Gaara didn't know what happened. One minute they were opening the scrolls, and the next he was shoved into a woman's chest, suffocating.

"Thank you, kid, for saving my daughter!"

"She's not your daughter, she's your niece!" Tayuya, as Gaara learned her name was, growled.

"I don't give a damn, Tayuya! You, Karin, and Naruto are now unofficially my children!"

Gaara's eyes were wide. He could feel the warmth coming from the woman, crashing over him like he was her own.

What is this feeling? Why am I letting her touch me?

"I'll unofficially adopt you, too, kid, for saving Naruto." The woman holding him had affection in her voice. For him.

"I just brought the girl here," he said when he was finally released. "I wanted some of that soup."

I didn't kill her because I know she has that soup.

The woman smiled brilliantly. "Who gives a damn, you probably saved her."

She was being honest, and she wasn't scared of his sand.

She went over and tapped Naruto lightly, then frowned.

"Are you sure she isn't dead? She looks super dead."

"I told you!"

"SHE'S NOT DEAD!" Karin screamed at Tayuya.

"No, she's still alive," Gaara assured the woman. "I can see her heart beating."

The woman grinned brightly. "Yay~"

Gaara looked at Karin.

"Can I have the soup now?"

~:~

Naruto smirked to herself. Orochimaru was a terrible teacher.

He got impatient, and he was scared of the Kyuubi.

"Okay, so, one last question before I leave you alone," she said, not bothering to emphasize the 'I' part. "Will the actual you get all the memories of this?"

"Obviously, I'm part of myself," Orochimaru sniffed haughtily.

"Okay. Thanks for teaching me the techniques!"

She stood up and smiled and went to leave.

"Wait! You forgot the beast!"

Naruto paused, tilted her head, and turned.

"I said I was going to leave you alone," she informed him with a psychotic smirk. "Not that he would. It's cliche, but it works. Also, you sucked as a teacher."

She left the gaping snake freak to gape and be a snake freak.

"You -"

She slammed the door to the main part of her mind and heard Kurama's cackles.

Yeah, she really should get out of there.

With that thought she saw a bright light -

"-I DON'T WANT TO DIE YET!" Naruto sat straight up, shocking everyone into stillness.

Including the white-haired guy currently standing over her with a seal.

"Oh, is that supposed to seal the curse mark off?"

The man nodded.

"Well, too late, sir. Kyuubi's taking care of the Orochimaru in there. He is a sucky teacher," she sulked. "Giving me the answers to everything, including the handsigns on how to make Doton jutsus... Man, that was lame."

Silence.

She closed her eyes. Kurama, estimated time of that seal vanishing?

Actually, I was thinking about that. Why don't we use the seal for like a minute and see what it does?

...No. I may be crazy, but unless you wanna lose your chew toy before your done with him, then the curse seal needs to go.

Damn. Fine. Gimme another minute.

Another minute passed, her eyes still closed.

And then pain shot in her shoulder, and she grasped it reflexively.

"Damn it, that hurt!" she yelped, taking her hand off of it. The white haired man stepped out of the sealing configuration, and everyone in the room stared at Naruto.

"NARUTO!"

Kiana hurtled into the room and embraced her.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Calm down, Aunt Kiana! I'm fine!" she attempted to calm her down. "Kyuubi was just feeling a tad playful with the remnant of Orochimaru. Otherwise, I am absolutely fine," the preteen said with a grin.

"Naruto-chan," the Hokage addressed her. Naruto stiffened a little bit and her face became indifferent. "You say that as if you and the beast are... Friends."

"What can I say," Naruto said, tilting her head. "He hates all of you, but just adores my clan. And me." Right, furball?

I hate you, the Kyuubi said with zero menace.

"Mostly me," Naruto added. "He likes being semi nice to me. It seems to take a monster to befriend a monster, ne?"

It was gratifying to see him flinch imperceptibly.

"What about the Uchiha?" Kiana asked, looking only mildly concerned. "I heard he was here."

"Sasuke got sealed by the hebi-teme?" Naruto growled at the thought of it. "I'll unseal it with Kiana's help."

"I thought you unsealed Tayuya's by yourself?" Kiana hissed as the Hokage acquiesced and led them to a separate room.

"That was different," Naruto whispered back. "I had your help then, too. Unsealing Tayuya was easier because I just threw a few seals together and hoped for the best."

Kiana facepalmed.

But she got her sealing supplies out, anyway.

"Might I join to make sure you don't screw up?" Jiraiya the Toad Sannin asked in a casual voice.

"The simple fact that you said that is enough to cause insult with the Uzumaki," Kiana said, paying zero attention to the Sannin. "Luckily, Naruto and I actually can do this. Now, what seals did you use to counter the whole 'evil' aspect of that other seal?"

"Well, I assumed that it was being controlled by Orochimaru somehow, so I used an odd seal over an odd," she answered.

"Dangerous. But it might work. Let me see the seal, snake lady," Kiana ordered a shocked-looking Anko. "Then we can unseal Sasuke. I assume you have a seal - Orochimaru seems to like sealing people."

Anko looked at the Hokage, who nodded.

She shoved down the shoulder of her sleeve. The evil mark appeared on her skin.

"I think I used this and this," Naruto drew two pillars on the paper to keep the seal aligned as it needed. Her hand kept moving smoothly as Naruto finished the necessarily complicated seal. "This is what I had."

Kiana looked over it.

"Wow, this is the most complex seal I've ever seen in the last twenty years," Kiana said, impressed. "You learned a lot from Kazama."

"Mostly that stalker fangirls are bad," Naruto said with a smirk.

Kiana hit her arm.

Naruto chuckled, then sighed. "Let's unseal the bastard."

"Yes," Kiana smirked. "Anko-chan, come here~" Kiana said in a sing-song voice.

"Aunt Kiana, you're creeping me out," the young kunoichi deadpanned. "Stop messing around and let's kill the fucker."

Kiana nodded - then leapt forward and slammed the seal on the mark.

Anko gaped, too bust staring at Kiana to feel any pain.

"Huh," Kiana said. "Does it scour the chakra system pain-free?"

Sasuke was led in, and one pain-free seal later, he was walking away with a grin.

Naruto smiled smugly. "I am fantastic," she boasted.

"Fuck you, bitch. You got nothing on me," Kiana said, lightning arching between heiress and member of the clan of crazies.

"Enough," the Sandaime sighed. "Let's just go into the Tower and Naruto, you rest for a while. You still have a few days."

"Very well, Sandaime-sama," Naruto bowed, her voice instantly going cold.

She vanished down the hallway.

"What did you do to piss her off?" Jiraiya asked his sensei.

The Hokage shot his student a dirty look, but didn't respond.