing ... I *may* have written a new story over spring break ... I was watching a movie while writing Never Let Go and a plot bunny snuck into my head and wouldn't leave me alone until I had the entire story written. SO ... that means that as soon as my lovely beta finishes looking it over and I get it all edited, I will be posting a new story! It's only 12 chapters, so it's short and sweet but I think it's something y'all may like. It's not as dark as this one if that tells ya anything. I'm still working on the summary, but when it's done, I will post it!

So ... Bella is moving on and getting better everyday. Edward has a huge decision ahead of him ... what do you think he should do?

See y'all next week! =)

Rec's - Check out the TwiFic Doctorward Contest! My awesome pre-reader, EdwardsMyObsession1971 is working on an entry and mmm ... her Doctorward rocks! (I know because I pre-read for her - so trust me!) It's anonymous so I can't give away too much and the contest ends on 5/24 so keep checking for new entries - one of them might be hers!