A/N: There be angst. Whoo. Y'know, I'm thinking about changing the summary for this story... It... doesn't do it justice, I think. Ah, well. Okay, uhm, I forgot to mention that there was a time skip last chapter. *smacks self* The very last part happens six weeks after their "breakup". (I put it in quotations because it's weird. =__-) Anyway, onward! I'm twenty pages from breaking three-hundred for this story. *GASP* Ashura is insane, but I luff him.


Gothix, Exam Five: Clipped Wings

"It's… my father," Fai whispered. He could feel himself shaking in Kurogane's hold; his skin was burning underneath the junior's large hands, his heart fluttering. He felt like crying. Even though his father—his father, oh god, it was over! — stood outside the door, he was more terrified of Kurogane than the man who had single-handedly destroyed his entire life. He clenched his trembling fists in an attempt to keep them still. Even so, they rose slowly, fingers stretching out towards the athlete. He wanted to touch. He wanted to feel. The way he was held against Kurogane could be mistaken for intimate, strong arm slung around his waist, hand on his shoulder, faces close. His lips trembled, tears welling in his eyes. He wanted… oh, god, he wanted… It was too much for his heart. He could feel it swelling and throbbing with such a sweet ache. Every beat tore at the fragile walls he had built, resolve crumbling away, fading at his feet. How long had it been since that night? God, too long; too long. Six weeks was too long without him. The tips of his fingers pressed into Kurogane's shirt, heat rolling through his chilled digits. The fabric was slightly damp under his touch from sweat; a slow sigh escaped his lips. It wouldn't be hard, would it, to just touch him once more? To fall back into his arms… to tell him everything… would it?

Another knock echoed through the apartment; "I know you're home, Fai. Open the door, please?"

Fai started, eyes wide. His hands flattened against Kurogane's chest and he shoved hard, disentangling himself; "Don't touch me. Whatever you do, don't touch me again!" he hissed dangerously, shaking in what seemed like anger.

Kurogane scowled, crossing his arms, "What's going on?!" he demanded lowly, "I thought you said your father was in prison."

Fai moved slowly to the door, hands fluttering as he undid the locks; "…Sakura did tell you that, didn't she? Well, it's obvious he's not," he muttered with a soft bitterness. His hand fell to the doorknob.

Kurogane reached out, snatching Fai's hand off the handle. "Don't you dare open that door, Fai," he snapped. "Not until you tell me why he went to jail."

Fai looked at Kurogane's hand stupidly, his wrist throbbing underneath the junior's vice-like grip. "You have no right to tell me what I can't do, Kurogane."

"This is my apartment, and I don't want any criminals in it."

Fai gave a high, crazed laugh, "Then why am I here?" With a burst of strength Kurogane didn't know the smaller teen possessed, Fai tugged his wrist free, pulling the door open.

Kurogane watched in pain as Fai turned away from him, small shoulders tight as the blonde faced the man on the porch.

"Dad…"

Ashura smiled, eyes brightening, "There you are!" He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Fai, hugging him tightly.

"Dad, why are you here?" Fai asked lifelessly, freezing underneath his father's arms.

"To see you, of course," Ashura stated, sounding slightly hurt. His arms loosened around the blonde, one falling to Fai's waist.

"Does anyone know?"

"Eagle does. But he's not here."

"Oh…" Fai swallowed. They were dead. They were going to die. Kurogane was going to die. Not Kurogane. Anyone but him. It was ineradicably painful. He'd gone through so much to prevent this day, and yet it still came. He turned slowly, staring at Kurogane in horror. They were going to die here. And he never got the chance to hold him one last time… His heart fluttered painfully against his sternum, watching the look of furry on his once-boyfriend's face. He almost cried; he knew Kurogane could care less if Ashura killed him, this pitiful excuse for a person. The elder felt nothing for him; it hurt so badly to know this, to see it on Kurogane's face, but he was safe. Finally, finally, Kurogane was safe. He could die knowing that Ashura would never lay a hand on the man he had fallen in love with was safe from him, the charade of life he kept while he waited for the final end to come. Ashura's hand closed around his hip.

"Is this the boyfriend you told me about?"

Fai looked up at his father, who was smiling across the doorway at Kurogane, free hand outstretched. "I'm Ashura Flowright. Nice to meet you…?"

"Kurogane Suwa," Kurogane grunted, reaching out to briefly shake Ashura's hand, looking rather irritated about the entire situation. "I've not heard a lot about you."

"Makes sense. Fai was always shy when it came to family," Ashura laughed. He gently squeezed the blonde, smile never fading. "I used to be a rather prominent political figure back home—people were always badgering Fai and my wife; I had to tell him strictly not to tell anyone anything. Fai was so small then, I'm afraid it rather traumatized him to the entire business."

Kurogane raised his eyebrow skeptically, "Really now? You've never said a word about it," he accused, looking pointedly at Fai.

Fai shrugged, "Didn't feel like it." More like, I can't.

"Though," the athlete continued, "I have heard that you were in jail."

Ashura's face flickered momentarily to a rather unpleasant and frightening glare. Fai froze, his hands scrabbling to grab his father's shirt, "Dad!" he whispered in fear, "I didn't—"

And then it was gone; the man's face was back to its amicable smile, only now it was tinged with a slight melancholy. "Yes, well… I was recently acquitted. Surely you know Fai came to the retrial in April—he was a great help."

Fai's eyes closed in pain as Kurogane made a slight noise of acquiescence. "So why are you here?"

"To make sure Fai's getting along well," Ashura said with a shrug. "May I come in? It's getting rather dark outside."

"No! No! You can't!" Fai shouted, turning to stare up at his father with wide eyes.

"Oh, my. Is there something you don't want me to see?" Ashura laughed, a slight edge of warning in his voice.

Fai gasped, realizing his fatal mistake: he'd accidentally revealed how badly he wanted to protect what little life he still had with Kurogane. "It… it's dirty in there," he mumbled, "I know how you like a clean house—if you had called… it could have been… cleaned…"

"It's alright, son. I've not seen you—really seen you—in what seems like forever. I can ignore a little mess for you this once."

"Why don't we all go out for dinner?" Kurogane suggested, hands shoved deep in his pockets. There was something off about the way those two acted. Not like father and son at all… more like… An abused dog and its master. He didn't like this. He didn't like the way Ashura was holding onto Fai; he didn't like the way Fai was looking at the man. He wondered briefly if they were really father and son, but the color of the adult's eyes was too similar to Fai's to be a coincidence. Speaking of eyes… He scowled deeply as Fai's eyes widened in terror, black washing away the blues of his irises. He knew that look; Fai was losing himself quickly. Something in him had triggered. It had finally happened; Fai had broken completely. He knew it was coming, and he knew there would be no salvation this time:

"Can you really not stand being in the same room with me?"

Fai turned, face set; "No, I can't, Kurogane," he said icily. He clutched his bag to his chest, "I told you I was leaving."

"You are not leaving," Kurogane hissed, snatching the duffle bag from Fai's clutching fingers. "I will keep you locked in the bathroom if that's what it takes, but you are not leaving this place."

"I'll call the cops on you, I swear I will!" Fai shrieked, shaking uncontrollably. He reached out, tugging on the bag, "You have no say in what I do anymore! You'd be glad to be rid of me!"

Kurogane held tight to the bag, Fai's efforts nearly in vain. He knew he was being insufferably childish, and probably selfish to boot, but the least he could do was watch over the frail blonde and make sure no more harm came to him. It hurt to see how easily Fai dismissed his love; how readily he accepted those lies Kurogane had fed him under duress. He needed to make sure Fai didn't do anything reckless…and he needed Fai around so that he himself would not do anything stupid either. "You are staying here, and that's final!"

Fai gave one last tug before the bag came flying out of Kurogane's hands, tumbling to the floor, contents spilled out on the floor.

A moment of silence, then, dangerously low; "Fai, tell me those aren't what I think they are."

"Well, that would be lying wouldn't it?" Fai muttered haughtily, dropping to his knees to scoop up the menagerie of little white pills.

"How long have you not been taking your medicine?"

Fai sighed, shrugging, "Long enough for it to be apparent that I don't need them."

Kurogane snapped— he grabbed Fai by the collar, hauling him up to his feet, slamming the boy against the wall; "You fucking moron!" he raged, "Do you want to die, do you!? Do you want to go on with your stupid little game, toying with everyone around you until you break them all!? Do you want to make us sad!?" He pressed his forearm against Fai's throat as the boy struggled, face screwed up in terror and distress; the boy gasped, staring in wide-eyed horror as a fist was raised to strike. "Well, do you!? What the fuck is your damn problem!? Why are you doing this to me? Are you trying to punish me for something!?"

Fai clenched his eyes shut, sobs of terror leaving him even though he struggled to keep himself calm. He heard the sound of Kurogane's fist going through the air and he flinched horribly, waiting for the full strength of his ex-boyfriend to hit his face. He'd seen the damage Kurogane could inflict, and he had to admit, somewhere deep in his heart, that he'd deserved it. It would be retribution for toying with the junior. The pain never came. Instead he heard the crunch of plaster and wood next to his ear. He turned his head slowly to find Kurogane's fist embedded in the wall next to his cheek. He began to shake, his legs giving out from under him as Kurogane finally released him.

He looked up at the teen, who was staring down at him in sick horror. For a second, he thought Kurogane was going to throw up, but instead the athlete pulled his hand from the wall, bleeding and littered with splinters, shaking his head. "You're right, it's your business," he said hollowly, "Do whatever the fuck you want to. Just… do it here. That's all I want."

And then he left.

Yeah, he'd known even before then, though, that Fai was breaking. He thought he had seen the worst of it that night when school started, when they officially ended. He knew now that Fai wasn't coming back. There was no saving him now. Fai wanted to break; he wanted to lose himself this time… so there was nothing Kurogane could do, because Fai wouldn't let him.

"No," Fai murmured, "No."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Ashura said over Fai's muffled protests. "Is there anywhere good nearby?"

"Yeah. 'Round the corner," Kurogane answered, grabbing a jacket. "Oi. Blondie," he snapped.

Fai looked at him blankly, wondering why in the world Kurogane was even bothering to talk to him outside of school. They never talked at home anymore. They only ever communicated to pretend—to fool everyone into thinking that they were still happy, that they were still together… a brutal, horrible lie. Fai hated school more than ever; he hated plastering that smile on, flirting shamelessly with a man who though him a whore, touching so easily, like it didn't hurt him every time… He hated the way his heart filled with hope every day, again and again, only to have it thrown on the rocks and stepped on once the three-thirty bell rang and Kurogane didn't have to have anything to do with him anymore. He shook in his father's grasp, fearing the next break to his glass heart.

"You get cold there, remember. Take it." Kurogane tossed the jacket to Fai, who caught it with trembling fingers, slowly shrugging it on.

"That's sweet of him, isn't it?" Ashura praised, grinning down at his son, "He's just as wonderful as you said he was."

"'S nothing special," Fai whispered, pulling the jacket around him tightly. "C'mon, I'll lead the way." He grabbed his father's hand, tugging him down the stairs.

Kurogane watched them for a minute before leaving himself, closing the door tightly behind him. Watching this hurt. He followed quietly, finding himself wishing that he was related to Fai—that he was his brother or cousin so that he could have some sort of claim upon the boy, so that he could protect him without pretense or sorrow. He wanted to be a part of the blonde, something vital to him—his heart—something that Fai couldn't live without. They were silly and stupid notions, but they were things that Kurogane found himself wishing often as of late. Moreover, he wished that his parents were still alive, that he didn't have to be so strong himself, that he could be young again like he used to be, so it wouldn't be so shameful to curl up and cry over these hurts. He wanted to be able to hug his mother again and have her hold him tight like she used to when he had nightmares, or have his father tell stupid stories until he was content again. He wanted the stability and assurance of love that these things brought, he wanted someone to share the sorrow with, for he was certain his parents would adore Fai just as much, if not more, than he.

Somewhere, deep in him, he was almost jealous of the sudden appearance of Fai's father. He didn't know the horror Fai attached to Ashura, nor the twisted nature of their relationship, so he was jealous, because this was someone that Fai loved. Had loved, and would love unconditionally—and somewhere this was true, even through the nightmares and abuse, Fai loved his father in a way a boy would always adore his first girlfriend or crush. But Kurogane didn't know this, and the chances of it ever being revealed were virtually zero.

He pushed his ridiculous thoughts aside, speeding up to catch up with Fai and his father, were standing at the corner, right in front of the small bistro they were headed to, waiting for him.

Fai didn't want to go in and eat. This place was the diner he and Kurogane often frequented during their dates, staying and flirting often past closing time, the owner joyfully egging them on, hoping to spy a kiss between the two between second and third desserts and coffee. They'd indulged her a few times, and the memories brought back bittersweet memories. Fai watched Kurogane jog towards them with sad eyes, their numerous dates playing back in his head like a film reel.

"Aw, c'mon, just once probably wouldn't hurt nothing!" Caldina whined, leaning over the edge of the counter.

Fai giggled, blushing as he looked at Kurogane, "I have to agree with Caldina-chan."

Kurogane glared at the college girl, who shot back daggers of her own. "I'm not kissing this fool in public."

"The joint's closed for the night! You two, Oruha-san, and me are the only people here, brother. So get kissing and I won't charge you extra for making me stay past my shift."

Kurogane groaned in exasperation, grabbing Fai, yanking him off of his barstool, leaning up to kiss the blonde. Fai draped his arms around Kurogane's shoulders; he never cared about where they were when they were kissing, just that they were. He gave a happy sigh, lips molding gently against the elder teen's. Kurogane pushed his tongue against Fai's lips, hand resting on the boy's thin hip. Fai opened his mouth, leaning forward, tongue shyly moving against Kurogane's.

Caldina gave a whoop of appreciation, and Fai yanked away, finding himself thoroughly embarrassed, and for some reason, upset. Caldina winked at them, "Lemme get you two a drink, on the house this time," she chuckled, leaving the two to themselves for a second.

"Oi, what's wrong. You asked for it."

"Just… Kuro-sama didn't want to until Caldina-chan said she wouldn't…" A blithe smile crossed Fai's lips and he waved it away, "Never mind, it's nothing."

"You're really dumb, you know that right," Kurogane growled, tugging Fai forward. "I kissed you like that because I wanted to. Get it into your cute little head—I'll take any excuse to kiss you, because I sure as hell won't do it for no reason!"

"… 'Clover', huh? It's a nice name," Ashura commented, looking over at his son, who was staring longingly at Kurogane.

Fai gripped his father's hand tighter, willing himself to quit thinking, to quit feeling. "You'll like the food here, daddy," he mumbled quietly, falling into the patterns of a small child. His mind was fleeing, withdrawing from the imminent pain. His mind was going into shock—he couldn't handle anymore, so his brain was doing the best it could to help him cope.

"Don't just stand there," Kurogane snapped once he reached the two, "Go in."

Fai scowled slightly, "No need to be rude," he muttered, affixing his best fake smile.

The three entered into the dusky atmosphere of the diner; the lamps were on low, and a few of the booths were filled with people eating and watching the store's owner, Oruha perform on the small stage that housed local poets and story-tellers. Clover was one of Koryo's many artistic hideouts, walls filled newspaper clippings, student art, and album covers. After nine they served alcohol, but even so, many teens still frequented the bistro for its delicious, inexpensive food and cozy atmosphere.

"Oi! You two!" Caldina hollered, startling the couple she was waiting on. She gave them their drinks with a grin, then stomped over to Fai and Kurogane, Ashura observing in the background. "What's the deal!? I've seen you two parading back and forth outside this place, but do you come in and at least say 'hi'? Nah!" She leaned forward, poking Kurogane repeatedly on the nose, "It's been months since you've come in here! Did'ya find some new place to go to? Did'ya think about me? Puttin' myself through college with this job, you know!"

Fai stepped between the girl and Kurogane, like he knew Caldina was expecting him to; "Now, now, Caldina-chan, we've been busy, you know," he soothed, waving his hand.

Caldina examined him thoroughly, "Y'know, Kimihiro-san's been in here with his boyfriend a few times lately. He's saying you two are having problems," she said anxiously. Fai swallowed. Of course; Watanuki was always so damn perceptive.

"Do you believe everything you hear, Caldina-chan?" He chastised softly. "Now, I want you to meet someone. Caldina-chan, this is my father, Ashura."

Caldina looked at Ashura, raising an eyebrow, "And here I was thinking you were an orphan, Fai," she chuckled, holding out her hand for a handshake.

Ashura shook it firmly, "I will admit I've been absent from his life for quite a while," he conceded, "But it's good to know Fai has friends who worry about him."

Caldina laughed, "It's my job, mister! C'mon, I'll get you three seated." She walked off, waving the three along, who followed quietly. They sat in a secluded booth, near the back of the restaurant, with Fai and Kurogane sitting awkwardly together, Ashura seated across from them. "I'll let you see the menu," she said, handing one to the man, "And you two, I'll get you the normal thing."

Fai inwardly groaned, laying his head on the table with a slight bang as Caldina walked away. The "normal thing" encompassed them sharing food the entire damn meal.

"Here, I'll order something else, you and your father can share," Kurogane mumbled, holding out his hand for Ashura's menu.

Ashura frowned, "Is something wrong?"

"Normally Fai and I share quite a bit of food, but…"

"But what?" The man inquired innocently, smile curling across his lips.

Fai looked up in horror. It had been years since he'd spent any sort of prolonged time with his father, but he was still able to detect every nuance in his father's seemingly constant smile. He knew when the waters were dangerous, and the way his father's eyes gleamed… He shuddered; he remembered that look. It was the look he got every time he was found in his mother's lap, or curled up in his bed sleeping. It was that look of jealous possession that always followed the fall to the floor, the large hands over his frame, the pain. His heart leapt into his throat; he needed to stop beating around the bush, he needed to out themselves now so that Kurogane always remained safe. He could feel the heat of the other next to him, that delicious heat of life… he needed to keep it so. He wanted to protect that, lose himself in that heat, be delirious in a life with Kurogane… but he must protect it first. He opened his mouth, ready to spill the truth—rather, what he thought was the truth—but Kurogane beat him.

"It's a special occasion, is it not?" The teen commented dryly, shrugging; "You said yourself that you've not seen Fai for a long stretch of time. Hell, I shouldn't even be intruding like this."

"No, no, Kurogane-san, it's a pleasure to have you with us. I've wanted to spend time with you since Fai mentioned you; I want to see if you're the one for my son. I'm very protective of him, you see—he's very important to me."

Fai couldn't stand it; he was going to be sick. He sat up, reaching out to push Kurogane aside, then hesitated, stomach twisting even more at the thought of touching the elder. The sentiment was shoved aside as bile rose in his throat; his hands pressed against Kurogane's arm, shaking him gently. Kurogane looked into wide, sad eyes, scowling slightly.

"I'm going to be sick," Fai whispered in a soft voice, almost as if he were asking for permission to do so.

Kurogane bolted out of the booth, allowing Fai to scramble away, throat convulsing as his hands covered his mouth. He watched the boy run towards the back of the shop, roughly pushing past the bathroom doors. He stood there, speechless, half torn with the want to follow Fai.

The small, black part of his mind told him to sit, and he did so, allowing that bitter, love-sick, portion of himself persuade him into believing that he was the reason Fai was so stressed and sick.

"Are you going to go check on him?"

Kurogane looked blankly at Ashura; "No. I doubt he'd appreciate that," he said flatly. "You go."

Ashura rose, "If you insist." He shrugged, then breezed off in the direction his son went.

XxXxXxX

This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. He'd given up everything—everything!— and still, and still… his father was taking from him. What had he ever done; what sins had he committed? There was nothing more to take. Nothing more to give. His heart was gone, empty and hollow; his life was a meaningless blur of lies. He had tried to redeem himself, but in the end, that too failed, like everything else in his life. He wanted to live, but if living meant sacrificing him… he wouldn't do it.

He sank to the floor, trembling. He laid his head against the stall's wall, concentrating on not hyperventilating. He was glad he was in here alone. He rolled his sleeves up, fingers fumbling into his pocket. He hated this, but he had to. He had to.

But it would be a lie to say that he didn't want it.

His fingers closed around the smooth wooden handle of his pocketknife, breath shuddering out of him in a quiet sigh. He wondered what would happen if he killed himself here. Who would find him? Would they try to save him? Would anyone cry?

…Would Kurogane be upset?

His chest burned with that thought, fingers curling tighter around the knife; it hurt to imagine. Surely not. Surely not. Why would he be sad? Why would anyone be sad? He wouldn't be missed. Kurogane would be better off if he died—he would be happier if he died.

He pulled it out; somewhere in his mind, he was tentatively hoping, so carefully praying…That Kurogane would come and save him again.

The door opened, heavy footsteps falling across the tiled floor. "Are you in here?" Ashura pushed open the door to Fai's stall, finding his son curled on the floor bitterly sobbing.

He was so stupid! For even allowing himself to hope anymore! Hadn't he learned the bitter truth already!? There was no one left in the world who would come for him… save for his father.

"Oh, Yuui, dear," Ashura sighed, kneeling down, "What are you doing?" He reached out, yanking the knife from his son's limp hand, deftly flicking it shut with a practiced twist of his wrist. "Were you going to hurt yourself with this?"

"Yes." He hated this, being reduced to this beneath his father's meticulous eyes. Sobs bubbled out of his throat, choking horribly as he tried to restrain himself. "I hate this!"

"What do you hate?"

"Everything!"

Ashura sighed, settling himself down on the floor, "Now that's not good at all. …I don't like seeing you like this, Yuui. Where's the smile I remember, hmm?"

"Gone, gone! It's dead, he's dead! That boy is dead!" Fai hissed through his tears, "I can't smile anymore!"

"…Whose fault is this?" A scowl flickered across his father's face and Fai froze. Dangerous. This was dangerous. Something horrible was going to happen. Bad. Catastrophic. No.

Kurogane.

"Is it that boy's? Did he do this to you?"

Fai shuddered at the gleam in his father's eyes. Dangerous. Bad. Horrible. Horrifying. No, no, no…

"Has he hurt you?"

He had hurt him, indelibly so. It would be easy to give in to the pain and bitterness… No. No. No.

"Look at all these scars," Ashura murmured, tracing the milky web of raised skin on his son's forearms; "He doesn't abuse you, does he?"

No. No. No.

"Anyone who hurts your happiness needs to suffer," his father hissed, smile finally leaving his face.

Dead. Kurogane was dead. Good as dead if he didn't say something now—

"No!"

"Excuse me?"

"Yo-you've got it all wrong, dad!" Fai whimpered, throwing his arms around his father. "I did this to myself! He's nothing to me! It's not what everyone thinks! We went on maybe three dates to see if it would work, and it didn't—but everyone still thinks we're together because we're living together!"

"And why are you living together?"

"My apartment—there's always something wrong with it," Fai hiccupped, pushing his face against Ashura's neck, praying his father wouldn't pick up on the lie.

"I've left you more than enough money to fix some apartment," Ashura scolded, wrapping his arms around Fai's waist. "One day you'll have to spend it on something."

"I don't like it, though! I don't like living there, I don't like it here!"

Fai held tight to his father, trembling as he felt the last threads holding him sane fall away. He'd thrown himself back into the lion's den, and he was going to be eaten alive.

Ashura sighed, looking down at his son. It was such a heavy feeling, knowing that the boy he cherished was lying to him to save another. It hurt him to know he deserved the fear his son dedicated to him, but… it was something he couldn't help; it was something he had to do then. He didn't want Yuui to be unhappy. He wanted his son to live a life free of him, but every time he gave the boy the chance to be rid of him… Yuui looked the other way, froze in some sort of way, or went just short of freeing his entire life of his father.

He had sentenced his son to a horrible life; no matter how he tried to right it, it never worked… The old madness was creeping up again…

"Then why don't we become a family again, Yuui?" Ashura asked, sliding his hand through his son's hair, eyes becoming oddly unfocused. "You and me, huh? Just like it used to be… We can be happy again, like we used to, when you were so young and innocent…"

"No, dad, I can't."

Ashura ran a finger across Fai's cheek, brushing a lock of hair away from the boy's lips. "…You look so much like your mother," he murmured, leaning forward. Fai closed his eyes, tears falling down his face as his heart was broken again and again with every touch his father showered on him.

He was leaving this place soon. There was nothing anyone could do to stop him. In fact, he had already left the second he heard his father at the door—this was nothing more than a grotesque masquerade at life… This was nothing more than living death. He had died the second his father showed up here in Koryo…no, he had died before that, when the ghost of his memories had forced him to leave Kurogane…

"Why won't you let me have you, Yuui? You promised me…"

Fai let himself submit to the truth—he would never belong to anyone ever again. Until the day he truly died, he would always be his father's. No one could save him; not Kurogane, not the Gothix, not Ohjiro or the government… Ashura would always find him, no matter where he was hidden, so the only option was to not even try to hide.

It was the only way he could keep him safe.

XxXxXxX

"Kurogane-san!"

Kurogane looked up, scowling up at Watanuki, "What?" he demanded tonelessly. He didn't want to deal with this right now.

"It's weird seeing you alone in here," Watanuki laughed with a shrug, sliding into the seat across from the athlete.

"Fai's here."

"Oh? Really? That's good. You two should spend time together. It's been sounding like you two have had problems lately."

"It's none of your business."

Watanuki sighed, standing, "I see when my company isn't wanted," he huffed. "I'm leaving Doumeki waiting anyway…"

Suddenly, something occurred to Kurogane. "Wait!" he called, rising half-out of his seat; "You know a lot about Fai, don't you?"

"Well," Watanuki sighed, turning slightly, "Not a lot. Just what Yuuko-san and Clow-san talk about, and what he's accidentally let slip."

"Do you know what his father was put in jail for?" Kurogane asked, slightly hurried.

A dark look passed across Watanuki's face, his eyes narrowing in anger, "Well, I don't know the details, but… from what it sounded like, Fai was sexually abused and—"

Kurogane exploded up from his seat, the table crashing into the floor as he pushed away from it.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Watanuki demanded, jumping out of Kurogane's way, who was making a beeline for the bathroom; "What's your damage?!"

XxXxXxX

"I'd never break my promise," Fai whispered faintly, repressing a shudder as his father touched him. He wished he could, but he could never endanger others to that point. He'd have to build that wall again, slowly fit in every brick, closing away the cracks, shutting them out. He could never bring anyone inside again. It just wasn't possible—the guilt would kill him; no one could ever understand how dangerous it was to be affiliated with him.

He submitted quietly, mind and body too numb to feel the pain every touch brought upon him. It wasn't like he cared anymore—it wasn't like he was here anymore.

XxXxXxX

A small bird between his fingers. So infinitesimal yet so heartbreakingly beautiful. A small bird with delicate feathers, trembling in his palm. It shudders so beautifully, feathers shake and quiver, eyes glassy with fear.

A beautiful blue-white bird, glossy and healthy in his hand; it is so wondrously, rapturously striking that he cannot help but stare. This little bird flew into his cupped hands for him to care for, it trusted him enough to sit here, but it is still scared.

Just like that other bird; the one he had ripped the wings from for his own joy. So much like it… He has a second chance now; he can choose to close his fingers around those delicate white wings or nudge the small bird back to freedom.

He cannot help it; his fingers close tightly around the small feathers, crushing the wings beneath his palms, but he leaves just the tiniest glimmer of light between the bars of his fingers…

So that the beloved bird could be freed.

XxXxXxX

He could feel those lips upon his, cold and searching for something he didn't have. They were passionate in such a distant way, the hands on his face and hair soft and soothing. Those touches filled him with ice, chilling him slowly. He wondered if this was what a corpse felt like, cold and unfeeling. He wondered if he was even still breathing.

He leaned back, bracing himself against the cold tile floor; everything… anything… he would do it. To keep him safe… and to make sure that he still had his father's love.

It was a quiet thought at the back of his head, a small fear from the time where he was naïve and young; he desperately wanted his father to love him. He remembered his mother crying after every fight they had, he remembered his own tears at his father's cruel words. The hope every time his father looked at him… It was twisted, but he still… feared being hated. And… his father was the only one left in the world who could love him.

So he let it happen.

He succumbed to his father's wills… and then the door opened.

XxXxXxX

Kurogane had never had a good temper; not even when he was a younger, gentler person. Even so, he'd only ever felt this degree of rage once before… and it had ended in murder.

He was so angry he literally saw red, then white, before the scene focused in crisp detail before his eyes.

Fai, sprawled out on the floor, face white, with… that man… atop him, hands all over him, kissing him.

His Fai. No one touched Fai without his permission. Not even now. He was the only one who could touch him. Never anyone else. Fai was his. Not to mention that this was his father. Disgusting. That man needed to get his hands the fuck off!

He stomped forward, his hands curling into Ashura's long hair, yanking the man up. He slammed the man against the wall, hands slipping to his throat, squeezing. "If I ever see your god-dammed face near Fai again, I will kill you in the most horrible way I can ever think of," he hissed, squeezing tighter with every syllable. He let the man go, then threw in a punch for good taste. "Don't ever touch him again—he's mine."

Ashura caught his punch in his hand, panting slightly; "Watch who you're messing with," the man sneered, twisting Kurogane's wrist until it made a horrible cracking noise. Kurogane barely noticed, seething in blind rage.

"Don't fucking talk to me!" Kurogane brought his knee up into Ashura's stomach, then as the man doubled over, his elbow came crashing down upon the flat of his back between the shoulder blades. Ashura crumbled to the floor, Kurogane snarling over him. "Screw that, I should kill you now, right here," he spat, grinding his heel into the man's back; "String you up as a warning for anyone who tries to mess with my boyfriend." He reached down, yanking Ashura's head up by his hair; "You understand me, bastard? You're fucking scum. He's your fucking son!" He brought his foot viciously into the man's side, who began to cough at the abuse; "I don't even want to know why—I don't even care if you feel sorry for what you've done—I see you around him again, I see you breathing the same air as him, hell, if I hear you thinking about him, I will personally see to your castration and your death."

With that, Kurogane let go of Ashura's hair, shaking his hand like he was disgusted at touching the man, turning slowly to face Fai, who was backed up against a wall, a look of utter terror plastered upon his face.

Kurogane knelt down in front of the boy, reaching out. Fai shrank away, whimpering loudly, tears flowing freely down his face. His clothes were in disarray, and his face was drained of all color. He looked bad; Kurogane hadn't noticed how thin Fai had gotten or how sallow his skin looked before now.

"No," he whispered, stricken. "No. You shouldn't have…"

"Like hell I should've!" Kurogane roared, "You wanted him molesting you!?"

"Oh, god, no! Please don't! Not him!"

Kurogane scowled, anger blazing even hotter, "What the hell do you mean?!" Then he stopped—his blood ran cold as he realized that Fai's horror-filled were not trained upon him, but his father. He turned his head slowly, staring up at the man behind him.

"Well, well," Ashura coughed, gun trained upon the two teens. "It seems that someone's been lying again." With a speed that Kurogane would never expected the thin man to have, Ashura lunged forward, flinging the athlete, who was at least the same size—if not slightly larger—as he, to the side, lifting Fai up into the air, slamming him into the wall, gun pressed into the skin of his throat.

"You've always been good at lying, my dear, haven't you? You've been even better at running away; you won't be staying in this quaint little town for long, will you?"

Fai whimpered, turning his head away from his father, eyes screwed up tight. Ashura pressed the mouth of the gun harder into Fai's neck, skin turning white and red from the pressure.

"You lied to me; you broke your promise little Fai. I want you to keep it," the man growled, "If you don't, I'll know. And next time, it won't be me coming to make sure. It will be Eagle…"

Tears fell heavier down Fai's cheeks, and with a loud sob, he fainted dead away. Ashura moved the gun from his neck to his temple, "And you obviously know what that means," he said with a smile. He dropped the boy, now limp, to the floor. "Too bad you don't give a damn about this boy, Fai. His efforts will be valiant, I suppose, but… in vain." His grin widened as he pocketed the gun, casting a look at Kurogane who was half-conscious on the other side of the small single-restroom, "I don't know what you see in my son, but I suggest you stop seeing it. This will only bring pain for the both of you."

And with that, he sauntered from the room.

Seconds later, Watanuki raced into the room, face pale. He was followed by Clow, who was in uniform, face grave.

He knelt down before Kurogane, "Kurogane, what happened?" he inquired.

"…The hell?" Kurogane grunted, stirring. He ran his hand through his hair, fingers touching something damp and sticky. He stared at his palm, wet with blood. He groaned slightly; he must have hit something when that bastard threw him. He tried to lean up, putting pressure on the wrist Ashura twisted then gave a yelp of pain. He looked down to find his wrist already swollen. "Fuck, it's broken."

"Kurogane, answer me!" Clow demanded sharply, "What happened here?!"

"Who called you?"

"I…I did," Watanuki admitted hesitantly, "I followed you after you ran off and saw you attack that man, so I called Clow-san."

"Kurogane, were you provoked?" Clow prompted, "You need to answer honestly."

"It was self defense."

"What actions were taken against you?"

"Bastard pulled a gun. He was… Fai—he—that was his father, dammit!" Kurogane hissed, anger swelling through his confusion. "Fucking bastard was his father!"

"Kimihiro, check on Fai," Clow ordered, expression grim. Watanuki frowned, but stepped over to the fallen blonde, leaning over to gently maneuver the boy into his lap, checking his pulse and breathing. "Kurogane, are you certain that man was Fai's father?" he inquired, voice low. "What was his name?"

"Ashura Flowright." Kurogane glared at his former probation officer, face set into a snarl. He stiffened though, as he watched the blood drain from Clow's face.

"He said that was what his name was?"

"Yeah," the teen answered, unsettled at seeing Clow so agitated.

"Kurogane, I need you to do what I say. I am going to escort you home in my car—don't protest, I know it's only a block away, but necessary precautions need to be taken. Lock the doors and close all the blinds. Do not answer your phone. Do not answer the door. Stay low—I need you to either lie down or sit on the floor away from the windows and turn off all your lights. Do not even move once you're there. Once I've cleared things up here, I will come and escort you both to the hospital to get your wounds cleaned up; you will know it's me—I still have the key to your apartment."

Kurogane's anger drained from him, only to be replaced with something completely unusual: Fear. In all the time he had known Clow, the man had always been jovial and laid-back—now he was completely serious; he even looked a little anxious himself. "Clow, what's this all about…?"

"I can't tell you any more than Ashura Flowright is a very dangerous man. He's not supposed to be here at all."

"Why not?"

"I can't tell you," Clow repeated. "Fai's the only person who could—but not even he can."

The man stood, eyes sweeping the room. "Stay here for a moment—I'm going to pull my car up to the entrance."

Both Kurogane and Watanuki watched in concern as Clow swept from the room.

"I've never seen him so serious," Watanuki whispered. Kurogane crawled over to Fai and Watanuki, finding himself too dizzy to stand. Every move made his wrist throb in protest and his vision swim while the room spun around him, but he pushed the sensations away, completely focused on reaching the blonde.

Watanuki moved aside, allowing Kurogane to transfer the unconscious boy into his arms.

"What happened?"

Kurogane pulled Fai into his arms, shielding the boy with his body, cradling him close. "Fai probably doesn't want anyone to know," he whispered thickly, pressing his face against his ex's damp cheek. "He… he probably doesn't know that it's wrong." He found that his voice cracked, so he shut up, slowly rubbing Fai's back with his uninjured hand.

Watanuki studied the two for a long time, then stood, dusting off his pants; "You two… broke up, didn't you?"

"…He ended it," Kurogane muttered.

Watanuki winced, hearing the lost pain in the older teen's voice. For years, Kurogane hadn't been anything more to him but a fixture in his life—a name he heard on the gossips' lips, a bully in the background, one of his father's troubled wards. He had always been the scary, stoic figure in the back of the picture, brooding and quiet with a horrible temper and a hell of a punch. He had never been a person until just recently, a year ago when Fai had become enamored with him for the first time. He was still getting used to accepting that Kurogane wasn't just angry, he was kind too—and now he was lost.

Watanuki wondered if, before Fai… if Kurogane was just that, a two dimensional figure in the world, waiting for someone to come breathe life into him. He himself had certainly felt that way before Doumeki… And even before that—he couldn't understand how he lived before Fai. He knew Sakura, too, felt the same. Even Shaoran had a debt to Fai—without him, the drummer had admitted one day, he and Sakura may have never gotten together. (Watanuki didn't quite believe that—he had slowly begun to buy into Yuuko's theories that those who were meant to be together would always, somehow, be together in the end.) He imagined losing Fai himself—if Fai had up and decided one day not to be his friend anymore… It was such a lonely feeling… and yet, he knew, he understood that Kurogane's loneliness was a hundred times that—a thousand times that… for anyone could plainly see how in love he was with Fai. Fai was his world… and his world… suddenly decided it didn't want to be there anymore.

"I… I can't tell you it will be better, that he will come around," Watanuki said awkwardly, "But… I can tell you that… Fai has his reasons about everything… and it must have been one hell of a reason because we all can see… that he loves you."

Kurogane snorted; "Yeah, kid, I know… I just wish…" He trailed off, eyes growing unfocused. After an awkward moment, he cleared his throat, pulling Fai tighter to him.

They stayed in silence for a few more moments before Clow came back in, carrying a blanket in his arms. "Wrap Fai in this—he may be in shock," the man instructed.

Kurogane ignored the pain in his wrist, carefully draping the blanket around Fai's body. He stood slowly, wobbling a bit at first as the wound on his head throbbed. He cast his eyes around the room to find what he had hit; a bright red spot stood out against the crisp metal of the pipe that extended from under the small white sink. Kurogane grimaced—well, it was better than hitting the sink itself. He'd be lucky if his skull wasn't cracked. He bent down, scooping Fai into his arms. He scowled softly, feeling that the blonde weighed at least ten pounds lighter than he had six weeks ago.

He had been so wrapped up in his own pain that he ignored Fai slowly wasting away in front of him.

"How do you feel?" Clow waited for a few moments, then frowned, "Kurogane? Did you hear me?"

"What? Oh… uh… dizzy as hell. Wrist hurts," he answered curtly. He looked down at the blonde, "I'm more worried about this idiot, really."

Clow peered down into Kurogane's eyes, worry deepening the already drawn face; "I think you might have a concussion—is your vision normal?"

"A little blurry, but—"

"Keep on top of that—when we get to the hospital you'll need to tell them everything. Can you walk?"

"Standing aren't I?"

"Well, come on; keep your head down."

Kurogane hesitantly followed Clow, swaying slightly as he moved, careful not to jostle Fai too much. The boy moaned in his arms, face damp with tears and sweat. Kurogane was anxious for the boy to wake up. Nasty purple bruises were beginning to form around his neck and upper arms, vivid against pale sweaty skin. It was only sheer determination that kept him going; once he had safely deposited Fai into Clow's car, he lurched forward, bracing himself against his knees (his wrist screaming in protest), and vomited. A combination of disgust, worry, and ever-growing pain made his stomach churn horribly, his throat convulsing. He spat out a mouthful of bile, vision going black.

"Hold it together until Fai wakes up," Clow urged, helping the teen up and into his car. Kurogane nodded, wiping the back of his mouth with his uninjured arm, jaw clenched as the world spun even faster. "I'll help him into your apartment, okay? Here."

Kurogane reached out, taking a piece of cloth, "What…?"

"Hold it to your head—you're still bleeding."

"Oh…" Clow slid into the car, quickly shutting the door. They drove the block to Kurogane's apartment, stopping right in front of his stairs. The man got out first, his hand close to his gun as he surveyed the surroundings. Then he leaned forward, opening the back door to take the unconscious blonde into his arms as Kurogane clumsily got out himself.

Once inside the apartment, Clow hastily went around, shutting off all the lights as Kurogane laid Fai out on the floor near the couch, pulling off blankets and pillows to make sure the boy was comfortable.

"Stay here—remember what I said. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Kurogane nodded, following Clow to the door. Once the man was out, he awkwardly did all the locks, his fingers fumbling against the cold metal. Once that task was done, he made his way back to the younger teen, collapsing next to him, eyes sliding shut. He couldn't remember what his coach had told the team to do in case of head injuries—something about having someone with them at all times… He was fairly certain he wasn't supposed to sleep—or was that something else entirely? The pain from his head and wrist bounced off each other, making thinking near impossible. He felt himself slide down onto the floor, head landing on something soft. He could feel the soft rise and fall of Fai's chest, as well as the muffled thud of the boy's heart. He could only assume he'd landed on the blonde's stomach. He made to move, but found himself unable to, too close to unconsciousness himself to shift.

He fought against the blackness, trying to focus on something besides escaping the pain. And it wasn't just the pain from his injuries that he wished to escape from. His thoughts drifted to Fai and what had happened, not just that night, but a month and a half ago. Were they in some way connected? Why was Clow acting so weird… why did it hurt so much? He'd had many injuries before in the course of his sports career, especially in kendo, but nothing had ever hurt this badly. At least his wrist was getting better—or worse, depending—he could barely even feel it anymore. He felt Fai shift below him, the boy groaning softly as he came to.

Fai blinked his eyes open, entire body sore and tight. It was dark, pitch black in the room. Something heavy and wet was on his stomach. He shuddered, memories of his father and Kurogane fighting flashing through his mind's eye. A small whimper escaped his mouth as he shot up, the weight of his stomach falling against his thighs.

"Uhn."

Fai blinked, hands going to the noise. His fingers collided with a face, damp with perspiration and something else, something stickier and thicker. Blood. "…who…?" his hands met short hair, and he moaned softly. "What…?"

"Sh, be careful," Kurogane muttered, voice heavy. "Clow said to keep low."

"Clow, oh, did the police come?" Fai whimpered desperately.

"I think he told them to lay off," Kurogane grumbled.

"…are you…?"

"Don't worry about me," came Kurogane's gruff reply; "What about you? You had a gun pointed at you."

"I…it's nothing I'm not used to," Fai admitted faintly. He squinted, his eyes adjusting to the almost-nonexistent light. "Please… don't… worry about me. Don't waste your time. Are you okay? Your face is bloody." In fact he could feel it seeping through his jeans, warm and sticky against the skin of his thighs. His hands trembled, fingers carding through Kurogane's hair absently. It brought back memories of when they were intimately close; sometimes they would lie together like this for ages, simply enraptured by the warmth and softness of two bodies pressed so close. A tremor overtook Fai, and with a soft sob, he realized that this could possibly be the last time they would ever be close again, whether he left or not.

"I'm okay," Kurogane insisted.

"Liar," Fai whimpered; he could feel the blood from Kurogane's head. He remembered the awful crack of the elder's wrist during the fight.

"Fine, I have a concussion, probably. Least, that's what Clow said."

"Your wrist…?"

"Broken, more than likely."

"Oh… Kurogane, you stupid, foolish—"

"You know, I… I miss those stupid nicknames," the athlete interrupted. One by one, he could feel tears falling against his face. He opened his eyes, finding Fai leaning over him. The boy's face was beautifully contorted, eyes screwed shut, lashes damp and dark from the tears that fell, lips trembling as he sobbed silently. "I miss you," Kurogane continued.

"You've really hurt your head," Fai hiccupped, breath hitching. "You can't. I'm horrible, I'm dirty, I'm dangerous. Why didn't you listen to me? Why? You saw, you saw! Why did you have to do that—I never asked to be saved!"

Kurogane lifted his hand, taking one of Fai's in it, squeezing tightly; "You didn't have to ask, I knew."

"God," Fai wailed, "You have to hate me, you just have to! I told him you didn't love me and you went and did that!"

"I don't know what game you're playing, so I played my own."

"What's that supposed to mean, you idiot? You almost died! He could have easily turned that gun on you—I have to do what he wants, oh, Kuro-sama, I can't keep living like this—it's either him or nothing for me; protecting me won't help a thing. You'll die."

Kurogane gave a short laugh, eyes fluttering close. "That's more like it. It doesn't sound right when you say it. Cutesy is more your thing. Besides, I've told you… I won't die." He could feel himself losing his grip on consciousness, "And… if it comes down to it, I'd be glad to die protecting you. Isn't that… what…love…is…?"

Fai could tell that Kurogane was fading; "You're tired, it's okay… I'll watch you," he promised, squeezing the elder's hand, "I'll be here, I promise you; I'll protect you this time. Go to sleep."

He leaned down, gently pressing his lips to Kurogane's, tears dripping freely onto the athlete's cheeks. There was a gentle pressure against Fai's lips before Kurogane dropped off, hand slackening slightly as the elder finally escaped. Fai straightened, leaning against the back of the sofa, crying loudly, almost hysterically.

He didn't want to leave this at all. His walls weren't working. Building barriers against feelings that had already invaded his heart didn't work at all. It made them worse, more intense. Trying to forget Kurogane made him love him even more.

He hated to admit it, but somewhere in his heart, he had been praying that the junior would come and save him.

But that was no good—if Kurogane always saved him, how was he supposed to get stronger? How could he live without him if he grew dependent on the elder teen?

It just wasn't fair!

XxXxXxX

He'd never seen such a beautiful bird. So small and delicate. He'd never seen one with such a soft blue color either. It was almost too beautiful too look at.

But it held itself oddly. Instead of sitting tall and singing proudly like all the other birds, it hunched upon itself, wings tucked tightly to its side, tail almost limp. Its eyes were sad and dull.

He reached out tentatively, holding his outstretched palm in front of the small little thing. It tilted its head, chirping softly.

It was such a beautiful sound. A song from the bird would be joy in itself. The bird hesitantly hopped into his hand, careful not to extend its wings.

He brought it to his chest, cradling the creature in cupped hands, slowly nurturing it until it could sit tall again, eyes bright.

And yet it would not open its wings. It would not fly.

It never left the safety of his hand. It went with him everywhere, singing a song only he could hear. Such a sad song it sang, yet so cautiously happy.

And came the day it needed to fly away to protect itself. He could not do anything for it; the bird needed to fly itself, away to safety. It hopped away in a feeble attempt at escape, and at the last minute, it expanded its wings…

They were clipped and plucked, bloody and in disarray. It wasn't that the bird wouldn't fly, it was that it couldn't. Someone had taken away its will.

The bird stared at him sadly in that moment, carefully tucking its wings away, turning from him in shame. It could not be like the others; it hid its wings. What was once its pride, its sole possession, was no longer usable, no longer there. Broken and pitiful…

But that made it so much more beautiful.