Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own I would
Earth date – September 2268
'99 bottles of beer'
Over ten years ago, a restaurant in San Francisco
"So you've been drunk only, once in your life?" Uhura asked her new boyfriend, well they had been dating for over four months, and had started sleeping together, perhaps new was the wrong title for her Vulcan lover.
"Affirmative," Her Vulcan lover answered as he studied the menu on his comm.
"So what caused that state?" Uhura asked, she was learning to get a straight answer out of Spock, one needed to be direct.
"Excess consumption of chocolate,"
"Chocolate?" Uhura asked in disbelief.
"Indeed, Theobroma cacao, the main export of the Ivory Coast both globally and galactically…."
"I know what chocolate is, Spock but…wow! Chocolate gives you a buzz?"
"I fail to see the connection with the sound of a Terran insect, Nyota,"
Uhura laughed, Spock was more familiar with Terran idioms than he let on, but he realised playing the 'ignorant alien' made her smile, and he liked to see her smile. After explaining the meaning behind the phrase, she badgered him to tell her the whole story of his adolescent drunken escapade. Laughing at the humorous tale, she decided that ordering a slice of chocolate fudge cake for dessert might not be such a good idea.
"So, no Brown Russian drinks for you then." She said, eyes twinkling.
"Indeed, Nyota," his voice lowered in response. "I prefer to drink from a certain, 'Brown Kenyan'."
Her eyes went up in shock at his blatant sexual innuendo. She looked around the restaurant, no one was paying them any attention, a few glances her way at her laughter probably had them wondering if she was laughing at her own jokes, since everyone knew Vulcans were never funny, right?
Shore Leave, somewhere in the Alpha quadrant
"99 bottles of fermented grain on the bridge, 99 bottles of fermented grain, take one down pass it around, there will be 98 bottles of fermented grain on the bridge."
The tenor voice sang loud and clear in the night air, his fellow comrades trying to hush him up. Well one female was trying to hush him up, the other couple were laughing and singing along with slightly different versions.
"Spock, what's gotten into you, I told you, no chocolate," His wife, Lt Cmdr Uhura, Chief of operations of USS Enterprise, Commanding officer to 47 staff, struggled to handle her drunken, yes drunken husband as they headed to their hotel. It was all the Captain's fault, well it really was not but she liked blaming him.
"Nyota, my sweet chocolate princess, give me your lips."
Spock bent his head puckering up attempting to kiss his wife. It seem this drunken Vulcan did not have slurred speech, just a losing of inhibitions and a tendency to sing raucous songs…loudly. At first Spock sang ancient, erotic love songs in old Vulcan, thankfully only two people understood the dirty phrases such as 'open your thighs and let my head in.' However his attempt to try and place his head between her legs was the last straw.
"Hey Uhura, don't be, be susha spo, spo spoilsport," Kirk interrupted.
"You! I told you not to give him any chocolate!" Uhura shouted, very displeased.
"Ish, not me, no choco on dis planet, tey never erd da stuff." Kirk answered, defending himself against her attack, but he was correct there was no chocolate on the planet Waif. Something else must have affected her husband this way, but all he had to drink was the local juice, they both drank the same thing and she was fine. What on Earth had happened to him? When they returned to the hotel, she would ask McCoy to beam down and check him out. A shame he decided to stay on the ship.
XXxxxxxxxx
"I apologise for the illogical actions that took place, Nyota" Spock's voice croaked, his face showing glimpses of embarrassment, he was relieved they were in the privacy of their quarters.
"It's ok honey, you're allowed to act the fool at least once in your life or maybe more, as long as you don't harm anyone or yourself." She replied, her face stern but her eyes were smiling.
"So what did the blood test show?" Uhura enquired.
"It appears the planet Waif's fruit has a trace element of a substance that is a danger to Vulcanoids."
"Well what is it, and how much?" She was definitely worried now.
"Trellium X, not as toxic as Trellium D, but still harmful," Spock responded.
"Oh gosh," Uhura's hands went to her face in shock. "I better comm Lt T'Shira, I bought her a bottle of the juice we had last night."
"I hope the Lieutenant is not on duty." Her husband sat at his desk to check the duty roster.
It was not long after Uhura and Spock discovered the Communications officer had tasted the beverage, thankfully she did not drink enough to be as intoxicated as her superior officer. However it aided her with a social experiment she was conducting with one of the crew. Uhura never did ask what the experiment entailed, but years later all was revealed.
Author's notes
I was going to make this a 'Spock deliberately gets drunk' story but it seemed too out of character. Thanks to HeartofFyrWinyde for being my muse!
(One more chapter to go!)
