Ok, so, I'm a day late. To be fair, I was a day early last time, so I'm hoping you will all cut me a little break since I was supremely busy in real life this past week. If I didn't pm you with a thank you, then I apologize. I was without internet for most of last week. I'm here now and here we go...
Chapter 29: Now?He sat silently just looked at her sitting there completely absorbed in the feel of the water surrounding her. She looked …peaceful … and happy. He sat back and tried to do the same as her. He could do with a bit of real relaxation. He was feeling wound pretty tightly from this whole mess.
If they just hadn't been pushed into this sector… No. As much as he was loathe to admit it to himself, it was his own fault. He should have acknowledged his deeper feelings for Leia much sooner. He knew they were lurking just below the surface of his façade of lustful playfulness and ever-present teasing. He had just refused to concede it before Uluruan. Yes, he had his reasons: he didn't want to be sucked into another military obeyance, he had to leave to deal with Jabba, and he didn't want to get tangled up with her because of the first two. Plus, there was always that annoying little - and exceptionally eager - voice in his head reminding him that she was a princess and princesses weren't known to end up with guys like him. Ever since they landed, that voice of negativity was louder than ever before.
Yet, he was still with the Rebellion after almost three years. Leia had pointed that out very clearly to him in the garden that night. While he was minding less and less about becoming a part of the Rebellion, his other reasons were becoming ever more burgeoning with each day.
The Council, specifically Anke, had told him to ignore Jabba for his own and Leia's good. In theory, she had a point, but in reality, not so easy. Staying with the Rebels had been a double-edged sword regarding that. Of course, if he was stuck here in the mountains with the Clans, then it would be a moot point most definitely. With the Social set for tonight, it was looking as if Jabba wasn't going to be the worst of his problems for a long while.
He looked over at the Princess again and his heart thumped. Normally, his blustering confidence led him wherever he needed to go, but not this time. He wanted to do this right. He probably only had one really good shot at this and after the mishandled blunders yesterday, he had to be right on target this time. Solo knew he had to focus on making her happy and feeling good before broaching the subject. Laying on some of the Solo charm that she pretended she was immune to was going to be important. Lately, she seemed more open to that charm, so he'd be a fool not to use it.
He ran over the events of last night. If anything, she was the brave one instead of him. While he set the romantic stage with fire, food, and wine; it was Leia that brought up the stone and his Claiming. She even wore the nightie! There were so many times since they had arrived here that he wanted to just pull her into his arms and kiss her until she confessed her feelings.
Of course, knowing Leia that could go one of two ways. One, the best one, was that she kissed him back and opened up to him. Or two, the worst one, was that she punched him square in the jaw and told him to go to hell. He only actually considered this option because at least it would give him an answer one way or another.
Solo sighed to himself and let the idea go – again. He was being stupid. Those were scenarios out of holofilms, not real life. Leia was a princess, a warrior, a leader, a strong and complex woman, not some one-dimensional character in a holo. She deserved his best. No. She deserves better than me, he thought.
At least, he could tell she was feeling somewhat recovered because the strain in her features has dissipated.
She rearranged her position slightly and sighed gratefully. "I could stay here all day."
"I used to as a kid, but that was more because we used to spend the day jumping down the waterfall and scrambling back up the rocks."
"You used to jump into the waterfall?" She asked incredulously opening an eye to better scrutinize his validity. "That's insanely risky."
He shrugged. "When you're a kid, it's easier to just jump headlong into something risky without thinking of the possible consequences."
She closed her eye again and nodded sagely. "That's true. Although you seem to still take your fair share of incredible risks."
"That's only because I'm hanging around princesses and farmboys that seem to get us into trouble."
"Funny, I thought it was because you liked to show off, Hotshot."
"I call it 'showcasing my natural talent in difficult situations.'"
Leia chuckled sarcastically. "In that case, you're a superstar."
Han decidedly took that as a compliment, of course. "Nice of you to notice, Sweetheart."
She kept her eyes shut, but shook her head in exasperation. "Not what I meant."
There were a few things she did notice, though. For instance, when he called her 'Sweetheart' that time, it was devoid of his usual sarcasm. Another thing she noticed when she popped open her one eye just now was how attractive he looked with his glistening shoulders and chest that were sticking out of the water. If he wasn't so damn good looking, leaving him here and not looking back wouldn't be so difficult, she thought.
It wasn't just that. Sure, she would miss his seeing his ruggedly handsome good looks on a regular basis, but there was so much more to him than that. He was a great asset to the Alliance with his leadership and combat skills, but again, that was just the surface of what made up Han Solo. Just the same as his old mercenary façade, he had a public persona and then the private one, the man he really was underneath. Over the last few years, Leia had been able to piece together enough of that man to know he was truly a good man. Each piece of his puzzle she had desperately and selfishly gleaned had grown her deeper feelings and her attachment.
As a member of the Royal House of Alderaan, diplomat and senator, Leia had been acquainted with a great number of beings over her 23 years. While there were plenty of 'nice' people, there were much less truly 'good' people. She always trusted her gut in these situations because it never steered her wrong. Her gut told her within moments of meeting him that he was one of the 'good' ones.
She thought about their first 'discussion' in the cockpit on the way to Yavin IV. He had been loudly insistent on money being his motivation. True, it's what may have started him on the path that would cross hers, but it's not kept him there.
Losing him would be a very personal loss to her. One that would rank up there with losing the rest of her family. At least he would be safe here on Corellia. That was about the only consolation.
The thought of him with another woman was bothering her way more than she could believe. She knew she had no claim on him. Ok, maybe here they believed she did, but she really didn't. They both knew that.
She opened her eyes to find him eyes shut and looking quite relaxed leaning back against the rocky side. She had a wave of intense emotion wash over her. It was pushing her to wade over to him and… Stop! she ordered herself. This time the emotional wave and image refused to follow her command. She wanted to glide over and straddle his lap, press herself against that hard chest, grab onto those muscled shoulders and kiss him in a way she had never kissed anyone before. Then she he looked at her in surprise, she would confess that she wanted him all to herself.
Leia shut her eyes in consternation. Ok, that's enough! What was the point of torturing herself like this. It was her fault that her feelings had developed this far. She just could not act on them no matter what. The end. Bigger things were at stake. Like the galaxy. She couldn't lose her focus like this if she were going to make any use of her life to bring down the Empire. Han had to stay and she couldn't. She wished things were different. Different between them. Different in the galaxy. But they weren't. She could try to enjoy her little time left with him, but then she would have to leave it behind and remember it fondly.
She sighed loudly. She just hoped she wasn't making a mistake.
Han heard the sigh and immediately opened his eyes. "That doesn't sound like your feeling any better."
"Actually, I am, but it's hard to turn off my mind." That confession surprised her, but it was better than the confession she was thinking of a moment ago.
"Why don't we go down to the lake then? The minerals are in there as well. It's not like this bathwater, but it's warm enough. We can swim around and maybe have something to eat. I brought some leftovers from last night."
Now that her back was feeling better, that sounded like an excellent idea.
"Sure, that sounds like a plan."
Solo smiled. You must really be feeling better if you think that was a plan."
"Maybe I am." She chuckled making her way off of the rocky outcropping. Indeed, she was moving with ease. "These minerals really worked."
"Glad to hear they did the trick, Sweetheart. Need any help getting out?"
"I've got it this time." Leia found a foothold along the side and while grabbing onto the sides, she hoisted herself up and twisted to end up sitting on the edge of the pool.
Han watched the movement of her lithe figure with interest. "You sure do. Right behind you."
It was Leia's turn to watch him hoist and twist to end up sitting next to her. He shook his head vigorously to release the extra droplets of water from his hair.
Leia pushed him away, "Han! Seriously?"
"What?" He was all innocence.
"Tell me, has that look ever worked on me?"
"Not yet, but I'm still holding out hope. You can't blame me for that, can you?"
Leia didn't want to give him the satisfaction of anything other than a haughty retort, but how could she crush his hope? Still, she rolled her eyes. She couldn't let him get completely away with it.
