Author's Note: I'm alive! I'm so, so, so, so sorry guys! Life got crazy and then I had a monstrous case of writer's block! Tried to get stuff done yesterday, but I went to see Florence + the Machine... such a great show! But I'm back! And here's a chapter! Thank you, all of you, for sticking with me (assuming you do, haha)! We'll do a short AN for today. I won't beat myself up or anything. Anyways, thank you, all of you who take the time to read/review/alert/favorite. Best feeling ever when I see those numbers and get the notifications. Special thanks to... Rhanon Brodie (if you do nothing else, read her stuff... she has an excellent Boondock arc that I just... I don't even have words for!), Valerie E. Mackin (okay, you need to read her stuff too... another great Boondock arc... pleasure to read!), "Lucy", Aisling Isobel (my girl! Thanks for your support and yet another excellent Boondock author! You guys have some reading to do!), SilverMoonlit, coffee-ink-fire, "Anonnie", PiercedHeart114... your reviews are such a joy and pleasure to read and I cannot tell you how excited I get when those notifications come through! Thank you, thank you, thank you! PS... this journey is almost over! Just one more chapter guys! :'(
Disclaimer: I do not have any claim to Boondock Saints/All Saints Day/Connor/Murphy or any other character that appears in the film. That belongs to Troy Duffy who I am so jealous of his brilliance. You may recognize different pieces of this story from the second movie, but I did try to put my own little twist on it if you will. Any song titles or lyrics do not belong to me. Ashes & Wine is A Fine Frenzy. Trust Me is The Fray. Also, this little work is unbeta'd. All mistakes belong to good ol' me.
Disclaimer2: I have never been pregnant. I've never really been around pregnancy. Most of my research that I do is google (and a few authors on here have been kind enough to shoot me advice). So I'm doing the best I can with my limited knowledge. So cut me some slack, haha.
Chapter 29 (Trust Me):
"Looking for something I've never seen, alone and I'm in between... the place that I'm from and the place that I'm in, a city I've never been..."
I sat on the front porch a few evenings later, my hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate, a blanket over my knees as I stared blindly into the distance. I chewed my lower lip thoughtfully, Smecker's words repeating through my brain.
"They tried to give the life up once and ended thrown right back in the middle of it. How long until that happens again?"
I tapped my fingers against the ceramic mug, the sharp clicking of the metal of my ring mixing with the evening rhythm of the crickets and cicadas in the yard. What if Smecker was right? How happy could we all stay in this situation? How long could we even remain here?
"Keepin' watch?"
I jumped slightly at the intrusion before I glanced over my shoulder at the door and forced a smile. "Hi, Murphy," I greeted, my voice soft. "What are you doing out here?"
Murphy took a seat on the stairs beside me, resting his forearms on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him. "Jus' pu' Aiden ta be'. Ava's readin' 'im a be'time story. Though' 'd kee' ye comp'ny a bi'." He scooted closer to me, pulling his coat tighter, his seat flush against mine.
"Why don't you just sit on my lap?" I told him snidely, flicking him in the shoulder as he snatched the mug out of my hand and took a swig.
"Maybe aft' ye 'ave me niece or nephew," he replied, handing me the mug. "Et's a wee bi' nippy ou' 'ere, lass. Wha' are ye doin?"
I sighed and looked forward. "Is it? I didn't really notice."
He nudged me with his shoulder. "Wha's th' matt', girl? Ye 'aven't bee' righ' fer a coup' days no'. Connor's worried 'bout ye."
I glanced over at him. "He send you out here?"
Murphy shook his head. "Nah, sen' meself. Jus' though' maybe ye woul' tal' ta me 'bout wha' migh' be botherin' ye." He slid his arm over my shoulders and pulled me to his side.
I sighed and laid my head on his shoulder, settling my hand on my stomach. "Are you and Connor happy?" I murmured.
I felt Murphy stiffen up beside me in surprise. "Course we are... why wouldn' we be?"
I chewed my lower lip. "You gave up a lot for Ava and me... that's all..."
He drew back and turned his body to face me. "Kher, loo' a' me."
I met his piercing gaze, his eyes narrowed at me.
"Why woul' ye ask dat?" he questioned, his head cocked to the side.
"It's just something I wondered..." I trailed off, looking at my knees.
Murphy put his fingers to my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Be hones' no', lass."
I pursed my lips and swallowed. "Do you regret turning Paul down?" I asked.
He regarded me for a few moments, lowering his hand to his lap. "Di' 'e say someting ta ye?" he asked me quietly.
"He just made a few decent points... that's all..."
Murphy scowled. "No, lass. 'e didn'. Don' know wha' 'e sai' ta ye, bu' I know dat 'e wa' tryin' ta ge' en yer 'ead. An' 'parently, et worked." He paused, lifting his hand to his chin, rubbing his finger over his lips thoughtfully, his mouth turned down in a frown.
"You didn't answer my question," I pointed out.
Murphy sighed and reached into his pocket for a cigarette. He slipped it between his lips, but didn't light it. "Dere's not'ing ta regre'. Dat par' o' me life wa' o'er th' minute Aiden wa' bor'. Jus' too' a bi' a time fer me ta know dat."
"And Connor?" I whispered, looking down at the ground.
Murphy shook his head and leaned back on his hands, rolling the cigarette from side to side. "Me brudder doesn' 'ave regrets. An' ef 'e di', dat wouldn' be one o' dem."
"Murphy?"
I glanced over my shoulder to see Ava in the doorway looking concerned.
"Aye, girl?" he answered.
"You coming to bed?"
He nodded. "Gi' me a minute, alrigh'?"
Ava tightened her robe and glanced at me. "Everything okay?"
I gave her a smile. "Just hormones. You know how it goes."
She looked unconvinced but gave a nod. "You know where I am if you need me," she offered quietly before turning back into the house, letting the screen door shut behind her.
I nudged Murphy. "Go spend time with your girl. I'll be alright."
He gave me a look. "Ye sure?"
I smiled and nodded. "I appreciate you wanting to take care of me, Murph, I do, but that's not your job. You have enough on your plate."
He smirked. "Ye sayin' Ava's a 'andful?"
I chuckled. "You forget, I was dealing with her first."
Murphy shook his head and pushed himself to his feet. "Ye comin'?"
"Nah," I replied. "I think I wanna stay out here a little longer. Might walk around the yard or something."
Murphy frowned. "By yerself?"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm pregnant, not a paraplegic. I think I can handle an evening stroll around our yard."
"I know ye ca', lass, bu' et's col' an' late, dat's all. An' ye shoul' ge' some rest."
I sighed and pulled myself to my feet, setting my mug on the stairs to grab the blanket and wrap it around my shoulders. "I won't be that far behind you, okay? Just wanna clear my head, get a little more fresh air." I leaned down and picked up the mug, taking a sip of the now cool hot chocolate.
Murphy stared at me for a beat before letting his shoulders sag. "Alrigh'." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head before taking a step back. "Try no' ta tink too 'ard no', alrigh'? Ain't goo' fer ye o' th' babe."
I rolled my eyes but gave him a smile. "You're worse than Connor."
He gave a chuckle before disappearing into the house. I sighed and turned away, the smile slowly leaving my face. I swallowed what was left of my hot chocolate, grimacing at the grittiness from the settled powder in the last sip. I set the mug on the porch and quietly walked towards the middle of the yard, tightening the blanket around my shoulders as a sharp breeze picked up, making me shiver. I glanced up at the sky, the stars twinkling in the night and let out a sigh. I tried to let Murphy's words drown out Paul's, but I couldn't help the cold hand of doubt that made it's way into my brain. The last time I thought nothing could break us, we were shattered... how could I trust that wouldn't happen again?
I let out a gasp of surprise as I felt an arm move around my waist and a hand flat on my stomach.
"Shh, lass," Connor soothed, his brogue rough in my ear. "Et's jus' me."
I swallowed and relaxed. "I didn't even hear you coming."
He chuckled, resting his chin on my shoulder and looping his other arm around me, linking his fingers over my stomach. "I noticed," he replied. "Called fer ye a couple times an' ye didn' e'en flinch."
"Sorry," I murmured, my body immediately melting into his embrace.
"Ye alrigh'?" he asked as I moved my hands to rest over his.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied automatically.
Connor scoffed and gently turned me in his arms to face him. His face was covered in shadow, but his gaze still penetrated me as it always did. "Ye kee' sayin' yer fi' an' I belie' ye less an' less each time," he commented.
I raised an eyebrow. "What am I supposed to say?"
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Kher, ye 'aven' talked ta me since th' doctor. I can' 'elp ye ef ye don' tal' ta me."
I frowned and took a step back. "I don't need help. I'm fine, Conn, really. It's just this whole pregnancy thing, that's all."
Connor frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "An' no' yer lyin' ta me."
I gave him a scowl. "No, I'm not."
"Why es et ye ca' tal' ta me brudder an' be hones' wi' 'im, bu' ye can' tal' ta me?" he asked, his voice quiet, but hurt.
I furrowed my brow and swallowed. "What are you talking about?"
"I 'eard ye talkin' o' th' porch earlier, dat's wha' 'm talkin' 'bout," he retorted.
I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, pulling the blanket tighter. "What gives you the right to eavesdrop on a personal conversation?" I growled.
I could see Connor's jaw twitch as he grit his teeth, trying to keep his frustration in check. He swallowed audibly, his Adam's apple bobbing and pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. "Kherin'to', yer no' bein' fair ta me," he finally muttered, lowering his hand and opening his eyes.
"What does that mean?" I retorted, pursing my lips, waiting for a rebuttal.
"I really don' wan' ta figh' wi' ye," Connor pleaded. "Will ye please just tal' ta me? Dat's all I wan'."
I felt my anger slowly drain out of me as he stared at me. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "You're right..."
He took a cautious step towards me, his hand resting on my elbow. "'bout which par'?"
I swallowed and wiped at my eye as a tear fell over my cheek. "All of it? I guess it's just easier to come clean with Murphy because..." I trailed off.
"Because...?" he pressed.
"It won't hurt as badly if he tells me what I think I'm going to hear," I whispered, looking down at the ground.
"Ye doubtin' me, lass?" Connor murmured, moving his hand to my chin and gently lifting it to meet his gaze.
I sighed and bit my lower lip. "Connor, you changed everything for me... you gave up everything for me... when does it all become too much?"
He tilted his head to the side. "Do ye ferge' dat ye di' th' same fer me?"
I frowned and shook my head. "I disagree."
Connor snorted. "'mon, Kher. Ye 'ad a choice o' stayin' ba' an' startin' yer li' o'er. Ye didn' 'ave ta be wi' me. Ye chose ta gi' u' wha' ye knew ta come 'ere." He sighed. "I woul' 'ave turned Smecker dow' e'en ef ye didn' come 'ere. I 'ad ma' dat decision befer ye ma' yers."
I furrowed my brow. "But why? It was something you believed in."
He nodded. "Yer righ'. An' I still belie' me an' Murph di' righ' by Go'. Bu' like I tol' ye. Et's no' jus' me an'mo'." He lifted his hand and rested it on my cheek, giving me a smile. "I go' ta take care o' ye, righ'? An' we 'ave a babe comin'. Can' risk no' comin' ba'."
I bit my lower lip and leaned into his hand before slowly nodding. "So you don't regret it? Giving it all up?"
He chuckled. "Coul' ne'er regre' a choice dat gives me ye, girl."
I swallowed and forced a smile. "Okay," I whispered.
He gently wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest, hugging me against him. "Smecker sai' someting ta ye den? Dat's wha' brough' dis on?"
I rested my cheek against his chest, wrapping my arms around him under his coat. "Yes," I murmured, closing my eyes and inhaling his scent as he gently rubbed his hands up and down my spine.
"Wha' di' 'e say?" Connor pressed.
I sighed. "Is it really important?"
"Ef et upsets ye li' et di'? Aye."
"He just was saying that you two are the best and he needs you and there's no way we could make it in this situation," I muttered. "That was the gist."
He sighed and kissed the top of my head. "Though' as much."
I pulled back to look up at him. "What do you mean?"
Connor moved his hands up my body stopping to cradle my jaw. "'e wa' sayin' th' same ta me befer 'e dis'peared an' ended up wi' ye." He shook his head. "Smecker's no' a ba' man... 'e's jus' determined. An' 'e's no' wrong... bu' Murph an' me aren' th' men fer th' job an'more."
"He's not going to stop trying to convince you that you're wrong, you know that, right?"
He shrugged. "Doesn' mea' 'e's righ'. An' et doesn' mea' et will work." He pulled my face to his and kissed me softly. "Bu' I am goin' ta make sure 'e doesn' drag ye enta an'ting 'gain," he muttered when he pulled away. "Ye don' nee' ta be dealin' wi' stress as et were."
I gave him a half smile. "The man's not stupid. He knows that I'd be a decent player in getting you back into it, considering..." I glanced down at my stomach.
He chuckled. "Li' I tol' ye, dat's a reason why I won' go ba'." He laced his fingers with mine. "Le's go ta be', alrigh'? Ye nee' yer res' an' et's fuckin' arctic ou' 'ere."
I rolled my eyes but let him pull me towards the house. "Am I going to have to warm you up?"
He wrapped his arm around my waist and gave me a smirk. "Dat's no' such a ba' idea, I reckon."
"Aunt Kher, your belly's getting really big."
I lifted my head off the arm of the couch and gave Aiden a scowl as he plopped down onto the couch at my feet. "You calling me fat, little man?"
He shook his head furiously. "No, it's because you have a baby in there, right?"
I nodded before laying my head back down. "That's right. You're going to be a cousin, bubba."
"Aiden, leave Kher alone," Ava reprimanded, walking into the living room, wiping her hands with a towel. "She's trying to rest."
I gave Ava a tired smile. "It's okay, A. He's fine. He can ask questions."
She sighed and sat in the recliner. "You know once he starts, he won't stop," she warned.
I chuckled. "I better get used to it." I glanced up to see Aiden standing at my hip, his eyes on my stomach.
"Is it a boy or a girl?" he asked, his gaze still zeroed on my abdomen.
"Don't know yet," I replied.
He frowned. "Why not?"
I gave him a smile. "I want to be surprised and so does Uncle Connor."
"Why?"
I shrugged. "For fun?" I watched as he laid his hand on my stomach. "What do you want it to be?"
He furrowed his brow comically, making Ava and I both choke back giggles. "I dunno..."
"There's no wrong answer baby," Ava urged.
"Well... I guess..." His eyes darted to me. "A boy..." he whispered.
I nodded and laid my hand over his, patting it. "That's what I want too, buddy. But if it's a girl, that's okay too."
He nodded furiously before moving his eyes back to my stomach. "When will it get here?"
"The baby should be here in the middle of February... you know how long that is?" I asked.
"Um..." He looked at Ava for help.
She shook her head. "You know math. You can do this."
He frowned and looked down at his feet. "Umm... it's October?"
I nodded. "Right..."
"So... four months away?"
I grinned. "That's right. Such a genius."
He beamed at me.
"And Aunt Kher's about 20 weeks along... how many months is that?"
Aiden curled his lip thoughtfully. "Five months?"
Ava and I both clapped and cheered. "Clearly the boy got my brains," Ava crowed.
I chuckled. "You're so modest, A." I flinched as Aiden pressed on my stomach. "Ow, bubba don't push..." I trailed off and my eyes widened when I felt a gently push back. "Omigod..." I murmured.
Aiden's eyes grew as big as saucers and he held his hand to his chest, looking from his hand to my stomach repeatedly. "Something just pushed my hand."
Ava's mouth dropped and she stood up, walking over to stand beside her son. She laid her hand where Aiden's had been and gently pushed and let out a quiet gasp when the baby pushed back again. "Holy..."
"Wha's goin' on 'ere?"
The three of us looked at the door where Connor and Murphy stood, smudged with dirt and their hair in disarray.
"Daddy! I felt Aunt Kher's baby move!" Aiden cried excitedly.
Connor's eyes grew large and he shoved Murphy out of the way and leapt over furniture to get beside me.
"Connor, indoor rules," Ava teased.
He ignored her and laid his hand on my stomach, his eyes meeting mine. I bit my lower lip and smiled, laying my hand over his and moving it to where Ava and Aiden had put theirs. "Just gently press... like this," I whispered, pushing our hands against the skin. He sucked a sharp breath between his teeth as the baby pushed back for a third time.
"'oly shit," he muttered, looking down at our hands in wonder.
"I know," I replied, my voice thick.
He bent down and kissed me, our hands still on my stomach.
"Move, brudder, I wan' ta feel et," Murphy interrupted, shoving Connor to the side.
Connor scowled. "Ain't yer babe, brudder. An' Kher's no' some carnival game fer ye."
I snorted and jumped when Murphy's hand came to lay on my stomach. "Dammit, Murphy, your hands are like ice!"
He ignored me and gently repeated the same motion the others had and let out a laugh when he felt the baby. "Stron' babe ye go' en dere, lass. Ye sure et's Connor's?" he teased, cutting his eyes at his brother.
Connor scowled and wrapped his arm around Murphy's neck pulling him into a headlock.
"Hey! If you are going to rough-house, take it outside!" Ava yelled as Aiden jumped on Connor's back.
I giggled as the three moved outside wrestling and exchanged a look of delight with Ava. "You know you want to play with them," I teased.
She rolled her eyes. "No thanks, I'll stay with you." She sat at my feet and laid her hand on my stomach.
I rested my hand with hers and gave her a grin. "We've come a long way, Morgan," I told her, giving her fingers a squeeze.
She chuckled and shook her head. "You're telling me."
AN2:
Lucy: I know, I know. Why, Smecker, WHY! I think Conn and Murph will be smart about it, we'll see. ;-) Haha, don't pull out your hair! That's not good! I don't want anyone going bald! I hope the ending works for you (not that we're there yet, but so close...). I promise to write more stories. They may not be up immediately, but I will be working on them. I know I said I was going to do Boondock one-shots, but I think I need a break, just to make myself fresh again. So I think Walking Dead is next in the barrel. We shall see! Hope you're doing alright my friend!
Anonnie: Yeah, I kinda wanted to throw a little Smecker in, but I didn't see him just coming in and being like "Yay! You wrecked all my plans!". He was being selfish, but he's desperate too, y'know? Haha, I knew I had to get the girl to a doctor. She is pregnant, after all! And I figured that would work. I tried a slightly different angle taking her to see him, but it didn't really work. I appreciate crazy. I get that way some (most) of the time. And omg... I totally laughed so hard a snorted. "Pieces of chocolate for my ovaries". I LOVE that. Amazing. Love you much, glad you love the story, and thanks for sticking around and continuing to review! Giant huggies back to you!
