Twenty-Nine.

The camera flashes didn't bother Olivia as much as the dizzying mix of reporters firing questions while jostling for position amongst their colleagues. It was sensory overload. And also a little annoying.

Yesterday, Jason Ostrander, the megachurch leader and newest 2020 Presidential Candidate launched into a diatribe targeting the NYPD, his Democratic opposition, and anyone who fell politically left of center, calling them complicit in the attack and uninterested in pursuing justice. Olivia watched the press conference with her lips pressed together in a tight line. Her shoulders tensed. When she finally peeled her eyes from the television, she stared at Ed with a stunned, disgusted expression, shook her head back and forth, and muttered something about his statement being the most ridiculous thing she'd heard in at least ten years.

Today she and several members of the NYPD brass took to the airwaves to counter the attacks and disprove his egregious allegations. During her turn on the dais, she mostly responded with the same statement.

"Manhattan's Special Victims Unit investigates every report of rape and sexual assault with one goal—justice. At no time do we allow our investigations to be dictated or directed by political entanglements." She struggled at times to maintain an impartial expression, especially when the more salacious-minded members of the media posed questions such as "What can you tell us about allegations that your deliberate approach to this crime is part of a larger conspiracy to undermine and damage the Ostrander campaign?"

Olivia seethed with frustrated anger most of the day, especially when the surveillance footage provided no clear image of the perpetrator and the victim's descriptions were nowhere near specific enough for a sketch artist. Brown hair. Round face. Said he was a cop. Seemed like a cop. Had a gun.

"Did you see the gun?" Carisi asked at one point having asked it several times before.

McKenna's face crinkled and she scratched at her neck. "Yes, um, yes, I think so, it was…on his hip."

"Like this one?" Carisi pushed the flap of his jacket aside revealing his holstered pistol.

"Smaller."

The toxicology report revealed a cocktail of prescription and nonprescription drugs and alcohol in her system, but McKenna insisted she and the "cop" had a few drinks at a nearby bar and left together only to split up on the next block where she needed to veer off in the direction of Penn Station.

"And you went to the rally alone?"

"Yes," McKenna answered, "My family isn't…my family and friends and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye politically. They don't see how Jason and his movement are going to return the country to its greatness…finish the job Trump tried to do before…" She continued to ramble on, spewing far-right-wing talking points and Carisi, knowing he and the squad were under intense scrutiny, bit his tongue and listened. "You must understand," she implored, leaning across the interrogation table.

"That's beside the point," Carisi said, "My job is to find this guy. Now describe the bar again for me…"

Olivia watched from her office with the grim realization that McKenna's recollections were too contradictory or unclear or both. They needed a break. They needed a photograph, and Detective Fletcher and Fin were poring over street cameras, but without a more specific search area, any footage of the two would be procured by pure good fortune.

"You thinkin' maybe the guy she met at the rally isn't the actual perp?" Rollins asked. She, too, had been lost in her own mind, trying to conjure scenarios from the information Carisi was bringing forth.

"She's either holding something back or she just doesn't remember," Olivia said, "I mean, look at this list…almost everything in her system but GHB. She's lucky to be alive."

"Maybe it's better if she doesn't remember," Rollins mused.

Better if she doesn't remember.

This tiny piece of speculation stuck with Olivia and consumed her thoughts as she drove home that evening. In her career she'd seen dozens of instances like this one, and the answer was never clear and the decision was never easy. Would it have been better for her to have somehow forgotten William Lewis? Sealview? The handful of times she'd made a mistake and jeopardized a case or someone's life?

Ed immediately knew she was battling some inner demon. Her gait lacked confidence. Shoulders slumped. The color had drained from her cheeks. Even when Noah shouted "Mommy!" and leapt into her arms, the normal sparkle in her brown eyes barely surfaced. The twins toddled over to her, wanting in on the greeting, and Olivia sat on the floor for the group hug. She kissed and nuzzled her children without a word until they restlessly squirmed and she reluctantly let them out of her grasp.

Ed took her hands and pulled her back to a standing position. He brushed her hair back and kissed her tenderly. "Hi."

"Hi." She forced a tiny smile.

"Can I take you to dinner?"

Olivia looked over his shoulder at Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah. The twins were playing happily with their heap of toys and Noah had retreated to the dining table where he was set up with his art supplies.

"Sarah's gonna babysit," he said, "Unless…you'd rather stay in?"

Olivia brightened, "No, let's go. I…let me change first."

"Of course. I'll let Sarah know."

"Some place casual?"

"Wherever you want."

They opted for a nearby pub, not da pub, but a similarly casual spot with a long well-worn oak bar and dim lighting which fit Olivia's mood perfectly. Ed updated her on everyone's day as they sipped their first cocktails and wondered how long Olivia would stay silent about what was bothering her.

"Presser looked like a killer today," he mentioned lightly, trying to goose her into talking.

"Was it that obvious?"

He ran a finger along her jawline, "This gorgeous face hasn't relaxed all day, has it?"

She ducked her head bashfully, but couldn't help and didn't fight the emergent smile. "No, no it hasn't."

Ed played with her fingers and waited patiently. Olivia took another sip. Stared up at the television. Tore at her cocktail napkin. Finally, she lifted her head and was nearly thrown backward at the compassion and love in his blue eyes.

"Right now I'm feeling so…ineffective."

"You can't change minds of people like Jason Ostrander."

"I could," Olivia replied, "If I could make an arrest. Close this case. But we keep hitting brick walls. Even if we made an arrest, Barba—or whoever—would never put her on the stand. She's given too many versions of what happened with too many gaps and too many contradictions."

"If ya take the political pressure out of it," Ed reasoned, "Is there any difference?"

"No. The question marks are still there. Now…we don't even know if the man who took her out of the rally is the actual perp. I have Fletcher parked on street cams, but we don't even know which exit they took out of Javits."

"He'll find something. It's his first SVU assignment. He'll wanna impress."

"I hope you're right."

"It may take longer than you'd like. Or than the press would like. But you'll get there. Someone had to have seen her, seen them. A Friday night?"

"The canvass will take forever."

"Your kid detective is gonna find something," Ed said confidently.

"Kid detective," Olivia echoed, grinning, knowing Ed's speculative characterization of Fletcher was accurate. Olivia couldn't remember a police officer approaching street cams with such fervor. "And in the meantime, what do I do with Ostrander?"

"Ignore the sonofabitch."

Olivia smirked. "You make it sound so easy."

"It's not healthy to listen to that crap." Ed leaned in for a kiss. "So turn the damn TV off when he comes on. And when you arrest this guy you and the squad can give him the collective finger."

"You'd enjoy seeing that, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah I would. Or, on the day you announce the arrest, you could close with, 'oh, and one more thing, Jason Ostrander, on behalf of SVU, I'd like to tell you to fuck off.'"

This made Olivia break into soft laughter. Ed, satisfied he'd improved his wife's outlook, smiled triumphantly and kissed her again, fighting the urge to completely wrap her in his arms. Instead, he rested his free hand on her thigh, cupped his glass with the other, and refocused their conversation on happier topics, notably the upcoming birthday party.

"This time last year I was part terrified and part excited," Olivia recalled.

"Me too," Ed replied, "But mostly excited."

"You're always so confident."

"Deep down I knew nothing bad was going to happen."

Olivia cocked her head, "How did you know?"

"Because we don't deserve such senseless cruelty. And we did deserve those two beautiful babies. And seeing you, carry them, as a mother to all three," Ed paused, temporarily at a loss for words, "You're so strong and amazing."

"We got lucky," Olivia said in a voice just above a whisper. "At the last minute…we managed to complete our family."

"And gave me a whole new set of priorities," Ed added. "Just like you did. And Noah did."

"You know how we used to be a little sad about how long it took us to find each other?"

"Yeah."

"I haven't felt that way for a while. Not since the twins were born."

"Me neither. We have everything now, Liv."

Olivia tugged on his shirt and kissed him. "Thank you for reminding me."

Ed used the family's Nikon to snap photos of the twins. They were sitting in their high chairs dressed in similar outfits—overalls over striped shirts. Pink for Maggie and navy blue for Wyatt. Although they were accustomed to the doting eyes of friends and relatives, they peered curiously at the semicircle of faces waiting eagerly for the birthday cakes to be presented.

Sarah snatched the camera from Ed. "Daddy, live in the moment, not behind the camera lens. I got it."

He smiled gratefully at the reprimand and joined Olivia in the kitchen just as she poked the "1" candle into Wyatt's cake.

"Bout ready?"

"Yes," she handed him a matchbook, "Want to do the honors?"

"Sure." He paused for a few seconds to savor the moment, knowing these were the last first birthday candles he would light as a father. The twins each had an individual confetti cake with frosting that matched their overall colors. A larger cake for the guests was on hand as well.

A few feet away, Noah stood between the high chairs and explain the rite of passage to his siblings.

"When the cake gets here, you can't touch! Cause the candle is FIRE! And HOT! Then we sing and you go like this." Noah took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. Maggie and Wyatt kicked and giggled and babbled. When they burst into a chant of "No, No, No," Noah informed the guests that they meant his name, not an actual no. "These babies love their cake! They never say no to that!" He laughed at his own joke and turned back to the high chairs, "You're gonna eat the cake all up arentcha?"

Caroline kissed the top of Noah's head. "You take such good care of Maggie and Wyatt."

"Yup!" He jabbed a finger into his chest. "I know how to take care of my babies! And I teach em everrthing!"

The adults exchanged grins.

"Okay everyone!" Olivia announced dramatically, "Here we go!"

Everyone broke into a loud rendition of Happy Birthday. Stunned, the twins sat back in their chairs. Ed and Olivia placed their cakes on the trays and immediately grabbed their hands. "No, no, no, sweethearts," Olivia cooed, "Wait just a second."

When the song was finished, Noah once again took charge. "Okay, babies! BLOW!" He demonstrated his technique once again but projected the burst of air in the opposite direction. Wyatt opened and closed his mouth. Maggie squealed and blew bubbles. At some point, there was enough force of air to extinguish both flames.

"YAY! Good job!"

Ed and Olivia plucked the candles and the twins expertly attacked their cakes, quickly making a mess of the trays and themselves. They each generously offered handfuls to Noah, but he politely refused.

"No thank you, Maggs! I'm gonna eat that cake over there!"

Brooke got to work slicing the other cake and gave the first pieces to Noah and Jesse. They sat at the small table and Sarah joined them, plopping down with a plate and a glass of rosé. Everyone else took seats around the apartment or huddled around Maggie and Wyatt who seemed intent on finishing their treats.

A little while later, wrapping paper adorned with balloons, stars, hearts, and marine dwellers filled a gigantic black trash bag. After tying it up, Ed tossed it in an out-of-the-way kitchen corner, but the gift giving was not over.

"Ready to give Maggie and Wyatt your presents, bud?"

Noah bounced from foot to foot. "Ready!"

The Tucker men disappeared into the back hall and came back wheeling two miniature scooters. Purple for Maggie. Red for Wyatt. They had removable seats, four wheels, and a rear handle serving both as a backrest and as a handle so the riders could be pushed.

"Here ya go, babies!" Noah tore off the gigantic bows that Sarah had loosely affixed to the handlebars. Maggie and Wyatt rushed over and Ed and Olivia sat them on the seats. The one-year-olds grabbed the handles and rocked back and forth, trying to get enough momentum to roll. Noah pushed them slowly forward. Maggie shrieked with joy. Her brown hair had worked its way out of the barrette and fell into her eyes. Wyatt's eyes were huge and his jaw dropped; the ride rendered him speechless.

"Y'okay, Wyatt?" Noah craned his neck around to look him in the eye which meant the ride temporarily stopped. Wyatt screamed and propelled himself toward the handlebars. "Okay, okay, I keep pushin' ya!"

With Noah (and eventually Jesse) occupying the twins, Ed and Olivia mingled among their guests. Olivia chatted with Barba for a while; he was set to take the bench in a couple of weeks and was hoping to weigh in on the new ADA before leaving his current office. She sat with Ed's sister Margie for a few minutes, but Margie had always been an unenthusiastic conversationalist, more content to observe than talk. Brooke and Sarah had been unusually inseparable and Olivia targeted them next.

"How're my girls?" Olivia asked, pulling off a Sarah-esque move and planting herself in the narrow space between the two.

"Noah and the babies are so adorable," Sarah said, sidestepping the question. "There is no better little or big brother on planet Earth than Noey Boey."

Olivia reciprocated and ignored Sarah's attempt at redirection. Her eyes darted from Brooke to Sarah; Sarah to Brooke.

"Tell me."

Sarah and Brooke both started laughing, but it wasn't out of amusement. It was the acknowledgement that Lieutenant Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker could not be fooled.

"Dave's taking the plea," Brooke said under her breath, still smiling and her eyes still fixed on Noah and the twins.

"A year," Sarah added, "For reckless endangerment."

"With one suspended," Brooke said.

"He's telling his lawyer Monday."

Olivia immediately felt guilty for unintentionally bringing up the subject. "A year," she murmured, "Wow."

"Is that bad?" Sarah asked with wide, inquisitive eyes.

"No," Olivia replied, "It's very generous. If he went to trial he'd risk far more…and probably be charged with more serious felonies. I'm…I'm sorry girls, I know you probably didn't want to bring this up here."

"Inevitable," Brooke said with a shrug, "It's probably obvious there's a lot on our minds. It's weighing on us. But at least Aidan seems okay."

Their three sets of eyes zeroed in on the teenager who was serving as a finish line judge. The twins had abandoned their scooters in favor of other new toys, and Noah and Jesse were racing across the floor.

"He was the one who begged Dave to take it," Brooke continued, "He's not stupid. He Googled stuff. Wednesday he texted me, said he was taking the train to the city. And Dave called me before he even got back. I guess they had a heart-to-heart."

"Whatever happened," Sarah said, "I'm glad Dave finally woke the fuck up. I'm not sure I've ever met anyone as selfish as him. Except, maybe, for mom. By the way, her headstone is going in Monday. They called and asked if we wanted to go when they put it in but I said no."

"Thanks," Brooke muttered sarcastically.

"Well do you want to go?"

"It's not about want. It's about should."

"Well, I'll give you the number and you can coordinate. I have to work."

Olivia already was beating herself up for initiating the somber interlude, so she figured another question couldn't hurt. "What's going on with Aidan?"

"Sonny has agreed to stay in Connecticut," Brooke reported, sounding more professional than she needed to sound in that moment. "And we have a couple of second showings on the loft. So maybe this is a blessing in a really really terrible disguise. We'll save a shitload of money, and I don't have to be in a rush to find a job."

"And—" Sarah interjected, intending to spill the beans on the pregnancy but caught herself, "We have a gorgeous weekend getaway house to use anytime we want! We should get a boat."

"They have jet skis."

"Jet skis are not a boat."

"We'll see."

"Ugh," Sarah groaned, "You really sound like a mother."

Brooke cast a sideways warning glance at Sarah, but Olivia missed the innuendo. She was watching Ed distract a fussy Wyatt. He blew strawberries on Wyatt's belly and flipped him upside down. Both twins missed their naps and were certain to crash soon. Olivia patted both girls' knees and went over to her husband and youngest son.

"Are you getting tired, Wyatt Edward?"

"Prolly should try to keep them up as long as possible, right?" Ed asked.

"Yes. And let's try to get them in the tub." Wyatt heaved himself in Olivia's direction and she cradled him in her arms. "Hello my baby boy!"

Wyatt grabbed a piece of her hair. "Mama! Mamamamama!" Olivia kissed his forehead and he snuggled into her chest, curling himself into a ball exactly like he'd done since she first held him in the NICU a year ago.

"My big boy," Olivia whispered as she kissed him again.

The guests soon began filing out, and Ed, Olivia, and Noah vociferously thanked everyone. Noah and Sarah had apparently colluded earlier in the afternoon, because as soon as everyone was gone, Noah informed his parents that he was spending the night at Sare Bear's house.

"We gonna watch movies!" Noah said jubilantly, "And in the morning we'll make the big waffles!"

Ed glanced at Olivia who nodded her assent.

"Alright, bud. Let's getcha packed."

….

On the way back to her apartment, Sarah and Noah stopped at a bodega for snacks and drinks. They loaded chips, cookies, and sodas onto the counter with Sarah resisting the urge to add another bottle of wine. She'd already had a few glasses over the course of the day, and the last thing she wanted to do was destroy the trust her father and Olivia had extended to her. She paid for the items with cash and Noah asked why she didn't use a card.

"Because this guy likes it better when you give cash," Sarah said.

"Daddy have a card. And I have a card."

"I know. You're very lucky. I bet not many five-year-olds have a card."

"I have lotsa money, too," Noah boasted, "But Daddy say I haveta keep it at home. So I only have an Abe."

"An Abe?"

"Yup." Noah pulled his wallet from his pocket and showed her a five dollar bill. "See? That's Abe Lincoln."

"Noey, you're so smart."

"Yup. Cause I go to school."

"But you don't learn that stuff in school," Sarah said, "You know all kinds of things that we all teach you."

"Yup! And I teach it to Maggs and Wyatt!"

"You're a great big brother."

"You a great sister!" Noah skipped along next to Sarah, holding her hand and leaning his head into her hip. "Sare Bear, we gonna go on a 'venture tomorrow?"

"Hmmm," Sarah said, "I suppose we could. Wanna go out to Coney Island? We can ride the rides?"

"Yes!"

"Want to drive or take the train?"

"Train!"

"Of course."

"Sare Bear," Noah said in his exasperated tone he reserved for her, "I love the train! We ride on da C?"

"Nope. The F."

Noah scrunched up his face. "I dunno da F."

"You'll love it."

Olivia sort-of recognized the music playing from the iHome and she listened closely for a minute or two before asking Ed the title of the song.

"I dunno, but wait," he rushed over to the nightstand, "The best one is this one—Crash Into Me." The song began playing and he took her into his arms. "C'mere. I've wanted to hold you while this song plays since I heard it for the first time."

Olivia smiled and rested her head on his shoulder, "I like it."

"It was written about us." He felt Olivia's body shake ever so slightly, he assumed out of laughter. "I'm serious," Ed rasped intently into her ear, "Listen to the lyrics." He sang along, skipping words here and there, but when he got to "crash," the reverberations caused prickly shivers to traverse Olivia's spine. Ed felt her fingers dig into his back, and he reciprocated. They both knew where the evening was headed, but there was an unspoken agreement not to rush things.

"I love this next line," Ed whispered. "Listen."

Touch your lips just so I know

In your eyes, love, it glows so

I'm bare boned and crazy for you

"This song is all about love," Ed explained, "It's about raw, pure infatuation."

In a boy's dream.

"Every day with you's a dream, Liv."

"Ed." Olivia's hands were moving more aggressively now and she pressed her hips into his, signaling it was time to move things along. She started kissing his neck and moved to his chin and then his ear, one then the other. He stayed as still as possible and closed his eyes, soaking up the feeling of his wife's affections. She was taking a page from his playbook and taking her time with him; he delighted in her deliberate movements and ran his hands up and down her arms, gently rocking his hips into hers, letting her get the sensation of how much he was enjoying this.

He broke apart from her briefly, to put the song on repeat, for he not only wanted to hold her as it played he also wanted to make love to her awash in the very same lyrics which he couldn't imagine ever getting old.

The song restarted and she began slowly undressing, nudging him onto the bed, letting him see her totally naked before she climbed on top of him. "I know you think you're so lucky," she intoned, "But I am, too." She kissed him passionately, almost violently, "Know why?"

Ed grunted but had trouble forming words. He finally croaked a breathy, "Why?"

"Because you changed my priorities, too," she continued peppering his face with kisses, "You helped me get past the idea that I could be good at other things…that I could love being a mother and being a wife just as much as I love being a cop."

"You do it all, Liv," Ed gasped. "You're perfect at it all." He lifted her up slightly and flipped positions. She deftly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and pushed them off with her feet. "God, I love you so much."

She put both hands around his neck. He felt her nails scratch at his skin. "I love you, baby," she said, "Almost too much."

"Uh-uh," he said as he pulled off his remaining clothes, "No such thing."

….

#Tuckson