The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 0: Part 29
(Meanwhile at Mr. Burns's old mansion the next day, which was given to the Simpson's
during the last chapter, Marge is talking to Aon.)
Marge: So it looks like you'll be working for my husband.
Aon: Working WITH Homer, not for.
Marge: Right working with, forgive me for asking but I don't think I ever asked how you
and Andúril first met.
Aon: You haven't.
Marge: Well, how did you meet?
Aon: Well we first met two hundred years ago at the end of the Orion civil war.
Marge: There was a civil war?
Aon: Yes I just said that, you may want to get a chair this might take a while.
Marge: Look all I just asked was how you two met.
Aon: This is related to that so just sit down and listen! (Marge gets a chair.) Now then the
origin of the war itself is rather complex but I'll skip that, anyways about a hundred years
after that I was a shield maiden to Minas Aiur.
Marge: That sounds exciting.
Aon: That's what I thought, but after a while I got annoyed with his delusional ramblings
about how the Fellowship really rules the galaxy. Plus he had a crush on me which was
annoying because he would randomly try to flirt with me.
Marge: Could you skip a bit?
Aon: Very well, one day during an arena tournament at Gra'toa. I think the combatants
were Gol-Gor Oth and some sort of Telkine-human crossbreed; anyway shortly before the
ending Andúril jumped into the fray for reasons even he isn't sure of.
Marge: I've heard about Gra'toa, what is that anyway?
Aon: I'll get to that latter, anyway he interrupted the match by incapacitating Oth and
saving the life of the cross-breed, as you can imagine Aiur was outraged not only because
he stopped a match but because Aiur was suspicious that Andúril was trying to court me,
which at the time wasn't true but, well he was the Twilight Emperor and he had a right to
be paranoid.
Marge: Is this going anywhere?
Aon: I'm coming to that, anyway Aiur gave Andúril a choice, either face him in single
combat or be exiled from the Rhodes sector forever, he took the former and faced Minas
Aiur and (She notices Marge is leaving.) where do you think you're going?
Marge: Well not be rude but, I'm not really used to older people telling me their life
stories, it's nothing personal but it just seems like you're going in a
Aon: O never mind, at this point it should be expected of your species to not listen to
anyone.
Marge: Ah huh, now then not to pry but how exactly did you come to adopt Knara?
Aon: Don't push it.
(Meanwhile else ware in the mansion, Lisa and Knara are talking.)
Lisa: So this isn't the first job your parents have taken?
Knara: It's not even the third time, but at this point I'm starting to get used to it, almost.
Lisa: Almost?
Knara: No wait I was talking about Aon's jobs, Andúril went through hundreds of jobs in
between now and the forty-seven hundreds, a lot like your own father but over a much
longer scale, and also better thought except for ONE small part time job as a Dxun teaser.
Lisa: Don't tell me what that is; I think I have a vague idea.
Knara: Good don't go farther than that.
Lisa: Look, forgive me for asking, but you could you tell me a little bit about yourself?
Knara: Well I was raised on Telchine.
Lisa: What was that like anyway? I only spent a week there during the summer and I
didn't really see much.
Knara: I can understand that for two reasons. One you only had one eye for that entire
week, (Lisa has an annoyed look on her face.) and two the Counsel of Tourism and inter-
species relations decreed that tourists aren't allowed around civilians.
Lisa: That doesn't really answer my question; you only made a snide comment about my
cybernetic eye.
Knara: Sorry Tsaritsyn's sense of humor tends to tub off after a while, anyway I will
explain this to you plain and simple, everything that Orion citizens take for granted, free
speech and etc, you have to go through Hell and high water to get said rights in the
Fellowship.
Lisa: What? Why?
Knara: In case you haven't noticed since your arrival in the future, aliens don't really like humans, fortunately for us nearly all alien races have a strict code of honor so the worse they can do is forcing any humans they come across to work with a confusing list of paper work, normally to their own advantage.
Lisa: Look Di-In already explained this to me and to a lesser extent Bart when we were on Mimban IV.
Knara: Please don't interrupt; anyway Bart told me about the trip to Mimban on our last date, now then I was one of the very few humans who wasn't subjected to the over-zealous persecution of humans, largely in part of my father's efforts.
Lisa: Really? What did he do?
Knara: Butting heads with Counsels, arguing for better living conditions for humans in the Fellowship, risking both his hide and neck just for my own well-being. Which, untimely proved to be fruitless, as most were either disinterested, or completely annoyed with the whole idea.
Lisa: Well why were humans subjected to that kind of injustice anyway?
Knara: It's very simple as far as the Counsel of internal discipline is concerned, and I
quote. "Either you're strong enough and brave enough to shed blood to keep something or
you do not deserve it at all and never deserved it in the first place."
Lisa: That's barbaric! Why didn't anyone try to stop it sooner?
Knara: Like I said rights that are taken for granted here were pretty much swept under the
rug in the Fellowship, freedom of speech among other things.
Lisa: Then how did he get away with speaking out against human injustice if the
Fellowship doesn't have freedom of speech?
Knara: The Fellowship did have freedom of speech, just not to the extent the Federation
has; besides he was a very important member of the Fellowship so he wasn't sent to
Gra'toa like most political dissidents.
Lisa: Oh, so how do you feel about living here?
Knara: (Sighs.) I was excited to come to humanities home world at first, make a
difference in the galaxy, that sort of thing but apparently the anti-Earth propaganda was at
least partially correct. I mean, (Groans in aggravation.) the rude and ungrateful behavior,
brazen disregard for even the simplest laws, blind, overzealous, self-righteous belief in
one's own personal creeds without any regards to anyone else's opinions or rational
thought, and worst of all no real sense of privacy.
Lisa: I know what you mean, but you'll get used to it eventually.
Knara: That's what I thought after last week, but I have to be honest Seraph was right, the
only judgment humans take seriously is either at the barrel of a gun or the edge of a blade,
they are the only guaranteed methods of getting people to remember or listen to anything
important.
Lisa: You listened to Seraph?
Knara: We became close friends before she left for Mimban, most of the time we spent together she mostly explained her pre-adopted life, and most of that time she was incoherently crying and sobbing.
Lisa: Really? That doesn't sound anything like the Seraph from last week.
Knara: No, but Twi'grutan's are a very emotional race. A few simple words or actions can drive a Sovereign into a blood frenzy or break down into tears.
Lisa: That explains a lot, so many of her temper tantrums was just out of control
hormones.
Knara: Apparently, but nearly everyone at our age is subjected to that kind of brutal
torture.
(Meanwhile in another room, Homer, Grunchy, and Aon are in a meeting with the
Springfield Mafia.)
Fat Tony: Mr. Simpson, I congratulate you on your recent prosperity.
Homer: (He's bashful.) It was nothing really; all I did was embarrass a member of the
military.
Fat Tony: I see, well now that you are a captain of industry so to speak, I think you should
know that I am here to collect on charity, if you know what I mean.
Grunchy: Skip to the point gorilla.
Fat Tony: Forgive me for saying so, but your miniature goon seems to be a little short
tempered.
Homer: Shhh, shhh! Don't call him a goon.
Grunchy: (He tries to claw at Fat Tony but Homer is struggling to keep him back.) Leave
me alone with this glorified bipedal walrus and you will find a… interesting mess all over
the floor, oh yes it will inspire a binge purging for the ages!
Fat Tony: I take it he does not like being called a goon?
Grunchy: What was your first guess you wretched Cocytus spawn?
Aon: Just get to the point of this "sit down" shizno.
Fat Tony: Let me put sweet and simply, we will make sure that nothing happens to the
weapons factory for fifteen thousand credits per week no more no less.
Aon: So it's extortion is it?
Fat Tony: No not at all, I am just asking for a sum of money every week or I send my men
over to your factory and break random equipment and electronics.
Aon: (She pulls out a pair of Brute Spikers.) You know it would be wise for you and your
"friends" to, Akatosh, run with your tails between your legs and By-rul'k, and don't blurt
out your intentions. Now GET OUT! (She begins to fire as the Mafia runs outside, she
pursues.)
Grunchy: Just once I would like to chase them out.
(Mona enters the room with a plate of freshly baked cookies.)Mona: Homer you told me
you were having friends over.
Homer: I did! (He pouts.) But Aon chased them off just because there were with the
mafia.
Grunchy: They were trying to extort you, or racketeer I don't know much of what mafias
do. Either way they were not here on friendly business.
Mona: (Sighs.) Homer how many of these crime bosses have you met so far?
Homer: So far just Fat Tony, I have twelve other meetings later.
Mona: (Sighs.) Why are you doing all of this anyway?
Grunchy: I'll leave you two alone. (He leaves the room.)
Homer: Look Mom I'm new to this whole CEO business, these guys offered to help with
administration matters so I could spend more time with my family. (He whispers.) I know
that sounds crazy, but after the FBI hauled Moe away for smuggling explosives Ur-nuck
took over, it now smells like rotten eggs and burnt card board as opposed to gasoline and
fresh pee from before.
Mona: Homer I'll be blunt, I am very disappointed in you.
Homer: Why because I'm now living in the mansion of the very same man that forced you to be on the lamb for thirty long years?
Mona: No that I'm happy for, it's that you would be this irresponsible enough to deal crime syndicates. (She groans.) Homer I was going to tell you this a little latter but now I
am just going to tell it to you strait.
Homer: Mom, what are you talking about?
Mona: Homer, (A man that looks like Eric Idle enters the room.) this is Peter.
Peter: Hello Homer, (He shakes Homer's hand.) it's been to long since we last met.
Homer: Do I know you?
Peter: No but I know you, (He shivers.) more than I would have liked wanted to.
Homer: Have you been stalking me, (He grumbles.) just like the FBI and everyone else?
Peter: No not really.
Homer: Wait… are you anything like the Q's from Star Trek?
Peter: Bravo Homer you guessed quicker than I thought you would.
Homer: (He squeals like a giddy school girl, or your average boy band fan, take your pick.) MOM! THERE'S A Q IN THE HOUSE!
Peter: Homer I'm not a Q, I'm a Time Lord.
Homer: Time Lord, Q whatever, I really liked your work in Encounter at Farpoint that
was my favorite episode of the Next Generation.
Mona: Homer please focus honey, this isn't going to be an easy thing to say but, (She
takes a deep breath.) you and I are both Time Lords.
Homer: (He's chuckling.) Come on Mom quit joking with me. (Mona and Peter have serious looks on their faces.) You're not joking; I've been a Q all this time and you never told me!
Peter: YOU ARE NOT A Q! NOBODY IN THIS BUILDING IS A Q! SO WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP! SIT DOWN, AND LISTEN! (Homer quickly takes a seat.) Thank you, now that you have piped down I can call the meeting to order. (He bangs a gavel and the room changes into a war room.)
Homer: What then? What did you do to my house?
Peter: Nothing, as far as anyone is concerned you never left that room.
Homer: Okay, (He whispers to Mona.) I'll play along Mom, but I seriously think this guy
is a bit wacko.
Mona: He always was, it's a rather long story but I will get to that later.
Homer: How much latter?
(Groucho Marx enters the room, yes THE Groucho Marx.)
Groucho: Well that depends on a lot of factors, when we get the latté of course but Peter
never tips the delivery boy so he might be delaying on purpose.
Homer: Haven't I seen your face somewhere before?
Groucho: Right where it is.
Peter: Look just get everyone ready for the meeting? We have no idea what the enemy is
up to.
Groucho: Just off the top of my head, either building the largest house of cards in the
galaxy or posing for a lingerie magazine.
Peter: Honestly where do you makeup these crackpot theories?
Groucho: Didn't I just say that? Off the top of my head.
(Meanwhile on Rapture, Tyrana and Dr. Husk are constructing… the galaxies largest
house of cards; don't ask me why I'm making this up as I go along.)
Tyrana: Okay Husk, were just a few cards away from the ultimate galactic record.
Dr. Husk: Very well sir, (He gives him several playing cards.) best of luck.
Tyrana: (He gets on a platform and it levitates up to the ceiling, roughly ten minutes of
this latter he reaches the very top.) Okay, just nine more cards and the record is mine, (He
places the cards gently on top.) eight, seven. (Just then a loud slam thunders through the
room and the house of cards falls apart.) Six, five, four, three, two, one, Husk what just
happened!
Dr. Husk: It's Rhea.
(Rhea is in the doorway with an angry scowl on her face and her eyes are colored red.)
Tyrana: (Moans.) Why are you here? (He jumps off of the platform and lands right in
front of her.)
Rhea: I have to talk to you about something.
Tyrana: Leave us Husk, check on Nian or something see on how that lingerie catalog
photo session is going. (Husk leaves.) No then as you were saying?
Rhea: It's about this war.
Tyrana: Yes I'm quite disappointed as well.
Rhea: Really?
Tyrana: Yes it didn't have the bang I was hoping for, but they'll be enough time to get
around to that.
Rhea: I meant this war altogether, it has to end, right now!
Tyrana: (Sarcastically.) Rhea, it touches my hearts that care so much about the wellbeing
of your people, and your massive hunk of beef cake.
Rhea: I know you're talking about Stan. At any rate I don't care what it takes I want this
war to end today!
Tyrana: You know that cannot happen, we have gone too far to stop now. What ever
happened to the cold ruthless killer I met all those decades ago?
Rhea: She changed.
Tyrana: (Chuckles.) She grew soft on those whom her master frequently ranted about as
being flawed, I'll agree with Kaos on that but not to the extent he believes in it.
Rhea: I can still kill; remember I almost killed you before.
Tyrana: Ah yes how could I ever forget how we first met, when was that again?
Rhea: When I kidnapped Minas Aiur seven-hundred and fifty years ago, you broke the
visor on my helmet and then I grabbed your neck and proceeded to snap it.
Tyrana: Yes and then Aiur trusted a random steak knife into your head and you exploded
like some kind of giant dye pack, I'll never be able to repay him for that close save. Just a
stupid question but wouldn't that raise suspicion? You know exploding in a giant bloody
mess.
Rhea: Hmm, I never really thought of that.
Tyrana: Anyway, I am not going to try to end this war, from what I have heard WOK has
pretty much gone rogue, plus I'm pretty sure the "investment" Kaos made with Albion and Blazkowicz unnerved Burns beyond restoration. The point I'm trying to say is that I can't end the war now is because I do not know where to end it. (He slumps back in a chair.) Sometimes I wonder if the risks I'm taking are truly worth it, I mean one small mistake could inadvertently destroy the entire operation; Aiur would tear out my entrails and have my carcass paraded across the entire Rhodes sector.
Rhea: This is no time to worry about gruesome consequences. This mad scheme has to end.
Tyrana: I agree with you, I've been taking far too many risks with this.
Rhea: Very funny Tyrana.
Tyrana: No I'm serious this time, the fall of Katorga XII, over a thousand years of plotting has only left, what enough blood to drown half of this galaxy? For all I know I have doomed the entire universe to enslavement by a mad man.
Rhea: (She puts her hand on Tyrana's shoulder.) I know you had good if somewhat psychotic and delusional intentions for galactic civilization. But as the old saying goes, noble intentions are easily corrupted.
Tyrana: Perhaps, look I have a very risky idea I want to tell you. You will try to keep
Kaos's plans at bay, and when the Hierarchy falls (I'm not having high hopes of that
happing mind you) I will not try to exterminate humanity.
Rhea: What makes you think I would believe you? You aren't exactly one for keeping
your promises.
Tyrana: That's a given, but you love Stan don't you?
Rhea: He is the only man I have ever truly loved; he may be the only person I could ever
feel romantic feelings for.
Tyrana: Then consider this, the longer humanity as a species lasts, the longer you and
Stan can be together, possibly start a family without Kaos hovering over your shoulder
telling you what to do and using the obedience failsafe whenever you refuse.
Rhea: (Nervously.) I suppose that would nice, but Kaos would just be downloaded into a
new body if he's killed anyway, and it would be impossible to downgrade or box him
since he's a Progenitor.
Tyrana: When the time comes such sacrifices will have to be made, and when that day
comes I hope that you will be there to lead the charge
Rhea: Really?
Tyrana: Neither of us have any love for that delusional science experiment of Andúril's,
no offence.
Rhea: None taken, so it's settled I will form a splinter cell in the Hierarchy and prevent the extinction of humanity while you run him ragged till he starts pulling out his hair.
Tyrana: Or until he pulls a gun on his head, whichever comes first. You are free to leave
if you wish.
Rhea: Yes lord Tyrana, (She notices the large pile of playing cards on the floor, she picks
one up.) what are these?
Tyrana: Oh those? There old Terran playing cards.
Rhea: I know what they are but why are they here?
Tyrana: Well you know I like to do little things, practices in little pointless hobbies that don't go very far, you know to keep my mind off of my frustration. You know wasting the last thousand years of my life trying to destroy the human race?
Rhea: Ah, you mean like how you blackmailed my sister into belly dancing at her state of the union address?
Tyrana: Not really, FOX news ratings were at an all-time low and I was really desperate to not air over three hundred-thousand Seth MacFarlane cartoons AGAIN and, well it's been far too long since I publicly humiliated an Orion president.
Rhea: Ah ha, and thanks to that I changed my last name from Orion, to Aeryn.
Tyrana: Fair enough, that and a dumb joke like "gone awryion" would compel anyone to change their names, or jump out of a ship hanger from high orbit over a planet.
Rhea: And what's that I heard about a lingerie catalog?
Tyrana: You'd be amazed at how lucrative that business is. Plus the last decade has been a finical disaster for me.
Rhea: Really? I thought only the Federation had that problem.
Tyrana: Look can you please just go back to Ooban please?
Rhea: Only because you said please. (She leaves Rapture.)
Tyrana: (He whips some sweat off of his forehead.) I thought she would never leave.
(Dr. Husk and Nian enter the room; mind you she is in a bikini that matches her skin tone.)
Dr. Husk: Is she gone?
Tyrana: Yes, and she now believes I won't try to destroy the humans, or the Machina.
Nian: What? Who is "she"?
Tyrana: Why, the lovely senator Rhea Aeryn of the Machina.
Dr. Husk: Wait I thought her last name was Orion?
Tyrana: It was but after that embarrassment with her "sister" she changed her name, and
besides if you think about it her name is just an alias anyway so it doesn't really matter.
Nian: Hmm, I think I would like to meet this Rhea.
Tyrana: You might, but if you do would you kindly not speak, at all? (Nian snarls
angrily.) Look just try to be patient, your people are hunters you of all people should
know that. Now would you kindly go back to your room? Put some cloths on, and get
back into your cryo-tube? (Nian is silent, she leaves the room.) Husk, make some
arrangements in the wilderness sector to assist the Alliance plus assistance to the
Fellowship with Cartel resistance cells.
Dr. Husk: By your word, wait was this choice of Rhea's persuasion?
Tyrana: Not really, but it is merely for the sake of sowing the deception, you see
humanity isn't the only life form in the universe that has to be destroyed for the sake of
all. The Machina seek to destroy all life in the galaxy, I don't care if at least one of them
wants peace but it doesn't change the fact that they betrayed my people. OUR people Husk, and because why, a small computer error?
Dr. Husk: There primary control hub was destroyed.
Tyrana: Even so that's not an excuse for treason, and soon they will pay for it as humanity will soon pay for the fall of the colonies, and existence itself she hail me as the savior of all until the last age!
Dr. Husk: (Worried.) Of course it will… (He leaves the room.) One of these I have got to get him a therapist.
(Meanwhile on Earth, Bart and Tsaritsyn are in the recently installed holo-deck in the mansion.)
Bart: So what game do you want to play? (He pulls down a holographic menu.) This looks nice, Call of Duty: Galactic Warfare 2
Tsaritsyn: I would but only if it stops calling it keeps me up at night. Why I gave duty my
phone number I'll never know we haven't dated in weeks.
Bart: (Awkwardly.) Okay, Sheila why don't you pick one?
Sheila: (Her hologram appears.) Must I be dragged into this?
Bart: Yes you must, now what games would you recommend?
Sheila: You wouldn't like the options I would present.
Tsaritsyn: Normally I wouldn't agree with an AI but I'm not in a normal mood today.
Bart: Look I already picked one game and I'm not going to pick another one.
Sheila: Very well, but if you don't like it, it was your idea for me to pick this.
(Sheila pulls down a menu and selects a game; suddenly they are over a large Savannah,
Bart and Tsaritsyn free-fall for a minute before landing flat on their faces.)
Bart: It feels like my first day of school all over again.
Tsaritsyn: It feels like my first day at school, except I was flat on my back. In fact I think
this is the first time I've ever fallen on my face.
Bart: Don't you ever shut up?
Tsaritsyn: Yes but that's normally when I can't think of anything to say.
(They both get back up on their feet.)
Bart: What game is this anyway?
Sheila: (She appears in a princess gown; she is speaking in a southern accent.) Oh please
brave duds, help me!
Tsaritsyn: What's the problem ma'am? Blue goblins from the north are coming to take
over your farm lands?
Sheila: No! My daddies' hotel is going under!
Bart: Going under what?
Tsaritsyn: (He slaps Bart over the head.) First off babbling confusing wit is my shtick!
Secondly I think I've played this game before, just a trick question but what's the name of
your daddies' hotel?
Sheila: The Gnome Plaza Hotel.
Tsaritsyn: Scratch what I just said; I HAVE played this game before.
Bart: What are you talking about?
Tsaritsyn: This is Fantasy Hotel, in this game you have to manage the hotel of your
dreams, or more accurately and honestly the hotel of your nightmares.
Bart: Why is it hard?
Tsaritsyn: Yes and no, yes it is hard. No it would have been otherwise if Sheila didn't pick
campaign mode for us.
Bart: What's campaign mode?
Tsaritsyn: I'd tell you but I don't want to spoil the look of surprise and anxiety when
everything goes to the dogs.
(Several minutes later Knara and Lisa enter the holo-deck to find a well decorated hotel
lobby.)
Lisa: Knara do you know anything about this?
Knara: Yes I think so, assuming we don't meet anyone named "Me Who" or "Hey Low".
(To men come up to them, and just a heads up it's not Bart and Tsaritsyn, its two men
named Me Who and Hey Low.)
Hey and Me: (In unison.) Did someone mention our names?
(Tsaritsyn shows up with a pair of axes in his hands.)
Tsaritsyn: Boys if I've "axed" you once I'll "axe" you again, (He drives the axes into their
heads.) will you two please not bother the guests? (He goes behind the reception desk.)
Now then can I help you beautiful young ladies? Or are you going to help yourselves?
Just so you know unless you sign in the guest book you're not getting any of the services.
Lisa: Tsaritsyn we are not looking for a room, do you know where Bart is?
Tsaritsyn: I don't know, he said something about rearranging the room numbers.
Knara: Wouldn't that be confusing?
Tsaritsyn: Yes but can you imagine how much fun that would be?
Lisa: I imagine you don't get much repeat business do you?
Tsaritsyn: More than you'd think, there's a seventy-five cent dinner special every night
that knocks everyone's eyes out, after their eyes are knocked out I jack up the price to
astronomical costs. Just out of curiosity why are you two down here anyway?
Lisa: Well Knara thought it was important.
Knara: Yes it's time for… (She shows her watch.) The, you know?
Tsaritsyn: Oh, so you're tired of Lisa annoying you with probing personal questions so
you came down here for an early training session. Now if you'll excuse me I'll go find
Bart but you may have to wait a while he might try to run for it or I might get stuck in the
elevator. (He gets into an elevator.)
Lisa: You thought my questions were annoying?
Knara: Look apart from mother I'm not used to being asked personal questions. Besides
yours just kept pulling up one over another, I swear I was one or three dead end questions
away from impaling you with my shock lance.
(Meanwhile in the same room Homer before the scene changed to Rapture, the Time
Lords are still in conference.)
Homer: So let me get this straight, my mother is a Time Lord? I am half Time Lord? and
my kids are one forth Time Lord?
Peter: FINALLY! It feels like we've been in this meeting for over a month now.
Homer: But I have two questions now, first why has my family and I been sent to this
horrible future were humanity lives in only ONE measly galaxy? Two who was
responsible for that blue dome thingy? Was it you? (He points to Peter.)
Peter: Don't be silly Homer the Time Lords had nothing to do with the Chronodome and
the repercussions that followed. It was the Charons that were responsible for just about
everything that has gone wrong over the last three thousand years.
Homer: Yeah right everyone tries to blame something on someone else that is SO
original!
Groucho: You don't know what a Charon is, do you?
Homer: (Embarrassed.) No.
Groucho: Neither do I so better let Peter do the confusing chattering.
Peter: (He sighs in frustration.) Fine let ME do all the work, the Charons were… are an
evil alien race created by the Seraphim over… has it been eleven-thousand years now?
Anyway they were originally created to spread peace and enlightenment throughout the
universe, but as anyone with a brain would know things like this never go according to
plan.
Homer: Is this going to take long?
Peter: Listen you were patient enough to realize you were a Time Lord/human hybrid you
can wait a little longer to explain what is going on. Anyway sometime after they were created the Charons were offered the ability to manipulate time by the Dark lord in exchange they would destroy the Seraphim. (He then goes on to explain the almost the exact same back-story that Twile told Bart in chapter 22.) and that Homer is the state of the universe at large, now how much of that did you listen to? (Homer is staring into blank space.) I'll take that as not much.
Homer: How do we Time Lords play apart in this? I mean it seems to me this whole thing is just a blood feud between the Seraphim and the Charons.
Peter: That Chronodome was made from refined Time Lord blood, OUR blood!
Homer: What! That can't be true, that's impossible!
Peter: It is true and it is possible, the Dark lord taught the Charons on how to harvest and
kill Time Lords. Over the last three thousand years many of us went into hiding,
occasionally mating with other species.
Homer: EWW! Nasty!
Peter: O keep a lid on it, that sort of thing spawned you.
Homer: Wait, does this mean that.
Peter: No your father is not a Time Lord, and for that I am very grateful.
Homer: Oh, but does that mean?
Peter: No you wife isn't a Time Lord either. Believe me she would have made a terrible
one, much like the same logic that you aren't French, like she is.
Homer: Oh, but are my?
Peter: Yes and no, yes Maggie is 100% Time Lord thanks to that little cloning incident
that brought her back from the dead. No Bart and Lisa are technically one forth Time
Lords themselves as you stated before, and to answer your next question in advance you
and your children have only a limited grasp of Time Lord powers. But for the sake of the
galaxy I won't tell you what they are.
Homer: What! Why not?
Peter: For one thing if I know you well enough that it would lead to chaos and utter
destruction.
Homer: But I want them now!
Peter: Sorry Homer, and before we go keep the closest eye on Flanders that you can spare
if you don't the consequences will spell doom for the entire universe, meeting adjourned!
(He bangs his gavel and the room returns to normal.)
Homer: D'oh! Mom why didn't you tell me any sooner?
Mona: Homer understand that I would have told you sooner, but so many things came up,
the 60s, the 70s, the 80s and so forth were so chaotic I'm actually surprised that I didn't
forget I was a Time Lord.
Homer: Just because I can, and speaking as half-human. Why did you bother coming to
Earth?
Mona: I always found humanity to have been such an interesting species, so resilient and
such a long list of heroes. But apart from that I didn't know squat about the human race
and then I came here and.
Homer: And another thing, (He's trying not to laugh.) did that guy honestly expect me to
believe that my children now have angels in their personal lives?
Mona: Technically Seraph isn't one of your children, but due to her exposure to the
quantum radiation, the Thrail nano-probes in her bloodstream and her recently reactivated
connection to the Essence she should have some Time Lord Powers, eventually.
Homer: Uh huh you veered completely off topic.
Mona: Oh right, well yes it's true that Seth and Knara are both Seraphim, as well as the
Templar that Seraph is with now. Mark my words someday the fate of the universe my
very well lie in the hands of the Simpson's.
Homer: Ah does it have to?
Mona: Believe me I wish it wouldn't, but then again no one is really the master of their
own destinies.
Homer: O come on Mom what makes you say that?
Mona: Believe me I have my reasons to believe that.
(Bart and Lisa enter the room.)
Homer: Kids, I don't know how to tell you this.
Bart: Please not another triple bypass.
Homer: No it's… a bit harder to take in then bypass surgery.
(Homer then goes on to explain what Peter told him before.)
Lisa: You expect us to believe that nonsense?
Homer: (Bashfully.) No, not really. Just getting to that age were you just make up stories
for no apparent reason you know?
Lisa: So you're starting to become more like grandpa?
(Grandpa enters the room dressed like Professor Farnsworth from Futurama.)
Grandpa: Good news everyone! I have come to greet the newest member of the
Simpson's! Now where is Sheriff Ashpants? I want pinch his checks till they turn red.
Homer: Not really kids, for a start I know that Seraph left about two weeks ago.
Grandpa: Look I know I'm not perfect but did you have to give what's-his-name a heads
up to run for the hills?
Homer: No dad it had nothing to do with you, and besides Marge called you about that a month ago what took you so long?
Grandpa: Thought it was another prank call from that little delinquent "El Barto."
(Aon jumps into the room and throws several objects which turn into a force field.)
Aon: KEEP YOUR HEADS DOWN!
Grandpa: GAH! The British are coming! The British are coming!
Aon: What? No this has nothing to do with the British, and who are you anyway?
Grandpa: I'm Homers father, now who are you ugly?
Aon: We can talk about that later but, (A gunship resembling a Scorpion Gunship from
James Cameron's: Avatar.) just get to cover.
Homer: What did you do out there!
Aon: I got carried away running them off and the mafia somehow got their hands on an
Orion gunship, don't ask me how (She pulls out a Collector Particle Beam emitter from
Mass Effect 2.) just get to another room before the sparks fly.
Bart: AHH! I like sparks!
Aon: Fine you can stay, but if your mother asks why your impaled on a large piece of
metal I won't say a word about it.
Bart: Point taken.
(Everyone but Aon hastily leave the room, she then fires her weapon and the gunship
starts to crash down in flames but the crew survives.)
Fat Tony: I told you goons to read the owner's manual!
Frankie the Squealer: It's not my fault, the new guy was supposed to read it.
(There is a guy that looks like Chico Marx climbing out of the cockpit, this isn't the real
Chico mind you he's just a parody.)
Chico parody: (He has a heavy Italian accent.) It's a not-a my a-fault-a! The manual she was-a spelt a-funny!
(Meanwhile Mimban IV, Seraph has just returned to her dorm room after a long day, she has a tired look on her face.)
Seraph: Boy has this been a long day, (She sits down at her QDAT and turns it on.) I thought my therapy session with Solemn Oath would never end. I need to relax before delivering that report to Stan.
(A hologram of her QDAT's AI appears.)
QDAT-AI: Excuse me Miss Ashla, but you have some unread Q-mail from EMIR-12.
Seraph: I was beginning to wonder when he was going to call back, patch him through.
(The recording begins; there is a hologram of what looks like Legion from Mass Effect 2 firing an assault rifle.)
EMIR-12: Greetings Seraph Ashla, we are EMIR-12, we are here to reveal the truth, truth that has been hidden from you, hidden from us, and hidden from history. (A large hole is blown in his chest,) Turvack! I just got that cleaned!
Seraph: EMIR what's happening?
EMIR-12: Our secrecy has been compromised! I'm certain how but some Blood cultists
has found us!
Seraph: Well what do you want me to do about it!
EMIR-12: Nothing, but listen very carefully, we have uncovered several secrets that
probably lured the shizno here. One if which, included the identity, of the leader, of the
Inquisition.
Seraph: Really?
EMIR-12: Not really, it's more of an alias really, "The lidless watcher." Whether or not it
is a mention of an actual handicap is another matter entirely, anyway from what little we
could decipher of his profile his base of operations is on an uncharted water planet deep
in the wilderness sector known only as Micara'vjala-Udrvanka, roughly translated from
Neo-Telkese it means, "Enclave for the weary exiles." We are not sure what this watcher is doing but from what little Intel we could gleam it's a mix between a refugee camp and a top secret research center.
Seraph: That makes sense.
EMIR-12: What's more they have to somehow get their hands on the deprogrammed
ECIDNA, now designated the Blade of Shak'ak-Uraas.
Seraph: Do you at least have any photos of the lidless watcher?
EMIR-12: No whoever he is he has obviously covered his tracks well. On a related note
according to the prisoner records, hold on this doesn't seem right.
Seraph: (Anxious.) What? What is it?
EMIR-12: According to the prisoner records YOU were confined to Virtual Torture, in
other words you've never been to Koprulu and were never technically subjected to the
torture that you claimed to have endured during your five year exodus from Mimban IV,
and before you start to correct me we happen to know that no such facility as Koprulican
Junior Spartan Training Sanctuary Alpha 1711830040-42 ever existed, and now that the
topic is up Koprulican training protocols are not as barbaric or as unethical as you
claimed they were!
Seraph: (She's stuttering.) But, but. I remember all of it will perfect clarity! I have all of
the scars! (She pulls down her cloths and shows EMIR-12's the scars on her back.)
EMIR-12: GAH! Was seeing those really necessary? Anyway if those are real then must
have been a pretty realistic simulation. (There is a loud explosion.) Seraph I don't know
how much more time I have left, so I'm going to tell you everything I should have told
you when I first contacted you. First off I was created by your father Narsil Ashla!
Seraph: What? That doesn't seem possible! Wait, now that I actually see you do look…
familiar.
EMIR-12: I was your fathers care taker, I was created to protect the Ashla clan after both
of your parents forswore their oaths of vigilance and attempted to start a normal family.
Seraph: You still don't ring any bells.
EMIR-12: Before your family went on that fated cruise your father left me behind and
told me that if you never return I was to dedicate the rest of my existence to tracking
everyone down and keeping you safe.
Seraph: Now I remember! Dad did tell you that, in those exact words! What took you so
long to find me anyway?
EMIR-12: It's complicated, at first I thought you were safe in the order, but then you left
it and somehow you were no longer on the grid. (There is an even louder explosion.)
GWAK! The galaxy must know the truth, you must tell the galaxy, break the silence! We
are EMIR-12!
(The leader of the humans comes up behind him and it is… NEDFLANDERS! Seriously
I had no idea he would stoop to this level, wait he looks brain washed.)
Ned: So you must be silenced! (He unsuccessfully tries to kill EMIR-12 by shooting
through the hole in his chest.)
EMIR-12: You idiot I already have a hole there! Who sent you anyway, The Inquisition?
Ned: No, master Kizer sent me.
EMIR-12: Who-the-what-now? (Ned aims his gun at EMIR-12's head.) Wait your
working with the Char…
(The video field abruptly ends; Seraph has a bewildered and confused look on her face.)
Seraph: Well… so much for relaxation, I just learned that the last five years of life was
some sort of long term conspiracy to bring about the destruction of the human race and
yes Zaar I know you and Daavas have been listening to everything in here.
(Zaar and Daavas enter the room.)
Daavas: Your smell gave us away.
Zaar: It's not my fault I'm attracted to the sound of plasma fire.
Seraph: How much of that did you hear?
Daavas: (Sighs.) All of it, now I'm scared out of my montrals how long has this… thing
been contacting you?
Seraph: Almost two months now that you mention it.
Daavas: You have to tell someone about what you learned.
Seraph: I can't!
Daavas: Why not?
Seraph: The galaxy would spin wildly into chaos and anarchy if what I was told ever
reached the public.
Zaar: Good point, this defiantly goes far beyond teenage pregnancy this could potentially bring about the fall of galactic civilization, and dare I say the very existence of the universe if it backfires horribly enough.
Seraph: No one asked for your opinion but that's basically the gist of it. The galaxy is in enough chaos as it is without the knowledge that someone orchestrated all of this. For all I know this only effects humanity and just so were clear I don't give a frack about what happens to any of them!
Daavas: Seraph… this doesn't sound anything like you. I never thought you were the kind of person to swear off your mouth AND hold an entire species in contempt.
Seraph: Well get used to it. I, no WE just learned that the past one thousand years of history have just been one big lie! Look I will deal with this myself when the opportunity arises.
Zaar: Funny could have sworn you just said that you have no care for humans.
Seraph: I did, but let's face it my people have suffered the most because of what this lidless watcher has done.
Daavas: You mean OUR people. Look does anyone else know about this?
Seraph: Well there's Bart and Lisa, and to a lesser extent Homer. (Daavas and Zaar have confused looks on their faces.) That would be three-fourths of my foster family.
Daavas: Yet that does not make me feel better; I mean what if THEY told anyone about this conspiracy?
Seraph: Trust me nobody would believe them if they said such a thing was happening.
Zaar: Let me guess, they were poor worthless nothings?
Seraph: Pretty much, now if you'll excuse me I have to write a report on the disappearance of the Republic 3rd fleet.
Zaar: Why is it the third they lost?
Seraph: No it's the second actually, right after the 1st scouting Fleet of Scouring
Shadows.
Zaar: Oh I heard about that, I had a cousin stationed in that fleet.
Daavas: Zaar you have a relative in nearly walk of life in civilized space, apart from video
game designer and freelance fan fiction author.
(Meanwhile on Telchine, Pala Di-In, and his Novus Aloo Styx are in a meeting with
Minas Aiur.)
Di-In: What do you mean I can't get a transport to Asogur!
Aiur: I am saying you sent almost an entire fleet to its death to rescue the son of one of
the Fellowships greatest enemy, an enemy which your niece's death made him mind you.
Now you come to me begging for ANOTHER SHIP!
Di-In: It's just the one! Your overreacting I'm not asking for another fleet, I'm just asking
for one craft to get us into the Asogur system and contact San with whatever information
he has for us.
Aloo: Master is it alright if I speak with him?
Di-In: (Groans.) Fine, I can't seem to reason with him.
Aiur: I heard that!
Aloo: Look, your Excellency. We aren't asking for anything big, we are just asking for
transport.
Aiur: Doesn't the order already have its own transport ships?
Aloo: It does but none with any sort of cloaking device.
Aiur: What about that ship General Tartarus used to break the pirate blockade over
Tiberius?
Di-In: It was a rental from the Republic and, well the check bounced and now we have to
wait for three months to get it back.
Aiur: Yeah it's kind of been a bad century for stealth ships so far but there bound to make
a comeback.
Di-In: Perhaps, look do you have any stealth ships?
Aiur: Yes but there all on deep space exploration missions and it will be awhile before they return.
Aloo: (Sarcastically.) How convenient, we need a stealth ship and nobody has one available.
Di-In: Never mind that we'll borrow a regular ship from Premier Maccabeus.
Aiur: Very well kovar'cha. But mark my words; you're a fool to trust him. I sense something malevolent on the horizon and he may very well be the harbinger of it.
Di-In: Come now your just being paranoid.
Aiur: He's been Premier of the Confederacy for ten years, he used the last Bugalorian
Plague to gain more power in the Alliance senate, and somehow convinced Senator Rhea
to make him Premier of the Koprulicans when the Commerce Collective decided to
blockade her world, and his pro-Lukus opinions seems to me very suspicious.
Di-In: (Sighs.) Aloo, can you please wait in another room? This may take a while.
Aloo: By your will my Master. (She leaves the room.)
Aiur: She's loyal for one so young; I always admired loyalty especially when there were
no chains involved.
Di-In: Are you going somewhere with this?
Aiur: Yes, (He opens a window.) look out there Di-In. What do you see?
Di-In: The motherword, Telchine. I have seen the savannahs and grasslands of our world
from my first hour to now.
Aiur: You see our homeworld as it once; I see it for what it is now. Weakened, broken,
shattered, you see the Fellowship for what it was and I see all this for what it is now. A
tarnished shadow of its former glory. How long do you think it will be until they rebel?
The Njord, Quetzal, or the G-avn'al?
Di-In: The Counsel of keeping internal peace have done their duty since the fall of the
Charons. Since the Age of Triumph we have been there protectors, lords and masters,
they can't rebel against the Fellowship because they don't know how.
Aiur: Perhaps, but every day the Fellowship diminishes and we can't restore it, they will
notice, and the UFO will eventually realize this and attempt to bring us beneath there
heals and make us there slaves. No one can be completely unaware of what has been lost.
We lost our honor with the Age of Stagnation and at the hands of man.
Di-In: The United Federation of Orion and humanity in general may have done horrible
things in the past, but they are on a rebound. It has always been a sad time when you
lament Aiur, a normal person without hope is one thing, an Emperor without hope is nigh
unthinkable.
Aiur: Do you doubt my courage as Tyrana does?
Di-In: No but I do doubt your faith in yourself, as the first son of Andu, ever since Aon
left your life your sanity has been spiraling downhill.
Aiur: This has nothing to do with Aon, look just go to Koprulu and ask for your stupid
ship.
Di-In: Very well. (He starts to leave.)
Aiur: The end is coming Di-In. Nov Grat'malaroth nolv-hatata. Theranis nov tritanaha,
witorus lovac. Nov vactaris, witorus cerebrals. Nov fredon'ius, witorus secrau-alchus.
(Translation: No war is without casualties. There can be no triumph, without loss. No
victory, without suffering. No freedom, without sacrifice.)
Di-In: Then we shall meet that end, with weapons in hand and in joy in ALL of our
hearts. Every life form in the universe rightfully belongs to the All-father Iam!
Aiur: Aye my lord Di-In, Dagoroth guide your blade, Feelia guide your mind, and
Tevinatarus guide your ambitions, and may the All-father save us all.
Di-In: To you as well Kovar'cha, believe me you need it more then I.
(Fifteen minutes later Stan and Seraph are in the School's war room.)
Stan: Seraph is your report done?
Seraph: Yes master, I've compiled over the technical data and assimilated almost a year's
worth of data on the subject to see any recurring pattern.
Stan: Well done, can't say I approve of the assimilating but well done.
Seraph: Not well enough, it's just too darn random, I mean the Republic 3rd fleet
disappeared at the edge of the wilderness border, and the 1st scouting fleet of Scouring
Shadows vanished deep in the War-fang system on the other side of the galaxy. Any
prediction would just be a wild guess.
Stan: Typical, little to no good Intel, dirty dark deals with the devil behind our backs
hampering our every move. I can tell you this; the pirates picked an all too convenient
time to strike at us.
Seraph: A good analysis master. Look I've been reviewing every scrap of information I
could gleam nearly every chance I could find and all of it points to the exact same
conclusion.
Stan: Let guess, this war shouldn't be happening?
Seraph: Yes, every possible conclusion has indicated that this conflict should not have
occurred, nor should it be possible for any of this to have happened.
Stan: Well that's reassuring, so I can just close my eyes and say. "None of this is
happening."
Seraph: I never said such a thing I simply pointed out that no one man could have united
every pirate gang in the galaxy, put them all under the same banner and managed to get
there filthy hands on so much advanced technology and equipment at such an alarming
rate.
Stan: Your right it doesn't seem possible, especially when you put it that way.
Seraph: Yes, and on a completely unrelated note I have you and senator Rhea Aeryn
scheduled for a midnight dinner at the "Seraphim's Grace" space station in orbit over the
planet on Saturday.
Stan: Yes excellent I've been meaning to get a reservation there for weeks now and…
wait why did you do that anyway?
Seraph: Well you know I thought I would do something nice since she did save our lives
on Vay'adour, besides you two seemed like a cute couple.
Stan: Are you insinuating something?
Seraph: No, no Master I'm not.
Stan: Good, if anyone found out I was married to her Di-In would be gnawing on my butt
for the rest of my life.
Seraph: YOU TWO ARE MARRIED!
Stan: I can't believe I just blurted that out loud. I've kept it all a secret since the siege of
Bugalore last year and I thought I could keep it secret until I became a
Seraph: Wonderful, I returned to the order just two weeks ago and apparently I have been
roped into some weird scheme.
Stan: Look it didn't seem that bad at the time, and besides it was a nightmare to convince
her to marry me.
Seraph: How did that come to pass anyway?
Stan: (Sighs.) Alright I'll tell you but you have to keep it a secret at ALL costs or I'll slit your throat got it Tano?
Seraph: You have an Ashla's oath on that, the threat of throat cutting was entirely unnecessary but go ahead.
Stan: Well funny enough it actually started about ten years ago when the Commerce Collective blockaded Rhea's homeworld of Ooban, Ibonek and his master Har-Bin Jaar went to try to negotiate for them to leave but they filled the meeting room with poisonous gas but they survived and went to the planet to rescue her and get her to Koprulu, cause at the time the Republic was at peace so the Confederacy were the only ones who could intervene, now on their way there ship got caught in a black hole and their Q-space engine was damaged beyond repair so they were deposited at Vay'adour, this is where I come into the story.
Seraph: I thought you said you were born on Koprulu?
Stan: I did, but you see my mother and I were… sold into slavery when I was three by my step-father.
Seraph: Yeesh and I thought I had it hard.
(Stan then goes on to tell her about he came into the Lukus Order and the Siege of Bugalore, which is basically a very long parody of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, and Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, complete with a Rakatan from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic playing Jar Jar Binks, and a subplot about how Catherine and Rhea first met that doesn't really go anywhere important.)
Stan: Then this WOK nonsense started and our marriage has been somewhat strained and
she's been acting really weird.
Seraph: She's human, your all weird universally weird.
Stan: Yes that's true, that good will tour was rather sudden, and she didn't really do much
apart from closed doors meeting. Plus she brought her handmaidens with her.
Seraph: How is that bad?
Stan: Were there any assassins that showed up unexpectedly?
Seraph: Yes.
Stan: Did any of these assassins kill anyone?
Seraph: No, actually I killed one and it exploded like a giant dye pack.
Stan: Wait am I going anywhere with this?
Seraph: Not really, personally I think your trying to make small talk.
Stan: Oh… well your dismissed.
Seraph: Then what should I do.
Stan: Enjoy your youth while you're still young.
Seraph: As you will my Master. (She leaves the room; she is intercepted by Daavas and
Zaar.) What do you two want and did you listen to anything in there?
Daavas: Not really we feel asleep from Tartarus telling his life story for the umpteenth
time.
Zaar: I've been trying to pitch a movie series about his life story for years, I wanted to get
the point of view of everyone involved but they were either dead, war criminals, or
demanded I just leave them alone. Which reminds me how do you think that robot is
doing?
Seraph: There was a gunshot before the transmission ended how do you think he's
doing?(Meanwhile on the ruins of Katorga XII, EMIR-12 is running from Ned Flanders
and his followers, which for anyone who is curious are various alien species and humans
covered in elaborate black tattoos.)
EMIR-12: I don't give a frack who you are, but whatever you and the Charons are
planning is already forfeit.
Ned: Only Kizer wants you dead, and soon every single alien in the universe. Besides I
thought I killed you
EMIR-12: First you're mad for even thinking about this course of genocide. Secondly all
you did was damage my long range receiver, and thirdly you do relies that there are at least thirty-five blood thirsty Blood cult disciples behind you and twelve of them are from five different sentient species?
Ned: It is as the master wills, and they know it as well as I do.
EMIR-12: What are you talking about? (He notices the glazed looks in all of their eyes.)
By the Forebears you've all been brainwashed!
Ned: Not brain washed. ENLIGHTEND!
(Ned and his followers continue to chase after EMIR-12 while he throws random
furniture to block there path, they corner him at a balcony overlooking the ruined
landscape of Katorga XII.)
EMIR-12: Mark my words mad one, you will fail. I will make certain of that, I do not
care for the salvation of the universe but my creator will die with it and I will not allow
anyone to die because of your wonton Speciesism! (He jumps over the banister, then a
ships flies up with him on top of it.) When this is over I'll cremate you with napalm and
make your spawn learn the truth of their fathers corruption
Ned: I killed them and drank and bathed in their blood, then ate there flesh with fava beans and a nice Chianti as part of my initiation trial!
EMIR-12: (Disgusted.) Sorry I asked. In that case I'll just cremate you with napalm (He goes down into the ship.)
(Meanwhile on Telchine, Minas Aiur is in a meeting with the members of the Fellowship of Andu government.)
Aiur: Now then I just want sure everyone is here this time so I'm going to do the head count again. Chieftain Fenr'is of the Njord Sovereignty?
Fenr'is: (Translation.) I am here, and await your word.
Aiur: Princess Selendis Lrack, regent of the Quetzal Dominion until her father recovers from his sudden case of the Bugalorian plague.
Selendis: (Perky.) Here, and might I say you look particular handsome today?
Aiur: I'm not in the mood for flattery today. The cOUNSELOR OF tHE cOUNSEL OF THE dRAIN bAMAGED?
A random Telkine dressed like clown: lES MY yIEGE!
Aiur: Thank you for showing up for once, and dressed. Lord Kitrach Armss'rij of
T.F.I.D.F.L?
Armss'rij: Here.
Aiur: Good that should be everyone I missed from my first head count so I'm just going to
continue my Sermon to the Fellowship. (He clears his throat.) Brothers and sisters of the
Fellowship, a red hour is dawning for us! For too long we have put up with the infinite
bickering of man, but now we have a chance to rebuild what we lost in the War of Stagnation all those long decades ago. Our future lies in the final conquest of the Cartel Remnants! As we all know the vile and hated Otiv is now rotting within the prison catacombs of our beloved motherworld. But those still loyal to his wealth have not yet surrendered; we will make them suffer to their final bloody cough for this!
Armss'rij: Excuse me for prying in your Excellency but is this going anywhere?
Aiur: It is Kitrach, we will make the Jabbabans pay for slandering the Fellowships honor, it will not be easy. Many will die before the wars end, but we stand triumphant over the broken bodies of our enemies, we will wipe out this plague! THE FELLOWSHIP… WILL… PREVAIL! Oh and after we're done with the rebel scum we'll join the Alliance in their hunt for the now elusive Wrath of Kaos.
Selendis: Why not just go after the pirates now? I mean they did destroy a two thirds of the Fleet of Infinite Vigilance.
Aiur: You'd think so, but I want to tie up every lose end before dropping the hammer on those dogs. You know make sure that our efforts aren't hampered on the home front?
Telkine in clown suit: mHAT TAKES MENCE TO SE.
Aiur: You have a good head on your shoulders despite your brain damage, or maybe because of it. Anyway, our path is set to war and only death is permitted to break it, after
all we are no strangers to war. Many of us have been fighting our whole lives in one way
or another. But in the end kovar'chas, only the bowels of the Dark lord await our
enemies… all of them.
(I appear out of nowhere.)
Darth Sith'ari: Sorry Aiur but do to some writers block on my part I'm going to have to
end the chapter early.
Aiur: I'll say the grammar in this script is appalling; it looks like nearly all of the dialog
was ripped off from video game cut scenes or from online comic strips, as well as a few
Marx brothers movies.
Darth Sith'ari: I know that, there were hundreds of footnotes all over this thing! Listen I'm
going to create another a chapter containing deleted scenes, interviews with the
characters, and maybe a list of triva.
Aiur: If I didn't know any better I'd say you losing your mind, I mean that weird guy
dressed like a clown? What's the point of that?
Telkine in clown suit: pHATS THE TORBLEM MITH WE?
Aiur: Case and point.
Darth Sith'ari: Like I just said I have writers block, and I also need a break from this for a
while. See you all next season!
Aiur: Wait there's going to be a next season?
Darth Sith'ari: Yes, complete with psychotic interstellar mayhem!
Telkine in clown suit: bSN'T THAT A IIT REDUNDANT?
Drath Sith'ari: (I blow off his head.) Oh shut up. Now then, enjoy these deleted scenes.
