Part 29
(Author: Jennzah)

Legolas was worried. it wasn't a feeling he had often, and it wasnt a feeling that was familar to him, not at all. in fact, the last time he'd felt worried was when Jairah had been cut by the Orc blade, and she'd been dying, and when she'd disappeared. and now he felt it again, only ten times as worse. and once again, this worry pertained to Jairah.

he looked over to where she sat, huddled next to one of the large Fangorn trees. She looked so small, so fragile. Her arms were wrapped around her knees that she'd drawn up to her chin, her hair spilling over them. She stared off into the forest, not focusing on one specific thing. She was lost.

When they'd fled Isengard, he'd run with her in her arms, because in Isengard she'd broken down, she'd stopped. He couldn't explain it. he felt her inside, calling herself a killer, and struggling to find her way back to the light. she felt shrouded in darkness. and he did not know how to draw her out.

Once they had reached Fangorn, he'd let her rest, they'd all rested. The forest was safe, and they were all so tired. Once nightfall fell again, and Gandalf had still not returned, they set about settling in, to wait for him.

Legolas had taken Jairah into the woods a ways. She had not spoken since she'd called to him, to tell him where she was in the thick of Orc corpses, and this had troubled him. Indeed, she'd barely moved. She breathed, but that was about it. Her eyes were glazed, as if she were asleep but she was aware of what was going on around her, she allowed Legolas to lead her into the trees. Her eyes were cast down most of the time, she only fixed her gaze on him a few times.

He had found a small waterfall, a beautiful thing really. He looked at her, still caked in Orc blood, in her hair, on her skin, on her face. He took her hands in his and looked at them, the blood was under her nails. She'd slain so many Isengard Orcs. He must get the blood off of her.

So he'd lifted her up and she'd let him. she was as limp as a rag doll, and he was careful as he pulled her garments off of her, and shuddered as he saw the long thin scar on her abdomen. he let his fingers graze it, and then he took her in to the water and washed all the blood off of her, out of her hair, off of her skin, out from under her nails, untill she was sparkling and white again, just like she was at home, before times like this. she didnt move nor speak while he did all of this, though her eyes did meet his for a few seconds while he washed her face. it made him troubled to think that she was hidden, somewhere deep inside of herself, so far in that even he couldn't draw her out. he drew her hair, now wet, away from her face, and kissed her forehead.

"Jairah," he whispered, but couldn't say anything else. he'd brought her out of the water and wrapped her in his cloak, and set her by a tree, and went about bathing himself, and then washing all the blood and dirt out of her clothes. she sat, motionless, staring off into the sky. he looked back at her, from the side of the water, and he sighed. he didnt know what to do. she was so far hidden that even when he tried to talk to her with his mind she couldn't hear him, it seemed.

he looked at Jairah's dress as he brought it out of the water, she couldn't wear this dress anymore. it was badly stained and torn in many places. he didnt know if she'd brought any other clothes with her, and Leila's clothes would not fit Jairah, for Jairah was much smaller formed than Leila, for Leila was human, of course. so he went back to Jairah's side, where she still sat, huddled in his cloak. he drew the cloak off of her, buttoned his green waistcoat on her, wrapped the cloak back around her, and drew her into his arms again and went back to where the rest of the company had made a camp.

He heard Pippin complaining loudly about the lack of meals for the "larger people" as he came up, and he had to smile. The small hobbit saw him approaching with his love in his arms and came up to him. "How is she? Has she spoken?" he asked.

Legolas shook his head. "No," he said. He set Jairah down on her feet, which were bare. Pippin eyed them, looking at them funnily, for they were different than hobbit feet. Jairah's feet were not large and hairy, they were small, white, and smooth.

"Her feet are so white!" he said, looking up her legs, which werent covered too well by Legolas' coat and cloak. Legolas noticed this, and quickly picked up Jairah, while the completely innocent hobbit spoke again. "anyway, we're just about to go have some supper, do you think she'll eat?"

Legolas looked at Pippin. "Im not sure." he said, for he wasnt."but we will join you for certain. Give us just a moment." The hobbit nodded, and turned and went back towards the fire.

They had moved the elves things to a small tent off to the right, and Legolas went to this tent and began to search through Jairah's small bag that she'd carried. Sure enough, stowed at the bottom of the bag, was an extra dress. however crumpled it had gotten from travel, it was still clean and in good condition. as he smoothed it out, he noticed it was a dress his father had given her, a pretty dark green trimmed in a green so light it looked silvery. his father loved Jairah, doted on her like a daughter. how sad he would be to know of her current state. right now he wished for his fathers guidance, for certain he would know how to help draw Jairah out of her own mind.

he shook the thought away. it would do him no good wishing for things that could not be. he took the dress to Jairah, who sat outside in his cloak, staring at the sky again. he gently dressed her, and she let him, and then led her over to the fire where everyone sat.

they all looked at her as they sat down. she looked at none of them, her eyes were cast downward at her still bare feet. her hair was tangled, and Legolas took his fingers and began to gently comb through it, from the crown of her head to the very ends at the bottom of her back, a little at a time.

Aragorn finally broke the silence.

"how is she?" he asked quietly, gently.

Legolas looked at him, his fingers still combing through Jairah's hair as he spoke. "I do not know. She is hidden, deep inside herself, struggling to find her way out. I cannot even communicate with her mentally. when i push into her mind, i see black, and i hear her calling her self what in our language would be the word 'killer'. it was one of her fears, you see, that she was becoming a killer, and not who she was."

"It's my fault," said Leila suddenly, from her place next to Boromir. "I did it."

Legolas looked over at Leila, and shook his head. "How could it be your fault? This is an internal battle that Jairah is having with herself. You could not have caused it."

Leila shook her own head furiously. "It IS my fault. I caused this. All of this. I nearly caused her to die, when she was cut by that Orc blade. That was my fault as much as it was the blade that cut her. And now this. She is fighting with herself because of me." Tears came into her eyes.

There was a moments silence, before Gimli spoke up.

"Please tell us how this is your doing, Lady Leila. I fail to see how it can be any of your doing."

Everyone looked at Leila expectantly. She in turn looked at Boromir, for a long moment, and smiled. Then the smile faded and she looked at the group again.

"It is my fault because Jairah promised to help me. None of you save Aragorn and Legolas know this," she said, looking around at the faces. "But Boromir was supposed to die that day, at Amon Hen, when Jairah was wounded. He was supposed to be killed by the Uruk-Hai. and I knew it. and I didn't want it to happen, because im in love with him. And i went to Jairah, and i told her this, amongst other things. And she told me that she would help me prevent his death, because she knew the throes of love." Leila looked at Legolas as she said this. "And of course, he is alive. but Jairah was wounded, and she nearly died. That was my fault. and she has been fighting now all this time. it is my fault." Leila looked at Jairah now, who was staring into the fire that was in the middle of the group, her eyes glassy. Legolas had finished with her hair and it now shone and had tumbled over one of her shoulders. he had one of his arms protectively around her shoulder as well. He, however, was looking at Leila and shaking his head.

"No." he said. "Leila, please. You are not responsible for this. Jairah did promise you that she would help prevent Boromir's death. She fulfilled that promise. But it is not your doing that she has fought all this time, and now fallen into this state. Do not think that."

"How can I not?" Leila said. "She has been so driven.."

"She has been driven, yes." Legolas said, smiling gently at her. "But its not because of you, or because of Boromir. If any blame needs to be laid, it is at me. She is fighting for me. For our love, and for our life back home. She told me. She would fight to see it thrive, to see it stay alive. It fueled her, this, for a long time. It was why she came on this journey in the first place, Leila. Long before you fell into the dark waters of Moria into our lives. So take heart. It is not your fault."

Leila had fallen silent next to Boromir. She remembered what Jairah had said back in Lothlorien, about having the strength, and having the mind to protect what she loved, and she felt sad. Jairah had fought for so long that her strength had run out on her, and her mind was threatening to as well.

"Will she ever get better?" Pippin spoke up, munching on an apple. He'd given some lembas to Legolas to give to Jairah, but she had not touched them, she was still sitting, motionless, next to him, staring at the fire. He touched her head, and she had fallen into sleep. The darkness inside had quieted for now.

"It is my hope, that when Gandalf returns, that he will be able to aid me with this. I do not know how to draw her out." Legolas told him.

just then they heard a snap in the woods, which sounded like footsteps coming closer....